DeWitt, Whittle, Mozeliak & Matheny, L.L.P.
Attorneys at Law

3 July 2015

Mr. NeilT.
Recapper
SpikesandStars.com, AKA
OrangeWhoopass.com
Houston, Texas
Re:  Slander of Our Client, Mr. Fredrick Byrd

Dear Mr. T:
We are attorneys for Mr. Fredrick Byrd, chief recapper for the St. Louis Cardinals organization (“The Best Organization in Baseball” or “TBOIB”), and understand that you have accused our client, Mr. Byrd, of gaining unauthorized access to your SpikesandStars.com AKA OrangeWhoopass.com (“OWA”) account for unlawful purposes by the use of the password “Astros4Ever!” Mr. Byrd denies any illegal conduct. The relevant inquiry should be what information did you steal from The Best Organization in Baseball prior to joining OWA, and who at OWA authorized, consented to, or benefited from your roguish behavior?  While Mr. Byrd admits signing onto the OWA website on one or more occasions and posting the recap “I Am NeilT” on 20 June 2015, he did so only to determine whether you, NeilT, had plagiarized proprietary prior recaps by Mr. Byrd.

And there was ample evidence of such plagiarization.  We bring to your attention your recap of 10 April 2015, in which you reported that the Houston Astros Baseball Club (the “Evil Luhnows”) had defeated the Texas Rangers from Arlington, Texas, by a score of 5 to 1.  Last season, on Friday, 12 September 2014, Mr. Byrd wrote a recap for The Best Organization in Baseball, “Offense on Holliday,” in which he reported that The Best Organization in Baseball had defeated the Colorado Rockies of Denver, Colorado, by a score of 5 to 1.

Similarly, in your recap of 5 June 2015, “Jade Helm Also”, you reported that a Canadian baseball club, the Toronto Blue Jays from Toronto, Ontario, had defeated the Evil Luhnows by a score of 6 to 2.  On Friday, 5 September 2014, Mr. Byrd reported in his recap, “Lackey Comes Up Lacking,” that the Milwaukee Brewers of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, had defeated the TBOIB by a score of 6 to 2.

Your plagiarism continues, and it justifies our client, Mr. Byrd, in his actions of 20 June, and any other instances when he has signed onto your account and posted as NeilT.  Be warned that in your recap of last night’s Boston Red Sox/Evil Luhnows game in Boston, Massachusetts, you may not report that the Astros beat the Red Sox 12/8 in the 10th, that the offense combined for 17 hits and 4 walks, with 11 batters at the plate in the 5-run 4th.  You may not recount that the Astros brought up Dan Straily from AAA Fresno for his first major league start this season, that at the top of the second Hanley Ramirez took a fastball over the center of the plate over the center field fence, and that Straily gave up a second run on a walk and two singles on two outs.  Straily was gone after the Red Sox tied the game in a 3-run 5th, as was Tony Sipp.

The untouchable Astros bullpen got touched.  A lot.  Everybody pitched.

Houston took the lead again when Altuve hit a two-run RBI single.  Altuve was 3 for 5 with an hbp.  Thatcher and Harris pitched the 7th, giving up two runs to tie things 7-7.

Correa put the Astros ahead in the 8th with a long ball.  Correa was 3 for 6 with 2 runs and a homer.  It was the only home run of the evening.  The Red Sox tied it on an Ortiz double with Neshek pitching in the 8th.

This was such a bizarre game.  Everybody in the lineup hit.  10 players scored.  The Astros scored 4 in the 10th off Red Sox call-up Noe Ramirez.  Singleton got a hit and 2 rbi.  The final run was Santana stealing home with Castro at bat.  Hernandez got the win.

You, Mr. NeilT, may not include any of this information in a recap prepared by you.  It is part of an advanced analytical recapping model prepared by our client, Mr. Fredrick Byrd for the TBOIB.

You are on notice that if you continue to accuse Mr. Byrd or any other employee or owner of the TBOIB of gaining unlawful access to your OWA account, appropriate action will be taken, including but not limited to suits in law and in equity for injunction and/or damages, both actual and exemplary.  Mr. Byrd has already suffered real and imagined damages from your slander, including but not limited to loss of his professional reputation, loss of consortium, and uncontrolled tweeting.

Please have your attorney contact us if you have further questions concerning this matter.

Yours,

C. Correa, Associate
DeWitt, Whittle, Mozeliak & Matheny, L.L.P.

Contributed by NeilT

Yankees 3
Astros 2 

Miss Lola Laloush
Director of Public Relations
Houston Astros Baseball Club
Minute Maid Park at Union Station
Houston, Texas  77010

Dear Miss Lola,

It’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I miss our visits at TC’s. I did see the other day that a car had crashed through the their wall, but I guess that’s a frequent problem when they hold drag races in such a small space.  I never did really figure out how that worked.

You are doing an amazing job with the Astros.  I didn’t know how you’d top the Brady Aiken-Tommy John coup, but the Ground Control hack was even better.  Pinning the blame on the Cardinals . . . brilliant! It even took my mind off that seven-game losing streak.

You probably didn’t know that I haven’t received my press credentials yet. As an important internet recapper, it seems that now would be the perfect time to bring me into the Astros’ journalistic fold.  It was the team’s failure to understand basic internet protocols that tempted Cardinal officials to look up those old passwords.  Inviting me, a bona fide internet journalist, into the press box would go a long way toward repairing the ‘Stros damaged digital reputation.

That’s not really why I’m writing though.  I know with the Yankees in town you have your hands full with public relations, and may not have heard that today the Supreme Court ruled that Texas couldn’t refuse to issue same sex marriage licenses.  Now obviously I am not a hater, but I am deeply concerned for the future of baseball.

What if there was a same sex marriage proposal on the Kiss Cam? That might disturb the delicate minds of young players and result in costly fielding errors.  Harris would have never given up that two run homer if he hadn’t been worrying about the Supreme Court’s decision today.

As our Governor has recognized, this is an issue of religious freedom, and as you’ll recall Annie Savoy worshipped at the church of baseball.  All the Astros have to do is declare the team a church! If you make the Astros a church and MMPUS their tabernacle, then you can prohibit gay proposals on the Kiss Cam for religious reasons!  That will solve the looming problems I’ve identified.

And I think there’s good precedent for it.  Wasn’t The House of David some kind of religious cult?  They played baseball.  And Keuchel’s already got the beard.  Plus the Summit was turned into a church.

Meanwhile if you’ll just let me know when it’s ready I can drop by any time to pick up my press pass. Leave a message, and I I’ll be there in less than 15 minutes.  Will it be at will-call?  Is it good at out of town stadiums?  I’m going to see the Astros play the Royals in Kansas City in July, and I could save some money on tickets.

Take care, and let’s do lunch!

Yours,
/NeilT

Submitted by NeilT

Cards 13
Phils 4

Hey!  This is NeilT!  Really!

I, NeilT, am writing this week’s Friday recap.  I signed in using my, NeilT’s, favorite password, Astros4Ever, which I would only know if I were NeilT.  I wouldn’t know that password if I were in the Cardinals’ front office.

Tonight the Houston Astros play the Seattle Mariners, which is an American League team.  Did you know that another American League team, the New York Yankees, have played the Cards in the World Series five separate times?  And did you know that the Cards have won the World Series 11 times?  I, NeilT, believe the Redbirds are a great organization, and one that any team in baseball, and particularly the Houston Astros, should emulate.

Of course it’s been a roller coaster couple of weeks for my, NeilT’s, team, the Houston Astros.  Just last week the Houston Astros ended a seven game losing streak.  Meanwhile the Cards, which have the best record in baseball, have won 6 of their last 10 games for a season-leading 44 wins!  Why would a team with that kind of record need to hack into the Houston Astros’ database?  It seems very unlikely to me, NeilT.

The best news for the Houston Astros is the performance of their rookie first draft pick, Carlos Correa.  Did you know that the Cardinals have many draft picks who are successful major league players?  Here are just some of the Cards’ great recent draft picks:   Colby Rasmus, Allen Craig, Daniel Descalso, Jaime Garcia, Jon Jay, Luke Gregerson, Chris Perez, Matt Carpenter, Trevor Rosenthal, Matt Adams, and Lance Lynn.  They once  drafted Brett Wallace in the first round! Jockety! Why would a team with such a successful history of great drafts want to hack into the Houston Astros’ database?  The Houston Astros need to learn from the Cardinals, particularly about getting rid of Jeff Luhnow.  He was an arrogant insufferable twit when he was here, and I’m certain he hasn’t changed.  That’s me, NeilT.  I, NeilT, am certain that he hasn’t changed.

Yes, I, NeilT, think that there is much that the Houston Astros could learn from a great organization like the Redbirds.  Tonight the Houston Astros playthe Seattle Mariners, both American League teams, while the Cardinals played the Phillies.  Since 1948, the Cardinals have won 552 of their 1029 meetings with the Phillies, for a winning percentage of .532.  And, by the way, the Cardinals have won 377 of their 706 meetings with the Houston Astros, for an even higher winning percentage, .536.  I, NeilT, using my favorite password, Astros4Ever, think that if officials of the St. Louis Cardinals fine baseball organization hacked the Houston Astros database, they must have done so for a higher purpose, like protecting the Houston Astros from being embarrassed in a World Series against an excellent team like the Cards.

So the Houston Astros play the Seattle Mariners on the West Coast, and that game’s not over yet.  Meanwhile in the first inning against the Phillies, Tyler Lyons got the start in place of Lance Lynn (right forearm strain), against Phillippe Aumont for Cole Hamels (minor hamstring strain). The Astros had a lot of information on Hamels in their Ground Control database, but these things change so quickly.

Not much changes with the Cardinals though, they are still the best organization in baseball. Lyons gave up two singles in the first , but got out of the inning with a 4-6-3 double play, Wong to Peralta to Reunolds. The second was also rough, with two walks, an error, and a coaching visit.  There’s nothing like the Cardinals’ coaching staff, and the visit was followed by a fly ball out and a flawless third, and a one- hit fourth. Lyons gave up 3 in the fifth, but what a quality start.

Lyons came out for Villanueva in the sixth. The Phils scored one more in the bottom of the eighth off of Socolovitch.

Meanwhile the Cardinals’ offense was destroying Aumont. Heyward led off the second with a double, followed by Molina’s second bomb of the season. I think Molina is kgetting hot. With two outs, Lyons helped himself with a single followed by a Wong (8) line-drive Wong Kabong. End of the second, 4-0.

In the fourth, Lyons walked and made third on a Wong ground out, Carpenter walked, then both scored on a Peralta double. End of the fourth, 6-0.

Top of the fifth, de Fratus replaced Aumont but had no better luck. Molina singled, Grichuk singled, Jay singled, then Lyons singled and drove in Molina. Was Lyons on fire or what?

Wong k’d. Carpenter singled, driving in Grichuk. Jay scored on a Peralta sac fly. Reynolds doubled, driving in 2 more. End of the inning, 11-0.

Grichuk (4) homered in the sixth. 12-3.  With the final Phillies score, that was all she wrote.

This is NeilT with another great recap!  Really!

June 6, 2015

Blue Jays 7, Astros 2

W – Hutchison (5-1)
L – Oberholtzer (0-1)

Box Score | GameZone thread

Brett Oberholtzer’s first-hand D-Day account (adapted from here):

Our assault bus hit the brakes. I looked through the windshield and we were at least seventy-five yards from the stadium, and we had hoped for a closer landing. I told the driver, “Try to get in further.” He screamed he couldn’t.

I began to run into the stadium with my ball and glove in front of me. I went directly to the dugout to try to get to the mound. In front of me was the top of the order, pinned down and lying behind the dugout railing. They hadn’t managed to score. I kept screaming at them, ‘You have to get runs across! You gotta get runs across!’ But they didn’t. They were worn out and defeated completely. There wasn’t any time to help them.

I continued across the field. There were mines and obstacles all up and down the batting order. Absolutely nothing that had been planned for that part of the game had worked. I knew that Rogers was going to be a hellhole, and it was.

When I was about twenty yards from the plate I was hit by what I assume was an RBI single. It shattered and broke my spirit. I thought, well, I’ve got an L. As I rose my left leg to pitch again, another burst of I think baseballs whizzed past me, knocking me back again.

I stood there for seconds, looked ahead, and saw several Astros standing there. One was Marwin Gonzales. I screamed at Marwin, ‘Get up and tag the base!’ Marwin, a talented athlete, just looked back and said, ‘I can’t.’

As I moved forward, I hobbled. After you’ve given up a big inning, your body stiffens up, not all at once but slowly. The pain was indescribable. I managed a few pitches, then blacked out for several minutes. When I came to, I saw A.J. Hinch. He was up to the dugout stairs. When he saw my predicament, he crawled back to me under a heavy barrage of hits and signaled to the bullpen.

The manager looked at me and said, ‘You’ve done your job.” I answered, “How? By using up three of our relievers?” Despite the awful loss, I hoped that McHugh could avoid the sweep the next day.