OrangeWhoopass
  • Home
  • About
  • Forums
  • News
    • Game Recaps
    • Series Previews
    • News You Can Use
    • SNS
      • SnS TWIB
    • TRWD
  • Editorials
    • Columnistas
    • Crunch Time
    • Dark Matter
    • From Left Field
      • Bleacher Rap
      • Brushback
    • From The Dugout
    • Glad You Asked
    • Limey Time
    • Pine Tar Rag
    • Zipper Flap
      • Off Day
  • Minor Leagues
    • Minor Leagues
    • Bus Ride
    • Bus Ride Archive
    • From the Bus Stop
  • Other Originals
    • Original
    • Funk & Wagner
    • Hall of Fame
    • Headhunter
    • Monthly Awards
    • Road Trip
    • Separated At Birth
      • The Berkman Annex
  • Misc
    • Featured
    • Media
    • Uncategorized
  • Home
  • Columnistas (Page 9)

The Curious Case of the Missing Pence

Posted on April 14, 2008 by Andyzipp in Off Day

I tend to believe in sophomore slumps.  When I was a freshman in high school, thousands of grey hairs ago, I was dating one of the better looking girls in my class…she liked to kiss, and with her, I instinctively knew the buttons to push (Blasphemous Rumours, Dr. Pepper on the rocks, maybe a Monte Cristo) so that on a good night, a little hand under the shirt action would be an option. As these things tend to go, the girl faded away, and I moved on to other things, but expectations were raised.  Sadly for me, even though second base was easy to obtain with my next girlfriend, stretching it out to three was out of the question, not that I stopped trying.  What I thought was aggressive, she began to regard as creepy, which lead to not even being able to double on occasion, and so began the summer of my discontent.

Which brings me to Hunter Pence.

Farmer Pence is shocked that he was able to score Sam's panties.

Read More

99 Problems (But Pitching Ain’t One)

Posted on April 10, 2008 by Andyzipp in Off Day

Ed: Okay, great. Dermatitis. Thank you Lance. I’ll make sure that’s covered. Okay, now. Who wrote this “hysterical” one? Anal fissures?

Kaz: That’s a real thing.

Ed: Yeah, but no one here has it.

Kaz: (glances at camera) Someone has it.

Read More

The Night Before Christmas (A Visit From Ed Wade)

Posted on December 20, 2007 by Andyzipp in From Left Field

Submitted by Farmstro
December 2007

Twas the night before Christmas in the Farmstro house
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.
The caller IDs were turned on with great care
In hopes Ed Wade’s number soon would be there.Read More

Fun With Rosters: From Abreu to Zosky

Posted on July 27, 2007 by Andyzipp in Zipper Flap

So he’s going to retire…

There are going to be a myriad of articles over the remainder of the season trying to capture the impact that Craig Biggio has had on baseball in Houston over the past 20 years.  Some will focus on his leadership, some on his on-field prowess, some on his relationship with the fans, or his family, or the evolution of the filth on his batting helmet.  Anything imaginable will be fair game, and considering the hacks that cover this team the most, I would expect at least a few less than admirable attempts to sum up his brilliant career in 750 words or less.Read More

Lost Days

Posted on June 29, 2007 by Arky Vaughan in Crunch Time

Falling asleep Thursday night wasn’t easy. It wasn’t just the excitement of watching Craig Biggio put the finishing touches on his Hall of Fame credentials by becoming the 27th member of the 3,000-hit circle. It was also a hint of sadness that the sun is now almost at the horizon, setting on the greatest era in Houston baseball history.

Read More

A Pretty Good Day For George Bjorkman (and For a 20-Something Yours Truly, Too)

Posted on June 11, 2007 by Dark Star in From Left Field

July 14, 1983.  When I woke up, I was laying crossways at the foot-end of a double bed in the beach cabin, on my back, uncovered.  I had on a pair of Lamar U. gym shorts, once bright red but now faded almost pink – magenta, maybe – with the white piping along the sides and bottoms of the legs fraying and coming loose.  The skin along my chest and belly and on the tops of my arms and legs had turned medium to dark brown.  I had been out in the sun a lot that summer.  After burning off a few layers of skin early on in the spring, I no longer got sunburned.  Rather, each subsequent exposure just turned me darker.  And, melanoma be damned, I didn’t use sun block; at times I slathered on a coconut-oil based Coppertone product called Savage Tan, something like that, which not only did not block UV rays, but I am fairly certain was formulated to actively attract them.Read More

«‹7891011›»

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

Copyright © 2002-2015 OrangeWhoopass.com