Thursday, May 7, 2009
Astros 5
FTC Babybears 8
W: Lilly (4-2) | L: Ortiz (2-1)
HR: Yes.
Footer Recap
MLB Video Recap
AP! Recap! On Yahoo!
GameZone
A hobbled battalion of ballplayers limps across the outfield grass of the Ho Chi Minute Maid Trail at Union Station. Marching behind embattled manager Cecil C. “Coop” Cooper, the squad tries to set aside their fatigue and injuries. The air is thick with the pungent smoke of burned rotator cuffs and scorched elbows.
Ahead on the trail, Colonel W.A. “Spack” McGrimm approaches the team, wanting a word with the manager…
MANAGER! WHO IS THAT SITTING ON THE BENCH OVER THERE?
The starting pitcher sir?
WHEN’D YOU PULL HIM?
After two and a third innings, sir.
WHAT IS THAT YOU’VE GOT DOWN THERE IN RIGHT CENTER?
An exhausted, overworked bullpen, sir.
YOU HAVE A WORN OUT BULLPEN, AND YOU YANK YOUR STARTER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE THIRD FUCKING INNING? WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO BE, SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE?
No, sir.
WELL, WHAT’S IT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
I don’t know, sir.
YOU DON’T KNOW VERY MUCH DO YOU?
No, sir.
YOU BETTER GET YOUR HEAD AND YOUR ASS WIRED TOGETHER OR I WILL TAKE A GIANT SHIT ON YOU.
Yes, sir.
NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION, OR YOU’LL BE STANDING TALL BEFORE THE MAN.
I think I was trying to suggest something about keeping pitches in the strike zone.
THE WHAT?
The strike zone. The control thing, sir.
WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, SON?
Our side, sir.
DON’T YOU LOVE YOUR TEAM?
Yes, sir.
WELL HOW ABOUT GETTING WITH THE PROGRAM? WHY DON’T YOU JUMP ON THE TEAM AND C’MON IN FOR THE BIG WIN?
Yes, sir.
SON, ALL I’VE EVER ASKED OF MY MANAGERS IS FOR THEM TO OBEY COMMON FUCKING SENSE AS THEY WOULD THE WORD OF GOD. WE ARE HERE TO HELP THE ASTROS, BECAUSE INSIDE EVERY PLAYER, THERE IS A FRUSTRATED SONOFABITCH TRYING DESPERATELY TO SUCCEED IN SPITE OF YOU. IT’S A HARDBALL WORLD, SON. WE’VE GOT TO TRY TO KEEP OUR HEADS UNTIL THIS INSANITY CRAZE BLOWS OVER.
Aye aye, sir.
– FIN