Astros at Brewers – What a Pain in the Ass

Posted on April 22, 2011 by Craig in Featured, Series Previews

This is probably going to be a disjointed preview because my internet connection took a shit Wednesday night and still hasn’t come out of the bathroom. We’ve been having bad storms the last few days and lightning hit the tower that holds our wireless repeater, or whatever the fuck it is. Some guys went up there and tried to fix it and a few spurts of Internet came leaking through, but now it’s dead again.

So I’m having to look up stats and schedules and stuff on my iPhone, which is a colossal pain in the ass. Plus, did you see the news that iPhones are tracking your movements, everywhere you go? I carry my iPhone to the bathroom all the time to take a shit and play Angry Birds, so I hope those movements are stored in my personal Apple database.

Anyway, the Astros have left New York and headed for Milwaukee on the dreaded red-eye “Ponzi to Fonzie” flight. It’s named after that hilarious three-part episode of “Happy Days,” where Fonzie’s dumbass cousin (who looks a whole lot like Fonzie in a fright wig) goes to New York and accidentally invests all his money in the New York Mets, and of course goes bust because the stupid fucking Mets haven’t even been invented yet. So then Laverne and Shirley offer to make all the money back by running a Ponzi scheme at the brewery, which starts off great, but then everything goes to shit and they get laid off because the asshole Republican governor (who looks like Fonzie in a suit) dissolves their labor union. It all ends well of course, because Laverne and Shirley get their money back and create the Green Bay Packers, though there’s a hilarious scandal years later when Brett Favre shows Shirley his crank.

Well at least that’s how I remember it. I’d look it up on Youtube, but my internet’s out.

Miller Park

Friday, April 22, 7:10 p.m. CDT
Saturday, April 23, 6:10 p.m. CDT
Sunday, April 24, 1:10 p.m. CDT

Notable giveaways

The highlight of the weekend giveaways is a John Axford bobblehead. So be sure to get there early Sunday.

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Friday
Nelson Figueroa (0-2, 7.31) v. Yovani Gallardo (1-1, 4.62)

Current Brewers have 13 hits in 43 at-bats against Figueroa, for a not-too-shabby .302 average. Kotsay and Kotteras both have homers off him, and they’re a combined 5-for-7 as well. With two K’s. Rickie Weeks is also 3-for-9 off Figueroa, but Fielder and Dicknose Braun are a combined 2-for-14.

The Astros bat .300 against Gallardo in 90 at-bats. Carlos Lee is 7-for-23 against him and Hunter Pence is 6-for-22. Lee has the only homer off Gallardo. Michael Bourn is 8-for-20 but also has 7 strikeouts.

Saturday
Brett Myers (1-0, 2.39) v. Shaun Marcum (2-1, 1.90)

Pretty much everyone on the Brewers has seen Myers a few times and they go 29-for-94 against him. Prince Fielder is 4-for-13 and three of those hits were homers. Weeks is 4-for-15 and also has a homer. Braun is 4-for-15 and McGeHeeHaw is 4-for-12.

Okay, there should be a team meeting at Bill Hall’s locker before today’s game. Hall is 5-for-7 against Marcum, with a double, three homers, and five RBI. Now that’s how you mark ’em up. Joe Inglett is the only other Astro who’s batted against Marcum, and he’s 0-for-2, so he should also plan on attending Hall’s meeting.

Sunday
Wandy Rodriguez (1-2, 5.48) v. Randy Wolf (2-2, 3.18)

Of course plenty of Brewers have batted against Wandy, but the current crop of Sausages is only 36-for-136 (.265) against him. They also have 35 strikeouts with Fielder accounting for nine of them. Carlos Gomez is 0-for-9 against Wandy with seven strikeouts. The Brewers have three homers off Wandy, all by Dicknose Braun.

Hey, our old buddy Randy Wolf is slumming in Milwaukee now. The Astros bat a weak .252 against him, though Lee, Pence, and Quintero all have homers. Angel Sanchez is also 3-for-5 against Wolf.

Injury Report

Houston – Arias, Keppinger, Barmes, and Lopez are all on the 15-day DL until later this month. Which I guess is pretty soon since there isn’t much month left.

Milwaukee – Zach Greinke, Manny Parra, and Corey Hart are all rehabbing in AAA. Reliever Sergio Mitre is questionable for this series, and another reliever, Takashi Saito, is out. Nyjer Morgan has a thigh bruise that is so deep, other team members are saying he’s even a pain in their ass. Nyjer and his ass are probably out for this series.

Balls in the Dirt

* Have you noticed that the lamest Angry Bird is the Red Bird? The Red Birds always suck until that big fat one comes up.

* A FOUR-BASE ERROR? Holy fucking shit. That’s not just slap-dickery, that’s like getting slapped in the face with a whole box of dicks.

* I’ve got my first insta-mute TV commercial of the season, which I will mute without fail anytime it plays during an Astros game. So I’ll just leave you with this earworm … “♫ Let’s go out to the DMV … ♫”

Discuss today’s game in the Gamezone.

No Sweep for You.

Posted on April 21, 2011 by BudGirl in Game Recaps, News

Astros 1, Mets 9L: James Anthony Happ, W: Chris Capuano

Box Score and Recap

Regardless of the three doubles hit by the Astros, they only had one error, yet they could not sweep the Mets. I guess Terry Collins getting booted in the first inning motivated his team to avoid the sweep. Guess the Mets just wanted this one more.

We should be happy with the team’s progress of late. Less errors and more wins.

And it was Mr. Happy that put the jinx on before the first pitch. Get’a rope.

Time to go pound the Miller now.

We’re Going Streaking!!!

Posted on April 20, 2011 by Ebby Calvin in Featured, Game Recaps

Hank the Tank in his replica Mets uniform

Astros 4- steM 3

W – Melancon, L – Dickey, S – Lyon

When the game is on the line, you want a superstar at the plate. A guy who rattles the pitcher. A hitter – a pure hitter – who will do everything in his will to draw that walk, slap one to right, work the count. The “if” is thrown out of the equation – all you’re waiting for is the “how” and “when.”

And lacking such a player, the Astros turned to Hunter Pence in the 8th. Yep, ol’ Thunderpants hit the go-aheader, a solo laser shot to left that put the Good Guys up one for good. And thus the season’s first two-game winning streak was born.

Beeker’s homer was hardly the game’s only highlight. Bill Hall accidentally caught a foul ball on his way to punch a steM fan in the ‘nads in the 2nd, atoning for his 4,816 k’s this season. Downs later replaced him due to a strained right ankle. Hall’s day-to-day, unless somebody actually looks it up and corrects me.

Norris escaped multiple jams and left with 3ER, 10 hits in 6IP.

Lyon induced a crucial double-play in the 9th and no outs.

Carlos caught a ball.

But the most impressive play of the night was in the bottom of the 8th, when Jose Valdez executed the classic strike-em-out, toss-em-out double play at the plate to end the inning. steM douchebags on the corners, 1 out. Some other steM douchebag strikes out swinging, but the ball boinks the Rodeo Clown in the shin guard and dribbles away. The steM douchebag on third breaks for home and gets tagged out on a bang-bang play. K, 2-1 for those of you scoring retroactively at home.

And that was about it. A fun, relatively meaningless game for a warm night on the couch. A night when the Astros turned to their homegrown Bud, who often pitches high and outside, while they cheered from the dugout.

Next Game: Thurs, 7:05pm.

Dog Day April

Posted on April 18, 2011 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Friars 8, Good Guys 6

WP Frieri (1-1) LP Melancon (1-1)

HR 2 by their guys

On a day where the pet canines made up a significant part of the attendance, the Astros refused to win yet another series and for the third time in this young season, blew a lead held after the seventh inning. Brett Myers set the tone by struggling with his command early but limited the damage and had a lead when he left after six innings.

Abad came in and committed two errors on the same play, leading to another run. Melancon was called on to stop the bleeding but became a victim of chance and overuse as he was unable to get the ball over the plate consistently. He got one out in the eighth before four runs scored on three hits and a walk and the game was lost.

A gallant comeback in the ninth by the Astros was turned aside when Heath Bell struck out Matt Downs with the bases loaded.

This was a fairly ugly game but suspenseful, as it was clear the Astros pitchers were teetering on the edge of meltdown the whole way. Helped by an incredibly anemic Padres offense, Myers was able to get 5 Ks, most of them courtesy of an offspeed cutter. It was Melancon’s inability to throw strikes coupled with brutal fielding and mental errors that gave this one away when it had been in hand.

The Astros invade NYC (well, Flushing) and hope to slip a couple of M-80s in their plumbing, beginning Tuesday night. Follow it in the GZ.

Oh no, Harangatang’ed again!

Posted on April 16, 2011 by Noe in Austin in Featured, Game Recaps, News

File this under “Haven’t we’ve seen this before?”. Aaron “the beast” Harang dominated the Houston nine on this night to the tune of four hits, one run and a whole bunch of weak swings. In the words of Jimmy D “He just throws a mystery ball. Nothing special, you just don’t seem to square it.” On the other side, J. Happ(y) was just as masterful against the San Diego Padres but alas late in the game they got to him with bleeders and seeing eye hits and one big blast double to end the night for the young, tall lefty. Before you knew it, a 1-1 game became a 4-1 lead for the Friars and with the bullpen they throw at teams, that typically means game over.

But credit the blood n’ mud, they kept fighting and in the end they had their chances. The high drama was realized when Jason Michaels stepped into the box to bat against the rotund Padre closer Heath Bell. Seems history tells us that JMike is kryptonite to Bell’s superman saver skills. This was going to be fun, you may even see Bell sweat a few lbs off in the process. Eeewww. Any way, with a man on first, two outs and Houston in dire need of a blast of their own to tie the game at minimum or keep the game going, in stepped JMike to hit. I’m guessing JMike sees the ball well from Bell, because he spit on pitches he didn’t want to swing at, including a hanging curveball and then swung hard at an outside fastball. It looked good coming off his bat, but Bell was able to put the pitch where he wanted to, up and away, to keep Michaels from really driving the ball. Instead, it was a high fly ball to deep right center and the game was done.

And there was much rejoicing by the monkey boy Harang!

Game Quick Hitters:

WP: Aaron Harang | LP: J. Happ
Sv: H. Bell
Player of the game: Aaron “Clyde” Harang

Read and watch more about the game here:
MLB Game Report
Box Score
Video Highlights
SnS Gamezone Madness

Melancon the Man

Posted on April 15, 2011 by BudGirl in Game Recaps, News

Padres 0, Astros 1

W: Bud Norris, L: Dustin Moseley, S: Brandon Lyon, H: Mark Melancon

Box Score and Recap

This was a fun game to attend. Bud Norris did a good job for 6 innings of work before being pulled for pinch hitter in the 6th. His opponent is currently snake-bitten receiving no run support in three games this season. Thankfully, for the Astros, he gives up just enough to lose.

Great moment/player of the game last night. Mark Melancon He came in to relief Fernando Abad who had gotten one out in the 7th and had one on base. Melancon got the double play and the Astros get to come up to bat. Two men on and Brad Mills, manager extraordinary, sent Melancon to bat. With a 2-2 count, he apparently thought he is struck out on ball three and started to walk to the dugout. So, back to the batter’s box he went. He then proceeded to get a walk, possibly the best at-bat by an Astro this season (most entertaining at least). He was stranded there when Bourn makes the 3rd out.

Melancon also pitched a great 8th inning to hold the Padres to scoreless frame. There was some excitement when Patterson reached on catcher’s interference. Patterson was eventually thrown out at home when Orlando Hudson reached on a fielder’s choice out, first baseman Brett Wallace to catcher Humberto Quintero for the second out. The top of the 8th inning ended with a Ludwick strikeout.

Michael Bourn got the only RBI. He and others missed opportunities to score more, but only one was needed this night. Limey’s preview seemed to have it right about the Padres.

Things overheard at MMP and on the radio:

In the bottom of the 8th inning when Melancon got into a bit of trouble, “This kid sucks.” Yeah, that 0.00 ERA sucks.

After Bourn made the final out in the 7th inning, “ Bourn sucks.” Mind you Bourn got the only RBI of the game, while Sanchez, Pence and Lee were combined for 1 for 10 on the night.

Heard on the radio:

Let’s trade the Astros for the retired Space Shuttle. Seriously? I know it was joke, but part of the statement wasn’t. They then proceed to say a new owner would spend money on the team? Well, you know what, Drayton spent money on some areas of the team, i.e. Carlos Lee, how about that? Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

Tidbits:

I’m going to the game again tonight. Should be interesting to hear what others have to say. Who am I kidding the shit you hear is never interesting, just stupid.

A note to the usher who patrols section 127, she might want to ease up a bit. The need to check tickets as strictly as she does might be a bit harsh. It’s not like anyone sitting in a purchased seat can’t get up and move to a lower row where no one is sitting. Just be glad some is there to walk by you.

Oh and I have a 2-game win streak on recaps.

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