Snap, crackle and pop-out come the brooms!

Posted on July 24, 2015 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps

Astros 5
Red Sox 4

WP Fields (3-1)
LP Breslow (0-1)

submitted by Mr. Happy

Attendance 30,748
Time 3:31

The Good Guys rode a 4-5 night by the Piranha, culminating in a walk-off shibby, together with two other longballs, in besting the BoSox 5-4 in the third game of a three game set, resulting in a sweep of the nine from Beantown. The Red Sox are clearly a mess right now.

Young Lance McCullers wasn’t his best on long-time rest, suffering from poor fastball command. McCullers was battling himself a bit out there too. However, he did manage to give the club five innings of six hit two run ball, which kept us in the ballgame. Despite not having good command either (55 strikes 52 balls), Wade Miley survived six frames of one run ball and left with a lead.

The BoSox were winning 2-1 at the end of six frames, but the Good Guys put up a crooked (three) number in the seventh to take a 4-2 lead, thanks in part to a solo pinch hit dong by Colby Rasmus and doubles by Marwin Gonzalez (who’s been absolutely locked in from both sides of the dish for a few weeks now) and phenom Carlos Correa. In the first inning, Marwin Gonzalez hit his seventh home run in the first frame off of Miley, batting right-handed. His double over the head of Red Sox CF Mookie Betts came from the left side off of Junichi Tazawa, who’s a tough hombre.

However, what the Good Lord giveth, He also taketh away. The normally reliable Will Harris surrendered the lead with some help from the equally reliable Luke Gregerson, one on a solo shot by Big Papi, whose bat looked a little slow to me. This knotted the game at four. After Josh Fields pitched a scoreless top of the ninth, the Good Guys took their cuts in the bottom of the ninth, trying to avoid free baseball. And avoid it they did! With one out, Jose Altuve parked one for the walkoff winner.

There was excitement in Astroland yesterday, with the acquisition of portsider Scott Kazmir. Kazmir makes his Astros debut in Kansas City tonight. Come check us out in the Game Zone, unless you’re a know-it-all sabermetric troll.

Astros give Red-Sox the Boot

Posted on July 23, 2015 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps

Preston Tucker slugs two homers and Collin McHugh solid through seven innings.

WP: C. McHugh (11 – 5)
LP: J. Kelly (2 – 6)
Save: L. Gregerson (20)

Submitted by Sphinx Drummond

BOX

GAMEZONE

It worked again. The recurring theme, hit homers-score runs, get nice starting starting pitching and lock down relief work. The Astros scored all of their runs off of the long ball on Wednesday, Preston Tucker started it off with a solo shot in the first inning to get things rolling and to give McHugh a lead. Evan Gattis chimed in with his own solo dinger in the fourth to build the lead to 3 to 0. In the fourth inning, with Jose Altuve on base, Tucker hit is second homerun and third RBI of the night, giving the Astros a 4 to 0 lead, which would prove to be enough for the victory.

Collin McHugh, didn’t have his best but what he had was pretty good and he was able to work out of a couple of tight jams, he did get hit around for 2 runs in the sixth, but was never in serious trouble thanks to the run support. McHugh worked seven innings allowing 7 hits, while walking 2 and striking out 4. In the eighth inning it was Pat Neshek time and he worked 2 strikeouts around 1 walk in his inning of work before giving way to Luke Gregerson who got all three of the batters he faced in the ninth out for his 20th save of the year.

Currently the Astros are 2 games behind the Burning Angels in the division and .007 percentage points behind the Evil Empire in the league standings for fourth place overall. Thursday the Astros try for a series sweep when Lance McCullers (4 -3, 2.52) takes the mound against Wade Miley (8 – 8, 4.49) in a 7:10pm CST start time.

Attendance – 31104
Game Time – 2:44

Gun Oil!

Posted on July 18, 2015 by Waldo in Game Recaps

Submitted by NeilT

Houston Team 3
Texas Team 2

Miss Lola Laloush
Director of Public Relations
Houston Astros Baseball Club
Minute Maid Park
Houston, Texas 77010

July 17, 2015

Dear Miss Laloush:

Howdy! You may not remember, but we met a couple of years ago when the NRA convention was there in Houston, and you were working the trade show in the Gun Oil booth. “Oil Up Your Big Gun,” I remember that slogan, and I remember you were one fine-looking woman. My friend Michael Berry said he knew you from this place called TC’s, where you were a popular drag racer. He was going to take me by for a beer until Anita put the kubosh on that.

Anyway, you’re probably aware that my Presidential campaign is going really well, what with Donald Trump turning me into a statesman. I’m saying some stuff that’s downright sensible: “what Mr. Trump is offering is not conservatism, it is Trump-ism – a toxic mix of demagoguery and nonsense.” I came up with the nonsense part myself, but had a bit of help from Anita with demagoguery. And did you read my National Press Club speech on Jesse Washington? Powerful stuff. Really. Powerful stuff.

I understand that meantime you have a new job with the Houston Astros as Director of Public Relations, and that’s mighty fortuitous. I’m sure you know that now and again I’m an important Astros recapper for the OWA front page, and I’m thinking that maybe I should expand my connection with your winning team. Those Astros are doing pretty darn well, and, well, I’m doing pretty darn well, and that seems pretty darn well for both of us.

In last night’s game, when McHugh struggled in the first, giving up four singles (but no runs), your fine television announcers could say something like “McHugh’s struggles remind me of Governor Perry’s problems with his 2012 Presidential campaign, but just like Governor Perry, he endured.” Then in the second, when Altuve sailed a ball to first and Carter rolled his ankle coming down, they could say “Carter came down hard, but he’s as tough as Rick Perry’s tough on an unbalanced budget!”

I think we’ve got special opportunities for synergy on scoring plays. For instance, in the bottom of the second they could say “Evan Gattis’s fifth triple was a set up for that beautiful piece of hitting to right by L.J. Hoes. It doesn’t get better than that, just like America can’t get better than it would be under President Perry!”

And in the bottom of the third, “Marisnick and Altuve’s back-to-back doubles are a return to the Astros greatness of their early season, just like Rick Perry can help America return to greatness.” And “What was the third base coach thinking, sending Altuve on that Gonzalez single! That’s as boneheaded as Donald Trump!” “Carlos Correa’s single puts the Astros up 3-0 as Gonzalez scores. With a single by Gattis following we could be up by 4 if it hadn’t been for Pettis sending Altuve at third. America needs the experienced leadership of Rick Perry!”

I don’t know what you say about the pitching. Texas had 15 hits, and only scored 2 runs, which was some good defense, and some luck, but both McHugh and Neshek were rough. Maybe you shouldn’t compare last night’s pitching to Rick Perry? Harris did well in the 7th, and Gregerson got the save in the 9th. Maybe concentrate on that.

Meantime I’m sure you’re wondering, “how can Rick Perry help the Astros?” Well, I think I roll you into the Texas miracle: “just look at the winning ways of those Astros down in Texas, who have achieved their turn-around through the system of low taxes and a balanced budget implemented by me, Rick Perry!”

This is gonna work out great, and it will be a win-win for both our teams! Let me know when you’re ready to get started, and my people will get hold of your people. Meantime keep up the good work with those Houston Astros, who have achieved their turn-around through the system of low taxes and a balanced budget implemented by me, Rick Perry! And don’t forget you can contribute to my campaign at PresidentRick.Com.

Your friend and next President,
Rick

That’s Baseball.

Posted on July 10, 2015 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps

Rays 3
Astros 1

submitted by Neil T

The Astros have been losing a bunch of games lately. “That’s baseball.” Collin McHugh. “Four straight losses,” Houston Astros.

I keep a book in my office to read at lunch if I think I can afford the time, and for the last few months it’s been Roger Angell’s Five Seasons: A Baseball Companion. I have two favorite baseball writers: Bill James and Roger Angell. They’re about as different as two writers can be, but they’re both good writers, and they both approach the world of baseball as fans. And when they were writing they both liked baseball fans.

I’ve made fun of James before in my recaps, by declaring myself a statistics god and going off on absurd statistical analysis, so tonight I thought I would do an Angell recap. It would be easy enough, all I would I have to do was write about Tropicana Field as a beautiful baseball field, and pick a player to say some stuff about. I was thinking about Valbuena, both because I admire Valbuena, and because Valbuena is about as good a place as any to start talking about this team. I was going to say that Carter looked like half of the population of a cop squad car. Glad I got that in.

I’ve reached a comfortable schtick with these recaps. I think of something funny in the world at large, write about that, and then cram a bit of a recap into it. But this week at lunch I read a New Yorker essay by Angell about three Detroit Tigers fans, and it made me think of us. These were three pre-internet friends, who went to games together, who called each other to talk about baseball stuff, who wrote letters to each other, and who checked the evening papers for the box scores. Evening papers. Papers.

Truth is, I don’t have much to say about baseball. I’m not baseball smart like HH or JimR. I’m not baseball news obsessive like anyone in the BusRide. I don’t really care what ex-Astros are up to. I had planned tonight to watch the game carefully and have something profound to say. Instead I sat on the back porch and drank whiskey and smoked a cigar and listened to Blum and Ashby. Fuck it, I’m so stupid that I can’t dislike Ashby.

But you know what? I’ve put up with a lot of emotional baseball havoc over the last three years, and there’s some stuff I know: McHugh pitched a pretty good game. Rasmus hit a dinger. Valbuena got a double, and that lifted my hopes, but they were subsequently dashed. And I shared it with a pretty good group of friends.

Astros lost. Astros may lose again. I will care, but I’ll share it with a pretty good group of friends. Here’s for the rest of the season.

Cease and Desist

Posted on July 4, 2015 by Waldo in Game Recaps

DeWitt, Whittle, Mozeliak & Matheny, L.L.P.
Attorneys at Law

3 July 2015

Mr. NeilT.
Recapper
SpikesandStars.com, AKA
OrangeWhoopass.com
Houston, Texas
Re: Slander of Our Client, Mr. Fredrick Byrd

Dear Mr. T:
We are attorneys for Mr. Fredrick Byrd, chief recapper for the St. Louis Cardinals organization (“The Best Organization in Baseball” or “TBOIB”), and understand that you have accused our client, Mr. Byrd, of gaining unauthorized access to your SpikesandStars.com AKA OrangeWhoopass.com (“OWA”) account for unlawful purposes by the use of the password “Astros4Ever!” Mr. Byrd denies any illegal conduct. The relevant inquiry should be what information did you steal from The Best Organization in Baseball prior to joining OWA, and who at OWA authorized, consented to, or benefited from your roguish behavior? While Mr. Byrd admits signing onto the OWA website on one or more occasions and posting the recap “I Am NeilT” on 20 June 2015, he did so only to determine whether you, NeilT, had plagiarized proprietary prior recaps by Mr. Byrd.

And there was ample evidence of such plagiarization. We bring to your attention your recap of 10 April 2015, in which you reported that the Houston Astros Baseball Club (the “Evil Luhnows”) had defeated the Texas Rangers from Arlington, Texas, by a score of 5 to 1. Last season, on Friday, 12 September 2014, Mr. Byrd wrote a recap for The Best Organization in Baseball, “Offense on Holliday,” in which he reported that The Best Organization in Baseball had defeated the Colorado Rockies of Denver, Colorado, by a score of 5 to 1.

Similarly, in your recap of 5 June 2015, “Jade Helm Also”, you reported that a Canadian baseball club, the Toronto Blue Jays from Toronto, Ontario, had defeated the Evil Luhnows by a score of 6 to 2. On Friday, 5 September 2014, Mr. Byrd reported in his recap, “Lackey Comes Up Lacking,” that the Milwaukee Brewers of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, had defeated the TBOIB by a score of 6 to 2.

Your plagiarism continues, and it justifies our client, Mr. Byrd, in his actions of 20 June, and any other instances when he has signed onto your account and posted as NeilT. Be warned that in your recap of last night’s Boston Red Sox/Evil Luhnows game in Boston, Massachusetts, you may not report that the Astros beat the Red Sox 12/8 in the 10th, that the offense combined for 17 hits and 4 walks, with 11 batters at the plate in the 5-run 4th. You may not recount that the Astros brought up Dan Straily from AAA Fresno for his first major league start this season, that at the top of the second Hanley Ramirez took a fastball over the center of the plate over the center field fence, and that Straily gave up a second run on a walk and two singles on two outs. Straily was gone after the Red Sox tied the game in a 3-run 5th, as was Tony Sipp.

The untouchable Astros bullpen got touched. A lot. Everybody pitched.

Houston took the lead again when Altuve hit a two-run RBI single. Altuve was 3 for 5 with an hbp. Thatcher and Harris pitched the 7th, giving up two runs to tie things 7-7.

Correa put the Astros ahead in the 8th with a long ball. Correa was 3 for 6 with 2 runs and a homer. It was the only home run of the evening. The Red Sox tied it on an Ortiz double with Neshek pitching in the 8th.

This was such a bizarre game. Everybody in the lineup hit. 10 players scored. The Astros scored 4 in the 10th off Red Sox call-up Noe Ramirez. Singleton got a hit and 2 rbi. The final run was Santana stealing home with Castro at bat. Hernandez got the win.

You, Mr. NeilT, may not include any of this information in a recap prepared by you. It is part of an advanced analytical recapping model prepared by our client, Mr. Fredrick Byrd for the TBOIB.

You are on notice that if you continue to accuse Mr. Byrd or any other employee or owner of the TBOIB of gaining unlawful access to your OWA account, appropriate action will be taken, including but not limited to suits in law and in equity for injunction and/or damages, both actual and exemplary. Mr. Byrd has already suffered real and imagined damages from your slander, including but not limited to loss of his professional reputation, loss of consortium, and uncontrolled tweeting.

Please have your attorney contact us if you have further questions concerning this matter.

Yours,

C. Correa, Associate
DeWitt, Whittle, Mozeliak & Matheny, L.L.P.

KC Jonesing For a Win After Being Swept By Astros

Posted on July 2, 2015 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps

Vince Velasquez ties the Major League record of 5 consecutive no-decisions to start a career in 6 to 5 team win

submitted by Sphinx Drummond

WP: Gregerson (3 – 1)
LP: Herrera (1 -2)

BOX

Gamezone

Vince Velasquez started out shaky, surrendering 2 runs in the first inning and 1 one in the second, he then settled down and kept the Royals from scoring again until he was removed from the game with one out in the 7th and a 5 to 3 lead. The Astros had scored one run in the fourth and four runs in the fifth to take the two run lead. Josh Fields took over for Velasquez and quickly allowed the Royals to tie the game back up with two runs in the frame and thereby denying Velasquez a victory and awarding him with one of those MLB records for futility.

Sweeping the Royals and moving within .007 of having the best record in the league did not come without a cost as George Springer was injured on his right wrist by from a HBP in the fifth inning by Kelvin Herrera. Still no word on how much time he may miss or the results of his x-ray but A. J. Hinch is not optimistic.

The game involved the top two bullpens in the AL prior to Wednesdays game the Royals held a 2.05 ERA, while the Astros were at 2.56. The Royals still have not lost a game all year that they had lead after seven innings, they are 34 and 0, and with the lead after eight innings they are 40-0. So the Astros did well just coming back from a tie.

Carter hit his 15th homer of the season and Marwin Gonzalez hit his fifth. Jose Altuve had a three hit game and stole two bases, his batting average is now at .298.

The Astros are off Thursday as they travel to Boston where Dan Straily makes his Astros debut Friday and faces off against Justin Masterson (3-2 5.58) in a game that starts at 6:10pm Houston time.

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