By Craig Elliott
The Astros narrowly avoided a sweep at the hands of the Pirates, including an 18-inning travesty of justice that ended with the good guys swinging from the Gallo-ws. Houston is now a half-game behind Milwaukee, four behind the pimply-ass Reds, and 6.5 back of the fucking Jakes. With Reds and Redbirds on the schedule this week, now would be a good time for the Astros to turn this leaky ship around. Before it catches another broadside from the goddamn Pirates.
The Co-Ards just lost two of three to the Padres, despite spotting Mark Mulder a four-run lead Sunday. Albert Pujols has already been awarded the MVP and all batting titles for the year. Plus they built that new Holy Shrine to the Cardinals, which promises to be a stunningly overdone monument to self-importance in a red T-shirt.
When:
Monday, May 29, 3:15 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, May 30, 7:10 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, May 31, 12:10 p.m. CDT – FSN, ESPN
MLB Extra Innings – All three games will be on the Co-Ard affiliate. I’m guessing there may be just a little hero-worship going on. Just a little.
Where: New Jake City
The Jakes’ website humbly proclaims: “Welcome to Baseball Heaven.” And they were too modest to say it, but they always mentally add: “Home of the Most Bestest Fans in Baseball, Where Tony Rules with a Wise Gentle Touch, and Love Falls From the Trees.”
Oh, and speaking of falling from the trees, that dead cardinal is still in my backyard. It’s pretty much just bones and beak now, and a few tailfeathers. I’m thinking about keeping the tailfeathers until I decide the appropriate voodoo to work on them. I’ll entertain suggestions.