Rangers 12, Astros 7
W: Tepesch (3-3)
L: Lyles (1-1
Another Sunday, another recap of an embarrassing Astro asswhipping. Astro fans should get in free to these public executions but I’m happy that Dynamic Pricing™ is there to lighten the wallets of those fucksticks who identify with Dallas and the Metroplex.
Today’s was just a continuation of the series. The first two were something like Big Brother playing around with Little Brother, seeing what he could do before illustrating the gulf between them. This one though, Big Brother came out like Max Cady fresh from 14 years in stir, strutting and brash and harder than you think and capable of more than you want to see.
Lyles gave up one in the first when Fat Elvis doubled in Garcia, their B-team secondbaseman. Four more followed in the third when the Rangers began to apply pipe to head and body. Singles, doubles, home runs – the Rangers were kicking Lyles’ ass hard until it got to 12-1 in the top of the fifth. 17 hits, five walks, 21 left on base even though they scored 12. Humiliating.
Much has been made of the combativeness of the Astros but some of that is masquerade, the result of nonchalant usage of spare parts and lack of care by the Rangers. Really, Carter hit a home run and Barnes hit one, and those were good for five of Houston’s seven runs. Houston still struck out twelve times and couldn’t get shit together until mop-up time. It’s not like the Rangers ever got tense; more likely they were just working on some pitches.
It’s embarrassing to get the shit beat out of you day in and day out in front of everybody. I know how the Ranger Nation feels about it, I saw it in person on Saturday.