I tend to believe in sophomore slumps. When I was a freshman in high school, thousands of grey hairs ago, I was dating one of the better looking girls in my class…she liked to kiss, and with her, I instinctively knew the buttons to push (Blasphemous Rumours, Dr. Pepper on the rocks, maybe a Monte Cristo) so that on a good night, a little hand under the shirt action would be an option. As these things tend to go, the girl faded away, and I moved on to other things, but expectations were raised. Sadly for me, even though second base was easy to obtain with my next girlfriend, stretching it out to three was out of the question, not that I stopped trying. What I thought was aggressive, she began to regard as creepy, which lead to not even being able to double on occasion, and so began the summer of my discontent.
Which brings me to Hunter Pence.
As has been bandied about in the Talk Zone, Pence is in the midst of a bowel-twisting slump. The fact that his slump is of the season-opening variety is only highlighting for those of us who don’t watch the games that maybe, just maybe, the Thunderpants for HOF movement was just a tad bit on the premature side. After Sunday’s action, in which Pence is hitting .180/.212/.280 while striking out 26% of the time. For perspective’s sake, he is hitting 13 points better than noted slugger Roy Oswalt and 13 points worse than Battlin’ Brandon Backe and Bulgin’ Bradley Ausmus.
After the season opener against the Whale Vaginas (or during, rather, if you read the Game Zone) it was supposed that the “book” was out on Pence. Since then it has looked like not only is the book out, but excerpts have been scribbled in Port-A-Potties across San Diego, Chicago and Houston. I suspect that there isn’t much of a book, however. More like a leaflet…think Jewish Sports Legends*, only much shorter. “No fastballs. No strikes.” I don’t think there’s much more to it than that. And Sir-Flails-A-Lot isn’t doing himself any favors, swinging from his heals on any pitch thrown in the general direction of the plate.
Last season he got away with this approach, which has got to make the early going that much more frustrating. His approach hasn’t changed much. If anything he’s doing MORE of the same things he did last year. But the results to date haven’t been the same. (You see what I did there?!?).
So far, it’s led from the 2 hole (where he absolutely didn’t belong) to the 7 hole to a (one game) seat on the bench (for the requisite clearing of one’s head). Pence isn’t a .180 hitter. He’s not a .330 hitter, either. The truth is in the middle somewhere. Moving Pence down in the order is an acknowledgement that he had no business hitting second in the first place, but also that the Astros are going to give him time to figure it out and find his stroke, which is an easier task hitting 6th or 7th than it is hitting 2nd.
So the onus is on Gunther to turn it around. But if the typical sophomore year is any indication, he may be facing his own discontent this summer.
Gross Misconception Based on 13 games (Part 1)
The new ace of the Astros’ staff is Wandy Rodriguez.
Things Construction Workers Should Know
There are two things I assume that construction workers, especially concrete workers in New York know. One of those things is that girls from Staten Island consider a ferry ride to be the equivalent of a cruise. The other is that loose lips will get your dumb ass sued.
So if you happen to be laying concrete at the new Yankee Stadium, and you happen to bury a Red Sox jersey in a wall, you keep your mouth shut about it, at least until the location is so built up, that there is no choice but to let it go. Instead Gino Castognoli can’t keep his pie hole closed, and the result is the Yankees think anyone cares.
Going so far as to refer to Castignoli’s lame prank as “a really bad thing”, and threatening legal action, the Yankees and their representatives are once again showing the world what sandy vaginas will do when backed into a corner. No one puts Sandy in a corner. If I had a wish, I would like the Yankees to start receiving “tips” from hundreds of thousands of individuals. Maybe they’ll be moved to tear the whole effin’ stadium down just to make sure that people know you don’t mess with the Yankees.
Maybe they’ll just find this.
Gross Misconception Based on 13 games (Part 2)
Michael Bourn suffers from the same issues that Hunter Pence does and should be moved down in the order.
Partnership with Game Time
We here at SpikesNStars.com are pleased to announce that beginning in May, we will be participating in a Saturday segment with 1560 AM / The Game (http://1560thegame.com/index.php). The desire is to basically recreate the feel of the Talk Zone on air. We’ll be featured on Game Time, hosted by David Nuno for a segment or two, and at least to begin with, I will be representing the site. What we need from you, if you’re so inclined, are calls and posts. Nuno is inviting all Zone-Dwellers to call in with their handles and join the festivities. So pay attention to the Talk Zone for official dates and times as May sneaks up on us and get your takes ready for air.
Gross Misconception Based on 6 home games (Part 3)
Sausage Carts are ALWAYS a good idea.
Remember the 80’s?
“You can blame the night, blame the wine, blame the moon in her eyes, but when all else fails . . . you’d better . . . Blame it on Rio!”
Rummaging around a box of old video tapes this weekend, I ran across the source of many evenings of enjoyment…Blame It On Rio. It’s a lovely coming of age movie about Michael Caine sleeping with Joseph Bologna’s teenage daughter. I don’t recall caring that Michelle Johnson (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ps2cPdFFNGo&feature=related dialogue mercifully omitted) was supposed to be underage, and that Caine had to be 75 or so while he was nailing her. I guess the fact that they were in a foreign country made it okay…probably something to do with the nude beaches. As I had hooked up at WaterWorld previously, I assumed that water had a pleasing effect on the women folk. Regardless, it was on HBO like 12 times a week, and the nudity was plentiful, right and good. Along with No Way Out, many of my early views of the world (and boobs) were formed. I highly recommend picking it up.
*Complain to the Zucker Brothers, not me.