Rays a lot, Astros 0

Contributed by Reuben

You know, every team goes through bad spurts like this over the course of a season. It seems like every hitter is slumping at once, and/or they’re facing a bunch of good-to-great pitchers in a row, and just nothing’s clicking. It happens to every guy team. It just seems uniquely dire with the Astros because, well, they’re really not doing that much worse than they normally do.

So yeah, they got shut out, again, just recording a few measly hits, again. And they haven’t scored a run in 21 innings. Actually, it’s been even longer since they scored a run on their own merits, as that one 22 innings ago came home on an E5 by the Angels’ Alberto Callaspo. You have to go back to the 7th inning of Saturday’s game, which I’m gonna guesstimate was 29 innings ago, for the last Astro RBI, when Brett Wallace hit a 2-run homer.

But, you know, like, whatever, man. One day, they’ll have more than one or two good hitters on the team, maybe even a couple of great hitters, and it’ll seem like a genuine anomaly when they have a wretched, embarrassing five-game stretch like this where the offense can’t hit for shit. Yeah. OK cool. Now I can sleep.

Angels 3, Astros 1

W:Wilson (8-5)L:Cisnero (2-1)

Reading the official MLB recap of the game and it says right here, “It was a good old-fashioned pitchers’ duel on Sunday afternoon at Minute Maid Park between the Astros’ Lucas Harrell and the Angels’ C.J. Wilson.” Ok, I suppose it probably was, given that there were few runs scored. I couldn’t watch the game because it wasn’t on TV where I live, but it sure as hell was blacked out so I can’t even watch the replay yet. And you know what? I don’t care.

I’m not going to go back and watch the travesty that evidently was Jake Elmore’s error in the eighth that led to the winning runs. I certainly don’t need to go back and watch the Astros’ mindbending ineptitude at the plate. I got enough already, thank you.

And gee, Harrell pitched well. That’s great. In the end though, I need a fucking break. I’m not getting paid to be a part of this club or even to be a fan, and I’m tired right now. Sick and goddamn tired of the shittiness, the everpresent creep of crap that has taken me over.

So fuck off for a while, Astros. Fuck off until I’m not moved to throw up when I see your shittiness played out day after day, night after night.

I think I’ll take a few days and watch real teams play. Maybe it’ll recharge the batteries.

Angels 7 Astros 2

contributed by Mr. Happy

In reviewing this 7-2 loss to the Halos and in studying the box score, I was struck by the number of twos that appeared. Jordan Lyles threw 22 innings, surrendering 22 earned runs and walking two hitters, both of whom scored. The Astros garnered but 22 hits in the ballgame, collected two walks (both by Chris Carter, who’s been showing signs of better plate discipline of late), only had 22 LOBsters, scored but two runs and committed two errors, both by SS Jake Elmore.

The sole Astros runs scored on a, you guessed it, two run home run by Brett Wallace. Two Astros, Jose Altuve and Jason Castro each struck out twice. Five Astros had 22 official plate appearances, and Chris Carter had two official plate appearances. pitching only recorded two strikeouts and surrendered two home runs. Josh Fields pitched two innings. Travis “I’m tatted all over” Blackley surrendered two earned runs in his inning of work. This game gave Joe Blanton his second win (against ten losses).

Three Halos had two hits and three of them had two RBI’s. Two Angels pitchers had two strikeouts in one inning of work. You get the picture. Too many twos. This concludes the first half of the season where the Astros are 30-51, which is three games ahead of the pace that I predicted before the season began in our annual contest that BudGirl runs so well.

The Astros have the Halos again Sunday, sending Lucas Harrell to the bump against crafty portsider C.J. Wilson. Which Harrell will we see? That will determine how we fare today. I wouldn’t put two dollars on an Astros win.

Angel 4
Astrolina 2

contributed by NeilT

It was three in the morning, a time I should have been asleep but couldn’t sleep. I was in my other room, the one where the bed wasn’t, waxing my surfboard and drinking rye from a jelly glass and the phone rang. Nothing good comes from a 3 am phone call, but then it kept ringing and I answered.

“Brad,” I knew that voice. I’d known that voice for too long. I should have hung up the phone, but I’m a sucker.

“Brad,” she repeated, “it’s me, Astrolina.” It was a voice that stirred honey and whiskey and smoke, and it was always trouble. At three in the morning if a voice like that’s on the phone, it’s never good.

“Brad,” she says, “Angel’s followed me to Houston.”

“What do you want me to do Astrolina. I’m home in San Diego, and I’m not coming to Houston. I’m done with that town.”

“She’s brought guys, and they’ve got guns. I need you. There’s no one else I can trust.” What can I say? I was on the next flight to Houston.

Angel’s muscle

***

Angel is from Anaheim, that damned Disney town. It’s Boss Rat’s town, but it’s a tough town, a mean town, and there’s a guy with a price on every corner. Angel for once had firepower, and she’d come for a win.

***

Norris pitched another nice game, going 7 innings with 4 hits, 1 run, no earned runs, and 5 strike outs. Castro put the Astros on the board first with a HR leading off the 4th. With Clemens on the mound Bourjos scored on a Shuck fly out and a Cedeno error in the 8th. With Ambriz on the mound Angel scored two more in the top of the 9th on an Aybar single. Dominguez drove in Pena on a sac fly in the bottom of the 9th.

Barnes had some highlight reel defensive plays in center. http://wapc.mlb.com/play?content_id=28421917He also managed an error. There were two Astros’ double plays, 1-4-3 and 5-4-3. Williams, for the Angels, pitched a nice game with a pink glove.

***

I woke up in the weeds by the bayou. Those dwarves hit hard and long for more than three hours. Astrolina was there too, in not much better shape than me, and she was mad, and for some reason she was mad at me. You let them take it Brad. You let them take my win.

At least for once she thought it was hers.