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  • Articles posted by Dark Star (Page 18)

A Pretty Good Day For George Bjorkman (and For a 20-Something Yours Truly, Too)

Posted on June 11, 2007 by Dark Star in From Left Field

July 14, 1983.  When I woke up, I was laying crossways at the foot-end of a double bed in the beach cabin, on my back, uncovered.  I had on a pair of Lamar U. gym shorts, once bright red but now faded almost pink – magenta, maybe – with the white piping along the sides and bottoms of the legs fraying and coming loose.  The skin along my chest and belly and on the tops of my arms and legs had turned medium to dark brown.  I had been out in the sun a lot that summer.  After burning off a few layers of skin early on in the spring, I no longer got sunburned.  Rather, each subsequent exposure just turned me darker.  And, melanoma be damned, I didn’t use sun block; at times I slathered on a coconut-oil based Coppertone product called Savage Tan, something like that, which not only did not block UV rays, but I am fairly certain was formulated to actively attract them.Read More

Reds @ Astros – Seven Straight Losses On The Road (May 29-31, 2007)

Posted on May 29, 2007 by Dark Star in Series Previews

By ‘strosrays

Seven Straight Losses On The Road And I’m A-Gonna Make It Home Tonight

Reds (19-33) at Astros (21-29)

Minute Maid Park
501 Crawford St.
Houston, TX  77002

a/k/a “Waterloo”, “Agincourt”, “The Crimea”, “Thermopylae”

*********

Tuesday, May 29, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, May 30, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Thursday, May 31, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN

First of all, let me take this opportunity to apologize to Whoopass Nation for the tardiness of the posting of this Series Preview.  If nothing else, this should be convincing evidence to the mods here that I should probably never, ever be assigned to write anything that will come due just after a three-day holiday weekend.

Jesus H. Spare Rib, do I have a headache.  Yesterday was of course a day set aside for the celebration and remembrance of all those before us who paid the ultimate price to protect our freedoms and our way of life. It was also the final day of three days of abject dissolution, culminating with my neighborhood’s bi-annual “block party” (the other occurs on Labor Day), where every “grown up” on our street and the two on each side of us listens to loud classic rock music, eats obscene amounts of barbecued meat (slathered with sticky-sweet sauce and burnt, mostly); and pinto beans, potato salad, casseroles of dubious origin, etc.; and drinks enough beer and whatever else to float Derek Bell’s yacht.  Usually, one or more of my neighbors will get a snootful and pass out in his/her lawn chair, or make a sloppy pass at another neighbor’s wife or husband or teenage daughter. Sometimes the police are called in. Usually there are no lasting hard feelings, though, and in general a good time is had by all.

This time I was assigned about 40 lbs. of ribs (which never see BBQ sauce as long as they are under my control, thanks), plus chicken, and Italian sausage and kielbasa (my family is of mixed heritage.)  After 6-8 hours of slaving over the pit, I felt lodgy and mesquite- and pecan-smoked.  Pretty drunk, too.  It was sometime after that, probably around 8:00 p.m. or so, that my wife and I and several other couples were sitting around on lawn chairs in my neighbor Andrew The CPA’s driveway, listening to the Stones turned up loud and slamming down Heinekens, and enjoying lively if slurred and senseless neighborly conversation.  Somewhere in there Andrew’s wife, Dawn, who has said about two words to me in the ten years I’ve known her, decided to jump into the conversation.  After about ten too many ‘West Beaumont’ cosmopolitans (I think they were substituting 80 proof Patrón for the vodka), she decided to start divulging to all of us some of her most private sexual fantasies, in intricate detail. Then, by way of illustration I guess, she suddenly stood up unsteadily and yelled something (we were listening to a CD of  Exile on Main St., and the song “Rocks Off” had just kicked in), and then ripped open her floral print shirt to reveal some good old all-American size 34DD’s (she wasn’t wearing a bra – some of the wives on my block have recently taken up going sans brassiere around the neighborhood, I’ve noticed.)  I was trying to get a better look at what all those guys died fighting for, by squinting out of one eye, when my wife decided it was time to call it a night.

On the walk home, full of meat and beer and with the thought of my neighbor’s old lady’s tits still vivid in my head, it suddenly occurred to me for some reason, “Oh fuck!  I’ve got a Series Preview due in the morning.”

So when I got home, I took a shower and then went straight to bed.Read More

Neighbor's profundities, Season on the brink

Diamondbacks @ Astros – Makin’ Friends (May 11-13, 2007)

Posted on May 10, 2007 by Dark Star in Series Previews

By ‘strosrays

Diamond(back)s Are A Churl’s Best Friend

Diamondbacks (19-17) at Astros (16-18)
Minute Maid Park, 501 Crawford St., Houston, TX  77002
a/k/a “The Juice Box”

*********

Friday, Once de Mayo, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, Doce de Mayo, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, Trece de Mayo, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN

The weekend matchup features two of this season’s really streaky teams so far.  In arriving at their current 19-17 mark, the Diamondbacks have had two six-game winning streaks along the way, and two five-game losing streaks.  The Astros, of course, lost 5 of their first 6; won 8 of their next 9; lost seven straight; dicked around for a weekend in Milwaukee, drinking Milwaukee’s Best (though not in their clubhouse, of course) and eating brats and kielbasa (i.e., Slavic soul food); and since then have won six of their last nine.  What that all adds up to for this series is, well, who knows?  Arizona had a mini three-game winning streak snapped Wednesday by the Phillies, while the Astros were taking three of four from the Dickities at The Great Dickitie Ball Park in Dickitieburg Town.  So that means that, um, well. . . I’m betting one of the teams in this series will win two of three, I don’t know which, though.Read More

Drunken philosophers, steering SUVs, The Sea Hag

Astros @ Pirates – The Bucs Still Suck (Apr 24-26, 2007)

Posted on April 23, 2007 by Dark Star in Series Previews

By ‘strosrays

The Bucs Still Suck, and other rhymes

Astros (9-9) at Pirates (7-10)
PNC Park, 115 Federal St., Pittsburgh, PA  15212 
a/k/a “The Prettiest Little Ballpark in the Majors”

Tuesday, April 24, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, April 25, 6:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Thursday, April 26, 11:35 a.m. CDT – FSN

The Wednesday game will be carried by KNWS, which is to say it won’t be watchable for many of us outside a 5-mile radius of the KNWS tower, wherever it may be at the time.  Of course, since the Thursday game on FSN is slated to begin at 11:30 in the morning (getaway day), many of us who are gainfully employed and wish to remain so won’t be able to watch it either. . . besides which, an 11:30 a.m. start?  To quote I believe Jim Pagliaroni, from Ball Four, “11:30 a.m.?  I’m not even done puking at that hour.”  Finally, the rumor that the KNWS tower is actually a bent coat hanger attached to the broken-off arial on a Reflex blue© 1965 Chevy Impala big block, owned by some guy named ‘Chuy’ who lives in Porter – while compelling – is probably not actually true.Read More

Book 'em, Honus Wagners, Voltaire (LHP)

Astros @ Cubs – Wrigley Field Is Decadent And Depraved (Apr 9-11, 2007)

Posted on April 8, 2007 by Dark Star in Series Previews

By ‘strosrays 

Wrigley Field Is Decadent And Depraved 

Astros (1-5) at Cubs (3-3)
at Wrigley Field, Chicago, IL 
a/k/a The “Taj Mahal”

Monday, April 9, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, April 10, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, April 11, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSN

For those of you with “coverage” issues, the Monday and Wednesday games are also scheduled to be carried by Superstation WGN. . . I am not sure who does the Cub games for WGN anymore – my ability to focus on their telecasts, even if what I was focusing was mostly bile, decreased significantly after “Chippy” Carey left.  The guys they have had the last year or two are basically generic, sorta like the non Milo-nese people who are in the Astros radio booth nowadays.  Whatever their names are.

At any rate, you should be able to get the WGN games, no matter where you live.  WGN is carried by every cable system from here to the Crab Nebula.Read More

Bagwell, Hunter Thompson, old girlfriends
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