OrangeWhoopass
  • Home
  • About
  • Forums
  • News
    • Game Recaps
    • Series Previews
    • News You Can Use
    • SNS
      • SnS TWIB
    • TRWD
  • Editorials
    • Columnistas
    • Crunch Time
    • Dark Matter
    • From Left Field
      • Bleacher Rap
      • Brushback
    • From The Dugout
    • Glad You Asked
    • Limey Time
    • Pine Tar Rag
    • Zipper Flap
      • Off Day
  • Minor Leagues
    • Minor Leagues
    • Bus Ride
    • Bus Ride Archive
    • From the Bus Stop
  • Other Originals
    • Original
    • Funk & Wagner
    • Hall of Fame
    • Headhunter
    • Monthly Awards
    • Road Trip
    • Separated At Birth
      • The Berkman Annex
  • Misc
    • Featured
    • Media
    • Uncategorized
  • Home
  • News
  • Game Recaps (Page 51)

It was a hot one.

Posted on July 23, 2013 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps, News

A’s 4, Astros 3
W:Cook (3-2) L:Wright (0-4) SV:Balfour (26)

recap

Oakland tried to help the Astros win one from them, they had three errors in this game and gave the Astros a 3-run lead.
Keuchel left the game with a 3-1 lead after six innings, he did pretty well on the night. Not surprisingly, to me, the bullpen gave the team the loss.

The Astros were hitless over the last five innings, which didn’t help the bullpen. I think they need about an average of 5 runs to maybe not be able to blow a game.

The Astros have not won a game since July 12, when Cosart started in Tampa Bay. Yeah, it may not be as bad as it sounds since there was the All-Star break in that time, but for the month of July the Astros are 3-13. That is pretty fucking bad.

In good news:

I mentioned a while back that I wanted to share something positive to counter all the bad the Astros do, to lift my spirits. In honor of the series previews and the sharing there, I thought I would share just a little bit about one girls’ night out I had when I was 28. Was a FUN night, I won’t share all the details but I hope it is enough.

He told me we were going to fuck standing up. I thought Holy Shit. “Put your hands above your head.” I obliged and realized this is beyond fascinating, beyond erotic. It’s singularly the most exciting and scary thing I’ve ever done. I trusted myself to a beautiful man, who by his own admission, is fucked up. I suppressed the brief thrill of fear, after all my friends knew I left the bar with this man. He smelled of body wash and Brad, an inebriating mix. I wanted to run my nose and tongue through his smattering of chest hair.

He stepped back and gazed at me, his expression hooded. Salacious, carnal and I’m helpless, my hands tied, but looking at his beautiful face, reading his need and longing for me, I can feel the dampness between my legs.

He hooked his fingers into my panties and peeled them down my legs, he stripped me agonizingly slowly, so that he ended up kneeling in front of me. Not taking his eyes off mine, he scrunched my panties in his hand, held them up to his nose, and inhaled deeply.

I thought to myself, “Holy fuck, did he just do that?” He did, and then put them in his pocket. He stood up and had a riding crop in his hand. Where the fuck did that come from I wondered? He leisurely circled my navel and I got goose bumps. The second time around his flicked the crop and hit me underneath my behind, against my woman area. Shock ran through me, and it’s fucking hot.

And next Monday I plan to report on the Hooks v. Missions game. I’ll be going to games 1 & 2 of that series. Have a great week everyone.

River Deep, Mountain High

Posted on July 21, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Seattle 12, Houston 5

W: Hernandez (11-4)
L: Lyles (4-4)

Houston continues to be the team that puts the mental in fundamentals, as a lack of command on the mound and hapless play in the field led to a 12-5 carpetbombing of our brave, plucky lads on Sunday.

I don’t know how Houston got the last four. I know it was in the last inning, but it’s not worth anyone’s time to look it up and see what form Seattle’s pulling off of the accelerator took. This was a first-class chain-whipping from early on. Lyles couldn’t command his fastball, but after missing for walks he was able to get double-play balls that were muffed right and left. One of these led to a grand slam that put Houston under the mudslide and the rest of the way was just marking time. Dead man walking.

Granted a paid reprieve from this Traveling Horseshit Show were Cedeno and Pena, DFA’d after the game. Both were quoted as being stunned, and the clubhouse was subdued and somber. I guess the kids needed to learn that being a good clubhouse guy will only get you so many trips to the bank and rides on charters. Both of those guys might be terrific people, but they sucked between the lines and the lesson needs to be learned: you suck, and you’re gone. There’s plenty of grocery baggers, landscapers and delivery guys who can play as well as this team is playing over the last month.

GOBs

Posted on July 20, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

ONRs 10
Astros 7

contributed by NeilT

This is the first Friday night this season that the Astros have played Our Natural Rivals, the Mariners, so it’s the first recap I’ve done of a Mariners game. I hate the Mariners, I hate Seattle, and all with good reason. Our long and storied history has produced one of baseball’s great rivalries. Red Sox/Yankees? A blip on the time-line. Cardinals/Cubs? Tain’t nuthin. The Cubs have never been anyone’s rival but their own. Giants/Dodgers? Californians. Once they left New York there was too much good beach for real animus.

Arizona/Denver? Nonsense. No. When true fans think baseball rivalry, they first think Astros/Mariners.

I’ll go back and look at the storied history of the teams another time, but right now I want to talk about one of the most despicable tribes on earth: Mariners fans. Mariners fans, the GOBs. I hate them.

I’ll give them this, GOBs are loyal. You go tonight to MMPUS and it’s full of teal NorthFace jackets. If I never see another blue and green lumberjack shirt it will be too soon. Seeing a girl’s compass neck tat gives me the creeps, even without the compass needle chin piercing, but that’s real loyalty. So here’s a random list of five annoying and horrible things you can expect from GOBs at any Mariners game. There are dozens of others, and I’m sure you can come up with many you hate more.

The coffee grind. Put your hands on your hips. Spread your feet to shoulder width. Move your hips as lewdly as possible while throwing your head back and growling GRRRR—GRRRR—GRRRR. Alkie chop? In comparison it’s mildly annoying. What’s worse is the music that comes pouring through the speakers. It’s what they do when the Mariners score a run. Tonight I heard that grinding way too often.

The Nirvana Inning Stretch. Most fans are content with singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” and maybe a stupid chorus or two of “Sweet Caroline,” or if they’re very lucky, “Deep in the Heart of Texas.” Not the GOBs. They screw up their faces real tight, and, as whiny as they can, they growl choruses from Nirvana songs.

Grandma take me home
Grandma take me home
Grandma take me home
Grandma take me home
Grandma take me home
Grandma take me home
Grandma take me home
Grandma take me home

Or even more lame

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello!

Some middle-aged guy on the next row over always plays air guitar and jerks around so his hair covers his face, if he’s still got hair. Inevitably the girl in the couple next to you, the one with the bleach and teal spiked hair, ends up crying, and when you ask if it’s about Kurt Cobain she says no, it’s because Courtney never reached her potential. These people are so stupid it’s contagious.

The Space Needle. Without any good reason stand straight, ankles and toes together. Interlace your fingers and stretch your arms as high above your head as you can. Lock your elbows. Release your index fingers so they point towards the rain clouds. Yell “space needle”. Yell it again. Repeat. Repeat some more until others join you. I’m not sure why they do this. It has nothing to do with the game, and as far as I can tell it happens at random intervals. I suspect it’s because they’re too stoned for something complicated like the wave.

The Yoga Moment. In Cleveland, the seventh inning yoga stretch makes sense: They’re the Subcontinentals, and yoga was invented in Cleveland. For Vishnu’s sake they have Gandhi on their baseball caps. Seattle it’s something else entirely: they’re poseurs. This season, between the fourth and fifth inning, they run a video of Felix Hernandez demonstrating yoga poses. It’s guaranteed that if you’re sitting near a GOB, he or she will turn to you and tell you how great your life would be if you just did yoga, how it would help your inner and physical strength, and how through yoga you too can achieve harmony, peace, and balance. They believe it too. Did you know that there are more yoga studios in King County than grocery stores? Horrifying. Just breathe in, breathe out.

The Fish Toss. They don’t toss out tee shirts at Mariners games, they toss fish. Sometimes sardines fresh from the can, sometimes a salmon, sometimes octopus, and fans try to catch them. Then they toss them around the stadium. It’s disgusting.

***

I hate the Mariners. When I break wind I turn to face Cancun. But even more I hate their fans, the GOBs, the grungiest oddities in baseball. I blame their parents, and I fail to wish their progeny luck at graduation.

***

Mr. Happy said that Bud Norris looked fairly sharp in the first inning, which I think amounts to high praise. From watching on MLB GameDay, he sure looked sharp, lots of crisp little red and green balls with arcing tails trailing out behind. But in the 4th he fell apart. On MLB GameDay though, he still looked the same, just as sharp as ever, except there were more blue balls. I think Bud started dwelling on getting traded. Who would want to leave Houston?

The story of the night though was Brandon Barnes, who hit for the cycle, the 8th Astros Cycle. Who was the last Astro to hit for the cycle, you ask? Rat Tail, 2006.

16 hits and they lost. That’s what happens when you play the Mariners.

See What Tomorrow Brings

Posted on July 16, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Rays 5, Astros 0

W: Archer (4-3)
L: Bedard (3-6)

All good things must come to an end
If I could only be there again, oh yeah, oh yeah
For just a little while

I hear voices in the air
I wish that I could be there
Maybe someday, I don’t know

Maybe someday, maybe someway
I don’t know

The Astros stumbled to the end of the first half, blanked by wunderkind Chris Archer and held to five weak hits. This one was a sleepwalk, the grind of the season producing sparks of discord and wearing grooves into the team’s psyche.

Remember that hot streak? From May 27, 15-36 to June 22 the Astros went 15-11.

From June 23 to July 14, they’ve gone 4-14.

Livin’ life is so hard to do
When all my time is spent missin’ you
Tryin’ to get by, oh get by, without your love

I have so many feelings to share
But I look up and you’re not there
All I have is memories
All I have, all I have is memories

Rat-tailed!

Posted on July 13, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Rays 4 Astros 3

WP Hernandez (5-10)
LP Harrell (5-10)
S Rodney (22)

contributed by Mr. Happy

Today, the Astros jumped on Roberto Hernandez in the first frame, plating all three runs, two of which scored on Wallace’s fourth long ball. However, Hernandez bowed his neck and shut the Astros down for the other five innings that he was out there before turning the game over to the Rays’ shutdown bully. Keuchel was good the first time through the order, spotting the ball well and inducing many ground ball outs. However, in the fifth frame, he wasn’t as fine, surrendering three runs on four hits, tying the game at 3, two runs scoring on Luke Scott’s eighth home run of the year.

Somewhat surprisingly, Keuchel went back out there in the sixth to face the heart of the Rays’ order. However, after getting Zobrist to ground out, Porter brought the hook out and into the game came Harrell. After getting Longoria to ground out 5-3, Myers singled sharply to LF. Myers then got a gift bag when Castro couldn’t get the ball out of his mitt to throw down to 2B on the attempted steal by Myers, bringing Luke Scott to the dish. Like clockwork, Scott singles to RF, scoring Myers with the go-ahead run. In the seventh frame, Harrell then couldn’t find the plate and walked two before getting out of the inning. Harrell came out going into the eighth, giving way to Josh Fields, who retired the two hitters that he faced before Porter brought on Travis Blackley, who retired the rat-tailed Luke Scott. Rodney closed out the game by striking out Wallace.

Today’s game was as unsatisfying as last night’s game was satisfying. The Astros’ inability to hit Hernandez after the first inning was frustrating, as we were only able to scratch out two more hits over five frames. The Rays’ bully was perfect in its three frames. The strike zone was as inconsistent today as it was consistent last night. Lots of hitters and pitchers did double takes and had words for HPU Eric Cooper, but no one got run.

In tomorrow’s rubber game, Erik Bedard (3-5 4.67) toes the slab against Chris Archer (3-3 3.59). Come visit us in the GameZone.

Astros 2, Rays 1

Posted on July 12, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

contributed by NeilT

recap

«‹4950515253›»

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

Copyright © 2002-2015 OrangeWhoopass.com