Detroit 7, Houston 3 (14 innings)

contributed by Mr. Happy

We should have won tonight’s game. Porter did a great job pulling all of the levers and trying to win in regulation, Castro and Pena supplied the runs courtesy of two shots into the Crawford Boxes and, for the most part, the pitching was solid. In particular, Blackley, Veras and Clemens were electric good. Lyles made some mistakes over the plate but displayed some big swing-and-miss action in notching six strikeouts and pitched well enough for five innings to deserve a win.

The problem was execution by two players: Wright and Ankiel. For starters, Wright’s plunking of the hitter that he was sent in to get, Fielder, really was inexcusable. For crying out loud, don’t put the tying run on that way; make the damn guy deserve to be on base. And then Ankiel, who had entered the game as a pinch hitter and who actually got a hit that wasn’t a home run or a double, bobbled a ball that allowed Fielder to score all the way from 1B on the double cost us the ball game because it was over once the Tigers tied the score.

It was just a matter of when and how the Astros would lose, as Chuck pointed out. However, I have to hand it to the Astros as they fought hard and extended the game to 14 frames. Keuchel couldn’t get through the Tigers’ order a second time, but there really was no one else down there to use in a tie game since Porter had to save his other long reliever, Cisnero, for another game or for later in that game. However, since Keuchel ran out of gas in the 14th, having thrown 78 pitches in 4.1 innings, Cisnero had to come in to get the final two outs, tossing 10 pitches and surrendering the two run two bagger by Tuiasosopo that sealed the Astros fate. Keuchel, who allowed seven hits and walked four, bent but didn’t break until the 14th inning, so he’ll probably take that back with him to OkC today.

There was speculation in tonight’s very active Game Zone that I might have to stretch tonight’s recap. Au contraire, mon frère. I made it to four paragraphs with no sweat. We do it again tonight, kids, so come see us in the Game Zone. I’ll be surprised if the Astros don’t make a roster move to bring up another fresh long reliever for tonight’s game.

Yankees defeat Astros 5-4

Contributed by Sphinx Drummond

In the rubber game of the three game series with the Yankees the Astros came out on the short end, losing the game 5 to 4. After falling behind by 4 runs early, the Astros tied the game with a four run fourth only to lose by one run in the end. Mariano Rivera closed it out for his 11th save of the year. Rivera is amazing, and pinstripes notwithstanding, impossible for me to hate.

Astros’ starter Eric Bedard gave up four runs in 4 innings, Paul Clemens, who took the mound for the fifth inning took the loss and falls to 1-1 on the year. The Astros have been defeated in 6 of the last 7 games. Jose Altuve had another multi-hit game and has his average sitting at .336.

Lyle Overbay showed some smart veteran base running in the 6th. With runners on the corners and one out, Suzuki hit a grounder to Altuve between first and second, with no play at second base, Altuve was forced to try to tag Overbay, who had stopped running to avoid the tag, this made Altuve have to throw to first, which eliminated the force at second, allowing Nunez, who was on third, to cross the plate before Overbay was tagged out, giving New York the lead.

The Astros record is now 8 and 20. That is too terrible for me to want to extrapolate and figure out what kind of pace they’re on for total losses at the end of the season.

The Astros, who look like they’re trying to revive the Traveling Horse Shit Show, will put that on hold as they return home for a four game series with the Tigers.

Yankees 7, Astros 4

Contributed by Reuben

Red Sox 6, Astros 1

W: Lackey (1-1)
L: Norris (3-3)

Another Sunday, another ritual killing for the Home Nine. Today they continued the streak by getting chain-whipped for the fourth time in Boston, providing much-needed relief and mirth for that beleaguered city.

Norris did what he could, going six and giving up five, three earned. Cisnero started out a little rough but ended up staying for two, striking out three. Normally, that’s plenty bad to lose a game, especially on the road, but the stench from the bats continues drawing comparisons to any previous marks for futility you’d care to come up with. The only meaningful hit came from Ronny Cedeno when he went the other way for an RBI single. Apart from that were six weak and meaningless hits spread out over nine innings, coupled with two measly walks. Held down by another in a long series of Cy Young candidates this team has faced in most games since 2011, this time by John Lackey, fresh off his 20-day stint on the DL for an arm ouchy.

This dank funk ain’t one to groove to, but it’s likely to wear a groove in us all before it’s through.

Red Sox 8, Astros 4

contributed by Mr. Happy

Step right up, come on in
If you’d like to take the grand tour
Of a lonely house that once was home sweet home
I have nothing here to sell you,
Just some things that I will tell you
Some things I know will chill you to the bone.
Over there, sits the chair
Where she’d bring the paper to me
And sit down on my knee
And whisper oh, I love you
But now she’s gone forever
And this old house will never
Be the same without the love
That we once knew.
Straight ahead, that’s the bed
Where we’d lay in love together
And Lord knows we had a good thing going here
See her picture on the table
Don’t it look like she’d be able
Just to touch me and say good morning dear.
There’s her rings, all her things
And her clothes are in the closet
Like she left them
When she tore my world apart.
As you leave you’ll see the nursery,
Oh, she left me without mercy
Taking nothing but
Our baby and my heart.
Step right up, come on in…

In a theme that’s become all too fucking common, the Astros pitching staff, irrespective of who is on the bump, ran up a high pitch count, walking eight and throwing 183 pitches in eight innings en route to being doubled up by the BoSox 8-4. This one began very well, with the Good Guys notching two runs in the top of the first against a wild Felix Doubront, but left the bases juiced in a harbinger of tonight’s ultimate fate. Brad Peacock, tonight’s starter and ineffective loser, made a cameo appearance, tossing 90 pitches in his brief 3.1 frames of work, walking five and giving up five earnies. Travis Blackley and Wesley Wright bent but didn’t break. However, Hector Ambriz did, surrendering three runs in his inning of work. Jose Veras finished it out with a scoreless frame in the bottom of the eighth inning.

The Astros RISP woes continued tonight, as they went 1-12 and are now 3-29 in the series, stranding ten fucking ducks on the pond tonight. Strikeouts also continue to plague the Astros, who struck out 12 times tonight, including another Golden Sombrero, this time courtesy of Chris Carter.

George Jones died this week. At 81. I figure that if Ole Possum Eyes made it that far, then there’s still hope for me. RIP.