contributed by NeilT

Like many of you, I’m still trying to wrap my head around this whole American League thing. Before the switch, I really didn’t know much about the AL’s teams or cities, except of course for Seattle, which has always been the Astros natural rival. Minnesota though was a special case. I have been to the Twins’ Cities. I have seen the statue of Minnie and Paul and the beaver that raised them after they were abandoned in the wilds. Minnesota, the Don’t Raise a Ruckus State. So that you’ll have a sense of this amazing place, here’s the list of the famous Minnesotans.

Bob Dylan. Of course Bob Dylan didn’t just spring fully formed from the coffee houses of New York City. No. He was shaped on the hip, mean streets of Hibbing. You can hear it in his music, too: Girl from the North Country, North Country Blues, Highway 61 Revisited, and He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother.

Hubert Humphrey. An American Senator and Vice President, Humphrey actually grew up in South Dakota and then moved to Minnesota as a young man. He lost the 1968 Presidential election to Richard Nixon because no one could imagine President Hubert.

Prince. I haven’t been able to confirm it, but Prince may be the only non-Norwegian who ever lived in Minniepaulius. Again, you can hear the north country in his music with songs like Purple Rain Delay, Partyman, and He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother. Saturday is Prince’s birthday, and he’s almost as old as I am. I don’t think Queen Elizabeth will ever decamp in his favor.

Roger Maris. Also from Hibbing, Maris is most famous for not being in the Hall of Fame. Like Prince, he was also known for many years only by his symbol, “*”.

F. Scott Fitzgerald. From Minniepaulius, Fitzgerald was an overrated author who wrote one very good novel, one good short story, and like many people from the cold, cold north was a drunk. There’s nothing much to do but drink when winter lasts and lasts.

I think that’s it. If I missed anyone, please let me know. Meanwhile in Minniepaulius It’s still a month or so before snow melt, and I thought I’d whip up a hot dish with just a hint of Texas to bring Minnesota home.

Barbecue Hotdish


1 pound ground beef

1 large onion, diced

1 green bell pepper, seeded and diced

1 (10 ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained

1/2 cup barbeque sauce

1 (13.2 ounce) can condensed tomato soup

3 (8.5 ounce) packages corn bread mix
6 slices Kraft American cheese

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F

Brown the ground beef, then add onion, bell pepper, and corn and cook over medium heat until onions are translucent and pepper is soft, about five minutes. Drain excess grease. Stir in the barbeque sauce and tomato soup. Brig to a bubble until it starts to thicken. Spread the beef mixture in an even layer in a 9×13 inch baking dish. Layer the cheese on top of the beef mixture.

Prepare the cornbread batter mixes according to package directions. Spread the batter over the top of the cheese.

Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, until the top is golden brown, and a chopstick inserted into the center of the cornbread layer comes out clean. With two fifths vodka serves 4.

***
What a strange game. In his last eight starts, Phil Hughes was 6-0 with a 1.99 ERA.

Top of the 3rd M Gonzalez homered to right. Top of the 4th Dominguez killed the ball on a center field homer. Top of the 6th, Fowler tripled and scored on an Altuve single. Springer homered. It was 5-zip, nada, nil.

Meanwhile Keuchel (who was starting on my Mihoba’s War fantasy team, the pitching on which has lately sucked), walked Mauer in the 1st, allowed two singles in the second, allowed a Plouffe double in the 4th, a Hicks walk in the 5th, and a Willingham single in the 6th. The leadoff man was on base the 4th, 5th, and 6th innings. The only inning there wasn’t a base runner was the 3rd. And he got out of that mess with no runs. There was some fine defense, too, including a 5-4-3 double play and two fine defensive plays by Dominguez.

Keuchel did have 6 Ks and 11 ground outs. Eleven.

5-0 Stros.

In the 7th, Sipp allowed 3 runs, including Danny Santana’s first homer since little league. It was weird, because Sipp has been money. Tonight he wasn’t. Williams came in and closed out the inning.

5-3 Stros.

With Williams pitching, Fowler made a spectacular catch in the 8th, then Kubel grounded out. Why does Williams turn perverse with two outs? Kurt Suzuki doubled, then scored on an Escobar double. I do like Williams, he is a fine, fine human being, and I have to remind myself of that.

5-4 Stros, 2 outs.

Porter brought in the left-hander Downs, and Arcia flied out to Fowler.

Qualls pitched the 9th. With two outs, Mauer reached first on Dominguez’s second throwing error. Willingham lined out to left.

Final 5-4.

Astros (26-35) 8 Angels (31-28) 5

contributed by Mr. Happy

Box

The Astros rode ten hits and an uncharacteristic 6-15 w/RISP to best the Halos and take the series 2-1 to finish with another winning homestand coming off of a winning roadtrip. That has to be the first time that has happened in some time. The Good Guys are 14-9 in their last 23 games, and they’re playing above .500 for their last 30 games, which is fantastic.

Peacock wasn’t particularly good last night, scattering eight hits and three earnies in five innings of work, but it was good enough to get the W. The bully, save the unpredictable Paul Clemens, pitched well to close out the win. In holding the Halos, striking out five in its four frames of work. FIELDS!!! continued his good work with 1.1 innings of one hit baseball with two Ks. Qualls pitched a one-two-three ninth for the save, which was his sixth of the season.

This was a really good Angels lineup that the Astros beat last night. They held Hamilton to his second straight o-fer, with two Ks, and shut out Dickjols. The bottom four of the Angels order proved pesky for the pitching staff, going 7-15. Thankfully, the first five were a collective dreadful 2-22, with the pesky Trout getting the only hits for that part of the order.

The Game Zone was popping last night as there was lots of activity on SnS generally due to the draft buzz in which the Astros selected high school portsider Brady Aiken with the 1/1 pick. Finally, I wanted to a shout out to board newcomer posters Nate Colbert and morningwood75 for some great work lately. It’s always great to see some new blood around here. Not that I don’t both love and respect our old timers, particularly our moderators and administrators.

Angels shut out the Houston nine 4-0.

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

The Astros’ run machine took the day off Wednesday, the team could only manage four hits against a fine pitching performance by Garret Richards. Fowler was good for two of the hits. Altuve and Castro had the other two hits. The heralded rookies went a collective 0-7 with four strike outs, though Springer did manage to get on base when he was hit by a pitch. Cosart wasn’t his sharpest, giving up three runs on eights hits over 6.2 innings of work. On the plus side he did strike out eight Angels.

The Angels were without Mike Trout again, he is out with a sore back but MRI tests proved nothing. My suggestion for Mr. Trout, when he feels better, is to not do again whatever he did to hurt his back to begin with. Jonathan Villar sat out Wednesdays game with a sore elbow after getting beaned the night before. I would suggest to Mr. Villar to avoid getting hit in the elbow, it is better to be hit in a more fatty or muscular part of the body to better absorb the impact.

The series wraps up on Thursday at an hour earlier than normal 6:10 start time. Brad Peacock faces off against Tyler Skaggs.

Random thought: I always thought it would have been neat if Peter Angelos had worked out a deal to own the Angels.

Attendance – 23902
Game Time – 2:53
Temperature – 73

Orioles 9, Astros 4

Submitted by Reuben

It’s pretty hard to spin a 9-run outing as anything but a disaster and a colossal failure for a pitcher, but Scott Feldman actually didn’t pitch all that poorly on Sunday afternoon. In the 2nd inning, Schoop reached on a ball that skipped under the glove of Matt Dominguez as he tried to backhand it. Dominguez looked disgusted with himself and Brownie and Ashby wondered if it would be ruled an error. The next batter, .159-hitter David Lough, turned on a 2-2 high-and-in fastball that probably wasn’t even in the strike zone, sending it into the right field seats.

In the 3rd, Feldman was a victim of small ball, as a double, followed by a steal of 3rd and a sac fly, gave the crabcake-eaters a 3-0 advantage. A clutch 2-out Carter single in the 4th ensured that Springer’s leadoff double did not go for naught, but otherwise the Astro bats could not solve O’s southpaw Wei-Yin Chen, who looked very sharp for 5 1/3 innings before being surprisingly removed at 97 pitches – right after striking out his 6th batter. He looked pissed.

The score remained 3-1 until the 6th, when it all hit the fan in frustrating fashion. A dribbler by Davis that went right through where the 3B normally plays. Another worm-burner by Hardy that barely eluded Villar. A wimpy floater off the end of Schoop’s bat that landed in front of Fowler to load the bases. An absurdly high chopper off the bat of Lough that bounced way over the head of Dominguez scored run #4. Next came the first well-hit ball of the inning, a sac fly that required a nice running grab from Springer. Finally, the death blow came: a Grand Slam from the previously-struggling Manny Machado, after the Astros intentionally walked Markakis to set up the double play.

But wait, there were some genuine positives! Altuve started a new hitting streak. Springer had 2 hits, including a nice opposite-field double. Dominguez knocked a 2-run dinger. And Fields, Clemens, and Downs combined to toss 3 2/3 scoreless innings of relief. Downs, despite his apparent status as mop-up man, now has a 1.93 ERA, and Clemens, who’s more like the 3rd-string mop-up man, has a very respectable 3.66. Give the kid props, he’s gone down and done very well at OKC amidst all his yo-yoing between there and Houston, only allowing 1 ER and 9 hits in his 18 AAA innings.
***

Futility Watch: 7-game Win streaks must be good for winning percentages, because the Astros now find themselves not only not dead last, but all the way up in 27th place!!! They’re a half-game better than the mighty Tampa Bay Rays!!! Ok, so they’re only 2 games ahead of the last-place Cubs. They still probably earned a pizza-and-ice cream party from the front office.

Orioles 4, Astros 1

W: Tillman (5-2)
L: Keuchel (6-3)
SV: Britton (4)

For the third game in a row, Houston was held to five hits and the lack of power doomed their win streak. Dallas Keuchel held them close and continued his unexpected success, but a series of walks in the fifth inning was too much to overcome. Three walks in a row, two with the bases loaded, gave Baltimore the edge it needed in support of a tightrope effort from Chris Tillman.

The walks were a tough pill to swallow, but they came as a result of Keuchel pitching a little too carefully to the meat of the Oriole order with runners on base. The damage was limited but the Astros could only run up a high pitch count, not deliver timely hits. A potential rally in the second inning, with the bases loaded and only one out, produced Houston’s only run.

Astros 2
Orioles 1

contributed by NeilT

This has been some week. Bud Selig was in town, and Bench reported that Revival Market sold out of sausage. Our ‘Stros are on a seven-game win streak, which was the first time they’ve won seven games in a row since 2010. It was also the first time in four years that I looked at the standings.

As it happens, I saw Miss Lola last week. I know you all keep up with City Hall, and like everybody else in Houston I went down to testify about the Mayor’s proposed equal rights ordinance. It’s an ordinance that requires me to bake cookies for gay couples’ weddings, but most importantly, it allows people who identify as a particular sex to use that sex’s bathroom, regardless of their actual equipment.

It was prescient, or maybe postscient, that Friday night was the Civil Rights Game, because this ordinance is all about my civil right to be discriminate. I was a bit nervous about testifying, but I knew council couldn’t make a good decision without my good counsel. Man, you can imagine how glad I was when I got to the council chamber and there was Miss Lola Laloush, all decked out in Republican red. She looked fantastic, and I made a beeline to sit beside her.

“Miss Lola,” says I, “I guess you are also here to testify against the ordinance.” Miss Lola looked at me closely, and my heart melted just a little. I stumbled on. “I’m here to protect the Astros, because a GLBTA player could ruin baseball as we know it. And by the way Miss Lola, what do you think of our team?”

There was somebody up testifying about how he was transgendered, and how she faced discrimination because of her sexual identity. Miss Lola did the wave, which I didn’t know happened at City Hall, but I followed along.

“Well NeilT, lately they’ve been great, haven’t they? Keuchel’s groundout rate is 66.5%, his ERA is 2.55—1.79 for May. He’s had two complete game shut outs and should have had a third. Springer is hitting over .500 for the last half of May, and has 10 HR. Altuve is leading the league in hits with 77 and stolen bases at 20, and you know who’s McWho. Fields, Sipp, Downs, Farnsworth, and Qualls, they look like a major league bullpen.” She was using that breathy, slightly husky Marilyn Monroe voice that just kills me, and it took her about 15 minutes to say bullpen. “Maybe how these young men appear is who they really are.”

That last bit sounded like nonsense to me, but Miss Lola surely looked sincere, and when a beautiful woman is sincere, you know exactly what she is.

On motion by Councilmember Pickles Dilltopfer of District P—“I stand for P! I stand for homourination!”—I got moved up the witness list. My Constitutional right to peeing privacy really is important to me, and when Dilltopfer speaks he is exactly right. Having peed on plenty of roadsides and in plenty of parking lots, I know you have to look both ways. I explained to the council that I had nothing whatsoever against GLBTAs, but that if this Ordinance passed, then our Astros might have to sign a transgendered third baseman just because she was a better player. “What do you think it would do to young men’s delicate psyches to have to go into a locker room with a player who had lady parts instead of man parts? What would it do to them to have go stand at a urinal by a lady with man parts? I will tell you what it could do,” I paused dramatically for emphasis, “Kris Karter and Marc Krauss could be hitting under .200.”

I pride myself in how well I read other people, and you could see from their faces that I had swayed council. Councilmember Cohen looked particularly disturbed, and it had to be about her prior position on this dangerous ordinance. She just hadn’t thought about what this so-called “equal rights” ordinance could do to baseball. I only had one question, from her honor the Mayor herself.

“NeilT, are you joking?” The Mayor clearly doesn’t know me. I never joke.

***
I followed Friday’s win from Dodger Stadium. I think my companions got tired of me randomly blurting out that they’d won seven in a row, but you know that the Astros haven’t had a winning month since September 2010? I was so happy that I cheered for the Dodgers. I even liked the Dodger Dog.

Oberholtzer got the win on a strong 7 innings with 4 hits, no walks, and one earned run. Only one K, but for that game he gets one get-out-a-gripe free card. Farnsworth gave up one walk, Sipp gave up a hit and was pulled, then Qualls closed things out on 1.1 innings with 2 Ks, no hits, and no BBs. Where were these guys for the first nine days of May when the bullpen was blowing games, the ‘Stros went 2 for 9, and the TZ was roiling?

And this game wasn’t the Altuve/Springer show either. Both runs came in the 7th, with Dominguez scoring on a Grossman double, followed by Grossman scoring on a Villar double.

I hope this lasts forever, or at least June. To quote Mr. Happy, I could get used to this.