Saturday May 9, 2009

Astros 5, Padres 4

WP: Hawkins (1-0) LP: Gregerson (0-3)

Alyson Footer.  :sigh:

HOUSTON (SnS) – The Houston Astros overcame their sputtering offense, a combustible bullpen, and their clueless manager to hang on and defeat the abject loser San Diego Padres for the second night in a row, this time 5-4 before another sub-30,000 weekend crowd in the Juice Can.  Carlos Lee and Miguel Tejada saved manager Cecil Cooper’s ass after a fucking embarrassing mental meltdown in the eighth inning, when a series of scary-bad bullpen choices by Cooper nearly single-handedly sunk his team and handed the Padres an undeserved win.

Speaking of the crowd, after some of this lackluster collection of Astros followers booed San Diego manager Bud Black for making a pitching change mid-at bat in the eight inning, like it was against the rules or something (and after their own skipper had made about 15 trips to the hill in the top half of the inning), local observers were heard to comment that it was just as well the Astros attendance is apparently plummeting faster than the commodities market, and it would probably have been better if only 10,000 or so screaming idiots had showed up.

In this middle game of this middling series, the Astros sent out recently banged up righty Brian Moehler (0-2, 14.00) against San Diego’s Kevin Correia (0-2, 5.92), a former SF Giant and Russ Ortiz wannabe. The game started off much as Friday’s contest, with two cumbersome, hapless offenses struggling mightily to suck at least somewhat less than the other.

Observations:
1.) The Padres uniforms don’t do it for me. Have the Padres ever had nice-looking uniforms? The pants, which I guess are light gold, look dingy white. I keep expecting this woman to show up.

2.) San Diego fans call 3B Kevin Kouzmanoff “The Crushin’ Russian” (things are relative in SD – The CR is currently hitting .230 with 1 HR), even though he is not Russian. He is Macedonian. Actually, he is from Newport Beach, CA, but you get my drift.  Anyway, Padre fans probably think “Macedonian?  Russian? Same thing, what’s the big deal?” I’ll bet the Macedonians could answer that. I have been trying to come up with a better name for Kouzmanoff, but I am not doing too well. All I’ve come up with so far is “The Macedonian Milquetoast” or “The Balkan Bust”.

3.) Watching Pence every night, I have been trying to think of the last successful player who also looked so fucking goofy all the time. There has probably been someone since, but one I thought of was Kent Tekulve, longtime Pirate reliever from a couple of decades ago. There was another player from around then named George Theodore, but he was really just a utility guy. Who Gunther really reminds me of is the geeky little dude from Sixteen Candles. . . as I recall he struck out a lot, too.

Anyway, back to the game.  There was not much to choose between Moehler and Correia through the first five innings. Both allowed 2 hits and 0 runs.

The Padres broke through in the sixth, putting up a one-spot. Moehler, who had helped himself by knocking down a David Eckstein comebacker in the first, saved himself from further damage in this inning by starting a pretty 1-6-3 double play with men on 1st and 3rd, one out, and Adrian Gonzalez at the plate.

The Astros answered in the bottom of the inning, scoring a couple of runs on an RBI single by El Caballo and a sacrifice fly by Miguel Tejada.

Meanwhile, Moehler was pitching a gutty game, in only his second MLB start since coming off the disabled list. He worked out of another jam in the seventh by emphatically striking out Luis Gonzalez with men on 2nd and 3rd and two outs.

The Astros added an insurance run in the bottom of the 7th, and Moehler was clearly spent, so who does Cooper bring in to preserve the lead? LaTroy Hawkins, who had utterly shut down the Padres (on 11 pitches) in the 9th Friday night? No. Chris Sampson, he of the 1.89 ERA, who had pitched 3 strong innings Friday? No, but Sampson probably couldn’t go, anyway. Who Cooper did bring in was the hapless Geoff Geary, who tried to give away the lead almost immediately, by giving up a ringing double to pinch-hitter/hometown hero Chris Burke, and then leaving one up for Brian Giles, who drove it high and deep and about six feet to the right of the RF foul pole. Geary recovered from that long enough to retire Giles on a grounder, moving Burke to third. Then he surrendered a single to Eckstein, and it was 3-2. Cooper went out and got Geary, and brought in Alberto Arias, who looked good striking out Scott Hairston.

With two outs now and Adrian Gonzalez coming up, and Arias looking cocky and fired up out there, Cooper went out again and, doing his best Tony LaRussa impression, brought in lefty specialist Wesley Wright to face the lefty Gonzalez. Wright, who up to that point had held left-handed hitters to a paltry .471 batting average this season, promptly gave up a single to Gonzalez. Then Cooper brought in Hawkins, who didn’t do much better, giving up the go-ahead runs on a Chase Headly double that scored both Eckstein and Gonzalez.

So, bottom of the eighth, down 4-3, and the Astros are facing some nondescript Padre reliever. Bourn and Pence walked; then, after a wild pitch, Carlos Lee drove in Bourn with a single to right, and Tejada plated Pence on an infield grounder.

With the lead back in hand, The Hawk went out in the ninth and shut down the Padres to earn the vultured win. The only rent in the fabric was another solid double to left by Burke, who apparently was intent on delivering a resounding “Fuck you” to all his Houston critics. Well, great game, Burke. And, oh yeah, you lost, asshole.

Lance Berkman missed his second straight game with a sore wrist.  It is hoped some combination of Darrin Erstadt, Jimmy Wynn, and Mahatma Ghandi can replace Berkman’s bat in the lineup until he recovers.