The Astros’ dismal season continues to trundle along little of any substance on which to comment. They just lost 2 of 3 at home to the Reds (who are making a hostile takeover bid for MMPUS, it seems) having previously taken 2 out of 3 in Wrigley, which is always nice.Read More
Contributed by Ebby Calvin
Astros 4 – Reds 0
WP: W. Rodriguez (8-11) LP: M. Leake (7-2)
HOUSTON, TX (AP) – Hundreds of thousands of rabid Astros fans took to the streets Sunday afternoon to celebrate what many are calling, “The Most Important Sporting Event Ever.”
“I just don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling right now,” Jack Sutherford, 34, said. “My life will never be the same. People will always remember where they were when (Astros RP) Matt Lindstrom struck out (Reds PH) Lance Nix (for the final out). I was at a Sport Clips, but I’ll probably tell everybody I was at the game from now on.”
Richmond Avenue’s main strip west of the Galleria took the brunt of the celebration, with estimated damages extending beyond the $300 million range. Dave & Buster’s, formerly at the corner of Fountainview and Richmond, has been flattened; all that remains now is a heap of beer bottles and impossible-to-win stuffed animals.
To put the historic win in perspective, never before has Wandy Rodriguez beaten the Cincinnati Reds by a score of 4-0 while recording seven strikeouts and allowing one hit and two walks on a Sunday in the month of July in the year of 2010. It’s that type of accomplishment that sent the city of Houston into mass hysteria.
“Every night is a highlight reel night for Michael Bourn,” commented Ronald Brand, an Austin native.
“Wandy really used his fastball very well today. Sometimes, he falls in love with his admittedly wicked hook, but hitters who were laying in wait for it today were treated to some cheese. Excellent performance,” opined a California resident who was so moved by the experience that he now demands to be known as simply “Mr. Happy.”
Officials won’t speculate how long they expect the bedlam to continue, but one spokesman who preferred to remain anonymous said, “All these fuckers need to move to New York City, where the women know how to handle a cock and riots and shit like this happen. Every. Day. Seriously, put the periods after ‘every’ and ‘day.’ That’s how it should be written.”
The monumental win put the Astros in the driver’s seat for fifth place in the NL Central.
When asked after the game how it felt to be a part of such a legendary feat, veteran first-baseman Lance Berkman said, “I really wasn’t expecting (to win). It kinda feels like it’s a Wednesday.”
Contributed by austro
Reds at Astros
July 23, 2010
MinuteMaid Park
Astros 4, Reds 6
WP Ondrusek (1-0) SV Cordero (27) LP Byrdak (1-1)
The Astros got off to a good start in this one, scoring a 1st-inning run on singles by Sanchez, Berkman, and Pence. Meanwhile, Norris was off to a good start, facing only 10 batters in the first three innings.
But the problems started in 4th inning. Cabrera led off with a ground ball to Johnson, who threw wildly to 1st, Cabrera going to 2nd on the throw. Votto and Gomes walked to load the bases with no outs. Jay Bruce followed with a sac fly to Lee in LF, and Norris hit Cairo to load the bases again. But then Norris got Stubbs to ground Sanchez at short, who threw to Quintero for the force at home, and it looked like Norris might be able to get out of the inning with minimal damage. He got to a 2-2 count on Hanigan, but on the next pitch Hanigan hit a seeing-eye ground ball that snuck through the hole into LF, and that yielded two runs. Wood popped up a bunt to end the inning, but the damage was done.
In the bottom of the inning the Astros got a run back on a daring/dangerous play by Pence. With one out, Pence singled to LF, and then went to 3rd on a single by Keppinger. Johnson then popped up to Phillips in short RF, and Pence decided to go for home. Since Phillips was backpedalling for the catch (which really should have been made by the right fielder), he couldn’t get as much on the throw as he normally would have, and Pence barely snuck in on a very good slide.
The Reds pushed the lead out to 4-2 in the top of the 5th when Votto lined a solo homer over the RF fence.
In the bottom of the 6th the Astros tied it up on a miracle Pence homer. Lee led off the inning with a single, and then Pence somehow reached out and around a low, outside pitch and pulled it into the Crawford boxes. I have no idea how he did that, and I’m worried that this result will encourage him to keep going after that pitch, which is a low pay-off proposition; time will tell, I guess. Keppinger followed with a double, and it looked like the Astros might put the Reds on the ropes. But Johnson, Quintero, and Michaels (pinch-hitting for Norris) made successive outs to end the threat.
The Astros lost the game in the 8th when Byrdak came in and gave up a single to Votto, a single to Gomes, and a double to Bruce that scored Votto. Figueroa relieved Byrdak and struck out Cairo, but then he gave up a double to Stubbs that scored Gomes. Those were the final two runs of the game.
The good guys made a push in the bottom of the 8th when they loaded the bases with one out, but Feliz (pinch-hitting for Quintero) struck out, and Hernandez (pinch-hitting for Figueroa) grounded out to 1st. They put two men on in the bottom of the 9th, too, but nobody could bring them home.
So, yet another loss that could have been averted with a little bit of luck. C’est la vie this year, and like I told my wife, these things are a lot easier to take this year since we know they’re not going to be the difference between a playoff spot and sitting at home.
Game 2 of the series takes place Saturday night at 7pm, with Johnny Cueto taking on Roy Oswalt, assuming Oswalt isn’t wearing a different jersey by then.
Wow. What a kick in the pants that was. Checking the standings of the NL Central today, I realized that the Redlegs stand a staggering thirteen games ahead of the Good Guys, and they’re not even leading the division. Jesus. Talk about franchises headed in opposite directions. That is uglier than a room full of shirtless Cub fans.
Minute Maid Park
Friday July 23, 7:05 pm FS-H HD
Saturday July 24, 6:05 pm FS-H HD
Sunday July 25, 1:05 pm FS-H HD
Projected Matchups From Astros.com
Friday
Travis Wood (0-1, 2.03) v. Bud Norris (2-7, 6.09)
Well, this is a great start. Some guy that nobody has ever heard of that apparently has just pitched like a beast since being called up versus Bud “Rock Me Sock Me” Norris. Wood has started four games for a total of twenty six innings. His stats so far: 12 hits, 6 earned runs, 2 homers, 9 walks, 23 strikeouts, .79 WHIP.
And the best news? Nobody on the Astros have ever faced him. Transation: We’re boned.
Bud Norris is basically a disaster so far this year. His ERA has hovered around 6 the entire season, and other than a gem against the Padres a few weeks ago that he still took the loss in, he hasn’t shown many signs of getting better. Looking at his game log, the number of 4.somethings and 5.0’s is pretty alarming considering how many pitches he is throwing per game.
The Redlegs bat a respectable .278 against Bud, but have only collected three RBIs against him as a team. Orlando Cabrera (2-3) and Jay Bruce (1-1) are the only ones that have great (and VERY limited) stats against him. Joey Votto (0-3) hasn’t done a damn thing. So, if you’re keeping score at home, put ALL your money on Votto going 8-8 with 4 home runs against Bud tonight.
Saturday
Johnny Cueto (9-2, 3.39) v. Roy Oswalt (6-11, 3.12)
Cueto is having a dominating year so far, like most of the Reds starters. He hasn’t given up more than two runs in his last two starts. Really, the only thing you can complain about with Cueto is he doesn’t eat innings as much as you’d want him to. In six of his twenty starts, he’s gone less than six innings.
Good news, the Astros knock Johnny C. around a little bit, sporting a .311 average and .975 OPS against him. Twinkie (5-13, 2 HR) leads the charge, with Thunderpants (6-20), MB (5-14), Q (2-6), and Paul Happy (2-3) all chipping in. Kabong (3-14) isn’t so hot, and Kepp (0-1) has never gotten a hit off him either.
Sunday
Mike Leake (7-1, 3.45) v. Wandy Rodriguez (7-11, 5.11)
Leake recently was fired from his job as the head football coach at Texas Tech, and is su… oh, right. Leake has come back down to earth a little bit, in that his ERA is actually visible to the naked eye now. Leake has given up 5 or more earned runs in five of his last eight starts, maybe showing that the league has figured him out a little bit.
Fear not though, Astros fans! The Good Guys, in their two appearances against Mike, have mustered a whopping 9 hits in 36 at bats. Four of those nine have come from Jeff Keppinger BECAUSE YOU CAN’T THROW THAT WEAK ASS SHIT TO JEFF KEPPINGER, BITCH! The other five belong to Hunter Pence (2), Pedro Feliz (2), and Michael Bourn (1). So don’t expect much.
Despite a minor setback in Fucktardville Chicago, Wandy is pitching much better as of late. A sure sign I dropped him from my fantasy team only to have him snatched off the waiver wire. Damnit.
Joey Votto (7-22), Jonny Gomes (6-13), Miguel Cairo (4-7), and Ramon Hernandez (5-13) all hit the Lil’est Lefty pretty well. Brandon Phillips (7-29), Drew Stubbs (0-7) and Jay Bruce (1-17) all stink up the joint pretty good. Wow Jay, probably should sit a few plays out, buddy.
The “Roy Oswalt Whiny Ass Trade Me Or I’ll Keep Bitching In The Media” Tour continues. Frankly, I say get the best offer you can for him and send him packing for a boatload of prospects and be done with him. If 15 million dollars isn’t enough to make you happy Roy-O, hit the bricks.
The Reds hit RoyO surprisingly well considering his historic dominance aginast them (23-2, 2.62 ERA). They bat a cool .293 as a team against Roy in 188 at bats, but only have 5 homers and 18 RBIs. Brandon Phillips (12-35), Joey Votto (8-27), Miguel Cairo (5-17), and Laynce Nix (I FUCKING HATE THAT GUY! 7-15) all hit him pretty well. Orlando Cabrera (0-9,), Scott Rolen (9-42), and Jay Bruce (7-26) struggle agianst Roy, so he’s got that going for him, which is nice.
Notable Giveaways and Promotions
Friday – A pretty sweet looking Blue Retro cap. Until you look inside it and realize there’s a free embroidered picture of Pam in there. WOOF! And fireworks, of course.
Saturday – A Mike Scott Bobblehead, presumably brought to you by Sure Deodorant.
Sunday – A Webkinz doll. I *STILL* don’t know what the fuck a Webkinz is, and I’m still VERY happy about it.
Stupid Ass MLB.com Fantasy Baseball Injury Report
Reds – Homer Bailey is on the 15 Day DL with shoulder inflammation. Doh!
Chris Dickerson is on the 60 Day DL with a broken hook on his hamate bone. I’m not sure what language that injury is in.
Aaron Harang is on the 15 Day DL for being an ugly motherfucker with a funny nickname. Heh, Harangatang.
Mike Lincoln is on the 60 Day DL with a pulled muscle on his right side. Wow, thrilling.
And lastly, Scott Rolen is Day to Day with a sore hammy. But then again, aren’t we really all day to day?
Astros – Geoff Blum – 15 Day DL for loose bodies in his elbow. Damn slutty elbow.
Alberto Arias is still out of the year with a blowed up shoulder.
Jeff Fulchino developed tendonitis in his elbow while proving to the rest of the bullpen he really could eat two dozen cupcakes in three innings.
Tommy Manzella’s pinky is still broken, which makes it really difficult to show his class while drinking tea.
Brian Moehler strained his groin helping carry Fulchino to the trainers room after CupcakeGate ’10.
Felipe Paulino is out for an undetermined amount of time due to a strained rotator cuff. Yeah, my rotator cuff is strained too from writing about all these goddamned injuries.
Our Interesting Things To Look For
Not much interesting to see here other than two clubs headed in opposite directions. The Reds look to be legit contenders for at least the Wild Card if not the NL Central Crown, while the Astros are headed down to the basement to play spin the bottle with the Pirates. Ugh.
I just realized that I don’t have a single Cubs series this whole season. I tried to muster up some good, old fashioned hate for this preview, but I just can’t the Reds enough to write that way. Mostly I just spent this entire time sighing and longing for f-bomb laced tirades about Fuckhead Soriano and Fat Lou, who is on his way out at the end of the year.
Oh well, you win some, you lose some. Or in the Astros case, you win some, you lose a shitload more.
I’d also like to take this time to plug a new TV show I’ve been watching recently. If you haven’t checked out The Good Guys on Fox yet, it’s hilarious. Bradley Whitford has a monster mustache, and the show is just ridiculous. Check it out, I think you’ll like it.
Discuss this weekend’s activities in The GameZone!
GM’s, look at your pitchers. Now look at me. Now look back at them, now look at me.
Sadly, they aren’t me.
But if you stopped using prospects and traded them for me, then they could be me.
Look down. Look up.
Now you’re standing on the pitcher’s mound with the man your pitchers could look like if you traded for me.
What’s in your hand? I have it.
It’s an oyster, with my contract in it – with only one year left!
Look again – the option is now picked up!
Anything is possible when you trade for Roy Oswalt.
Astros 4, Cubs 3, 12 innings
Astros won another game on a Wednesday. This one was great. Any win against the Cubs is a great win. Anything that might make a Cubs fan cry, is a great thing.
According to Craig’s series preview, Myers has had some problems with Derrek Lee in the past and Ted Lilly has had way too much success against the Astros. Lilly continued to have success, just not enough to get the win. I do wish that Myers had gotten the win, he just seems to always be in a position for the team to get him a win. I rather think he deserved it, but that was not to be on this Wednesday.
After Pedro Felix hit his homer in the top of the 8th batting for Myers, I was again reminded of Craig’s preview where he mentioned Pedro usually got happy against Lilly, the bullpen pitched scoreless innings until the 12th.
The 12th inning was interesting. The Astros scored three in the top of the inning. Then the Astros go and give away 2 of the runs before the final out. Fun times. The bullpen gave Cubs fans hope many times during this game and then stomped on it. Fun times.
The only thing that seems to be of more interest than an Astros win over the Cubs is all the trade talk about Roy Oswalt. I just don’t have a lot of faith in a trade happening. Don’t misunderstand and think I may not want Roy traded. I do want him traded, I just want to make sure the Astros don’t get raped in a trade. Be sure to check out the TalkZone for all kinds of rumors and discussion on the fate of Mr. Oswalt.
One thing I’ve wondered about. If Roy got traded, do the O’s bros go with him? If they do, then sell Lance fast so the Little Pumas can be shipped out.
