Pittsburgh 1, Houston 0

W: Locke (4-1)
L: Harrell (3-5)

Harrell was tough today, and the Pirate batters were willing to chase his darting stuff and miss his changeups enough so that solid contact was at a premium. The play in the field was good too, giving us hope that the recent bumblings might be forgotten, or at least intermittent. Victimized finally in the fifth by Alvarez’s breakup of the no-hitter this still was an excellent start for Harrell. He held Pittsburgh to four hits over seven, and they clung to that single run like a flashlight in a storm.

Troubling for the Astros though, was the fact that the Pirates have yet another Invincible Howling Beast on the mound, The Incredible Jeff Locke.

Also taking a no-hitter into the fifth, The Invincible teased us all by allowing a hit – oh look, he’s human – and then another and another, plus two walks over seven. Challenging our hold on reality, this Amazing Man-Child teetered on the high wire while flinging thunderbolts at the Astros. In the end, we had to suppress our spontaneous applause for the astonishing performance by Pittsburgh’s hurlers and the surprising way they were able to hold the fearful prowess of Houston’s bats at bay.

I had a different recap mostly written, but revisiting this just felt right.

contributed by NeilT

Arrr – A variant of arg, of which one usage is an interjection by pirates. It’s derived from English regional dialects adapted to portray Long John Silver by the actor Robert Newton, patron saint of Talk Like a Pirate Day, in the 1950s Walt Disney movie Treasure Island.

Auugh. – a variant of arg, which means to show frustration and despair. Famously used by Charlie Brown, particularly in the context of baseball.

It was a team effort with four errors, but in the end the Astros’ chop-off player of the game had to be Jimmy Paredes, whose outstanding effort saved what could have otherwise been a win. Way to go Jimmy!

Tigers 6, Astros 2

Contributed by Reuben

So…JD Martinez hit two doubles in this game. Wesley Wright didn’t give up any runs, lowering his ERA to 2.60… OK, look, we all know this is not a bright spot in Astros history right now. When they do win, it’s great, but when they lose several in a row, it’s neither surprising nor fun. Very few players on the current roster are going to be a part of the next Astros team that posts a winning record. That’s all the more noticeable with Altuve out.

Thus, these are the times when it tends to be more fun to check the box scores of OKC, Corpus, QC, etc. Asher Woj threw another gem for OKC tonight. Springer was 3-for-5. Kenny Long still hasn’t given up a run on the season. Jonathan Villar has a .348 OBP and 13 steals. I just downloaded the Milb.com app on my phone, and while for some reason it only has AAA and AA, I still recommend it. Easy to flick through the scores, go to the stats for any player, see their career stats, splits, etc. As Foghorn reminds us, it won’t be too much longer before some of these potential difference-makers start making their MLB debuts.

That’s all I got for this one. May Dallas Keuchel lead the way to a surprising victory tomorrow night.

Rangers 12, Astros 7

W: Tepesch (3-3)
L: Lyles (1-1

Another Sunday, another recap of an embarrassing Astro asswhipping. Astro fans should get in free to these public executions but I’m happy that Dynamic Pricing™ is there to lighten the wallets of those fucksticks who identify with Dallas and the Metroplex.

Today’s was just a continuation of the series. The first two were something like Big Brother playing around with Little Brother, seeing what he could do before illustrating the gulf between them. This one though, Big Brother came out like Max Cady fresh from 14 years in stir, strutting and brash and harder than you think and capable of more than you want to see.

Lyles gave up one in the first when Fat Elvis doubled in Garcia, their B-team secondbaseman. Four more followed in the third when the Rangers began to apply pipe to head and body. Singles, doubles, home runs – the Rangers were kicking Lyles’ ass hard until it got to 12-1 in the top of the fifth. 17 hits, five walks, 21 left on base even though they scored 12. Humiliating.

Much has been made of the combativeness of the Astros but some of that is masquerade, the result of nonchalant usage of spare parts and lack of care by the Rangers. Really, Carter hit a home run and Barnes hit one, and those were good for five of Houston’s seven runs. Houston still struck out twelve times and couldn’t get shit together until mop-up time. It’s not like the Rangers ever got tense; more likely they were just working on some pitches.

It’s embarrassing to get the shit beat out of you day in and day out in front of everybody. I know how the Ranger Nation feels about it, I saw it in person on Saturday.