MarONRs 10
Astros 5

contributed by NeilT

I was taken from my home when I was still young, 11 or 12. I had left the women’s house, but I was still a year or two away from receiving the tattoos and facial scarification that evidenced that I was a man and a warrior. My people were a peaceful island people. We did not usually go to war except upon provocation, and hardly ever on mere whim. Of course there was ritual cannibalism to honor prisoners taken in battle.

My people were a peaceful, contented tribe who ruled Polynesia with the war club and the spear. My mothers loved me, and beat me rarely. Breadfruit was plentiful, and there was both pork and fish. When the tall ship arrived in our lagoon we did not attack it, though of course we tried to slaughter the landing party. I was taken the next day in a raid on our village by the American devils. These mariners killed several of our tribe with their guns, and then sailed away with me in their hold.

I never saw my home again.

***

There’s little wonder that we despise and hate the Mariners, and tonight was one more example of the horror that follows wherever they go. The game started well enough, with an Altuve run on a Fowler single. Peacock had problems, walking two in the second, and then giving up a tying homer to Ackley in the top of the third. The bottom of the third was just the worst. No, I take that back, the fourth was the worst, but the third was a Grossman walk, followed by an Altuve single, followed by a Carter walk.

Bases loaded with no outs. What could go wrong?

***

The ship was the Safeco out of Seattle, trading in nose rings, granola, and fuzz pedals. When they were at sea and I was brought up from the hold, I stood before their Captain McClendon. He was a severe man, who had once been a pirate but after converting to Seattlism became a mariner. While his violence was rechanneled, he was still a man who would tear up a first base and throw it into the dugout. This Captain McClendon ordered that I be converted to Seattlism and taught a useful trade. He vowed to make a pitcher of me.

***

So the game was still tied in the fourth when the sails went slack. Villar at SS air-mailed a ball to first on what should have been an easy ground-out. Carter, who has been a defensive star at DH, booted a ball at first on what should have been a second ground-out. Zunino followed the screw-ups with a three-run homer. Some vintage 2013 Astros shenanigans ensued, with the Mariners batting back around to Zunino. By the end of the inning, it was 8-1, and you had to wonder what would have happened without the boneheadedness and stupidity at the bottom of the third.

I bet the Astros lead the league in bases loaded, no out, no run innings.

***

“Taijuan,” said Captain McClendon, “this is a fixed gear bike. You will learn to ride it on the deck, but first you must eat. Here is a salmon tartare seaweed salad, wilted kale, and a smoked mushroom and quinoa burger. There are 37 craft beers from which to choose: I apologize for the small selection, but we have been at sea since April. I hope the salmon is still fresh. Be ready for the Captain’s yoga class at three bells.”

***

The ‘Stros scored 4 more runs, and Altuve got 3 hits (214-216) and a steal (54). The runs came in the bottom of the fifth, sixth, and eighth (two runs), it doesn’t much matter how. The ONRs had 4 home runs, with two by Ackley. None of the Astros pitchers had ERAs lower than 4.00.

***

And so I was brought by the Mariners to Seattle. I hate it here. Unlike the sunny isles of Polynesia, it is cold, wet, and sunless. I have received tattoos, but they seem to have no tribal significance unless you are a hipster. Because the Mariners are in the American League, they have taken away my war club, and there are no spears to toss: only little balls and fish. I will abide my time, though, and one day I will return to the happy isles to live out my life among my people.

They do not eat the losing team here, even with kale and quinoa.

Mrs. Happy’s Tribe 2 Astros 1 13 innings

WP: Crockett (4-0)
LP: Deduno (2-6)

contributed by Mr. Happy

Folks, I apologize profusely for not delivering a series preview (my responsibility) for the recently concluded four game set with the Tribe, which is Mrs. Happy’s team since early childhood growing up in the inner city of Cleveland. I have work-related excuses, none of which justify this glaring offense, and you’re probably like me in thinking that everyone has excuses, but they’re all like assholes and stink. Therefore, I’m not going to plead anything but nolo contendere to the charge. Like the song that the Ice Man, Jerry Butler, wrote and the late great Isaac Hayes made famous: I Stand Accused, I do. However, since I recap Thursday games, I offer this piece, which recaps both the game and sort of the series, as a lame peace offering.

This one was a pitching duel. The game pitted the crafty ace of the Astros staff against a young cheese bringer. I’ve seen a lot of Danny Salazar this season, both when he was getting lit up like a Christmas tree early in the season, to his solid work since being put back into the starting rotation about two months ago. When he’s on, he’s very good, and, in my opinion, will get much better, which could take him into the scary good range. He flashes three plus pitches and pitches to both sides of the plate. I tried mightily to submarine Salazar last night by starting him on my fantasy team. That was to no avail, as Salazar was very good, pitching into the eighth frame, allowing one run and striking out eight.

However, Scott Feldman was a little bit better last night, taking a whitewashing into the ninth inning, departing after the first hitter reached base. Unfortunately, Qualls was off last night and allowed that baserunner to reach the pay station, which knotted the game at one and sent it into free baseball. That was Qualls’ sixth blown save. Next season, I want a fireballer in that role. Qualls is a seventh or eighth inning pitcher. I’m not so sure that the closer next season shouldn’t be either FIELDS!!! or Jose Veras.

The Good Guys scored their lone run in the fourth inning, when Jake Marisnick drove a single under the outstretched arm of Indians shortstop Jose Ramirez, plating Dexter Fowler, who finally got off of the schneid for the series and got two hits in this losing effort. The Astros bats were inconsistent again tonight. Robby Grossman (three hits), Dexter Fowler (two hits) and Jake Marisnick (two hits) garnered seven of the Astros’ eight base knocks, the resurgent Chris Carter accounting for the last hit. Everyone else, including the Piranha, was o-fer. Jon Singleton earned another Golden Sombrero and was pinch hit for to prevent a Platinum Sombrero.

Once again, the Good Guys were in double digits in strikeouts with 14. Since I watched the Tribe broadcast of the game, I learned that the previous two games, which featured lights out perfs. out of Kory Kluber (14 Ks in seven frames) and Carlos Carrasco (12 Ks in a two hit, 98 pitch – 74 were strikes – shutout), tied a Tribe record that was set back in the late 1960’s by El Tiante and Sudden Sam McDowell for consecutive games of 12 strikeouts or more by a Tribe pitcher. Therefore, when you connect the dots and tally up the strikeouts during the last three games, the Good Guys struck out 43 times in those three games. No matter who the skipper is next year, I personally want a conscious effort to significantly reduce that number.

This whole week has sucked in my household. For starters, my beloved New Orleans Saints were in Cleveland to face the heretofore pitiful Browns, which is Mrs. Happy’s team. Frankly, the Browns are a hot mess under this nitwit owner. They made a great head coaching hire in Rod Chudzinski, but they fired him after only one season. This year, Mike Pettine, another surprisingly strong hire, is the head coach and sacrificial lamb this year.

I was licking my chops for this game too and must confess to some cocky trash talk before this game. I was very confident that my Saints, just off a last second field goal 37-34 loss to the hated Atlanta Falcons in the ATL the previous week, were going to take it out on the hapless Brownies. What I didn’t properly factor into the matrix was how appallingly shitty the Saints D is under that numbskull Rob Ryan. I love Sean Payton. He brought a Super Bowl trophy home to the Crescent City just five years ago. However, the Saints defenses have never been world beaters since he’s been in New Orleans. I thought that his bringing in Rob Ryan as defensive coordinator was an atrocious hire.

Rob Ryan, Rex Ryan’s bro and Buddy Ryan’s offspring, which should scare you, was fresh off being canned by Jerry World, whose defense resembled Swiss cheese under his tenure. I couldn’t imagine what, if anything, he would be other than a long-haired, animated distraction because of the addiction that Ryans all have for press coverage. The television cameras just seem to accommodate and find the Ryan family members on the sidelines during games much more than most coaches.

The Browns, who figured out how to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory after coming all the way back from a 24 point deficit the previous week against division foe Pittsburgh, were without their best player, herb loving Josh Gordon. I just knew that the Saints offense was going to roll into Cleveland and spank the poor Browns.

Unfortunately for me, they had to actually play the game. The Saints offense was off and still scored 24 points. Unfortunately, at game’s end, the Brownies had 26, three of which were added during the last three seconds of the game by the right leg of former Saint Billy “I sucked in New Orleans” Cundiff. Talk about rubbing salt in my wounds? That was nothing to the sheer embarrassment that I suffered at this second consecutive last second defeat at the hands of the Brownies. Mrs. Happy was cooing about her win to my chagrin.

Rivalry week continued into the week given that the Tribe were guests in H town for a four game series against the Astros. Cleveland has been playing good baseball lately and has an outside chance at the Wild Card, although I think that their efforts are too much too little too late this season. Thus, I wasn’t that confident in the Astros, although I had been heartened by the way the team looked on the recently concluded left coast swing. Sure enough, the Astros played well in all four games, all of which were low scoring affairs, but dropped three of four, thereby igniting bragging rights once again in Mrs. Happy, who doesn’t need any additional ammunition against me.

This saws me out of the series previews for this season. I enjoyed doing them, and I look forward to doing them again next season.

Astros manage only 2 hits in 2-0 defeat.

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

Real Ale Brewery out of Blanco, Texas has become my favorite Texas craft brewery. Beer Advocate gives the brewery an outstanding 90 score. I love their Lost Gold IPA and the Devil’s Backbone Belgium-style tripel. Their Fireman’s 4 is popular in Central Texas and is their biggest seller but it’s not close to being their best offering. Anyway, they are expanding their operations with a new bottling line in an effort to meet rising demand. I don’t know if or what products are available in Houston but with the increased production, they will have a much wider distribution base that will cover the whole state.

Brett Oberholtzer deserves to have a beer named after him. Oberholtzer, sounds like a Dunkelweizen or maybe a Weizenbock. Okay, maybe he hasn’t earned that honor yet but he does deserve to have more wins they he has this season. He has had a couple of bad games and a few Oswalt innings but for the most part he has pitched really well and hasn’t gotten a lot of run support. I think he has pitched a lot better than his record. Wednesday was typical.

Jose Altuve can’t be stopped though, he was the only Astro on the team that picked up a bat with hits in it. He got the only two hits allowed by Indian starter Carlos Carrasco. As the season winds down Carrasco is really finding his groove and looks to be half of Cleveland’s dominant one-two punch with Kluber next season.

Thursday the Astros try to pull off a series split when Scott Feldman (8-11 3.95) goes against Danny Salazar (6-7, 4.22) in a 7:10 pm CST start time.

Weather: 73 degrees, roof closed.
Wind: 0 mph, None.
T: 2:20.
Att: 18,474.

Keuchel halts Angels’ 10-game win streak, HOU wins 6-1

Submitted by Reuben

This Angels team has really snuck up on the league. Well, on me at least, mostly because I haven’t been keeping close tabs on the contending teams. Remember checking the standings, eagerly, anxiously, every day in September? It’s a sensation I haven’t felt in about 6 years now; what the 1st- and 2nd-place teams are doing doesn’t feel so important when the Astros are 27 games back. I bet it’ll feel great, someday, when that feeling returns.

But back to the Angels. They came into Sunday’s game with a 93-55 record. 93 wins already, on September 14th. Which means even if they only split their remaining 14 games, they’d still win 100. They’re virtually guaranteed to finish with the best record in baseball. After their lackluster 2013 (78-84 record), I sure didn’t see that coming.

The Anaheim Nine were also riding a 10-game winning streak, which might not seem like that much, but it’s their longest such streak in 12 years – since their Championship season of 2002. Coincidence? They hope not. Regardless, Dallas Keuchel made damn well sure that their streak didn’t reach 11 games, as he completely shut down the best team in baseball Sunday afternoon. Keuchel didn’t allow a single man to reach base until the 6th, when Ianetta walked on a knee-highish 3-2 pitch, and his no-hit bid lasted until Trout singled with 1 out in the 7th. It was a weak fly ball that Fowler perhaps didn’t get the best jump on, or maybe he just didn’t realize his pitcher was throwing a no-hitter, because I would describe it as something less than an all-out effort to catch the ball.

Were it not for one Gregorio Petit swing, the offense would have squandered 2 golden scoring opportunities in embarrassing fashion. In the 2nd, Marisnick singled and Corporan walked on 4 pitches. Guzman, the next batter, went up 3-0 in the count and things were looking promising, as Santiago, the Angels’ starter, had clearly lost his command. But after taking a borderline pitch for strike 1, Guzman proceeded to watch two more fastballs sail through the heart of the zone. Then Marisnick goofed up badly, getting picked off 2nd base by the pitcher. Luckily, Dominguez managed a walk, bringing up Petit, who swatted a 3-1 fastball deep into the left-field bleachers.

The 3-0 lead was a nice cushion for Keuchel, but didn’t feel insurmountable against the red-hot Californians’ offense, so it was a huge relief when Grossman hit a 2-out single in the 5th to make it 5-0. Marisnick, who had a likely-career-high 3 hits on the day, singled in Fowler in the next inning, apparently pushing the game close enough to blowout territory for Mike Scioscia to remove Trout, Aybar, and Kendrick before the game was over.

***

Futility Watch: The solid recent stretch by the Astros has vaulted them all the way into 24th place overall, ahead of the Red Sox, Cubs, and Twins, among others. At 66-83, they have a fair chance at avoiding 90 losses, by going 7-6 to close out the season; a mere 4-9 record would bring them to the 70-win plateau. At the very least, Sunday’s win assures that they will not end the season with another 15-game losing streak like last year.

Disneys 11, Stars 3

contributed by NeilT

Yesterday Kris and I drove from Houston to Vernon for my 40th high school reunion. We didn’t leave Houston until noon, and didn’t get to Vernon until after 7:00. We hit the cold front right after we stopped in West for Kolaches, and by the time we got to Wichita Falls the temperature had dropped to the low 60s.

We stayed long enough at homecoming to see the homecoming queen crowned, and left in the 3rd quarter with Vernon beating Burkburnett 21-0. Burkburnett had the bigger band, and still had a drill team. If you read Empire of the Summer Moon, and if you haven’t you should, Burk Burnett was the West Texas rancher who took Teddy Roosevelt to meet Quanah Parker, the son of Cynthia Ann Parker. Quanah, the town, is still 30 miles further west. Cynthia Ann Parker was recaptured from the Comanches in 1860 by Texas Rangers on the Pease River between here and Crowell, though neither Vernon nor Quanah nor Crowell were here yet, because as a rule the Comanches were almost as effective a group of savages as the Texas Rangers—not the baseball team.

Anyway we left the homecoming game to go to the class party at my classmate Terry’s house just as the Astros game was starting. Terry is a pharmacist, and you’ll recall that his dad had City Pharmacy, and then the Gibson’s Pharmacy, and Terry has done a great re-do on a house on Tolar street, right across from where the Johnston’s lived. I plugged my phone into the car and Altuve was already on base with a single, and took second on what must have been the shortest wild pitch ever described on radio. Fowler singled, and Carter was intentionally walked. I made Kris sit in the car and listen until Castro K’d and then we went into the party. I checked the score a bit later and it was 3-zip on a Marisnick single and a Grossman single in the 2nd.

It turned out to be a fun party. I think Vernon is different than when I left. I suspect there’s not as much middle class, and a lot of the jobs are lower paid. There doesn’t seem the expectation that you grow up and go to UT or A&M or Tech, probably because college is really expensive. You’d think that 40 years would have brought progress, but that doesn’t seem to be what happened. The kids at the football game seemed rougher, and poorer, and less educated, but who knows, maybe we did too. Maybe that’s everywhere.

But I really liked talking to my classmates 40 years on. We talked about who wasn’t there and why, and wished there were name tags, and I liked people, which wasn’t necessarily the case 40 years ago. The Peirzynski kid was still a bit scary, but I’ve learned that’s a family trait.

I gather Oberholtzer pitched three-up-three-down through the third, but I checked the score at midnight when we got back to our room and the game had ended 11-3. The Disney’s scored 2 in the 4th, with one on a Villar missed catch error, and 7 in the 5th, all after a one-out Marisnick fielding error. Oberholtzer was replace by Jorge DeLeon—who the hell is Jorge DeLeon?—after the first 3 runs in the 5th. Defuno replaced DeLeon for the final out in the inning. It was not a quality start for Oberholtzer. The Disneys scored 2 in the bottom of the 6th on a Kendrick double that drove in Captain Nemo and Grimhilde.

This was the bottom of the 7th:

Defensive Substitution: Alex Presley replaces center fielder Dexter Fowler, batting 3rd, playing center field.
Defensive Substitution: Max Stassi replaces catcher Jason Castro, batting 5th, playing catcher.
Defensive Substitution: Gregorio Petit replaces third baseman Matt Dominguez, batting 7th, playing third base.
Defensive Substitution: Marc Krauss replaces first baseman Jon Singleton, batting 8th, playing first base.
Pitching Change: Michael Foltynewicz replaces Samuel Deduno.

I suspect that at this point the front office suspected a blow-out, and had decided that the zen thing to do was go with it. This is what happened at the top of the 8th:

Tony Campana remains in the game as the center fielder.
Defensive Substitution: John McDonald replaces center fielder Mike Trout, batting 2nd, playing shortstop.
Defensive Substitution: John Buck replaces third baseman David Freese, batting 5th, playing catcher.
Gordon Beckham remains in the game as the third baseman.
Defensive switch from left field to right field for Collin Cowgill.
Pitching Change: Juno Diaz replaces Vinnie Pestano

I knew Juno Diaz was Dominican, but I didn’t know he played for the A’s.

The Battle of the Pease River wasn’t much of a battle. It was a small camp of Comanche, about 20, mostly women and children, and their was the obligatory massacre, this time by the Texans. Cynthia Ann Parker did not repatriate well, and died in the 1870s of the flu. It’s a story that kids from my time and place grew up with, and there was Quanah Parker’s lumberyard here in Vernon owned by one of Quanah Parker’s grandchildren named Quanah Parker. That’s not surprising apparently, because the elder Parker had about 20 wives, even after the last of the Comanche finally moved to the reservation and even when Roosevelt visited.

I had fun at my high school reunion. Never having been to one, there was stuff I learned from my 40th high school reunion that I didn’t know. 40 years on, I mostly remember things and people fondly, and I don’t remember the errors so much except as anecdotes. Stuff was important to others that I’d mostly forgotten, and people who I’d forgotten and otherwise are good people. One guy has 15 grandchildren. One girl would do nothing different except that she wouldn’t be a high school cheerleader. A girl who’s a massage therapist nailed the spot on my shoulder. One guy spent half the evening showing Kris pictures of fish on his iphone, and finally convinced her that I should go to Belize for fishing. Today I’m going to hang out with Monte and try to play jazz guitar to his trumpet, and Easley to play Beatles songs. I’m pretty sure that I won’t remember any of this 40 years from now, but I’m pretty sure I won’t remember this game 40 days from now, and that’s just how things work.