Astros at Dojers, 5/18/2010
Dojers 7, Astros 3
W: Kuroda (5-1) L: Norris (2-5)
Astros.com Recap
Gamezone Commentary

Sorry folks.  I know you were expecting yet another spectacular JackAstro recap to help dull the ache from yet another Astros loss, but it ain’t gonna be.  JackAstro was injured in a freak masturbation accident and has had to be put on the 15-day DL by SnS.  In the interim, you’re stuck with me. FYL!  And we were stuck with the ‘Hyde’ version of the Astros tonight. FOL! And I volunteered to recap this game. FML! (that’d be “your, our, and my” for the ATM grads in the crowd).

Anyway… Caught the Vin Scully broadcast of tonight’s game vs. the Dojers. What can I say. JD and Brownie are awesome, but how many more chances am I going to get to hear Scully call an Astros game?  Dude is a baseball treasure, and I will be sad to see him ‘hang up the mike’ when he does decide to retire.  The melodic rhythm of his call; the intricate, yet simple, weaving of life stories and lessons in the midst of a baseball game while at the same time actually letting me know what the hell is going on.  I listen to him, and close my eyes.  Suddenly I’m 10 again, playing catch with my dad on a sunny Houston afternoon.  No Motions to respond to, nor Court deadlines.  No 9-11.  The Red Sox and Yankees are cellar-dwellers.  Reagan is President.  All is right with the world!  Simply, Vin Scully is a joy to listen to.

As for the game, it was un-spectacular.  Astros go down 3-0 after 1.  Bud walks too many batters that come around to hurt him.  Kaz can’t hit to save his life (finding his ‘inner-DAS’, i.e. finding himself in an 0 for 20 streak).  Astros lose.  We’ve seen this story play out before.

There were bright sports though.  While the Astros did find themselves down 0-3 after 1, they did fight back and tie the game thanks to the big bat of Carlos Lee.  A solo shot in his first at bat.  A 2-run single in his next.  Narrowly missed another home run in his third at bat.  Certainly nice to see.

The Dojers ended up scoring another 3 off Bud before he was lifted with 1 out in the 5th inning (line: 4.1 IP, 7 hits, 6 ER, 3 BB, 3 SO), and tacked on another with a home run off Fulchino in relief.  All-in-all, yes the Astros did get swept by the Dojers, but Carlos Lee showed signs of waking up at the plate and I got to hear Vin Scully call an Astros game.  Life is good!

And if you are not convinced and still trying to find a gold nugget in this steaming pile of poo that is the 2010 Astros’ season thusfar, just remember that the 2010 draft is less than 3 weeks away, and Bobby Heck has 4 of the first 58 picks in the draft.

Astros 3, Giants 4
W: Barry Zito, L: Brett Myers

Game Zone
Astros Recap

The Astros were swept for the 5th time this season. They have only won 4 series this season. We all know this not a good team. I still believe it is not as bad as they seem. Maybe they are. Maybe I am just an optomist. Maybe I just don’t want to believe they are as bad as they really are. Maybe I have no clue what I may be talking about anymore. Maybe I never really had a clue to begin.

One good thing about this game is that Myers pitched a complete game. He has been a nice addition to the pitching staff. I do not think many Astros fans thought he would be as effective as he has been.

One bad thing about this game is that the Astros outhit the Giants. The Astros seem to get a man on base and leave them stranded. I’m too lazy to look up the stat, but I would not be shocked if they led the league in stranding men on the bases.

I was looking at the upcoming schedule and think MLB did a great job of creating a mess. The Astros go to LA Dodgers for 2 games then Colorado comes to Houston for 2 games before the weekend series with Tampa Bay. I find 2 game series weird. But hey, Bud Selig is in charge so who knows?

Hopefully the Astros can get back on the winning track because I am not ready for another 8-game losing streak.

Gigantes 2 | Astros 1
WP: Tim Lincecum (5-0)
LP: Roy Oswalt (2-5)
SV: B. Wilson (8)

Gameday Recap
Gamezone Commentary

What happens when you add Tim Lincecum and Roy Oswalt with a very generous home plate strikezone umpire?  Well, you basically get very frustrated hitters whose jobs become near impossible.  Just ask Carlos Lee who got himself run in the 4th inning arguing with home plate umpire Wilke.  It was just not a day for offense, more of a day for whoever of the pitchers makes the biggest mistake.  So let’s go to the tale of the tape:

Tim Lincecum
8 IPs
4 Hits
5 Strikeouts
5 Walks (how did that happen?)
1 earned run
1 mistake (WP) lead to the one run

Roy Oswalt
7 IPs
6 Hits
7 Strikeouts
0 Walks
2 earned runs
1 mistake (fat pitch) to Uribe for a two run jack

That’s it, that is the ballgame as this quick and briskly played game went pretty much to script.  Come watch Lincecum and Oswalt battle, get a little extra help from the home plate blue and that is all one should expect to see today.  Chris Sampson logged an inning of stelar relief.

Then…

Jint closer Brian “Beach Boy” Wilson added the drama in the ninth when he walked the first batter (Feliz), gets two quick outs, ph Sullivan reaches on a hard smash infield single and then walks Michael Bourn.  Bases loaded, two outs and in steps Kazuo Matsui.  15 pitches later, Matsui flies to left field to end the game.  Good battle, but not to be on this day.

Go get them tomorrow.

Contributed by Ebby Calvin

Astros 2 – Giants 8
WP: Wellemeyer (2-3)
LP: Paulino (0-6)

MLB Wrap
GZ
strosrays’ brilliant Giants Preview

Funny Website
Today’s Weather forecast
Great Song

See that above? That’s me wasting space and distracting you from reading this recap. I would’ve typed this in New Courier had I known how to format it.

Because, really, if you didn’t see the game Friday night, consider yourself lucky and just move on to something else. In short, the Astros lost. Not in spectacular fashion or in a season-crippling manner – just shitty pitching and shitty hitting.

Paulino couldn’t find the plate, gave up runs early and often and basically halted whatever he momentum was riding from his last brilliant start. He got pulled in the 5th and was knocked around for seven earnies.

Pence led the batters with a 3/4 night and a solo shabby in the fourth. But aside from Berkman (2-4, RBI), the rest of the Astros couldn’t catch up to the ex-Cub and ex-Card journeyman. Guys, if Thunderpants somehow figured this guy out – what the fuck are you doing out there?

Alas, it was a loss after a nice little win streak; its only saving grace is that the BFiB are probably even more infuriated their beloved team got swept by this putrid mess.

Saturday’s game – Oswalt vs Lincecum!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Astros 4
Shitbirds 1

W: Norris (2-4) | L: Carpenter (4-1) | S: Lindstrom (9)

Astros.com

Fuck if I didn’t see but about 10 minutes of this beaut. Day games can be a crap shoot and today I rolled snake eyes. But hey, what’s not to like? Sweeping the Jakes in their crib from opposite ends of the Central standings. I don’t know if it’s good or bad that the Dickities are a half-game back of the Turds after today but they both can suck it! Viva los Astros!

It would be pointless for me to recap anything so I will lay down a couple of JackAstros’ Bullet Points©®™

►Pence smacked a Carpenter cut fastball for a 3-run bomb right after the Jakes fiery pitcher exchanged words with Lee after a weak pop-up. The ensuing bench-clearing ball featured tea and cookies.

►Berkman had a fancy-ass DP during a particularly tense point at the end of Bud’s day. Up 3 in the 8th, 2nd and 3rd with one out, a weak bouncer headed right to Twinkie as he scooped it, stepped on 1st then threw home to catch lead-footed Molina in a half-slide.

►Lindstrom faced 2-3-4-5 in the 9th, giving up only a walk to Holliday to nail down his 9th save.

OK, that’s all I can ethically say. The Astros now head out west for some unsettled business with Aubrey Huff. Stay up if you can.