contributed by NeilT

Howdy! My friend NeilT was riding the MS 150 this weekend, and since I don’t have much to do these days I told him I’d write his recap. This is the first time in most of y’all’s lives that I haven’t been running for governor, and I need to find some new hobbies. There’s not much to do these days except hang out with Anita at the mansion and plunk the coyotes.

Funny thing though, this turned out to be my weekend to write the recap anyway, ‘cause my favorite baseball team, the Texas team, is playing that team down in Houston. You know what I think about Houston. It is far to the left of the rest of this great nation state. It has that mayor who wants to be a den mother, it has that white fella with the ear surplus who ran against me for governor, and that ding dong who ran a couple of times before that. There’s nothing good to be said about Houston, except that my Texas team whips their butts in baseball. Of course everybody whips their butts in baseball.

Anyway, speaking of butts, I’ve been a bit at loose ends lately so I’ve decided right here today that I’m going to make an announcement: I am going to run for President. It’s like Anita says, that’s just what America needs. I’m going to bring the Texas miracle to Washington. Do y’all hate Seattle too? They’re all pot-smokin’, coffee drinkin’, yoga posin’ pond scum.

I’ve been trying to come up with a campaign slogan. Anita said my first choice, Better Red than Ted, didn’t make sense. Why would I rather be a communist than Ted? I explained to her that the Red was Republican Red, not Moscow Red, but she said that Ted was already Republican. I explained to her that it didn’t have to make sense, it just needed to sound good, but she rejected it flat out. Anita’s a smart woman, but sometimes I think she doesn’t understand politics.

So my next choice was Say it Loud, I’m for Rick and I’m Proud, but Anita said that I was ripping off a James Brown lyric, and even though we’ve got the same hair I probably couldn’t carry off the dance moves. On reflecting I don’t think it’s a good idea anyway. I might offend some Afro-Americans by ripping off lyrics from James Brown—didn’t he write that song for the soundtrack for Django Unchained? I’d hate to lose the black vote.

So I decided to steal a slogan from the Astros, ‘cause no one follows them anyway: How do you think this sounds? RICK PERRY FOR AMERICA: IT’S A PROCESS. I’m pretty pleased. Anita said that it didn’t make sense again, but you know what? When you got an idea, you have to stick to it. You have to have unchanging principals that don’t bend and don’t compromise. I’ve been saying that same thing ever since Bill Clinton was President, and Texas is what it is today because I’ve stuck to that, low taxes, and a balanced budget.

I guess I’m supposed to tell you about the baseball game, but frankly I got bored. You know what? Who Me Darvish didn’t even give up a hit until the sixth, and the only thing that happened before I went to bed in the 8th was that little short fella walked. That Feldman fella was just as boring. He gave up a double in the 2nd, and a single in the 5th, and he walked a couple, but there just wasn’t much going on. Don’t these pitchers know they’re supposed to put on a show? When Qualls finally came in for Feldman in the 8th I went to bed. Y’all will just have to check the score in the morning.

Contributed by Mr. Happy

The Astros break out of their three game skid by busting out the lumber against Toronto and riding the left arm of young Dallas Keuchel. Villar, who’s got some pop in his bat, hit a three run dinger while Robby Grossman, who had been mired in a 2-33 slump, added a two run shot and Jason Castro added a solo shot to round out the scoring. The bats only generated eight hits, but when three of them leave the premises, it really helps, and the team pulled its collective BA above .200. That gives the ball club 14 home runs on the young season, which is among the leaders in MLB. Who’d a thunk it, especially with Carter deeply mired in a strikeout spree. The Astros had as many strikeouts as hits, but they were 2-4 with RISP and only left four on the sacks.

Keuchel had tremendous command of everything tonight and was working both sides of the dish, which I believe is key to his future success. In my opinion, you need to work that inner half of the plate to keep hitters honest. Keuchel doesn’t have plus stuff, but he seems to know how to pitch to contact. Keuchel scattered five hits in his seven frames, while striking out six and issuing one free pass. Only the pesky Colby Rasmus, who had taken him out of the yard before, did so tonight.

The bully made it interesting in the ninth frame, with FIELDS! at the helm of the good ship Titanic. Inheriting a 6-1 lead, before you knew it, it was 6-3 and Bass was on with one out to get. Bass induced a nubber that he fielded and promptly threw over Krauss’s head, and it became 6-4 with the tying run at the plate and Joey Bats on deck. However, Bass was up to the task and induced another easily fielded ground ball that secured the 6-4 win and notched Bass his first save of the season.

The Game Zone was noticeably silent tonight, so I was lonely there. The Astros travel to Arlington for a three game set against the stRangers. First pitch tonight is at 7:05 CDT. Come check us out in the Game Zone. We don’t bite. Really. We might give you some shit, but we don’t bite.

After falling behind the Astros tried to comeback but the Blue Jays would have nothing of it, beating the ‘Stros 7-3

W: Morrow (1-1)
L: Harrell (0-2)

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

The Astros got off to a rough start Wednesday night, allowing Morrow to strike out the side in the top of the fist inning, then having Harrell take the mound in the bottom half and giving up two runs on three hits.

The Astros improved in the second inning, allowing Morrow only two strikeouts. Harrell also improved, he surrendered no runs and just gave up a meaningless double to Rasmus.

Continuing to get better one inning at a time, only one Houston batter struck out in their half of the inning and in the bottom of the third, Harrell got the Blue Jays three up, three down.

The Astros were able to get runners on the corners with one out in the fourth inning only to leave them stranded after following up with two strike outs. The score remained Toronto 2, Houston 0. The Blue Jays were able to add three runs in the bottom of the fifth, thanks in part to Matt Dominguez’s throwing the ball to the right fielder instead of the second baseman. Harrell was done, relieved by Jerome Williams, who put out the fire.

The Good Guys attempted a comeback and scored three runs of their own in the sixth. Dexter Fowler led off with a single and Alex Presley smashed a two run bomb, his second of the season. Jose Altuve tripled after Jason Castro’s fly out, and scored the third run after Chris Carter grounded out to third, followed by a Krauss ground out, leaving the score at 5 to 3 in favor of the Blue Jays.

Williams was doing a fair job in relief, after walking Goins, Williams picked off of first in a close play that might have been overturned if challenged but no challenge was issued. Williams appearance later came to a halt when he strained his groin while delivering a pitch to Edwin Encarnacion. Josh Zeid took over for Williams and got Encarnacion on a strike out to end the inning.

Toronto added two more runs in the seventh inning with a two run homer by Brett Lawrie, which was basically the final nail in the coffin. The Astros have a hard time getting men on base and when they do, they have a harder time driving them in. It’s unfortunate that they gave away two or three runs with sloppy play in the field, but it’s compounded by such an anemic offense.

Harrell took the loss but wasn’t his usual awful self, not saying he was good. He threw 107 pitches only 59 were strikes. However, he pitched well enough to stay in the rotation for now or at least probably hasn’t pitched himself out of the rotation yet, but mostly because the Astros are the worst.

Only 13,569 at the game, the Astros can’t draw on the road. They are so shitty in the minds of Blue Jay baseball game attendees people choose to sit out and wait for the next good team to come to town.

Game Time: 3:09.
Umpires: HP–Jerry Layne. 1B–Hunter Wendelstedt. 2B–Gabe Morales. 3B–Mike Estabrook.
Weather: INDOORS
Wind: 0 mph, dome or roof closed.

Astros 7, Mouse-Angels 4

W: Feldman (2-0)
L: Weaver (0-2)

Contributed by Reuben

The Astros cruised to an easy victory today, as their shortstop, center fielder, first baseman, catcher, and third baseman all homered. My hope is that we get very used to reading similar sentences over the next few years. (It just might be with different names than Presley, Guzman, and Villar.)

This was a strange game. The Astros only managed 7 hits, and did not draw a single base on balls. Normally, that won’t lead to 7 runs being scored. And Scott Feldman pitched with his typical stuff, topping out at 89 mph. Normally, he doesn’t look like a power pitcher compared to the opposing starter, yet there was Jered Weaver, chucking 86-87 mph heat his whole outing. And it worked for him, too; except for those 4 bombs he gave up, he pitched great.

Feldman really was great, though. Having just seen him pitch twice now, it’s hard to say exactly what makes him tick, beyond “he mixes things up, and knows how to pitch.” He had Trout and His Merry Band off-balance all day, getting lots of groundball outs and ending with 7 IP, a mere 3 hits allowed, and 1 earned run, giving him a 0.66 ERA here in the early going. And he has a nice-looking beard, too.

Jason Castro recovered enough from the baseball-shaped bruise on his foot to return to the field today, and launched an opposite-field homer off the LCF façade in his first at-bat, driving in Villar, who had reached after being drilled in the upper calf. Villar appeared to be fine, by the way, as he stole 2nd base on the very next pitch, hit a no-doubt HR in the 7th, and made several fine plays in the field. Yes, THAT Jonathan Villar. Give this kid a chance; he’s still what, 22 years old? Let’s see if he can tighten up his game this year.

Dominguez followed with a dinger of his own in the 2nd inning to push the score to 3-0. Matty D now has 2 hits on the season, both of them traveling over the fence on the fly. He is on pace to bat .111 this season with 54 homers. By the time Howie Kendrick scored the Angels’ 1st run on an Aybar groundout in the 5th-inning, Guzman’s HR had increased the Astros’ run total to 4, so Feldman seemed in control the whole way. Which is a nice feeling to have while watching a baseball game. Even though the final score looked kinda close, the game never felt that way. Will this team blow some leads late? Of course, but it doesn’t feel anywhere near as inevitable as it did last year.

God I love early-season optimism.

Round out your game-recap experience by reading the GameZone thread.

Angels 5, Astros 1

WP: Skaggs (1-0)
LP: Keuchel (0-1)

Both lefties were stingy early on, but Keuchel was the first to flinch and flinch hard in the fifth. A leadoff double led to impressive strikeouts of Trout and Pujols, but Freese singled and Hamilton continued shrugging off hypochondria by cranking a two-run shibby, on his way to a three-hit performance.

Without Fowler and Castro, the two hitting leaders of the early going, the Astros continued their non hitting ways, picking up four hits and one walk for the game. Fowler’s still out with the flu, but Castro is due back and will hopefully do what he can to help the Good Guys avoid tanking during Sunday’s tilt.

by NeilT

So I wanted to talk to Ms Lola Laloush tonight about our 2014 Astros. The Disneys were in town, and the Stros had started the season 2-1. I was just a wee bit pumped, and I suspect a lot of the TC’s crowd was just a wee bit pumped too, one time or another.

You know about Ms. Lola. She knows baseball, and she hangs out at this gay bar in Montrose. If you want to talk baseball statistics there’s no place like Montrose. She’s a beautiful woman with some odd interests: drag racing and baseball. I never talk to her about the drag stuff because I don’t know anything about it, but nobody knows baseball like Ms. Lola.

But she wasn’t there.

I asked the bartender and he said that Ms. Lola was so mad at our mayor that she was holding a candlelight vigil over on Westmoreland. “Do you know what she did?” I didn’t, and I wasn’t sure whether the “she” was the mayor or Ms. Lola. “She proposed a civil rights ordinance that covered the GLBT community but didn’t apply to private business. Ms. Lola was so mad she made a sign.”

I wasn’t quite sure what the GLBT community was, but I would have liked to see Ms. Lola holding up a sign. Just saying.

Anyway I went back and sat at Ms. Lola’s usual table and ordered a Shiner and watched the game. Things don’t really kick in at TC’s until after 10 or so, so I figured I could finish the game and get out before the big engines started revving and they started the drag racing. Then I heard this weird conversation from the woman at the table behind me. Don’t tell Kris, but this was a woman I thought was mighty attractive–there are always a lot of attractive women at TC’s–and I thought maybe I knew her. I’ll try to transcribe the conversation.

“You fuck, I don’t care what Detroit gave you. I didn’t care you quit baseball as long as it was for surfing, but you’ve left me here to deal with Angel and I’m getting the shit kicked out of me and you’re not helping. What do I care that Detroit is playing some damned bird?”

Things weren’t going well for that woman, and they weren’t going well for my Astros. Harrell started and didn’t vaguely resemble the 2012 Harrell. Harrell looked exactly like the 2013 Harrell. I suspect Harrell is on a pretty short leash. First inning Trout homered to left. By the second inning there was a coaching visit to the mound. Ibanez singled, Kendrick singled, Iannetta walked, Trout walked. Do the math. Meanwhile the Angels’ pitcher Richards was dealing. He even struck out Chris Carter.

“Don’t tell me it’s over. You just think of what I gave you all those years. You just think of what I did for you and don’t you talk to me about Detroit . . .”

I snuck a glance at the woman. I didn’t want to stare—she was clearly having a parting moment with some guy in Detroit named Brad–but really, she was a pretty woman, but she just kept looking more and more . . . what? Frazzled? Beat up? And the same thing was happening to the Astros. They gave up three runs in the third, and Harrell pitched about 175 pitches. Meanwhile Dominguez, Gonzalez, and Presley went three up, three down.

She was crying now. “You know I can’t handle Angel alone. I need you Brad . . .” She was pleading. I felt sorry for her.

Jerome Williams came in for the 4th, and it was about time. I like Williams. I like his pink glove, I like his crazy history. I like him so much that I may be willing to put up with a lot. In the fifth Altuve walked in Dominguez. That would be it for Astros’ runs. In the 6th Williams gave up a three-run homer to Hamilton. The Astros filled the bases, but didn’t score.

“So you want me to talk to some guy named Nolan? What the hell kind of name is Nolan?”

Williams gave up three runs in the 7th, and I was reckoning that there were reasons for Williams’ history. Altuve was stranded at 3rd. Bass finished out the game for the Astros and got 2 1/3 innings with no runs. BASS! End of the day, Disneys 11, Stars 1, and Astrolena left TC’s looking pretty bedraggled.