Astros 4
Brewers 3

by NeilT

I watched a lot of Astros baseball last week. I watched most of the games on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at home. On Thursday I went to the game. Thursday’s game was so exhausting. They couldn’t hit. The Nats could. It was just dreary. We left in the 9th inning to beat the traffic and there wasn’t any. I’ve never been so exhausted with baseball.

Last night I turned on the game. I was playing the guitar, working on Recuerdos de Alhambra, which is as melancholy as it gets, right up there with Pavane for a Dead Princess and Yesterday. It shouldn’t be played while watching this year’s Astros. I wasn’t paying much attention to the game and Kris wanted me to put onn a movie, so during the fifth we turned on Mirror, Mirror at our daughter’s suggestion. It wasn’t completely awful, maybe even kinda ok. It’s a twist on the Snow White tale, with the dwarves as highwaymen, the prince as pompous but likable, and Snow White as innocent but capable. Nathan Lane is the Queen’s assistant, not the queen, and Julia Roberts is the Queen.

But guess what? When I went to bed and checked the score, the Snow Whites had won, with a walk off, in the 9th. Never happened, you say, that’s a fairy tale, you say. Trust me though, it’s true.

In the first Nyjer Morgan got to first on lost ball on a strike out. Oh no, I say. The Brewers scored Morgan in the 1st on a Ryan (I did not have sex with that woman) Braun double, and Weeks scored on a wild pitch in the third. After I turned off the game Scott Moore scored the Astros’ first run on a Corporan single in the bottom of the fifth. Rickie Weeks scored the Brewers’ final run in the seventh on a Juan Segura single.

Pitching lines were good. Norris pitched 7, with 8 hits, 3 R, 7 strikeouts, and no walks. F. Rodriguez pitched the 8th, Lopez the 9th, both with no hits, no walks, 2 strikeouts.

Corporan homered on the first at bat in the 8th, and in the bottom of the 9th the princess kissed the frog and it turned into a prince. Wallace led off with a walk, Tyler Greene pinch ran. Greene stole second and advanced to third on the same play on a wild pitch. Pearce singled in Greene, and reached second on an error. Bogusevic singled in Pearce.

If you haven’t seen the game ending scrum, go here.

You’ll think it’s a fairy tale until you see it. The Astros will wear their Snow Whites again tonight, because, well, they won, so I think I’ll watch this. I don’t remember much about the movie, except there’s a nice version of Gaspar Sanz’s Canarios in the Gypsy scene.

Washington 5, Astros 0

by Mr. Happy

Given that tonight’s 5-0 whitewashing of the Home Nine by the Nationals was the eleventh time that the ball club has been shutout, it still doesn’t get any easier to take. Tonight’s winning pitcher, Jordan Zimmermann, served notice very early on that he was going to be virtually impossible to beat once staked to a two run lead, being able to thread the tiny needle that HPU Ed Hickox constructed for a strike zone.

As well as tonight’s losing pitcher, Lucas Harrell, pitched for his five frames and 100 pitches, the walk that he surrendered on at least one stingy bullshit call to Ryan Zimmerman came back to haunt him in the fourth inning, where the Nats scored all the runs that they’d need tonight in order to dispatch the Astros. Zimmermann scattered three hits, two of which were for extra sacks, and struck out 11 in his six innings of work, while the Astros could manage but two hits the rest of the way en route to the white washing. A sore lack of clutch hitting, 0-6 with runners in scoring position, again plagued the Astros, who stranded six runners tonight. Additionally, none of the Astros baserunners could advance past 2B tonight, despite two lead off base hits.

Nevertheless, Michael Morse added two long balls to his season’s total of ten in the sixth and eighth innings, respectively. Ryan Zimmerman drove home a last run with a sacrifice fly in the top of the ninth inning in order to cement the win and a series sweep for the Nationals, who now have the best road record in the major leagues.

Tonight’s result was as predictable as the results have been lately, with no surprises from the Home Nine, so the sparse number of GameZone denizens turned their focus on the goings on at Red Rocks, which, frankly, was more interesting than tonight’s ball game. The Astros, losers now of five in a row and now one for August, strive to increase their stranglehold on next year’s No. 1 pick while entertaining the Brewers. I can’t wait!

Nationals 4, Astros 3

W: Gonzales (14-6 3.32)
L: Galarraga (0-2 5.38)

BOX

by Sphinx Drummond

Once again the Astros had to face a team with a better win-loss ratio (this cycle will continue until it doesn‘t…maybe next year or the year after) and once again they proved why every team they face has a better win-loss ratio. The numbers don’t lie. It’s the ninth of August, and there is only one team with under 40 wins. One would hope a young team would get better as the season progresses but the Astros are making an exception.

If the Astros had their own show on TLC it would be of the Extreme Makeover variety. If it was about the 143 or so fans that still follow this team it would be one of the Strange Obsessions or Crazy Addictions variety.

Against the team with the best record in all of the MLB, the Astros actually did pretty good. They’ve lost three of the first four in this series but each game has been close, with arguably a chance to win in the 9th. After falling behind early last night, Galarraga pitched well enough to keep it close and Cedeno, Fick, and Cruz pitched well enough in relief that the Astros were only down 2 runs going into the home half of the night.

Corporan grounded out to start the frame and Brandon Barnes followed with his first major league hit. Marwin grounded out for the 2nd out but Barnes advanced to second base. Ben Francisco singled to drive in Barnes and make it a one run game with two outs. Jose Altuve followed with another single, Bogey, running for Francisco, made it to third and Altuve advanced to second on the throw.

So Mills, who must hate to be second guessed and always goes by the book when it comes to lefty-righty match-ups, leaves the ice-cold Downs in to bat for himself instead of maybe going to someone like Wallace (who has hit lefties better than Downs this year, FWIW). Anyway, Gonzales struck out Downs on four pitches, the last one–a curve ball in the dirt, and the Nationals harvested another win with Gio Gonzales earning a complete game victory.

Anyway, like Reuben, even if they ripped us off on the Rusty Staub deal, I miss those pesky Expos. I loved some of the great names they had like Coco Laboy, John Boccabella, or Pepe Mangual. I might have warmed up to the Washington DC team if they would have reused the Senators or any name that relates to the area but there’s a degree of arrogance in assuming the National namesake. It irks me in the same way the DFW team does in Arlington calling themselves the “Texas” Rangers.

Later tonight, it’s Zimmermann against Harrell. The overachieving Lucas Harrell gives the Astros their best chance to not get swept but Zimmermann is good and the Nationals are so fucking great the have the best record in all of major league baseball, so it’s a fat chance.

Contributed by Reuben

W: Storen (1-0)
L: Storey (0-1)
(wow, that totally looks like a typo, huh? According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the last time two pitchers with the same exact first five letters of their name, but a different sixth letter, both got their first decisions of the year in the same game was on Opening Day in 1947, when Tigers P Johnny Smithe beat Senators P Grundfos Smithy, 2-1 in 15 innings… Yes, that is all made-up bullshit).

box

Good Things About This Game (in chronological order)
-Jordan Schafer went on the “DL” with an “injury”, and Brandon Barnes was called up
-Jordan Lyles’ 7+ great innings
-Francisco’s HR
-Wesley Wright’s 2 outs
-FeRod’s surprisingly good work
-W. Lopez, the usual
-Pearce, getting on base
-Corporan, working a 3-2 walk
-Wallace, hitting what should have been a walk-off double off the wall in left-center

Bad Things About This Game (in chronological order)
-Danny Espinosa. I almost never like guys whose stubble goes all the way up to their eyeballs, and Espinosa is nowhere near an exception. He had all 3 RBIs, posed like a smug cock-face when he hit the HR, and knocked a dinky-ass groundball up the middle for the game-winner. Plus, he had like 24 assists at SS tonight.
-the Nationals relievers. They’re all funny-lookin, and/or do something really annoying that pisses me off.
-Roger Bernhadihnha. No, I’m not going to look up how to spell his name. Fuck that guy and his fucking amazing catch running into the wall to end the game. I’ll bet it was really fucking exciting for all the Nationals fans that were there.
-the Nationals still haven’t gone back to being called the Expos, or dropped that horrible Walgreens logo. It’s sad how one of my formerly-favorite non-Astros teams has turned into a bland-clad bunch of goons led by ass-faces like Jayesen Worth and Bryce Harper. Damn I miss Tim Raines, Tim Wallach, Marquis Grissom and Delino DeShields (Sr.).

Read the GameZone thread for more colorful analysis, including bold (tragically misguided) predictions of an Astros victory.

Braves 6, Astros 1

W:Venters (4-3)
L:Norris (5-9)

In one of my lines of work I get to see the lead stories and runthrough of the weekend news from some Atlanta station, I don’t know which one it is. Every night it’s like watching the apocalypse – fire destroying houses and buildings, children getting run over, massive wrecks, random murders, daylight armed robberies, gang shootings – it’s hell on Earth and it’s the lead on every single broadcast I see. It’s like Atlanta never stopped burning.

Maybe it’s that gunshy atmosphere. Maybe it’s the FourLoko and meth. Maybe it’s just the turmoil of two different cultures colliding in some tectonic kaleidoscopic earthquake that gives those cracker idiots the belief that there is no stupid there, it’s all on The Outside. That might go some distance in explaining why their scoreboard displayed “You can’t spell Disastrous without Astro” during the game Sunday. Classless and ignorant is the face they show the world, and apologies couldn’t even begin to address it.

Perhaps you’d like to join me in sending a message to the Braves and to MLB that we don’t appreciate the lack of professionalism on display at the game today. The email address for the Braves is [email protected]. I’m also going to send a happy missive to our Gentle Protectors at MLB, specifically the Commissioner. You can join in too at:

The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball
Allan H. (Bud) Selig, Commissioner
Address: 245 Park Avenue, 31st Floor
City: New York, State: NY Zip Code: 10167

Slack-jawed yokels.

I never did like the Braves. I liked Eddie Mathews enough, Warren Spahn seemed great. I didn’t doubt Hank Aaron’s talent, but I never had any fan connection to the franchise. That lack of feeling went out the window when the Sniveling Women changed the way umpires called games, tarnishing the game, and it absolutely went to hell when they became the arrogant also-rans who were in direct contention with the Astros. Hordes of thousands of redneck fans who descended upon the Astrodome to see them play, their only trips to the ballpark despite living in Houston. This always filled me revulsion. And don’t get me started on the Alkie stroke .

We didn’t expect Houston to score much today, even against Kris Medlen, a reliever trying to convert to part-time starter because of injuries on the Atlanta staff. They didn’t disappoint, although there were a couple of occasions where less-familiar observers might think runs were in the offing. With runners in scoring position in the sixth, Downs was called on to strike out and then Martinez to ground out weakly. In the eighth two more were stranded when Brett Wallace did his part by fanning.

Norris pitched better than we had a right to expect, holding the Braves to one run through five before flipping a wild pitch with two out and the bases loaded to give up the lead run. A subsequent two-run single to the wet noodle of Paul Janish’s war club and the game was lost.

The latest excursion into the Land of the Losses has come to an end, and the Home Nine will be back in Houston to host the Nats. At least losing to them will give the Braves a jab in the ribs, one the Astros couldn’t deliver on the field this weekend.

Astros 3, Braves 2

by Mr. Happy

Okay. A road win, which have been scarcer than hen’s teeth this season – which, as you know, are pretty fucking rare – must be savored. Like a piece of the choicest filet mignon that melts in your mouth, yet you want it to last forever.

For five innings, Lucas Harrell battled the Bravos, clad in quasi-throwback unis. Harrell didn’t have his best stuff and was up in the strike zone much more often than usual. He simply ran out of gas in the sixth as you said it, hen’s teeth? Who’s Bob? The Good Guys had been nursing a two run lead courtesy of a Justin Maxwell, who admires his work a bit too much for my liking, long two run home run in the fourth inning off of new Braves hurler, Paul Maholm. Yep. Astrokilla Paul Maholm, who had been toiling for the FTC, proved he was mortal indeed as we hung an L on his back tonight.

In the seventh inning, one man Braves wrecking crew Justin Maxwell hit an even longer solo shot to give the Astros the 3-2 lead that they wouldn’t relinquish. Harrell, who threw 112 pitches in six innings, was lifted in favor of FeRod, who tossed a scoreless frame. For the second night in a row, WW came on and delivered 1.1 innings, including some really fine work to the left-handed hitting Brian McCann and Freddie Freeman, striking out both, as well as retiring the pesky Larry Wayne Jones, who had reached in all three plate appearances against Harrell.

Given that the next two hitters were righties, Millsie went to the bully again in the ninth frame and brought in newly minted closer, Wilton Lopez. Lopez promptly hits Dan Uggla on a 1-2 offering. This brought up a pinch hitter for the all-field/no hit Paul Janish, Juan Francisco. Francisco immediately grounds into a game-ending twin killing to preserve the win for Lucas Harrell.

Harrell’s record is now 9-7, which is a fucking miracle on a 36-72 club, and he cut his ERA to 3.98—not a shabby rookie season for someone who was on the waiver wire just last season. 9-7 on a 36-72 team is not ‘72 Phillies Carlton-esque, mind you, but we’ll take what we can get right now. Just think, without Harrell, the Astros record would be 27-65—wrap your arms around that one and own it. Now at least someone other than Xavier Cedeno has a save on the club.

For the second straight night, the bullpen shined brightly over its three innings of work. Millsie stayed with Harrell two hitters too long in my opinion, but he masterfully maneuvered the relievers with his normal matchup tendencies to preserve the victory. Maxwell, another waiver claim, finished with a perfect 4-4 night with two long balls and a stolen sack.

Who was not hot? Gentle Ben Francisco punched out thrice around what would be a key single, scoring on Maxwell’s – I fucking refuse Brownie’s invitation to call him “J-Max” – first home run. Twice Francisco looked dumbfounded by strike three by the crafty Maholm, who uncharacteristically K’d eight in his seven innings of work. The Astros held the Braves’ hitters to four hits this time.

The road record now stands at 11-45. Onward and upward from here? Doubtful. Let’s just remember this one fondly and move on with our lives. The GameZone featured lively banter tonight for a Saturday night game and even discussed the Beatles bootleg work, working in a “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” reset. You never know what we’ll discuss there. You just have to come check it out!