By Taras Bulba
Well, that son of a bitchin’ strosrays went out and wrote a goddamn treatise on life last week, forcing everyone to buy thesauruses and slide rules and other smart ass shit. He’s definitely the kind of guy that doesn’t give reach arounds. Anyway, here’s the deal:
Astros (3-5) at Phillies (2-7)
At Citizens Bank Park, Philadelphia
aka “The Bank, The Ballpark, The Vault”
Friday, April 13, 6:05 p.m. CDT-FSN
Saturday, April 14, 2:55 p.m. CDT-Fox, FOX!
Sunday, April 15, 12:35 p.m. CDT-FSN
For the coverage impaired, MLB.TV will also broadcast the games for a reasonable monthly rate, excluding carrying charges, transit and handling fees, and a bill of lading. I have been anxious to write, “bill of lading” for a long time, so there you have it. Otherwise, FSN will cover the Friday and Sunday games with our favorite standbys, Brownie and Jim, while Fox, FOX! will be there for the Saturday afternoon throw down. Brit Hume will do the play by play for FOX! with his sidekicks, Geraldo and Billy O. Tom Wolfe will stop by the booth to offer tips on finding hot coeds and to show off his natty new spring suit. Laurie Dhue (www.girlsoffoxnews.com) will appear from time to time to offer keen insight and to allow for male viewers to stare at her lips and think generally bad thoughts. As the broadcast is on FOX!, spokespersons for all of the major Democratic presidential candidates have indicated that they will not participate, so we won’t be able to see if Obama throws like a girl or if Hillary wears a cup.