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  • News (Page 177)

The Sound of MusicMan

Posted on September 1, 2009 by MusicMan in Game Recaps, News

Astros at Cubs, 8/31/09
Astros 5, FTC 3
W: Oswalt (8-5), L: Harden (8-8), S: Valverde (20)

Tag’s Wrap
Box

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;
Hunter Pence fielding like he’s wearing mittens.
Roy going seven, no Oswalt Inning;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Heavy left fielder hitting two-run home run;
Rich Harden missing the whole strike zone.
Fuck the Cubs hearing the fat lady sing;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the Astros bite
When the B’s don’t sting
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember how much the Cubs suck
And then I don’t feel so bad

Astros at FtCubs – Take Me Out of the Ball Game

Posted on August 30, 2009 by Craig in Series Previews

In a fitting tribute to the Astros’ 2009 campaign, I got myself neutered a couple of weeks ago. Well, snipped. Though “snipped” is a pretty weak descriptor for the violence done to my sack. And I think the doctor may have been a Co-Ards fan, though he did give me some pretty good drugs to get things started.

The urologist is this friendly old gray-haired guy, and before he started playing hack-a-sack, he broke out his iPhone and fired up Pandora. So he, the nurse, and I all started rocking out while he got down to business. Well he starts by poking my junk with needles, and then gets out the serious cutting tools. Luckily I can’t quite see what he’s doing down there, but there’s enough pulling and tugging to give me a damn good idea.

Well he’s working away and we start comparing iPhones, and he asks me what are my favorite apps. I’m kind of light-headed at this point and all I can come up with is MLB At-Bat.

He’s holding a cauterizing tool now, and he says, “Oh! You’re a baseball fan? Who’s your favorite team, the Cardinals?”

“Uh no, the Astros.”

“Oh. The Astros.”

Now I smell smoke. Hell, I can SEE smoke. Lots of it. Coming from my balls! He asks how the Astros are doing this year, and I think to myself, “about like my nuts are doing right now.”

I didn’t say that though, because after all there’s a guy with his fingers rooting around deep in my nutsack, and he’s poking away with a fucking branding iron. And he wants to know how the ‘Stros are doing. I don’t want to end up with the “StL” logo burned onto my nuts, so I come back with:

“Well, the Astros suck balls this year. The manager is a complete dumbass. He’s ruining the bullpen and all the young arms are getting burned up.”

The doctor grins through the haze of nut-smoke, holds up his wood-burning tool, and exclaims, “Where there’s smoke there’s fire!”

So anyway … Astros at Fuck the Cubs

The Cubs and Astros are just playing for second or third place now, but with the Co-Ards holding a double-digit lead in games, there is a vas deferens between first and second place. And much like my own reproductive tract, you just can’t get there from here anymore.

The Astros have lost six of their last seven, including a sweep at the hands of the pathetic D-Bags. Coop doesn’t even pretend to know who’s pitching for either side anymore, but he’ll call a press conference afterward to blame everyone but himself.

The FtCubs are in the same boat, throwing each other overboard and still missing the water while Milton Bradley huddles belowdecks, crying about the unfairness of it all and whimpering to himself, “Fuck the Cubfans.”

Wrigley Field

Monday, August 31, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSH-HD
Tuesday, September 1, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSH-HD
Wednesday, September 2, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSH-HD

Notable giveaways

Monday – Exclusive limited-edition Billy Williams bobble-head. Not to be confused with the even more exclusive Steve Bartman bobble-ball.

Tuesday – Baseball bingo. Fuck if I know. Maybe Cubfan can take it to Cincinnati and play Bingo Cornhole with the Reds.

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Monday
Roy Oswalt (7-5, 3.86) v. Rich Harden (8-7, 3.99)

In a prudent safety precaution, the Astros will all be taking separate taxis to the game today; no one felt comfortable taking a bus because Roy might throw them all under it. And he’d probably strain his back at the same time and then blame it on the bus driver. Though honestly, this year’s bus driver …

Sit down, bus driver

Sit down, bus driver

… does deserve most of the blame.

Roy has 29 career appearances against the dumbass Cubs with a 12-12 record. He’s faced the Cubs three times this year and has an 0-1 record, and he left his last start at Wrigley with a back strain. Probably from carrying around all that attitude.

ErrorMiss, BunnyHop Soriano, and Derrek Lee all have less-than-stellar records against Roy, with double-digit strikeouts for Lee and ErrorMiss. But each of them have three or four homers too. No one else really stands out, though Aaron Miles and FukU are exceptionally bad against Oswalt.

Harden is 1-1 against the Astros this season. Matsui is 4-for-10 against him, and Blum and Berkman each have a homer off him. Berkman only has 5 AB’s against Harden. Tejada is only 2-for-12 against Harden.

Tuesday
Brian Moehler (8-9, 5.26) v. Randy Wells (9-7, 3.06)

Moehler is 1-2 in three starts against the FtCubs this season, with an ERA of nearly 14.00. Nearly everyone on the Cubs who’s seen Moehler in the past has hit him well, particularly Derrek Lee at 7-for-17 with two doubles and three homers. Soto and Fonte-Not also have homers off him.

Rookie Wells has faced the Astros twice this season for a total of 14 innings, and hasn’t given up a run yet. Carlos Lee has two hits off him and Kazuo Matsui has three. No one else has more than one.

Wednesday
TBA v. Ted Lilly (9-8, 3.35)

Apparently Cecil Cooper is just going to mail this one in, but since it’s a day game I hope he remembers to put the mail out on time. He’ll probably forget to raise the little flag on the mailbox, and will then call a press conference to blame it on the mailman.

Lilly has had quality starts in all 10 appearances at Wrigley this season, with an ERA under 2.00. All of his games against the Astros this season have been in Houston, but he’s 3-0 there too. Just about everyone on the Astros has faced Lilly at some point, though they are a collective 43-for-221 (.195) against him. Keppinger hits him pretty well, and Aaron Boone is 2-for-2 against him. Erstad is particularly bad against Lilly, going 2-for-25.

Injury Report

Houston – Aaron Boone is expected to return Tuesday, while Doug Brocail and Wesley Wright are on rehab assignments. Arias is out until mid-September and Mike Hampton is done. No really, Mike, you’re done.

Chicago – Milton Bradley is all butthurt about the Cubfans but he isn’t on the DL yet. Expect a DL stint if his condition worsens to “tit in a wringer.” Bunnyhop is questionable, of course, as is Jeff Baker. Centerfielder Reed Johnson might return for this series, and David Patton is on a rehab assignment. Andres Blanco and Chad Fox are also on the DL.

Post-op

Well anyway, my sack is healing now. The bruises are fading and the incisions have stopped weeping, but the stitches haven’t dissolved yet. Doctor’s orders say to rest that junk and take it easy for a few days, which I’m pretty good at. In a good baseball season, this would be a perfect excuse to lay back in the recliner, ice my nuts, and watch the Astros. You know, like any other season.

But shit, my balls are already aching and I’m supposed to relax; if I watched Cecil Cooper’s dumb ass while in my current condition, I might get agitated and pop a stitch. Fuck that. So I’ve been playing Madden 10 on the XBox, totally dominating the league with my awesome team, the Taint Misbehavin’.

Meanwhile, I went back to the doctor for the follow-up and he said things are looking good. The stitches will be gone soon and I can get back into the game, so to speak. Because, see, there are two parts to the doctor’s orders after a vasectomy. First you take it easy for a few days, but then, you gotta work that shit. There may be some sperm loafers still hanging around in the cheap seats, even after the Friday fireworks show, and you gotta roust those fuckers out of there. You guys don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

So I’ve got to get busy for the next six weeks and clear the decks before I turn in the sample for testing. It’s kind of like trying to earn the world’s greatest XBox achievement, so I’ll be trying to regain my stroke and rack up the high score before the baseball season ends.

Wish me luck.

Discuss today’s ball game with the other nuts in the Gamezone.

The Final Sacrifice

Posted on August 30, 2009 by GreatBagwellsBeard in Game Recaps

As much as we’ve decried the lack of starting pitching that has plagued the Astros worst post-WS season, the offense has squandered some of the better quality starts, too. Today, Wandy was again the victim, taking the loss despite making only a few mistakes. That he’s accumulated nine losses says quite a lot about the offense and perhaps provides more damning evidence of the ill effects of Coop’s ceaseless lineup tinkering.

All three of the ‘stros runs came off of sacrifice grounders, which says something about how poorly the team was hitting, or how effective Dan Haren was at inducing ground outs. Despite the small ball, the powerful bats of Justin Upton and John Hester provided the push that the D-bags needed to put up four runs on Wandy.

At this point, there’s really only one person who can help us. A hero. A hero who drives a shitty pickup. A hero with an inexplicable name. A hero with a mullet. A man named Zap Rowsdower.

Final Score: ARZ 4, HOU 3.

The ‘every once in a while’ Astros update

Posted on August 30, 2009 by OregonStrosFan in TRWD

special-report

It’s Open Season on Miggy (again)

Last year, it was a ‘to catch a predator’ style ambush on ESPN about his age. This year, it’s a story in the New York Times about an un-provable allegation that supposedly occurred eight years ago.

David Waldstein of the New York Times takes a shot at Miguel Tejada, passing along allegations that Miggy “help[ed] friends on opposing teams by tipping off pitches and by allowing balls they hit to get past him occasionally during games with lopsided scores” during his 2001 season in Oakland.

No hard evidence has ever been produced, and to this day Tejada, now an All-Star with the Houston Astros, denies his teammates’ accusations, which have only recently been uncovered. But Manager Art Howe… was forced to address the issue. He spoke first on Tejada’s behalf, trying to quell the outrage. Then Jason Giambi, the unequivocal leader and biggest star on the team, laid out the players’ concerns.

The ‘story’ continues on to describe the allegations and various responses, including this one from Miggy:

“I would never do that. I want to win. If my brother was on the other team, I would never help him.”

Barry Bloom of MLB.com, subbing for McTaggart this weekend at Astros.com, discussed the NYT article with Miggy, who had this to say:

“I’ve never tipped pitches. I love this game and that’s not the way I play it. I’m a proud player. I would never do such a thing. It’s tough to get a hit. And for me to tip pitches to anybody, that’s crazy. I play for my team.

***

What can I say? There’s so many comments made about me lately I don’t pay any attention to it. When they asked me about it I told them I never tipped pitches.”

All of which leads one to wonder why in the heck this story is appearing in the New York Times 8 years after the ‘acts’ allegedly took place… Admittedly “who the heck cares” is probably the incorrect attitude to have (after all it would piss me off to hear one of the Astros position players was tipping off pitches this season), but nevertheless that is where I find myself. By all accounts Miggy is the consummate teammate, he plays hard and he plays to win. I could give a crud about Jason Giamby or the ’01 Oakland A’s…

(h/t to Astros County for the link)

ETA: Bench steps up with a link to Deadspin’s take on the NYT article.

____________________

El Caballo watching los caballos?

Phil Rogers at the Chicago Tribune makes an interesting statement about Carlos Lee in his MLB Power Rankings column this week.

Carlos Lee’s attention isn’t one of his best traits. A teammate was furious when he found Lee in the clubhouse during a recent game, checking horse racing results on his computer.

____________________

Really (Pam)?

Greg Barr at the Houston Business Journal writes that the Astros will debut a reality television series beginning Thursday.

Though the harsh reality of the team’s disappointing season is just setting in, Houston Astros players are set to star in their own reality-based television series.

***

[T]he 30-minute reality-style program will focus on the lifestyles of Astros players and their families, looking at their activities off the playing field.

____________________

No one is immune

JdJO writes that McLane plans to evaluate the Astros from the top down during the offseason.

It’s a good start, but McLane seems to maintain some delusions about the poor performance of the team:

“There’s plenty of time when the season is over to address how we finished up. Let’s see what the real potential of this team is. We had much greater expectations, so you have to adjust. Part of it you have to look at it. You ever see a team that had as many injuries to key players?”

There is hope though, as McLane certainly didn’t give Cooper a vote of confidence when asked if he was pleased about his leadership this year:

“I don’t know that I can have evaluated or considered that. We’re going to review every part — from the players to the manager, to the farm system. We haven’t picked out any one part of it.

Roy’s comments last week certainly seemed to catch McLane’s attention:

“Roy had great frustration, and that’s part of a champion. He wants to win as much as anybody else. These are problems you need to solve internally rather than through the media.”

***

“I think the comments that Roy made, I think he was probably frustrated in not winning a very close game. Those comments need to be done internally with the coaches and manager and the general manager.”

And he is ‘concerned’:

“You’re always concerned. I think there is concern because we had great expectations.”

____________________

On the trail of the real killer culprit

JdJO also blogs about a conversation that he had with McLane regarding the numerous hamstring injuries that Astros players have experienced this year.

“We’re sure going to look at everything. Look at how many hamstring strains, calf strains and other injuries we’ve had. Do we need to change our training routine? Do we need to see the energy drinks they take? We need to see what has caused all these injuries. Have you ever seen so many calf injuries? Look how many calf injuries.”

____________________

Little League baseball honors #5

Jeff Bagwell was the 2009 recipient of the Bill Shae Distinguished Little League Graduate Award. From the Communications Division of Little League online:

The award was established in 1987 to serve a two-fold purpose. First, and most importantly, the award is presented to a former Little Leaguer in Major League Baseball who best exemplifies the spirit of Little League. Consideration for selection includes both the individual’s ability and accomplishments and that person’s status as a positive role model.

“For Mr. Bagwell, baseball has been a life-long ambition, and his drive to play the game at the highest level required personal commitment and fortitude that was learned while playing Little League,” [president and CEO of Little League Baseball and Softball Stephen] Keener said. “His transition from playing to teaching skills and mentoring young players has brought him full circle with the experiences and enthusiasm enjoyed during his Little League days. Jeff’s athletic prowess coupled with his desire to assist in the lives of children makes us are proud to honor him with this award.”

Bagwell on his recollections and fondness of Little League:

“I loved putting on my Little League uniform and going to play. As I got older, every time I put on my uniform it was exciting. When I talk to young players, I tell them, ‘If baseball is what you want to do, go practice, play hard, keep plugging away and don’t give up.’”

***

“When I was in Little League, I cried one time when I struck out and my dad benched me. That moment taught me about adversity and that things aren’t always going to go your way. When you’re a kid you just play, and that’s what I did, from Little League all the way up to the Majors. I got to be a better player as I got older, and things worked out for me.”

____________________

Catching up with #7

David Crider of MaxPreps catches up with Craig Biggio, and discusses his new position as head coach at St. Thomas.

Biggio on his coaching style:

“I’m patient to a degree. But mental letdowns and not running out the ball make the hair stand up on my head. The one thing you can control is effort. I struck out over 1,000 times. I don’t think you have to run back to the dugout after a strikeout. I liked the kids’ willingness to learn.”

It’s no surprise that job security doesn’t seem to be an issue for Biggio:

“I don’t really care about the won-lost record,” he says. “The better the schedule (and it is loaded) the more (college and pro) looks for your players. If 42 scouts are watching Jameson (The Woodlands’ big-time pitcher, Jameson Taillon), they are seeing my kids, too).

As for his goals as head coach:

“My biggest goal is to teach these kids as much baseball as I can and hope they can play in college and, of course, win a state baseball championship (the school has won 20 titles). If we can get six or seven kids (each year into college baseball), that’s all I care about. I would be very happy.”

____________________

All choked up

John Schumacher at the Sacramento Bee writes “[Shawn] Chacon’s parents grounded him – in a good way.”

While Chacon doesn’t like to look back at what happened last year when he tried to choke out Ed Wade, he did have take a couple of Cooper’esque shots at the Astros:

“I really don’t talk about it much. It’s somewhere in previous years I’d never really wanted to play. Not the city itself, just the organization itself. I’d never really heard good things about it. It didn’t work out too well … kind of started out positive, then the whole thing started snowballing. It’s unfortunate what happened. Like I’ve said before, I believe everything happens for a reason.”

by the time they got to arizona…

Posted on August 29, 2009 by BatGirl in Game Recaps, News

diamondbacks 9, astros 0

oh my god!  what the fuck is going on here?!

by my count, your houston astros have allowed 39 runs over their last seven games.  and yet, they are only 2-5 on their current roadtrip.  a dead team?  says who?  hogwash!

so will there be an investigation?

meanwhile, drayton’s not ready to rule out redbull as the culprit of this season’s mysterious losses (and myriad lower-leg ailments).

but what are we supposed to do now?

mclane will not replace cecil cooper before the season is over.  it’s still astounding to me that a club that formerly prided itself on the fact that they had an extremely professional clubhouse, mostly devoid of cancerous big egos, rabble rousers and n’er do wells, would allow someone to come in and destroy the integrity of that atmosphere.  but here we are.  and there it is. 

it almost sounds dirty to admit it, but i would be all for offering bagwell the gig for the remaining games. 

i just feel so violated…

(ir)regardless of what happens, i plan to watch this team play out every game through the end of september.  and it’s not because the owners of this site pay me alot (thanks for the grammar lesson, JCIII) of money to show up and give 100% to writing these recaps.  and it’s not because i’m a glutton for punishment (i swear).  i just love this stupid game.  and i can’t quit it, even when it breaks my heart.  plus, i heard this somewhere once – it’s not over till it’s over. 

gamezone

mlb recap

Friday Night Wonders

Posted on August 28, 2009 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

Astros 7, D-backs 14
W: Max Scherzer, L: Yorman Bazardo

Astros Recap
Yahoo Recap

The Astros pitchers were bad on the night. The team scored 6 runs and the game wasn’t even close. It was not close after the 3rd inning.

Bench Tidbits:

This game was one of those games where if you are at the game your conversations can be some of the best you ever have.

I’ve been at blow out games where a friend and I have discussed her dysfunctional relationship with her parents. How she wants to raise her child Catholic but not practice the same religion. There are discussions of what two guys would be the bread to your meat (yes, Bradley was always a slice of bread in that fantasy).

Today was no different. If you read the GameZone at all, you’ll understand. It really started early, before the blowout happened.

Bench mentioned how his plans to see LUMA at Miller Outdoor Theater got cancelled due to thunderstorms in Houston. His revised plans included having his friends come over for baked ziti, rum, wine, more rum and wine and beer. I do not believe he opened the champagne. I think he was planning to save it for the Astros’ rally.

Bench also shared his fond knowledge of St. Louis. The fact that he does not know their historical landmarks and his unwillingness to look them up.

Bench is under obligation to cook for myself and BatGirl. We are looking forward to something special. Can’t wait. Sweet Baby Bench.

Next to be brought up in the non-baseball topics was Jose Cruz III. His recipe for spaghetti is one that left me in awe. He unfortunately did not offer to cook it for BatGirl and I. He’s not quite the favorite that Bench is with us.

OregonStrosFan and subnuclear stopped in for a bit, but they lasted as long as Jacksonian, Ron Brand, jmontessori and Salty Parker.

Lastly the conversation with BatGirl was the most entertaining, for me. We discussed a few people on the board. Such as strosrays’ Annette. Do you realize that there aren’t very many Annette’s that are famous? We only came up with Funicello, Bening, and O’Toole (who really isn’t that famous but is an actress from Houston).

Then we moved onto waxing and how you should take ibuprofen before going to lessen the pain. You also should try to schedule those appointments when you are not experiencing PMS since your skin is more sensitive.

Also discussed was that today was National Cherry Turnover Day. I did my best to stop BatGirl from whoring herself out for a turnover. Did you know that Arby sells a cherry turnover? Well, I do now thanks to BatGirl.

Joel McHale and Chelsea Handler are funny. That was just a quick little side discussion, but they are funny.

Wilton Lopez reminds me of Wilton baking pans. It’s the Wilton brand. They are really nice pans for baking. If anyone ever wants to give me one, feel free. I will probably bake you something as a thank you.

The only puffy dough boy product I purchase is frozen biscuits. They are really good. I’ve only tried to make biscuits once. It was so long ago that I don’t think they turned out well. Otherwise I’d probably still be making them.

I also can help cure anyone with a hungerection. If you want to know what that means, you have to ask BatGirl, she’s working on trademarking the word.

Sweet Baby Bourn plays with fire in his belly. I love that kid. You all already knew that though.

Neither BatGirl nor I have any known food allergies, so anyone planning to cook for us should feel safe with anything they plan to include in the menu. Oh, and BatGirl is mixing the drinks Stolly Bolly for everyone.

Cooter Brown is a new term for shitfaced drunk. I’ve been there, it’s been a couple months since I’ve been that way (May after a softball tournament). The definition of cooter brown is that’s when your memory of the previous night is more fuzzy than clear. How many of you haven’t been there?

One of the last item discussed was insane families. Whether they are yours, your spouse’s or a friends. Either way the insanity is apparently spread throughout. In other words the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

BatGirl knows the guy that does the music at the stadium formally known as BOB. Apparently when Bazardo left the game he played part of Bohemia Rhaphsody.

we will not let him go
let me go!
we will not let him go
let me go!
oh mama mia, mama mia
mama mia let me go

I want to say a special thank you to Bench and BatGirl for making this a game worth watching and recapping (since I couldn’t find anyone willing to recap it).

Go get’em tomorrow boys.,

And a special shout out to the San Antonio McAllister Little League team that plays Ceula Vista, CA (still not willing to check that spelling) tomorrow (Saturday) at 3 pm on ABC. Go Texas!!!! Kick that Cali ass.

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