Brewers 8, Astros 7

by Mr. Happy

I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to cover for Budgirl on the recap of the Monday night ball game craptacular until now. So here goes nothing. What angle to take on a ball game that we tried to lose in so many ways and were almost denied by the Brewers’ bully, which is as dreadful as ours? I had already dropped a Frankie Valli reset into the mix. However, the song Henry the Eighth came to mind, particularly the statement between the first and second stanzas. Hence the take off title.

Well, let’s look at the bright side. Think of this ballgame as a double header. On the one hand, we won the six inning game 2-0 behind Bud Norris’s nice effort. However, Bud got a little wobbly with his command in the seventh, when the Brewers started hitting. And scoring. However, was Bud the loser again? Nope. That “honor” goes to Agent Cordero, who is conjuring up memories of past Astros pitchers like Marc “Exxon” Valdes, whose name actually came up in the Game Zone from the extremely erudite Dark Star.

On the other hand, we lost the three inning game 8-6. We got to witness first hand how truly difficult it’s been for Ron Roenicke to find a consistent pitcher in his bullpen too. Agent Livan Hernandez really tried to lay some meatballs in there for our hitters, who actually were hitting them. However, the disaster that is Francisco Cordero managed to come in and actually pitch as badly or worse. And Xavier Cedeno gave up a three run bomb to Cody Ransom that actually made the difference, only it looked like mere add-on at the time.

It looked like add-on because the Astros actually came within a eyelash of tying the game up in the ninth inning. If it wasn’t for a spectacular play by Izturis in the hole to nip JD at first base to end the ball game, Axford would have blown another save. The Brewers have failed on 20 save opportunities this season, and it was almost 21. As Maxwell Smart would say, “missed it by that much.” Bottom line: 8-7. Losers again. As we say in all 12 step programs, “keep coming back!”

Contributed by Reuben

Brewers 10, Astros 1

W: Gallardo (9-8)
L: Keuchel (1-4)

Box

“The outcome of the game tells the tale,” declared Chris Snyder after the latest Astros loss, and I’m going to take his word on that, because I didn’t see a single minute of it. It’s probably a good thing, too, because the early part of the night hadn’t been the best for me, and chasing it with the Astros game that transpired would’ve been rather depressing.

Instead, I went bowling with my wife, brother, and two friends at a place called The Gutter, in Brooklyn. They have a few small (possibly cathode-ray) TVs scattered throughout the place; half were showing the Olympics and half, oddly, were showing the Cubs-Pirates game. Of course, all you could really tell from glancing at the screen here and there was that the Pirates were winning, 4-0 for most of it. I didn’t realize until later when I was checking scores on my phone that AJ Burnett had come close to throwing a no-hitter for them. I doubt anybody else in the joint knew, either.

It’s getting easier and easier to root for the Pirates. Obviously, they have the rich history, Honus Wagner on through Clemente and Stargell, and they have the underdog factor, and the they’ve-endured-twenty-straight-years-of-being-shit-on factor. They have one of the best, most dynamic players in the game, McCutchen. Now they’ve got Wandy, too, and yesterday, they even took steps to eliminate their douche-bag element, trading former-Brewer, current-assclown Casey McGehee to the Yankees for Chad Qualls. How can you not like this team? Even AJ Burnett, who always seemed vaguely dickish and unlikable, is easy to root for now, because the better he does for the Pirates, the bigger middle finger it is to the Yankee brass and their fans.

What else happened?

-The Astros turned 4 double-plays.

-Altuve had 2 more hits, bumping his average up to .302.

-Snyder hit his 5th homer.

-Francisco Cordero didn’t allow any baserunners (granted, he didn’t pitch).

-I bowled a 115. That’s a pretty good score for me.

To read actual, relevant discussion of the Astros game (and the historical significance of Chuckie Fick), read the GameZone thread.

Astros 9, Pirates 5

W: Harrell (8-7)
L: McDonald (10-5)

“A little bit of this town goes a very long way. After five days in Vegas, you feel like you’ve been here for five years.”

The American Dream was never in Las Vegas, Hunter. Oh, maybe glimmers of it were, ones that shone off of the tail fins in the neon gloom, but those were fleeting sparks. Savage the hunt may have been, but that American Dream you went after was more of a great idea to sell an editor on for expenses and Fun, because who was going to compare row houses in Peoria and San Bernardino to measure The Dream? Not you, you had something else in mind.

No, the American Dream isn’t in Vegas, not any more. I’m not even sure the Dream still exists anyway. I’ll tell you what does exist though. I’ll tell you why there is a Las Vegas at all.

You’re on this date with me
And the pickings have been lush
And yet before the evening is over
You might give me the brush

Luck be a lady tonight
Luck be a lady tonight
Luck if you’ve ever been a lady to begin with
Please be a lady tonight

After six weeks of gothic horror, culminating in a twelve-game losing streak, the Astros found the equivalent of 100 monkeys with typewriters producing a sonnet. Harrell started strong and worked quickly, limiting the Pirates to an Alvarez double on a mistake pitch through three. In the bottom of the frame, the Astros did what they’ve done for a month – load the bases and chip in one run.

Energized with a lead, Harrell gave up a titanic shot off the giant Budweiser sign in right to Garrett Jones and the Bucs were on top, 2-1. Schafer answered with a two-run clout of his own in the bottom of the inning, but Altuve’s double was left unresolved.

In the bottom of the fifth, the Astros plated two more to make it 5-2. Harrell began to falter in the sixth, giving up a single and two walks to load the bases with two outs. Mills went to the pen and pulled out Fernando Rodriguez, working on a third day in a row. His opponent was pinch-hitter Andrew McCutchen, and the fastballs he threw only made us hold our breath even more until the tumblers clicked into place, the dice took the bounce they weren’t supposed to, the cards finally fell our way and Superman popped out to end the threat.

The Astros added four more over the next three innings; Pittsburgh chimed in with three and this one was in the books as an Astro win, first one in thirteen games.

Luck let a gentleman see
Just how nice a dame you can be
I know the way you’ve treated
Other guys you’ve been with
Luck be a lady with me

A lady never flirts with strangers
She’ll have a heart, she’ll be nice
A lady doesn’t wander all over the room
And then blow on some other guy’s dice

Forged by luck or not, Houston had some heroes today. Marwin Gonzalez was 3 for 5 and had 3 RBIs. Scott Moore was 2 for 4 with 2 RBIs and two very fine plays at third. New 1B Pearce got a hit and scored a run and made a nice grab of an errant throw that could’ve led to a run. No less important were the eight walks the Astros worked off of a shaky James McDonald – two each for Altuve and Snyder.

Every so often it all works out. The right amount of bacon at breakfast, just enough sleep the night before, the step back on the curb, turning the head to avoid the sun and missing the bird droppings – these are all the things that make a place like Las Vegas possible. If the Astros can play like they did today, who’s to say they can’t do it more often? This could be the start of a nice little win streak. Maybe these guys are really going to change things, turn it all around. After all, the margins are so tiny in baseball and anything can happen. Right?

Las Vegas is built on this. Dreams are broken by this every day.

So why don’t we keep this party polite
Never move out of my sight
Stick with me, baby
I’m the guy that you came in with
Luck be a lady

Luck be a lady, luck be a lady tonight

Pirates 4, Astros 3

by Mr. Happy

Tonight’s ball game reminded me a lot of part of the refrain from Frankie Valli’s solo hit My Eyes Adored You: so close so close and yet so far. This Astros team is very creative when it comes to figuring out a way to lose. They’ve actually gotten quite good at it. In fact, that’s one of the reasons why I still watch the games. It’s sort of a sadistic view wondering where the loss is going to come from today.

Tonight, it was a passed ball that was really on the pitcher that helped send the woeful Astros down to their club record 12th consecutive loss, dropping their record to 34-68. Anytime you see a cross up on the signs, it’s the pitcher’s fault, almost every time. The catcher knows what he called. It’s the pitcher who has to interpret the signs. What’ll it be tomorrow? A balk? That’s why you have to watch the comedy of errors unfold. It’s quite fun.

The Astros had Wandy on the ropes several times but left him off with very little damage. Frankly, Wandy was not good today. He had no command whatsoever of his hammer, tossing 103 pitches in his six innings of work, walking five. Galarraga, God bless him, didn’t look that good either. How he racked up five punch outs in his five plus innings of work is beyond me, although most of the punch outs came from the freer swingers in their lineup, notably Marte, who has shown that he’ll swing at just about anything in his brief big league career, Barajas, Barmes and Alvarez. The strikeout of Pressley, who had homered off of him earlier, was a legitimate swing-and-miss strikeout.

I didn’t think that Galarraga’s slider looked that sharp, yet it was attracting some swings and misses, so what do I know? I didn’t have to face him. He did give up two long balls, both to left-handed hitters, as well as a triple, also to a left-handed hitter. Perhaps in Galarraga’s next start, he’ll look better, but I’m not hopeful. He is an Astro for a reason.

Chuckie Fick took tonight’s loss, welcoming him to the Astros party. Fick looked, well, like a pitcher who was recently exposed to the waiver wire, i.e., not that good. Fick has to keep the ball down in order to be successful, which he didn’t do that well today. Maybe next outing? Again, I’m not going to hold my breath. He too is an Astro for a reason.

We’ll end this one by looking at the bright side, which, admittedly is very hard to do when you’re mired in a 12 game losing streak that doesn’t get any easier tomorrow with McDonald on the bump, facing our “ace,” Harrell. The Astros were actually 2-9 tonight with runners in scoring position, and Maxwell got two RBIs on a two out triple, so he’s got that going for him. Two out RBIs have been few and far between this season, so you fucking celebrate them when they occur. Yahoo!!! See y’all tomorrow for more fun and frivolity! Everybody dance!

Pirates 6, Astros 5

by NeilT

Argh – A variant of arg, of which one usage is the interjection by pirates. It’s derived from English regional dialects adapted to portray Long John Silver by the actor Robert Newton, patron saint of Talk Like a Pirate, in the 1950s Walt Disney movie Treasure Island. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC_PR7YWQOc

Auugh. – a variant of usage of arg, which means to show frustration and dispair. Famously used by Charlie Brown, particularly in the context of baseball. http://www.amazon.com/AAUGH-Charlie-Brown-Peanuts-FRAMED/dp/B0053D2XW2