Thursday, May 13, 2010

Astros 4
Shitbirds 1

W: Norris (2-4) | L: Carpenter (4-1) | S: Lindstrom (9)

Astros.com

Fuck if I didn’t see but about 10 minutes of this beaut. Day games can be a crap shoot and today I rolled snake eyes. But hey, what’s not to like? Sweeping the Jakes in their crib from opposite ends of the Central standings. I don’t know if it’s good or bad that the Dickities are a half-game back of the Turds after today but they both can suck it! Viva los Astros!

It would be pointless for me to recap anything so I will lay down a couple of JackAstros’ Bullet Points©®™

►Pence smacked a Carpenter cut fastball for a 3-run bomb right after the Jakes fiery pitcher exchanged words with Lee after a weak pop-up. The ensuing bench-clearing ball featured tea and cookies.

►Berkman had a fancy-ass DP during a particularly tense point at the end of Bud’s day. Up 3 in the 8th, 2nd and 3rd with one out, a weak bouncer headed right to Twinkie as he scooped it, stepped on 1st then threw home to catch lead-footed Molina in a half-slide.

►Lindstrom faced 2-3-4-5 in the 9th, giving up only a walk to Holliday to nail down his 9th save.

OK, that’s all I can ethically say. The Astros now head out west for some unsettled business with Aubrey Huff. Stay up if you can.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Pardres 3
Astros 4
F11

W: Lyon | L: Webb

This one was cruising toward another disappointment. Despite pitching another “quality start”, the Oswalt Inning™ reared it’s ugly head in the 5th, with help from a fucking 2-run double by the fucking pitcher and a stunning display by first-class shitbag and incompetent home plate ump, Alfonso Marquez. Strikes were balls. Balls were strikes. Dogs and cats living together. It was anarchy!!

Down 3-0 in the 6th and without their leader as Mills was dumped by the aforementioned shitbag, Lee crushed a no-doubter that the Padre outfielders just ignored. Not to be outdone, Pence bounced one high off the left center field wall for back-to-back jobs for the first time in ’10.

Oswalt went 8, struck out 9 and after Lindstrom got through T9, the Astros still needed 1 to keep things going. Lee reached on a heinous Hairston throwing error, trotting into 2nd. PR Matsui got pushed to 3rd by a Pence GO. Then Feliz brought him home on a textbook sac fly to move it into extras.

Lindstrom and Lyon got through 10 and 11 and the bottom of the frame started the same way as the game-tying 9th. Kepp reached on a tough infield chop that Headly misplayed. Berkman singled, then after a failed Michaels sac bunt got Matsui at 3rd, hero Pence laced a deep fly to the LCF gap and the celebration began. Great game for young Gunther!

Happy Mother’s Day everyone! Off day tomorrow before facing the Jakes in Jakeville.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

D-Bags 6
Astros 3

W: Haren (4-1) | L: Wandy (1-4)

Loss:

Close
Huge
Heartbreaking
Typical

Wandy:

Dominated
Battled
Struggled
Lit Up

Defense:

Stellar
Good
Off
Sieve

Offense:

On Fire
Adequate
Trickle
Offense??

Lee:

RBI Machine
Corkscrew
Defensive Juggernaut
Lollygagger

Bullpen:

Lock-down
Kept ’em in it
Gas on Fire
Revolving door

Berkman:

.204
.201
.196
.192

Pence:

Wow!
Lucky!
Damn!
FUCK!

Bourn:

WOW!
HOLY SHIT!
LEE TO YOUR LEFT!! LEE TO YOUR LEFT!!!!
Lidge?

Umps:

Fair
Biased
Inept
Sightless

Next:

Turn around
Slight improvement
More of the same
No-Trade clauses waived

Hmmmmm??

Fathers @ Astros begins Friday @ 7:05 CDT | Latos @ Norris

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

Pimply Misshapen Asses 6
Astros 2

W: Harang (1-3) | L: Norris (1-2)

Astros.com

Sorry for the shitty headline. I couldn’t think of anything more clever to put there and truthfully, that’s pretty much what happened to the Astros line-up tonight and that sucks, because so does Harang. It would be easy to get the feeling the team was turning the corner offensively after the impressive 10-game run they just had, capped by a sweep of the lowly Buccos, but getting dicked by the Dickities at home by a guy they’ve owned in recent memory shows there’s still a lot of work to do.

The force of nature that is Michael Bourn got dotted by a runaway slider to lead off the Astros 1st. Raise your hand if you knew he was going to score. Steal, E2, 4-3 GO and it’s 1-0 Astros.

In fairness to the bats, it was just as much young Mr. Norris’ inability to keep Reds off the bases that did the Good Guys in tonight. The lead-off batter got on base at a .666 clip and that beast will drag you to Hell every time. The Reds took the lead for good in the 2nd after a lead-off HBP, BB, then 2 singles, the second plating 2.

Norris seemed to settle in through the 5th but there’s something Bud don’t like about the 6th. Actually, it was the Reds batters jumping on anything that was near the plate. 3 straight singles ended Bud’s night without retiring a Red in the 6th and a 3-1 Dickities lead. Fulchino’s first batter singled in the 4th Red’s run, then later, a sac fly plated the 5th.

The Astros got one more in the bottom of the 6th on a Berkman lead-off ground-rule 2B. He advanced on Blum’s 2nd hit of the night, and then scored on Towles’ sac fly. The Astros matched hits with the Reds at 9 but only 1-7 with RISP. That won’t cut it.

Sammy’s first outing coming off of the DL was shaky. A lead-off walk, GO then steal of third seemed to get to him and as he toed the rubber for the next batter, he placed the ball in his mitt. fiddled with it, then took it out again. HP ump Miller called what JD said was a “rule-book” balk. 6-2 Reds.

Lee had a couple of good-looking at-bats. Blum stayed hot. Bourn is God. But 11Ks for the line-up tonight, with Pence and Towles to only ones to escape the whiff.

Hoping for a bounce-back in game 2 tonight with Leake vs. Paulino

Craig’s excellent SP

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Fish 5
Astros 1

W: Annabelle (1-1) | L: Paulino (0-2)

My era of good feeling during the last 6 came crashing down somewhere about 10 minutes into tonight’s game.

Paulino struggled – as he has – but kept the ball on the ground – as he does – and with 1 out in the 1st inning and Fish on 1st and 2nd, Cantu laced a single through the gap on the left side of the infield. Lead-runner Coughlan skidded to a stop at third as Lee was poised for an easy scoop and throw but that scoop was not to be. As Lee stood there dumbfounded, the ball trickled lazily towards left center as 2 runs strolled over the plate and Cantu stood on 2nd. He would score on Uggla’s ground ball out since he was gifted 3rd on a wild pitch. It may have gotten uglier if it weren’t for this:

During most of this winning streak, an early lead by the opposition was just a bump in the road for this line-up but tonight, despite getting good wood on most of what Sanchez was dealing, LOBsters were the catch of the day. 8 for the game. Bourn and Blum continue to be bright spots at the plate while Lee and Pence continue to stink up the joint.

Also encouraging was the 3+ no-hit innings by Fulchino and Moehler. “SHE”LL HOLD TOGETHER!! hearmebaby?holdtogether…”

The Pride. Passion. Pittsburgh Pirates come into town for the weekend REELING from a 20-0 analrapy session by the Brew Crew. This can only be good, right? Maholm vs. Oswalt Friday.

Experience strosrays’ outstanding Series Preview.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Phillies 2
Astros 1

W: Halladay (2-0) | L: Oswalt (0-2)

The season-opening skid continued on Sunday, as I expected. Not that I didn’t think Roy would pitch well, he pitched very well against a beefy Phillies line-up, but more like Roy Halladay was facing an epically impotent Astros line-up. This team has more question marks than a census survey and I’ve begun to ratchet down my expectations to Limey-level to avoid spewing any angry Facebook rants.

Out of the gate, things looked dim for Oswalt when Rollins turned on his 2nd pitch of the game and smoiked it into the RF seats in about a second and a half. But despite another Phillie run plated in the 2nd, Roy looked sharp against a monster order. In fact, the bullpen was able to keep them down as well for the last 3.

3-4-5 = .143

The first opportunity the Astros had to score was in the 6th. Bases juiced and the heart of th…I can’t. .143 coming up. A zesty 6-4-3 DP by Sullivan got a run over and a healthy infield popout by Lee ended the chance.

They threatened again in the 7th with back-to-back singles by Blum and Feliz. A very nice sac bunt by Kaz gave them 2nd and 3rd with one out. Towles weak grounder to the pitcher froze the runners and PH Michaels whiffed. Nada.

There were some bright spots on defense and it was great to see the Phillies held to just 2. But damn, this could be a very long season.

My trusty magnet schedule so graciously sent my way by BudGirl tells me it’s time to hit the road for 3 against the Jakes. The rare Monday day game and the even rarer mid-series off day is going to be just what the Astros need to get them off the schneid. Book it!