Contributed by Ebby Calvin

Astros 2 – Giants 8
WP: Wellemeyer (2-3)
LP: Paulino (0-6)

MLB Wrap
GZ
strosrays’ brilliant Giants Preview

Funny Website
Today’s Weather forecast
Great Song

See that above? That’s me wasting space and distracting you from reading this recap. I would’ve typed this in New Courier had I known how to format it.

Because, really, if you didn’t see the game Friday night, consider yourself lucky and just move on to something else. In short, the Astros lost. Not in spectacular fashion or in a season-crippling manner – just shitty pitching and shitty hitting.

Paulino couldn’t find the plate, gave up runs early and often and basically halted whatever he momentum was riding from his last brilliant start. He got pulled in the 5th and was knocked around for seven earnies.

Pence led the batters with a 3/4 night and a solo shabby in the fourth. But aside from Berkman (2-4, RBI), the rest of the Astros couldn’t catch up to the ex-Cub and ex-Card journeyman. Guys, if Thunderpants somehow figured this guy out – what the fuck are you doing out there?

Alas, it was a loss after a nice little win streak; its only saving grace is that the BFiB are probably even more infuriated their beloved team got swept by this putrid mess.

Saturday’s game – Oswalt vs Lincecum!

Astros 9, Cardinals 6
W: Wandy Rodriguez, L: Kyle Lohse, S: Matt Lindstrom

Astros Recap

How much must it piss off the Cardinals to be one of the few teams in the NL Central to have not swept the Astros? However much, it makes me smile. There has not always been a lot to smile about with this team, but them beating the Cardinals is one shining spot.

The Astros won their third consecutive game. The Astros bats finally found the balls thrown by Lohse. They lit him up for 10 hits and 4 ER, but with the 2 errors, there were also 5 unearned. So, 9 runs on the night. The only Astros without a hit on the night were Jason Michaels, Corey Sullivan and Tommy Manzella. Carlos Lee and Lance Berkman are hanging around the .200 line right now, hopefully they can build on this and start hanging around the .300 line.

Word in the Gamezone was that someone said the Astros “might” win the game. Shortly after that, “Wandrew” had a bad inning, in which he gave up 4 runs on 4 hits and a walk. After that 6th inning, Manager Mills went to the bullpen to get the win for Wandy.

Newly appointed hero, Chris Sampson pitched a scoreless inning. Wilton Lopez came in to pitch the 8th and 9th. He did a great job in the 8th, got a little roughed up in the 9th which had Mills going to Lindstrom to pull out the save.

The 8 run lead was enough to get the Astros the win. Thursday is their chance for the sweep and a four-game win streak. Check out GBB’s Series Preview for more information about the DAY game.

Let’s go boys.

Conributed by Ebby Calvin

Astros 4 – D Bags 2
W: Lindstrom (1-0)
L: Carlosleesbitch (0-4)

MLB Wrap
GameZone

That was the first thing a friend said when I called him after Carlos’ moon shot – “Yeah, but the Astros still suck….” You know what? Fuck him. Fuck him and all of the “Yeah, but” crowd. Look, I realize the Astros are in last place. I know they scored three runs in the four previous games. I get it.

Baseball isn’t all about the season, though. According to Mr. Wik I. Pedia, “The team with the most runs at the end of the game wins.” Guess what? The Astros won! And in spectacular fashion!

Wednesday night’s game featured (cue JackAstro’s Bullet Point Method):

• Tommy Manzella’s first MLB home run.
• The subsequent “silent treatment” in the dugout.
• Solid starting pitching from a consistent contributor (Myers).
• Fantastic circus catches by Baby Bjourn.
• A spectacular double play in the ninth inning with the game tied.
• A comical play in LF at the wall.
• And, the cherry on top, the icing on the cake, the jorts on a younger Limey…a walk off blast by a struggling slugger.

What more do you want in a game? THIS is why you stick by a team on an 8-game losing streak. THIS is why you watch the games every chance you get. And THIS is why, when faced with the choice, all of those “Yeah, but” fuckers piss and moan: They chose to watch American Idol instead.

D-backs 9, Astros 1
W: Cesar Valdez, L: Felipe Paulino

Astros recap

This team is getting harder to watch. I sit at the game, at home, or in a bar and just want to do something that will help them get from worst to bad. I have low expectations of this team. I understand they are not the most talented, but at times they are just hard to watch.

My main ray of sunshine on this team is Michael Bourn. Most of you know he’s my favorite player. I worry that whatever is effecting Berkman, Lee and Pence will eventually contaminate him.

I want so badly for Bud Norris and Felipe Paulino to use this season to become better pitchers. I still have hope for them.

The level of frustration I am currently feeling is mind-boggling. I have not figured out why I get this frustrated when I know this team is bad. But seriously, 1 run scored in each of the last 3 games? It is enough to make me start using unladylike words.

So, while I have no expectations of this team being a good/great team, I have expectations of them just being bad not the worst. In the 2004 season, I started watching Major League almost every day. The days I did not watch it, the Astros lost. I’m going to figure out what I can do to help make my team bad. You should try it too.

Things you should read are the GameZone and Taras Series Preview.

Astros 1, Braves 10
Contributed by 94CougarGrad

WP: Hudson (2-1)
LP: Rodriguez (1-3)

Astros Recap

After yesterday’s abysmal loss to the Braves- who, before playing the Astros, had been on a 1-9 skid and have now won 2 in a row- Brad Mills talked to his team. While what gets said in the clubhouse stays in the clubhouse, let’s hope it was enough to remind the team that they do, in fact, know how to play baseball.

Wandy struggled, serving up 5 runs- three unearned- on ten hits and a walk. But although it sure as Hell didn’t help, what did the Astros in wasn’t necessarily the pitching. When you combine a lackluster offensive effort and a horrible defensive effort, you get an embarrassing loss. The Braves’ 2 runs in the third inning were enough to secure the win, but the icing on the cake came in the 5th inning. Mills summed it up afterwards: “We gave them six outs there in the fifth inning, which is awful tough.” I’ll admit, I didn’t see the game, but the Comical’s description of the inning made the Astros sound worse than the Keystone Cops.

There ain’t much else to say, folks. It was worse than bad. The final game of the series is today at 12:35. Let’s hope that whatever it was that Mills said to the team after the game was enough to encourage some kind of effort out of the Astros.

Astros 2, Braves 4
W: Tommy Hanson, L: Brett Myers, S: Billy Wagner

Astros Recap

Well, this was a pretty fast losing effort for the Astros. There were a few highlights for the Astros on the night. JR Towles caught two, yes 2, Braves stealing bases. Hunter Pence stole what would be Heyward’s second HR on the night. Brett Meyers went 7 innings giving up 3 ER.

Lowlights for the Astros are many, as seems the usual now. Tommy Manzella had a tough night in the field. Two, yes 2, errors on consecutive plays. One bounced and hit him in the throat. Looked like it hurt. Michael Bourn looks like he may start joining the hitting habits of the middle of the lineup guys. 8 strike outs in his last 13 plate appearances. At this point in the season, he seems like the favorite for the Astros All-Star representative, but his skid, if it continues, might hurt his chances.

Former Astros pitcher, Billy Wagner got the save on the night. I was hoping he’d throw a perfect pitch and give the Astros a chance to win the game.

They Astros are not going to win many games with only 4 hits, ONE WALK and 1 HBP. I do not think having Lance Berkman in the lineup would have made much of a difference. The Astros lose with him in the lineup also. I hope Brad Mills finds some magic beans for the boys to eat so they can win some more games. I hope May treats them better.

For more information on the game, check out the gamezone.
If you want to know about the series against the Braves, read Mark’s preview.
It is also time to vote for your favorite Astro to attend the All Star Game.

Favorite JDism of the night: “Ugly finder with attitude” in regard to a foul ball.