Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com.

The last thing I needed the first thing this morning was to watch the Astros exhibit the major league suck that they’ve given us the past week.  Beyond simply going 1-6 for the week, it’s how they’ve gone 1-6, basically removing any hopes of “holding the line” until they get healthy. Let me count the ways: nearly being no-hit 2 times by the Reds, getting smacked around by both the Reds and Cardinals, and having every facet of this ball team go to hell in a handcart in the span of a couple of weeks.  Makes me wish I had been able to be unconscious more often.

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Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com.
Days like Sunday remind us that baseball is indeed, just a game.  While our lead on the Scrubs or getting thrown out trying
 to steal third in the 9th inning seem day to day to be “life and death”, they aren’t.  Neither is the status of any of the
 Astros pitchers as an ace, Derek Bell’s every-other-year slump, Elarton’s place in the rotation, or Stretch Suba’s pro
 career.Read More

Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com on June 9, 1999.
Ignoring the evidence of my eyes…I don’t have any hard and fast reason to believe this, but the slump is about over.  Is it because Astros are starting to get healthy?  Is it because Biggio is starting to get on base again?  Whatever the reason, I think the Stros have bottomed out with the pasting they received in Minnesota on Sunday.

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Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com.
I’ve always wanted to give arbitrary player grades at arbitrary points of the season.  I think it’s the right of every deity-fearing (how PC) Amer-I-Can to give capricious grades to anything and everything they can…So at 26-16 coming into Monday night’s match up against the Rockies’ (BWAHHAHAHAHA) ace Brian Bohanon, the Astros are the best team in baseball.  How are the individuals who make up our team shaping up at the Quarter Pole?  Here’s my opinion, because you all wanted to know…Read More

Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com.
As most readers of the Houston Chronicle noticed Sunday morning, MLB beat writer Carlton Thompson ranked Ted and Jane’s Little Underachievers ahead of our beloved Stros in his entirely arbitrary weekly “Which Team Do I Love The Best?” power poll.  And of course, some of you true believers had a problem with this, based on a) The Astros have a better record than everybody in the Senior Circuit and b) The Astros aren’t part of an evil media conglomerate (as portrayed in the 1997 James Bond movie, Tomorrow Never Dies) run by a drunk inbred hillbilly and his uber-liberal, commie-lovin, womyn, Hanoi-Jane.Read More

Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com.
I have come not to bury Chris Holt but to…no…I’ve come to hit the guy with a shovel.

First of all let me say, I have nothing against Chris Holt.  Despite the fact the guy is from Dallas (and even worse, went to Skyline High School), from all accounts, he doesn’t beat children, spit on old people or offer quaaludes to dogs. He may very well be the nicest, most patient, salt of the earth, greeting card buying (just because) guy to ever walk the face of the earth. However, you cannot deny some simple truthsRead More