All it takes is 2 homers and shut out pitching in 2-0 victory.

WP: Feldman (5-5)
LP: Heston (11-7)
S: Gregerson (23)

Submitted by Mr. Sphinx Drummond

BOX

GAMEZONE

Club Astro head honcho Jose Altuve, or “Big Shorty”, as he is known on the inside, is constantly flanked by his goons body guards Chris Carter (AKA Crunch) and Evan Gattis (AKA Caveman). They make a hard time for anyone who thinks they can mess with the diminutive leader. If Jose Altuve is to Club Astro what Frank Sinatra was to the Rat Pack, then George Springer (AKA Cool Breeze) is definitely the Dean Martin equivalent. It’s too bad that Club Astro is not a road show because the team could sure use the mojo that Club Astro brings when they are playing at home.

Wednesday morning a strange package arrived in the visitors locker room at AT&T Park. Jose told Marwin Gonzalez (AKA El Rey) to, “take the package into the shower to open it, while the rest of us wait out in the hallway in case it explodes or something.” Marwin will do anything but make eye contact with Evan Gattis.

So Marwin ventured alone into the showers while the rest of the team hunkered down out in the hallway behind a vending machine and waited. After a few tense moments Marwin emerged with a broad toothy grin and holding above his head a disco ball. Not just any disco ball but the Disco Ball. The one and only Disco Ball from Club Astro (and before that the original Dome Shadows Disco Ball but that is a different story best left untold). Bill Brown (AKA Brownie), sensing the Astros were missing something and could use a boost had shipped the Club Astro Disco Ball to San Francisco.

It worked! Mired in the midst of a 1 and 7 road trip with one game left to play, the magic of Club Astro was reborn, at least for one day, the Disco Ball did its job!

Scott Feldman (AKA Methuselah) showed why the cagey veteran is part of the rotation with an impressive six innings of shut out baseball, allowing no runs on 4 hits, while walking 1 and striking out 4. Oliver Perez (AKA New Guy), Will Harris (AKA Hairy), and Pat Neshek (AKA It’s Pat), were lock down solid in relief and Luke Gregerson (AKA Just Plain Luke) pitched the ninth to pick up his 23rd save in 28 attempts. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the Five Man Shut Out Band.

It was a classic pitcher duel until the seventh inning when Colby Rasmus (AKA Hey Dude) hit a solo homerun. He said he was happy to see the Disco Ball but if Brownie had sent the Club Astro mechanical bull instead, he probably would have hit 4 homers. Jed Lowrie hit a solo homer in the 8th inning to cap the scoring. Jed Lowrie, who is know as Dred Lowrie in the realms of Club Astro, said the Disco Ball helped but he also was listening to Bob Marley all day and wouldn’t dismiss the influence of the Great One.

The Astros have the day off Thursday and will welcome JD Martinez and Brad Ausmus and the rest of the Tigers to Houston for a 7:10pm CST start time. Alfredo Simon (10-6 4.74 ERA) faces Dallas Keuchel (13-6 2.40 ERA) to start off the three game series.

Attendance – 41967
Game Time – 2:54

Astros 9
Rangers 12

MLB wrap
GameZone

On a night when both teams hit the ball, a lot, the Astros came up the loser. McCullers ended up getting sent down, which apparently was the plan but if we all know the arrogant and irritating Rangers fans they are probably saying he is ruined. Doubt it assholes.

Fiers ended up coming in to pitch in the 3rd. He could have done a better job, but knowing he was expected to pitch game 2, I’m going to let this one slide. He has a bad outing the next time, I might not trust Luhnow too much about his judgement. Ah, hell, let me be honest, I’ll trust Luhnow until he ruins the team.

Back to the game, every Astro got a hit on the night. Three of them hit the ball real far (Correa, Castro, and Valbuena). Hopefully the bats are still awake for Game 2.

In regard to Game 2, I’m going to put it out there. I think the Astros will win. Come join me and others in the GameZone. The drama there is great!

Astros Something
Diamondbacks Something else

This has been a hell of a week. I mean it’s not every week you find yourself aired out on the internet, but there you go. I thought earlier this week that maybe I’d write about the trades–there was sure to be new players on the Astros tonight–so I started searching the internet for trade rumors. First thing I found when I googled “Astros trade rumors” was this:

Ken Rosenfeld reports that Astros fansite Orange Whoopass, AKA Stars & Stripes, is in discussions to trade star recapper Sphinx Drummond and NeilT to Padres fan forum Gaslamp Corner for the young recapper PadreSapien.

What the . . . I had no clue that OWA was looking to make a move. I immediately PM’d Sphinx to see what he knew. “Yeah, Waldo had PM’d me to let me know this might be out there. He said there was nothing definite, that management was thinking they needed some youth and that the Gaslampers admired my veteran presence.”

“But Sphinx,” I PM’d right back, “if it’s you they want, why am I being mentioned?”

Sphinx didn’t answer. I called my agent.

“HH, this is NeilT . . . Yeah, you know, your recapping client over at OrangeWhoopass.Com . . . No, I don’t need you to kick me in the junk . . . Listen, have you heard any rumors about me being traded to some Padres website, they know I don’t surf, right? . . . What do you mean you figured, it was a smart move for OWA? . . . I’m the highest paid OWA recapper, and they want to cut cost? After they found out I didn’t have a funny bone all you got for me after last year’s draft was two dolls carved out of soap, some Wrigley’s Double-Mint Gum, two Indian head pennies, a broken pocket watch, and an aluminum knife. That makes me the highest paid recapper?”

I PM’d Waldo. He didn’t answer.

I checked the website MLB Trade Rumors:

“On the fansite front, discussions have apparently stalled between GaslampCorner.Com and OrangeWhoopass.Com for the PadreSapien/Sphinx Drummond trade. The OWA front office insists on GC taking NeilT as part of the trade, GC says they’ll only take NeilT if BudGirl is included. It’s no surprise that OWA wants to get out of the high salary NeilT is being paid. He rarely writes about the actual game being played, and even when he does he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s been a complete bust for Astros fans. The Astros are reportedly in talks with Reds fansite, PeteRosefortheHall.com, which is desperate for a veteran like Sphinx.”

I don’t write about the game being played? When have I ever not written about the game being played? I’m a big league recapper, I know my job. I called back HH. Whoever answered the phone–it sure sounded like HH–told me he was in a meeting and asked me to leave a message. I checked the OWA forums, and sure enough, under the “This Week’s Recaps” area of the forum there was a long thread discussing the possible trades.

Moriartp: They couldn’t trade Reuben? He’s good, and I don’t think he’s done a recap all season. I’d hate to lose Sphinx. I always enjoy Sphinx. Without his Wodensday series the Astros wouldn’t have won a game in 2013.

Fredia: Win something loss something.

Austro: Apparently the Padres know that the NeilT recaps haven’t had a hit all year. But man, I’d hate to lose Sphinx. And asking for Sphinx and BudGirl just to get rid of NeilT is insane.

JimR: Boofuckinghoo. You have to trust Waldo and the front office, they’ve been stockpiling talent for this very scenario. We have to sit back and watch this playoff run.

Mr. Happy: I agree with Coach completely. Waldo knows what he’s doing.

I’ve got to tell you, I was devastated. I haven’t had a hit? Not a single hit? I know when I asked them my kids told me they had checked out one of my recaps. I always mention to Kris when I post a recap.

The Astros made a trade with the Brewers, and got Gomez and Fiers for some prospects. I sat in my office this afternoon and followed the trade results up to the deadline. Finally there was this:

“Gaslamp management decides to stand pat. No trade with OWA.”

Gomez showed up in tonight’s game. De La Rossa pitched for the Brewers, and Feldman gave up a run in the 2nd. Anyway I think it was the second. Some other stuff happened. Go check the play by play on MLB.com.

submitted by Neil T

Astros 3
Angels 0

WP Gregerson (4-1)
LP Alvarez (2-2)

Time: 3:02
Attendance 27,598

submitted by Mr. Happy

What were you doing when Castro the Astro parked the three run shabby that ended last night’s game? I was lying in bed all prepared to stay up for free baseball. Unlike BudGirl, I personally had no faith that Castro could end that game. I’ve not been so glad to have been wrong in quite some time.

Frankly, while I love Castro’s arm (and what’s not to love about it?), he has regressed offensively to the point where I don’t mind him not being out there anymore (except that we have to contend with the frontal assault on Conger’s noodle arm). I’ve learned not to expect much O from catchers, but it’d be nice to get a catcher who had the whole package of good hit, good arm and good handler of pitchers psychologist. But these birds are scarcer than hen’s teeth.

This was the type of game that I love so much—a pitcher’s duel, with both Scott Kazmir and Matt Shoemaker matching zeros through seven frames. Fuck a bunch of hitters-grab some pine, meat. Shoemaker exited after the seventh inning, but Kazmir pitched into the eighth frame, exiting in favor of Pat Neshek, who was boss in striking Trout out with runners on 2B and 3B.

In the home ninth, after Valbuena does what he seems to do best, which is strike out, pesky Jed Lowrie coaxed a walk. After Colby Rasmus flew out, Marwin Gonzalez, who’s been strong lately, singled to CF, moving Lowrie to 2B, bringing Castro to the dish. The ball he hit-in a 1-2 count-must have been a mistake because Castro doesn’t usually make you throw him a strike to get him out. But it’s a mistake that I’ll take.

The GameZone was slow at first but built up a healthy head of steam as the game progressed. I appreciated more baseball talk and less backbiting snark in last night’s effort. Come check out the GameZone; you might learn something.

Strong pitching and solid hitting push Astros ahead of Angels in the standings.

submitted by Sphinx Drummond
BOX

GAMEZONE

Video Highlights

The Announcers like to talk about a play-off atmosphere surrounding Astros games of late. It’s exciting but there is still a ways to go. In the meantime the Astros are keeping in position for a nice run as the season winds down. Lance McCullers was solid in his seven innings, allowing 5 hits and 1 run. He picked up 5 strikeouts and walked none while picking up his 5th victory against 3 losses. Pat Neshek pitched the 8th without harm but Luke Gregerson struggled in the ninth giving up 2 runs and allowing the tying run to the plate before closing the door and securing the victory.

The Angels took an early 1 to nothing lead with a run in the third but that would be all until the ninth. The Astros took the lead with two runs in the fifth when Luis Valbuena scored on Rasmus’ sac fly, then a few batters later Hank Conger scored on Jose Altuve’s infield single. Some poor base running ended the inning with Preston Tucker at the plate. Tucker lead off the sixth inning with a solo dinger to stretch the lead to 3-1.

Jon Singleton finally hit his first homer of the season, a laser shot to the bullpen in the seventh inning that made the score 4-1. The Astros added a couple of insurance runs in the 8th inning giving them a 6-1 lead heading into the ninth.

This is the latest the Astros have been atop their division since Sept. 21, 2003, when they led the NL Central. The Astros have spent 92 days in 1st place this season, including a run from April 19-July 11, while the Angels have spent 21 days in 1st. Of course first place is just a position in the standings that is only meaningful at the end of the season, but still…

Thursday the Astros try to complete the three game sweep when the Angels with send Matt Shoemaker (5-7 4.55 ERA) to the mound to face Scott Kazmir (6-5 2.24 ERA) in a 7:10 pm CST start. Promotions: Coca-Cola Value Days and Young Professionals Night.

Game Time: 2:50
Attendance: 31,272

Astros 5
Red Sox 4

WP Fields (3-1)
LP Breslow (0-1)

submitted by Mr. Happy

Attendance 30,748
Time 3:31

The Good Guys rode a 4-5 night by the Piranha, culminating in a walk-off shibby, together with two other longballs, in besting the BoSox 5-4 in the third game of a three game set, resulting in a sweep of the nine from Beantown. The Red Sox are clearly a mess right now.

Young Lance McCullers wasn’t his best on long-time rest, suffering from poor fastball command. McCullers was battling himself a bit out there too. However, he did manage to give the club five innings of six hit two run ball, which kept us in the ballgame. Despite not having good command either (55 strikes 52 balls), Wade Miley survived six frames of one run ball and left with a lead.

The BoSox were winning 2-1 at the end of six frames, but the Good Guys put up a crooked (three) number in the seventh to take a 4-2 lead, thanks in part to a solo pinch hit dong by Colby Rasmus and doubles by Marwin Gonzalez (who’s been absolutely locked in from both sides of the dish for a few weeks now) and phenom Carlos Correa. In the first inning, Marwin Gonzalez hit his seventh home run in the first frame off of Miley, batting right-handed. His double over the head of Red Sox CF Mookie Betts came from the left side off of Junichi Tazawa, who’s a tough hombre.

However, what the Good Lord giveth, He also taketh away. The normally reliable Will Harris surrendered the lead with some help from the equally reliable Luke Gregerson, one on a solo shot by Big Papi, whose bat looked a little slow to me. This knotted the game at four. After Josh Fields pitched a scoreless top of the ninth, the Good Guys took their cuts in the bottom of the ninth, trying to avoid free baseball. And avoid it they did! With one out, Jose Altuve parked one for the walkoff winner.

There was excitement in Astroland yesterday, with the acquisition of portsider Scott Kazmir. Kazmir makes his Astros debut in Kansas City tonight. Come check us out in the Game Zone, unless you’re a know-it-all sabermetric troll.