Astros 9, Cardinals 6
W: Wandy Rodriguez, L: Kyle Lohse, S: Matt Lindstrom

Astros Recap

How much must it piss off the Cardinals to be one of the few teams in the NL Central to have not swept the Astros? However much, it makes me smile. There has not always been a lot to smile about with this team, but them beating the Cardinals is one shining spot.

The Astros won their third consecutive game. The Astros bats finally found the balls thrown by Lohse. They lit him up for 10 hits and 4 ER, but with the 2 errors, there were also 5 unearned. So, 9 runs on the night. The only Astros without a hit on the night were Jason Michaels, Corey Sullivan and Tommy Manzella. Carlos Lee and Lance Berkman are hanging around the .200 line right now, hopefully they can build on this and start hanging around the .300 line.

Word in the Gamezone was that someone said the Astros “might” win the game. Shortly after that, “Wandrew” had a bad inning, in which he gave up 4 runs on 4 hits and a walk. After that 6th inning, Manager Mills went to the bullpen to get the win for Wandy.

Newly appointed hero, Chris Sampson pitched a scoreless inning. Wilton Lopez came in to pitch the 8th and 9th. He did a great job in the 8th, got a little roughed up in the 9th which had Mills going to Lindstrom to pull out the save.

The 8 run lead was enough to get the Astros the win. Thursday is their chance for the sweep and a four-game win streak. Check out GBB’s Series Preview for more information about the DAY game.

Let’s go boys.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Astros 6
Jakes 3

W: Myers (2-2) | L: Penny (3-3) | S: Lindstrom (7)

Astros.com Wrap

Man, that felt nice. The Good Guys emerged from the NL Central basement just long enough to leave a flaming poo bag on the Jakes’ door step, battling back to win late. The victory insures that, if nothing else, the Turdinals will remain the only team this season that has not swept the ‘Stros*. Baby steps.

Myers pitched well again, working through some traffic to log six innings of two-run ball. The Cards got on the board in the bottom of the first, set up by a Ludwick/Pooholes hit and run that pulled Matsui just far enough towards second to prevent him from snaring the ball to right. With Ludwick on third, Holliday grounded out to Kaz to take the 1-0 lead.

In the third, Ludwick doubled with one out to get things going for the shitbirds. Albert followed with an infield hit and Holliday loaded them up with a single to right. Freese brought Ludwick home on a single to right, but Myers sacked up and got a Squatting Molina to ground into a double play to end the frame relatively unscathed. Of course, being down 2-0 right now has been no different in practical terms than being down by eleventy hundred, so the well of hope was a touch dry – especially with Penny sporting a sub-2.00 ERA and running through unattainable starlets like lesser men go through cans of Chef Boyardee and self-respect. It’s hard to muster confidence in the face of credentials like that.

So it was a bit of a surprise when the BBGs handed the Good Guys an opening in the 7th in the form of Flapjack reaching on a one-out throwing error, and – get this – they actually took advantage of it. I know. Crazy. Thunder Pants chased Lee’s fat ass over to third with a double, and Blum followed with a clutch backstop impression, leaving enough knee in the way of a Penny fastball to load ’em up. Manzella came in hacking, driving the first pitch to right for a sac fly that plated Caballo and moved Gunther up to third.

With two down and a chance to tie, Mills brought Sullivan in for the hitless Cash. The move paid off perfectly, with a first pitch single to left scoring Pence to knot up the game. Mills then lifted Myers and sent in Q, and he cracked the first pitch he saw to left, scoring Blum from second, with Sullivan and Q moving into scoring position after the ball skipped away from Molina at the plate. And because clutch first-pitch heroics were contagious and spreading like syphilis in a brothel, Bourn did the same, but raised the degree of difficulty to OMFG AWESOME by knocking a gorgeous bunt past the mound to second. Dutifully, Princess Pooholes fielded the ball directly in front of Schumaker, alerted the grounds crew that the basepaths were off-angle by 0.5 degrees, changed a lamp in the left field lights, performed an emergency c-section near the concessions in center, and left his base completely unattended for Bourn to easily reach while Sullivan scored for the 4-2 lead. It looked like this, and felt like this.

The Cards got one back in the bottom half, as Venti Fulchino allowed a walk between two singles, before Sampson came in and slammed the door shut on Pujols and Holliday to end the inning with a 4-3 lead intact. In the eighth, Lance lead off against Motte, fouled his way through a few pitches, and then BOOM BITCH he crushed one off the back of the bullpen. Two batters later, Beaker proved that sometimes good things do happen to bad ideas, as he somehow pulled a low and outside slider over the wall in deep left to make it 6-3. Take a look at the stellar effort by Holliday on the play – I had to do a double take, because I thought it was Torii Hunter out there for a second. Amazing.

Lyon and Lindstrom locked it down tight from there, allowing just one single in the final two frames to seal the win. Penny wins the game’s Alan Ashby Silver Lining Award, lowering his ERA to 1.70 while shouldering the loss, as all four of his runs were of the unearned variety. Nice job! The Good Guys look to continue their furious comeback to playoff contention* tonight, as Wandy squares off agin Lohse.

*possibly inaccurate hyperbole

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Pardres 3
Astros 4
F11

W: Lyon | L: Webb

This one was cruising toward another disappointment. Despite pitching another “quality start”, the Oswalt Inning™ reared it’s ugly head in the 5th, with help from a fucking 2-run double by the fucking pitcher and a stunning display by first-class shitbag and incompetent home plate ump, Alfonso Marquez. Strikes were balls. Balls were strikes. Dogs and cats living together. It was anarchy!!

Down 3-0 in the 6th and without their leader as Mills was dumped by the aforementioned shitbag, Lee crushed a no-doubter that the Padre outfielders just ignored. Not to be outdone, Pence bounced one high off the left center field wall for back-to-back jobs for the first time in ’10.

Oswalt went 8, struck out 9 and after Lindstrom got through T9, the Astros still needed 1 to keep things going. Lee reached on a heinous Hairston throwing error, trotting into 2nd. PR Matsui got pushed to 3rd by a Pence GO. Then Feliz brought him home on a textbook sac fly to move it into extras.

Lindstrom and Lyon got through 10 and 11 and the bottom of the frame started the same way as the game-tying 9th. Kepp reached on a tough infield chop that Headly misplayed. Berkman singled, then after a failed Michaels sac bunt got Matsui at 3rd, hero Pence laced a deep fly to the LCF gap and the celebration began. Great game for young Gunther!

Happy Mother’s Day everyone! Off day tomorrow before facing the Jakes in Jakeville.

San Diego Padres 7, Houston Astros 0
W: Mat Latos, L: Bud Norris

Autopsy Report

Mat Latos, looking every bit the red-headed Goliath on the mound, made mince-meat out of the puny Houston nine on this night.  That’s it, that is the story, all neatly wrapped up and delivered. You really don’t need to know more other than Latos used a combination of well located mid-90s fastballs inside and outside with a nice tight slider to make the Mud ‘n Blood youngsters cry.  Made me cry too.  Made everyone cry.

Big Bully!

Of course his mates decided to show up and stand behind him to admire his work as he basically man-handled the kiddos, taking turns slapping each one upside the head, one by one.  Some of the Padres even decided to provide offensive contributions, like homeruns and stuff, to spot him some support.  Like he needed it.  With Latos providing two doubles, one to score the Padres’ fifth run, he really didn’t need anyone to help other than his catcher to squat and play catch with him.  Fee-fi-fo-phewy, what a mismatch this was all night long.  2 hits allowed, 9 strikeouts, no walks and maybe some booty spanks for anyone else on the Astros bench who wanted to come get some.

They’ll play again tomorrow, note to the Astros:  try not to send boys to do men’s work.

A little bit of in-game commentary on the bloodbath in the GameZone

A nice series preview contribution by Jane Doe

Thursday, May 6, 2010

D-Bags 6
Astros 3

W: Haren (4-1) | L: Wandy (1-4)

Loss:

Close
Huge
Heartbreaking
Typical

Wandy:

Dominated
Battled
Struggled
Lit Up

Defense:

Stellar
Good
Off
Sieve

Offense:

On Fire
Adequate
Trickle
Offense??

Lee:

RBI Machine
Corkscrew
Defensive Juggernaut
Lollygagger

Bullpen:

Lock-down
Kept ’em in it
Gas on Fire
Revolving door

Berkman:

.204
.201
.196
.192

Pence:

Wow!
Lucky!
Damn!
FUCK!

Bourn:

WOW!
HOLY SHIT!
LEE TO YOUR LEFT!! LEE TO YOUR LEFT!!!!
Lidge?

Umps:

Fair
Biased
Inept
Sightless

Next:

Turn around
Slight improvement
More of the same
No-Trade clauses waived

Hmmmmm??

Fathers @ Astros begins Friday @ 7:05 CDT | Latos @ Norris

Conributed by Ebby Calvin

Astros 4 – D Bags 2
W: Lindstrom (1-0)
L: Carlosleesbitch (0-4)

MLB Wrap
GameZone

That was the first thing a friend said when I called him after Carlos’ moon shot – “Yeah, but the Astros still suck….” You know what? Fuck him. Fuck him and all of the “Yeah, but” crowd. Look, I realize the Astros are in last place. I know they scored three runs in the four previous games. I get it.

Baseball isn’t all about the season, though. According to Mr. Wik I. Pedia, “The team with the most runs at the end of the game wins.” Guess what? The Astros won! And in spectacular fashion!

Wednesday night’s game featured (cue JackAstro’s Bullet Point Method):

• Tommy Manzella’s first MLB home run.
• The subsequent “silent treatment” in the dugout.
• Solid starting pitching from a consistent contributor (Myers).
• Fantastic circus catches by Baby Bjourn.
• A spectacular double play in the ninth inning with the game tied.
• A comical play in LF at the wall.
• And, the cherry on top, the icing on the cake, the jorts on a younger Limey…a walk off blast by a struggling slugger.

What more do you want in a game? THIS is why you stick by a team on an 8-game losing streak. THIS is why you watch the games every chance you get. And THIS is why, when faced with the choice, all of those “Yeah, but” fuckers piss and moan: They chose to watch American Idol instead.