The Pantywaists Of North Chicago

Posted on May 15, 2009 by Dark Star in Game Recaps

Friday May 15, 2009

Astros 0, Cubs 0

W: No One L: FTCubs

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CHICAGO (SnS) – The scheduled game was called this afternoon because a few raindrops were falling in Wrigleyville, and FTC management didn’t want to take a chance that female fans would get their hair messed up, or that the male fans might accidently get a bath.

They even heard there might be whitecaps out on the lake and everything. You’d think it was a fucking hurricane.

The gaMe wIll be made up on JuLy 30 at 1:20 p.m. Where will it be mAde Up? OKay, the commissionEr’s office says at a site to be dEtermined.

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**********

Then what?

Posted on May 15, 2009 by pravata in News You Can Use

The Astros initially scheduled Backe to make five rehab starts, but Cecil Cooper indicated that the righthander might make six.

Wandy, Bourn, Pen handle Rox

Posted on May 15, 2009 by Ty in Tampa in Game Recaps

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Astros 5
Rockies 3

W: Wandy (4-2) | L: Hammel (0-2) | Hawkins (5)

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Game Zone

Just Wandy.

There’s no more “Home Wandy” and “Road Wandy”, there’s just “Wandy”. He brought his sub-2.00 ERA into thin air today and confounded an offense that had put up 23 runs in the previous 2 games. Meanwhile, Michael Bourn has convinced at least some that he is a legit top-of-the-order threat with an electric performance at the plate, on the bases and in the field. Oh, yeah, the Astros won 5-3.

In a wild top of the 1st, Garett Atkins must have wondered why he got out of bed. 2 straight bunts his direction by Matsui and Bourn led to 1st and 3nd with no outs. Matsui’s was a tough play and Atkins threw wide of 1st to allow Kaz to reach 2nd. Bourn’s was nearly identical to Kaz and he reached easily. Twinkie up and JD suggested he lay down another one towards 3rd. Instead, he hit a sharp grounder to Atkins who bobbled, then threw too late to 1st to get Lance and Kaz scored. E5. Lee served up what looked like a double play ball to Barmes who got it to Stewart to get Lance but his throw to 1st pulled Helton off the bag and there’s 1st and 3rd with 1 out. With a full count on Miggy, he Kd swinging while Lee fired the afterburners towards 2nd. The throw was late and Stewart had no chance to get Bourn racing home on the double steal. 2-0 Astros. PENCE!!! then drilled a sharp single to center and Lee rounded 3rd and chugged home ahead of the throw while Hunter strolled into 2nd. The inning ended on Pudge’s bat-slinging K.

Gettin' it done.

The Good Guys spotted Wandy 3 and he ran with it. He did a great job of spotting his pitches, including his bender and ended up striking out 11, the most in his career as Wandy. Michael Bourn went 4 for 5 with 2 steals and 2 runs scored, including a run on a Tejada sac fly in the 3rd to give the Astros a 4-0 lead. They almost added one more on a double to the wall by Beaker with Lee on 1st. Kabong! chugged and chugged and made it in time but a great job of blocking the plate by Torrealba got him. Tests showed that overall oxygen levels in the immediate area dropped 6.7% as Lee tried to catch his breath.

Wandy had his trouble, though. In the 4th, he fielded a bunt by Barmes and made a good throw to Berkman that skiped off his glove and rolled to the wall along the RF line. 3 base error. Seemingly rattled, Wandy gave up a double(?) to Helton to get the Rox on the board. Then after a visit to the mound by Dewey, Wandy got a K from Murton but then gave up an RBI double to Hawpe over the head of Bourn, 4-2 now with 1 on and 1 out. Next, and RBI single by Atkins scored Hawpe but Atkins got greedy and Pudge gunned him at 2nd. A Torrealba K stopped the bleeding with the score at a tight 4-3 Astros.

Wandy shook that off and cruised another 3 perfect, including a strikeout of the side in the 5th. Coop yanked him after 7 and 113 pitches. Lee gave the boys a bit of a cushion with a solo jack, first pitch crushed to left. 5-3 Astros. Sampson pitched a perfect 8th, then Hawk came in to finish it up. Despite a 2-out walk to bring up the tying run, LaTroy got the game-ending K from Hawpe and the Astros got the road series victory.

The fucking, fuckity-fuck, Fuck-The-Cubs are next with 3 straight day tests in front of the drunks. Fuck ’em!

Craig’s Series Preview
Talk Zone.

Astros at Cubs – Drunk Tank Matinees

Posted on May 15, 2009 by Craig in Series Previews

The Astros had an entertaining series with the Rukkakes, including a rousing game Wednesday when the balls were spraying and dropping all over the place. Carlos Lee finally uncorked a bomb Thursday, then the Astros all wiped their dicks on the curtains and left town. Unfortunately there was a delay on the flight out of Denver because Cecil Cooper kept calling the control tower and changing the order for takeoffs.

Anyway, the Good Guys have climbed to within two games of .500, and the Pirates have finally settled into the NL Central cellar where they belong. Everyone else is within a half-game of each other. Including the Fuck the Cubs, who are coming off a sweep of the Padres. But everyone’s done that.

The Astros are only 1-4 against the dipshit Cubs this season, and even worse, those were all home games. It’s definitely time to reverse that trend, even if the Astros have to turn it around at the Cubs’ rusty old shit-heap stadium. Their southern stadium, I mean; not the one where the Astros play hurricane games.

Wrigley Field South

Friday, May 15, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FS-H
Saturday, May 16, 12:05 p.m. CDT – FS-H
Sunday, May 17, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSH-HD

Every game in this series will have an afternoon start. But it’s not like you were going to get any work done anyway, so you might as well follow the games in the Gamezone.

Notable giveaways

Saturday – Cubs camo caps. Well if someone gave me a Cubs cap, I’d want to hide it too.

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Friday
Brian Moehler (0-2, 8.44) v. Randy Wells (0-0, 0.00)

Moehler’s last start was his best outing of the season, as he held the Friars to one run in seven innings. He faced the Cubs in early April and didn’t make it out of the second inning. Soriano has hit Moehler well, and Derrek Lee has two homers off him.

Wells is a rookie right-hander, and that’s about all I know. He made a few relief appearances last year and got his first start last week against the Brewers. He lasted five innings and didn’t give up any runs. No one on the Astros has faced him, unless it was in Iowa or something.

Saturday
Roy Oswalt (1-2, 4.50) v. Sean Marshall (1-2, 4.06)

Roy is 12-12 against the FTC with a 3.88 ERA. ErrorMiss has four homers against Oswalt, but he’s on the DL and won’t be appearing in this series. Soriano and Derrek Lee each have three homers off Roy, while former Dickitie Ryan Freel has one. Meanwhile, Fuk-U is only 1-for-9 against Roy.

Marshall has gone 1-4 in five career appearances against Houston, though current Astros haven’t seen much of him. Hunter Pence is the only current Astro who’s homered off Marshall, and Lance Berkman is only 4-for-15 (.267) against him. Nobody else has more than one hit off him.

Sunday
Felipe Paulino (1-3, 6.93) v. Rich Harden (4-1, 4.54)

Paulino got bombed by the Rockies in his last start; he also pitched less than an inning of relief against Fuck the Cubs last week and gave up four runs. None of the Cubs have more than one at-bat against him, though Bunnyhop Soriano has a homer and Theriot has a double.

Harden is 1-0 in two career appearances against the Astros, including a win earlier this year. Darin Erstad has seen him the most, going 8-for-30. Tejada is 0-for-9 against Harden, while Blum and Berkman each have a homer off him.

Injury Report

Houston – Jose Valverde is still up on blocks in the garage. Rex Jones wisely spread out plenty of cardboard and cat litter to soak up all the leaking fluids. The parts to fix Doug Brocail are on back order from Japan or some fucking place, and Brandon Backe is still backfiring. But he might be able to make it to Houston if he doesn’t try to go above 45 mph. Also, Geoff Geary just went on the DL with biceps tendonitis.

Chicago – Reliever Chad Fox had a possibly career-ending elbow blowout, so good luck to him. ErrorMiss is on the DL with a dislocated shoulder. Zambrano strained his hamstring trying to beat out a bunt, and he’s on the mend but won’t be back this series. And Derrek Lee has a bulging disk in his neck but isn’t on the DL.

Other Things

* I finally got another Whataburger a couple of weeks ago. In Lubbock of all places. I had it just like I like it and I did not get out-whataburgered.

* Thanks to Noe for sending me a box of SnS goodies, including the rare collectible Orange Whoopass golf balls. I have at least a dozen cardinals hanging around my yard, so maybe I’ll use the golf balls for target practice. I think there’s at least one mating pair of cardinals out there, so I’ll probably name them Pujols and .093.

* Hey, how about wearing the road grays this series?

Backe shows what he’s got, Brocail and Valverde standing and Wandy is with friends now

Posted on May 14, 2009 by pravata in News You Can Use

GM Wade flew into Corpus Christi to watch righthander Brandon Backe make the fourth of his five scheduled rehab starts.

Offense explodes on Colorado

Posted on May 14, 2009 by JackAstro in Game Recaps

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Astros 15
Rockies 11

W: Hampton (2-3) | L: Marquis (4-3)
HR: Not by Houston, amazingly.

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GameZone

In your face, Rukkakes

The Good Guys hung three runs on the Rukkakes in four out of the first five innings en route to a complete mudholing that wasn’t nearly as close as the final score indicated. Without the benefit of a deep ball, Houston plated their fifteen runs by spraying two dozen singles and doubles all over Coors field in a deluge of offensive output that ran from the top of the lineup all the way down to the bottom. Former FTCubs Jason Marquis and Glendon Rusch took it on the chin in this one, absorbing all fifteen runs and badly staining their ERAs in the process.

All of the ‘Stros starters picked up at least two knocks in the game, including Hampton, who scored two runs. Standouts included Twinkie, who went four for four with a walk to raise his average 29 points (16 over the Mendoza Line!), and Blum, who picked up five RBI from the seven-hole. Jason Smith somehow managed to stay 0-for-the-season in pinch-hitting for a pitcher who’s hitting .357, and word is Cooper may be considering moving him to the bullpen.

Hampton put in an ‘eh’ [makes universal so-so gesture] performance, logging six innings and giving up five. It’s hard to judge, since he was out there hucking fastballs and trying to attack batters with the lead. Given that the game produced twenty-six runs in just 3:13, I guess it worked. With a 15-6 lead heading into the bottom of the ninth, Geary managed to almost generate a save situation for LaTroy, who had to secure the final out after Geoff gave up five runs on two walks and three hits, including a salami. Houston is officially one Hawkins tweak away from having an almost complete bullpen collapse, so do light a cnadle for him, won’t you? Good Guys go for the series win later today – see you in the GameZone.

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