By Mr. Happy

Tonight’s ball game showed some promise early on, as the Astros first knotted the game at one and then took a 3-1 lead on a Chris Snyder two run two out home run in the fourth inning, after a spectacular catch by Brandon Barnes, which saved at least a run, if not two.  Hopes indeed were high, particularly for the SnS meetup in Suite 54, organized by SnS MVP Gleach.

Unfortunately for the home nine, games have a fifth inning, and Jordan Lyles and fifth innings mix like Mr. Happy and tattoes.  Lyles, who drops to 2-10 with a 5.70 ERA, has a season ERA of 14.11 in the fifth inning coming into tonight’s action, which goes to 19.02 with four earnies while recording no outs in tonight’s fifth inning.  Lyles surrendered eight hits and gave up three walks in his four plus frames, tossing 80 pitches.  Arizona dropped a nine spot on the Astros in that disastrous fifth inning to take a 10-3 lead that they didn’t surrender.

In addition to Snyder’s clutch bomb, his sixth of the year, Tyler Greene went deep for his sixth home run of the season.  Greene has been playing lights out since his acquisition from the Cardinals.  Chuckie Fick allowed two home runs, one to Aaron Hill, which was a three run shot in that fifth inning, and another to Ryan Wheeler, his first in the big leagues, in his 2.1 innings of work.  I lost interest in the rest of the game and started writing this recap.

I had hoped to feature some good updates from the SnS sweet suite meetup, but the crew was silent to my shock and dismay.  I guess what goes on at MMPUS stays at MMPUS.

Astros lose 7 -2

by Sphinx Drummond

It seems that the Astros play a lot of Wednesday afternoon games. Most days, the kind of work I do is not conducive to following baseball. But first and foremost, I must remember there is a day game. Yesterday, I did not. According to all the post game information the Astros lost to the Cubs 7 to 2.

Norris took the loss, it’s been a long time now since May 21st, the last time Bud Norris won a game. Norris has gone 0-9 with a 6.98 ERA in his last 13 outings. Yesterday he surrendered three home runs. It’s very hard to win games when your team is offensively anemic and the pitcher continues to get pounded. Everyone seems to think Bud would be a better starter if he developed a third pitch. Okay, so what is he waiting for?

Jose Altuve continues to be one of the two or three bright spots in the organization this year, going 3 for 4 from the lead off position. Unfortunately, the 2 though 4 hitters went a collective 0-For the game, wasting Altuve’s efforts. He needs to make smarter plays on defense but I think the guy is a keeper.

Norris might be hurt, he was limping around the clubhouse after trying to kicking a ball into an infield hit. It’s probably just a bruise but the team will keep an eye on it. And for some reason, Wallace didn’t play. Today is an off day, next game is on Friday against the DiamondBacks. According to a thread in the Beer and Queso section of the SNS forum, I think there will be some kind of gathering on Saturday night.

Astros 10, Cubs 1

W: Harrell (10-8)
L: Volstad (0-9)

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Contributed by Reuben

In a stunning reversal of momentum, the Houston Astros last night won Game 5 against the Milwaukee Brewcubs in a blowout, 10 to 1, clinching the win in the final game of this best-of-five playoff series against their bitter, hated rivals.

Heading into the game, the Astros were on the brink of losing the series despite grabbing an early 2 games to none advantage, winning Game 1, 4-3, and Game 2, 6-5, both in dramatic walk-off fashion. The Brewcubs, however, fought back hard in Games 3 and 4. Led by slugging third baseman Aramis Ramirez, steroid-riddled MVP outfielder Braunny Sosa, baby-faced young shortstop sensation Segura Castro, and notorious Astro-killer Yovani Zambrano, the Brewcubs held on to win the third game, 5-3, and then proceeded to humiliate the Astros 7-1 in Game 4. Following Game 4, Brewcubs owner H. Caray “Bud” Selig could be seen grinning devilishly and sticking pins into a voodoo doll wearing an Astros uniform.

The Astros, though, refused to be deflated by their two-game losing streak. “We’ve lost two in a row before”, declared Wesley Wright, the team’s elder statesman. “In fact, just this season, I can think of a few times where we’ve lost two in a row, but it seems like we almost always come back and win the next one. That is, our wins have a habit of ending a losing streak.”

Clearly inspired by the words and example of their long-tenured leader, the Astros came out swinging in the first inning. Jose Altuve doubled and then, after a smash line drive off the bat of Brett Wallace was snared by leaping second baseman Barney Weeks, Scott Moore roped another double to score Altuve. Wallace made sure his next hit could not be robbed by any Brewcub fielder, launching a moonshot 3-run home run to dead centerfield in the 3rd inning. Fernando Martinez swatted his own 3-run homer to nearly the same spot in the 6th inning, by which point the Astros had a fairly comfortable 8-0 lead.

After Scott Moore belted the third Astros homer of the night in the 7th, Brewcub manager Don Svreunoeickme’s frustration was clearly evident in the dugout. “Our bullpen made me want to vomit, again,” Svreunoeickme said in the post-series news conference, “but the blame for us losing the series has to start with me. I should’ve known not to start an 0-8 pitcher in Game 5. Damn, that was stupid of me.”

In the other conference room, meanwhile, Astros manager Brad Mills was heaping praise on his Game 5 starter, Lucas Harrell, who dominated Brewcub batters from start to finish with his 94-95 mph fastball. “He was huge, as usual. I know it’s silly, but it seems like he’s won 25% of our games this year,” Mills beamed. Harrell went 8 innings, allowing 1 earned run on 6 hits, striking out 7. He even chipped in with a base hit of his own, scoring all the way from first on a Jose Altuve double – eliciting some comparisons to former Astro Brandon Backe’s enthusiastic, all-around style of play and his penchant for dominant, clutch pitching performances in the postseason.

“Who?” Harrell said when asked about the similarities between he and Backe. “He used to pitch for us? Must’ve been a long time ago. I don’t think even Wesley played with that guy.”

***

For more coverage of the Astros’ dramatic playoff series victory, read the GameZone thread.

Brewers 5, Astros 3

W:Gallardo (11-8)
L:Lyles (2-9)

That shiny new ride your team has been seen in around town, the one that has everybody excited? Well, it’s back to reality boys and girls because the clock has struck midnight and that’s a pumpkin they’re back on top of.

Still, it was pretty cool while it lasted. Two in a row! Two wins in a week! Three in the last eight days! That’s 60% of their second half wins! That’s already as many games as they won in the whole month of July!

Yes sir, happy times are back!

Ok, happy times were back, but the mojo of waiver wire pickups and retro jerseys can only last so long. In this case, two games. It was Jordan Lyles’ tough luck to pitch on the third day, and against Certified Astro Killa Yovani Gallardo.

What the hell kind of name is Yovani, anyway? Where is this guy from? Don’t they have guys named Roy, or Mike or James Rodney where he comes from?

I digress, because it’s the thing to do. Today’s tilt was actually reasonably entertaining, and not just because of the Threat of Continued Mojo. Young Master Lyles pitched a good game and didn’t fall victim to his usual battering the third time through the lineup. This was due in part to changing his approach later in the game and flashing a nice change that he’s held under wraps successfully so far. Lyles went seven, giving up eight hits and four runs, including a solo crank by everybody’s favorite 80s one-hit wonder, Corey Hart. Lyles struck out five and didn’t issue a walk, doing a great job of being around the plate but not too much over it all day long. In particular he was surprisingly successful in getting groundouts, especially from The Peen, and that’s half the battle of keeping it close against the Brew Crew.

The other part of the battle wasn’t held up quite as well, since Astrokilla Gallardo was on the hill. Yovani showed the nice lady nine spots on the doll and that didn’t include the two walks he gave up, but it only resulted in three runs. Greene continues to acclimate well, as he had two hits including a double. Gonzalez and Snyder had two hits each as well, leaving four overall to spread amongst the rest of the team and that’s the reason only three runs were tallied. The Astros were an uncharacteristic 3 for 11 with runners in scoring position. I’m sure this is a trend, not an anomaly.

Marwin had a tough day in the field, maybe loosening up a little too much with the milk and cookies after the big celebratory sleepover last night. Maxwell had a real nice play late in the game to track down a deep fly to right-center by Segura. Otherwise, the ticky-tacky little things pretty much balanced out the way they usually do, 40% for and 60% against and that’ll make it hard on you every time.

Tomorrow they’ll take on the incestual scat-eating gang-felchers from Chi. The Aristocrats! Maybe that place’ll catch on fire before the Astros show up, or maybe the FTC will finally succumb to that vile infected Old Style Piss and it’ll be like an episode of Walking Dead. Tune in to the GZ tomorrow to find out.

Astros 6, Brewers 5 (10 innings)
By Mr. (very) Happy

This game started off on a high note as the Astros scored twice in the first inning off of Marco Estrada, who was not very sharp tonight, tossing four frames and surrendering seven hits and four earnies. Tyler Greene made the most of his batting debut with the Astros, clubbing a game lead off double in the first inning, scoring on one of three hits for three RBIs for Steve Pearce on the night, and Greene had a key solo home run off of Agent Livan Hernandez in the fifth inning. Unfortunately, the Brewers knotted the game at two with two unearned runs in the second inning, taking advantage of a very shaky overall third base effort from Brett Wallace, who, in my opinion, simply can’t play down there. Third base is a place where you can either do it or you can’t. In my opinion, Wallace is in the latter category like the rest of us. In tonight’s GameZone, a denizen even expressed a yearning for days gone by with CJ at the hot corner.

In the bottom of the third, the Astros again took advantage of Estrada, plating two runs on three hits, including a triple from Pearce, who took full advantage of some wretched outfield play from Milwaukee in that inning. However, the Brewers again tied the game at four in the top of the fifth inning on a clutch two out double by Aoki. However, the Astros answered in the bottom of that frame on the Greene solo shot to put the Good Guys back up 5-4. Keuchel pitched very well tonight, striking out six in six innings and not walking a single hitter, thereby finishing in the “over” on my prediction of innings likely pitched (3.1), under on long balls surrendered (zippo) and way under on the free passes (nil). In fact, Keuchel also finished with some flair in his last inning, the sixth, starting an inning ending 1-4-3 twin killing.

The bully tonight was nothing short of fantastic, allowing one run on six hits in four innings with eight (count ’em eight!) strikeouts, including catching the Peen looking twice. The bully foursome (Fick, Wright, Storey and Lopez) held the lead until the top of the ninth, when Wilton Lopez, who, in my opinion, needs to throw a few more off-speed pitches to take away the rampant cheating on his fast stuff that was going on tonight, surrendered the tying run to send the game into extras, which hasn’t been the Astros’ strongsuit so far this season. In fact, the Astros hadn’t scored a single run in extra innings this season.

However, that would change in the tenth. The Astros loaded the sacks with nobody out for Scott Moore, who singled to left, taking full advantage of the Peen having been brought in as a sixth infielder (including the pitcher), scoring Altuve, who had three hits in five trips and scored three runs, with the game winner. This made a vulture winner out of Wilton Lopez, who now has won on two consecutive nights. The Astros have now won their first home series since sweeping the FTC way back in May.

Should the ballclub once again don the 90’s unis tomorrow and go for the broom against the Brewers? Absofuckinglutely!!! Don’t change a fucking thing!!! Don’t even wash those unis!!! The club is now once again within striking distance of .333 ball at 38-77. I realize that isn’t much solace, but look on the bright side: it could be a helluva lot worse.