Astros 11, W.Sox 7

W: Sipp (2-1)
L: Webb (5-3)

Submitted by Reuben

After beginning the 2nd “half” with back-to-back low-scoring one-run losses, the Astros broke out the big bats Sunday, rapping 17 hits and scoring 11. Matty D led the way with a single, double, and homer, not necessarily in that order, and 4 RBI.

Altuve showed some pop as well, swatting a 2-run shot, his 3rd of the year. As would be expected of a 17-hit game, several guys did well. Chris Carter did a fine imitation of a #3 hitter with 2 doubles and a walk and 0 Ks. But Marwin may have had the biggest hit, a 2-run, 2-out single in the 7th that just found grass in front of the CF, and gave the Astro bullpen a little breathing room.

Sipp, Fields, and Qualls did a nice job shutting the door the final 3 1/3 innings after some 6th-inning shenanigans by the defense and Veras blew an earlier lead. Hopefully none of those guys will be traded this month but I suppose we ought to prepare ourselves for the possibility.

With the win, the Astros stay in 27th place in MLB, barely ahead of the Cubs and Rocks, and 1.5 games up on the Rangers.

White Sox 4, Astros 3

W: Noesi (4-7)
L: Keuchel (9-6)
SV: Putnam (3)

Good morning. It’s Possum Day. I feel like a possum in every way. Like a possum.
Wake up with a possum smile. Look at me! Look at this smile! Like a possum.
Things are all right, don’t worry about this. My mind’s amiss, I’ve lost the kiss…

Don’t call it a comeback. The Astros were beaten again, turned back at every opportunity by a team that can’t sniff .500 itself, but is again clearly the better team. Sloppy play – a Dominguez throw that sailed high and allowed a runner to score from second and Keuchel plunking a batter with the bases loaded contributed to an early 3-0 lead for the White Sox.

Springer smacked a bolt into the right-field seats in the fourth and Altuve doubled home Quique and Marwin in the top of the fifth to tie it up. De Aza tripled in the bottom half with one out though, and Tyler Flowers rang a double to left to bring in the winning run.

Two leadoff singles in the seventh were wasted by a failed sacrifice, strikeout and tapper to third. In the ninth, Grossman walked and Gonzalez singled with one out. Altuve was called out on strikes and then Putnam put out the fire by fanning Castro.

Remember that 14-6 run in May and June? I hope you do, and clearly too, because you’ll want to suck on that piece of gravel now that summer’s here and the Astros have gone 8-20 since. Gravity wins.

Got a hole in my heart the size of a truck
The size of a truck

The devil tried to fill me up but my down was high as the sky is up
Ain’t that just my luck
Calm as an angel

Not the Cubs 3
Astros 2

contributed by NeilT

I was going to write a recap today, but I guess you know by now what happened.  Orange Whoopass says that everything’s under our confidentiality agreement, but screw that.  I’ve kept the personal messages, and here’s exactly how it went:

RonBrand:  NeilT!  We here at Orange Whoopass are so excited that you are our number one first choice to recap the White Sox game on July 18.  We’ve been following your career for a while now, both with scouts and with our crack analytical team here in Houston, and we think you will make a tremendous addition to the organization.

Me:  Gee guys, I’m thrilled.  Being the number one pick to recap a game for OWA, I mean, that’s like the best.

RonBrand:  We’re excited that you are excited.  And of course there’s the perks of being a big time recapper for a big time organization.

Me:  Thanks guys.  Have you talked to my agent, HH?

HH:  The contract has to be in NY before 4:00 central time on the 18th.  My client will sign for one meelion samolians.

RonBrand:  As we’ve discussed, Mr. HH, that’s within our range.   We’ll get the paper work right out to you.

Me:  O man O man O man O man, one meelion samolians, and all I have to do is write a White Sox recap!  I mean there’s nothing harder than writing a White Sox recap, ‘cause they only exist as the Not-The-Cubs, but for one meelion samolians!  There’s got to be some stupid shit I can talk about.

HH:  No shit.  I don’t give a fuck what the mouth breathing internet bloggers think, as long as the Astros win.

RonBrand:  There is the matter of The Physical.

***
RonBrand:  NeilT, I’m sorry, there’s a problem with your physical.

Me:  But . . . but . . . but . . . look at my record.  I show up every Saturday.  I write stuff about games that may or may not have actually occurred.

HH:  Do you ever stop whining?

Me:  Some of the stuff I’ve written may actually be mildly amusing.

RonBrand:  That’s the problem NeilT, when we did your physical we discovered that you don’t have a funny bone in your writing arm.  You’re not funny.  You are so not funny that we thought we were seeing the MRI from Mr. Happy.  Sure, you’ve done ok at the levels where you’ve recapped, but son, this is big league recapping,

HH:  What on earth did you think we are going to say?

RonBrand:  We’ll give you some chewing  gum, two scrubbed and polished Indian head pennies, two soap figures representing you and HH, a tarnished spelling medal, and a pocket watch that doesn’t work with an aluminum knife.

Me:  I have to admit, that’s a pretty generous offer to a guy with no funny bone.

HH:  Time to just focus on Tracy McGrady’s retirement.

RonBrand:  Ok, we’ll give you what’s behind door number 3.

HH:  My client wants one meelion samoliens.

RonBrand:  No

Me and HH:  Yes.

RonBrand:  No

Me and HH:  Yes.

RonBrand:  No

Me and HH:  Yes.

RonBrand:  No

Me and HH:  Yes.

***
So I guess you know, we never reached agreement, no terms got sent to New York,  and I’m not recapping tonight’s game.  Screw those guys at OWA, I’ll go write for some junior college website.  You’ve got to have standards, and clearly my standards are very high.

Boston 11, Houston 0

W: Buchholz (4-5)
L: Peacock (3-6)

Submitted by Reuben

So I’m in Paris, and I go into a café Sunday evening, expecting to see the Astros game on the TVs in there. I mean, not only is it an Astros game, but they’re playing the Red Sox, AKA The Most Interesting Team In The World. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that they were playing the World Cup final between Germany and Argentina instead! Stupid Frenchies!

Ah well. I suppose it would’ve felt weird eating escargot while watching baseball, anyway.

This was one to forget for the Astros. 11 Runs, 16 Hits, and 8 Walks allowed; 3 errors committed, 12 Ks and 0 walks for Astro batters. Bizarrely, Bo Porter yanked Peacock 5 batters into the game. I understand he was a little wild, and had the bases loaded with a run in but…Bo does realize that his bullpen sucks, right? Just asking.

Amazing fact: Chris Carter was the only member of the starting lineup not to strike out in Sunday’s game. Give the guy credit, he’s been making a lot more contact lately, and most of it hard.

With the loss, the Astros remain tied with Arizona for 28th place in baseball. The Rangers are a game and a half back in 30th.

Ok, I’m off to go drown my baseball-related sorrows in wine and fromage. Happy Bastille Day, my fellow Americans.

Boston 8
Houston 3

contributed by NeilT

The first time I went to Boston, and the first time I went to Fenway, I came home with a Boston Red Sox cap. I don’t know why. I was old enough to know better, but I guess I needed a cap, and it was available. It was a nice khaki cap, with a Gothic red B, and it was good looking. I don’t know what happened to it. I didn’t wear it much once I got home and some time or other it got lost.

What I’ve realized though is that there is nothing better looking in baseball than a Boston Red Sox cap. L.A. is as good, with that beautiful blue, Detroit has class but isn’t better, and the Yankees’ NY may be more iconic, but nothing is more popular than Boston. In any crowd containing 100 males in any city not Boston or New York, at least two members of the crowd will be wearing Boston caps, with one of those bill-backwards. Who knew there were so many A.J. Pierzynski fans? In Boston, the ratio is reversed, with 98 males be-capped.

A few years ago I got really curious about why people outside of Boston were wearing Boston caps, so I decided to ask them. I didn’t think that there were that many Boston fans this far south, and inquiring minds want to know. It’s not easy walking up to total strangers and asking them about their cap, but then I can be obnoxiously friendly when I want. Here are some of my notes. Obviously, the descriptions of the hat wearers is pretty subjective.

UT Campus, Austin, 2011, white male, tall, overweight, 18.

“I like your cap, where’d you get it?”

“It’s my roommate’s.”

“Do you know where he got it? I like it.”

“Naw, I just found it on the floor.”

“So what’s it stand for, that B?”

“Harvard I think. He wanted to go to Harvard.”

Common Bond Bakery, Houston, 2014, African American female, pretty, stylish, 25

“I like your cap, where’d you get it?

“ I bought it in the Boston airport. I was thinking about going to Harvard for med school but I came here.”

“So what’s it stand for, that B?”

“Harvard, right? Harvard Bulldogs?”

Love Field, Dallas, 2010, Asian male, casual business attire, 41.

“I like your cap, where’d you get it.”

“Fauk off.”

Note: I’m pretty sure this was a Red Sox fan, but it could have just been someone from Dallas.

Venice Canal Ferry, New Years Day, 2013, British male, late 20s.

“I like your cap, where’d you get it?”

“My mum brought it to me from the States. She was there a couple of years ago visiting her sister.”

“Do you know what it stands for, that B?”

“Britain I think. I’m British.”

Mexico City Zocalo, 2010, Hispanic male, mid-30s.

“Por favor, mi gusta el sombrero.”

“Gracias.”

“Que es el B?”

“Fauk off?”

***
As for last night’s game, it too was iconic. Sometimes with this team I think that if one little thing is off, if one piece is wrong, the whole thing will fall apart. Really, go read Yeats’ The Second Coming with this year’s Astros in mind, and it will work just as well for the baseball team as doomed civilization. Springer was out for a knee twinge, and, well, things fell apart.

I’m going to let Aussie Astro recap the game from the GameZone: “That was lame.”

***
Feldman pitched 5.1 innings, giving up 7 earned runs on 11 hits. He held up his end of the bargain, pitching like a number 4 pitcher on a bad night. Downs came in with 2 inherited runners who both scored, along with one earned run of his own. Martinez did a nice job mopping up, going 3 innings with no hits, one walk, and 2 SO. Lackey went 6 for Boston giving up 2 ER.

Altuve had one hit, and Castro had a double, but the real star of the night was Carter with 2 solo HR, one in the 6th off Lackey and one in the 8th off Breslow, which ties him with Springer at 19.  Castro was caught stealing third. The only other run was off a 2-out RBI single by Hernandez in the fifth driving in Singleton.

Hoes had a fielding error in the sixth, and there was an Astros 5-4-3 round-the-horn double play in the 2d.