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  • News (Page 176)

Everyone old is  new  young again

Posted on September 10, 2009 by JackAstro in Game Recaps

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Astros 2
Braves 1

W: Valverde (4-2) | L: Soriano (1-5)

Astros.com Recap
Videos from the game
AP! Recap! On Yahoo!
GameZone

Just as the age and decline talk began, Twinkie and Tejada cued up the Hulkster’s intro music and initiated Operation Furious Clutch Comeback Montage Sequence. Feel free to leave that playing in the background.

Eny and Tommy Hanson got their horns locked in an old-fashioned NL pitchers’ duel for the bulk of this one, before The Most Interesting Pitcher in the World left to ice a tired shoulder with crisp, refreshing Dos Equis after seven strong. The Fucking Braves scratched out their lone run on three total hits, using a walk, groundout and single in the second to nick Wandy. The Good Guys eked out five hits in eight innings against Hanson – who is a fucking witch – but Wandy was the only player to get as far as third base (NTTAWWT). While there, he passed the time by winning a staring contest against a statue, and wrestling a bear with his hands cuffed to his belt.

Down 1-0 in the bottom of the ninth, the ‘Stros faced off against Soriano, with Kaz getting the rally started with a one-out single to right. Fat Elvis stepped in and smacked a double to left, almost before JD could wax prophetic about him hitting a walk-off jack. Close enough. Miggy followed with a bounder up the middle that caused significant tailpipe-puckering, due to its resemblance to a sure double play comebacker. Somehow, the ball managed to elude every glove in the infield by inches as it bounced its way directly over 2B and into center for the win, scoring Kaz and Berkman easily.

Big props in this one go to the gang of kids who cared enough to a) be there at all, in full team regalia no less, b) engage rally caps and c) celebrate the win like it was the NL pennant. I am inspired by their passion and utter naivety, and hereby pledge to dispense with my cynicism until at least the 3rd inning of today’s game. Thanks, gents.

Getting closer to the end.

Posted on September 9, 2009 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

Braves 2, Astros 1
W: Javier Vazquez, L: Felipe Paulino, S: Rafael Soriano

Astros Recap
Yahoo Recap

This game didn’t take any time at all to be played. 2 hours and 33 minutes. That usually means a good pitched game, at least to me it does. And I think it was.

Astros Highlights:

Felipe Paulino, went 6 innings of 2 run baseball. Both runs were solo homeruns, but he pitched great otherwise.

Hunter Pence went 2 for 4, with an RBI.

Braves Highlights:

Javier Vazquez tossed 7 innings of 3 hit no run baseball. He walked 4 but struck out 9. Not a bad night for him either.

Game Analysis:

I have none. So, check out the Game Zone for that.

Bench Tidbits:

Well, I feel as though I should explain why I have no game analysis for anyone. It is because I was busy baking. I baked a chocolate italian creme cake and a lemon cake with lemon filling. I have to make the icing and the ice the cakes tonight. Going to be a late night since I am also going to the Astros game.

Check out GreatBagwellsBeard’s Series Preview for information about the rest of the series.

I’m meeting a friend at the BUS at 6:30 if anyone wants to meet for a beverage before the game.

Welcome To The Big Show: Braves @ Astros Preview

Posted on September 8, 2009 by GreatBagwellsBeard in News, Series Previews

Manzella! Johnson! Towles! The Future is Now…here in Sight. Coop now has a new cadre of suckers to jerk around in the lineup. Despite his promises to give Blum and Miggy time off so the youngsters can get a shot, ponder this: imagine an Astros team that’s once again flirting with .500 and the annual Cubs collapse has the Good Guys 1 game out of second in the Central, and just 8 back of the Co-ards. Imagine further that Manzella started cold, but is hitting .290 in his last five games. Who do you think that Coop is going to start?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah. That’s what I think, too.

These prospects aren’t the cavalry, riding in to save the day. They’re the little Asian boy scout from UP!, only more harmless. Look, I’d like to think that Manzella is the 2nd Coming of St. Adam of Everett, but he lacks the beautiful flowing locks that clearly mark a plus-plus fielding shortstop. I’d like to think that Chris Johnson is the 2005 Vintage Morgan Ensberg, but he’s more like Aramis Ramirez, without the slick fielding. And some genius at the Chron thinks that Towles should pull a Bidge and switch to 2B. What do you think, sirs?

DREBIN!

DREBIN!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll say it, and I don’t care who hears: I’m ready for Texans season.

Also: a side note about this site.  I totally forgot to write a game recap this weekend.  I’ll blame all the mesquite smoke I inhaled while acting as my extended family’s grillmaster over the holiday.   Like a great, soon-to-be-unemployed man once said, “It won’t happen again”.  Except I mean it.

Probables

Tuesday, September 8th

7:05 CT, MMPUS

Javier Vazquez (11-9, 3.18) v. Felipe Paulino (2-7, 6.62)

I wrote a whole bunch of fat and fake birth certificate jokes about Vasquez before realizing that I had him confused with Jose Contreras; in summary, Javy is a paragon of good, healthy eating and exercise, and he was legitimately born in 1976 in Puerto Rico.  He is, despite his numbers this year, a horrible pitcher because he has never gotten Kaz Matsui out.  Miggy hits him pretty well, too, but everyone else is pretty mediocre against him.

Paulino’s looking to build on a solid start last week; perhaps getting a clear message from management about his role and future from the team has something to do with that.   Braves batters are hitting only .167 against him, so hopefully he’ll keep up the good work.

 

Wednesday, September 9th

7:05 CT, MMPUS

Derek Lowe (13-9, 4.36) v. Wandy Rodriguez (13-9, 2.82)

When you type “Derek Lowe” into the Google Taskbar, the first suggestion that comes up is “Derek Lowe affair”.   This is not a Pierce Bronsnan remake of a Steve McQueen movie.  No, it’s Derek leaving his wife and two kids for the host of Fox Sports’ Dodgers show a couple of years ago.  He has since married said bobblehead.  Stay classy, D-Lowe.  Caballo, Bourn, and Matsui all hit him very well, and only Hunter has struggled against him.  Score early, score often.

Besides, you know Wandy’s going to hold it down.  If we could clone Wandy four times, we’d be a playoff team.  Then again, if your aunt had testicles, she’d be your uncle.  Larry Jones, Yunel Escobar, and Omar Infante not only sound like the lineup of a mambo band with a banjo player, but are also the only Braves who hit Wandy well.

 

Thursday, September 10th

7:05 CT, MMPUS

TBA v.  Roy Oswalt (8-5, 3.77)

Its like a Doberman, let it have its ears!

It's like a Doberman, let it have its ears!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Roy Oswalt’s whiny ass takes the hill again.  I’m so sick of hearing him whine about fire.  Smokey the Bear is not amused.  He does usually make the Braves his bitch (with the exception of Nate McLouth), so hopefully the late-season fireworks will continue again on Thursday.

 

Injuries (FOR YOUR FANTASY TEAM!)

Astros:

Mike Hampton: Wandering around looking for his arm like that guy in Saving Private Ryan.

Alberto Arias: actually healthy, just hiding from Coop.

Jeff Keppinger: day-to-day, which is what you’d expect for a guy who shouldn’t be starting every day.

Roy Oswalt: inflamed va-jay-jay (sand)

Braves:

Jorge Campillo: can’t believe they kicked him out of the band for a fucking banjo player

Yunel Escobar: twisted ankle (mambo)

Chipper “Larry” Jones:  strained oblique while killing Mexicans on his ranch

Brian McCann: McCann’t play.

Jordon Schafer: left wrist surgery.  I guess he uses the mouse with his right hand.

 

Promotions!

Tuesday: Double Play Tuesdays, brought to you by Kaz Matsui!

Wednesday:  Jack. Shit.

Thursday: College Night, bro!  I can only assume that this means that the game will go into extras, and you will flunk your first big biochem test on Friday morning.

What To Watch For:

Derek Lowe’s roving eye

Hunter’s somewhat improved eye

Sharply hit balls entering the stands off the glove of Chris Johnson.

The triumphant return of rodeo clowns

 

Discuss the games in the aptly-named Game Zone!

Phillies at Astros – Anyone Have A Stamp?

Posted on September 4, 2009 by MRaup in Series Previews

Some Stadium in Houston, Or Something

Since the Astros have elected to go ahead and mail in the rest of the season, I figure, what the hell, I’m going to mail in this preview as well. Honestly, I’ve been mailing it in all week month year my life. Why fuck with a good thing, right?
Friday September 4th, 7:05pm FS-HD
Saturday September 5th, 6:05 FS-HD
Sunday September 6th, 1:05 my20
Monday September 7th, 1:05 FS-HD

Pitching Matchups from Astros.com

Friday

Cliff Lee (12-10, 2.83) v. Wandy Rodriguez (12-9, 2.93)

I don’t know anything about Cliff Lee, and I refuse to actually look anything up.

Wandy is an Astro. Therefore he either is mailing it in or has it in for Cecil Cooper. REALLY? Yes, really.

Prediction: Cliff Lee dominates the Astros, has some BBQ, then takes a nap.

Friday’s Featured Mailbox: Limey’s

Saturday

Joe Blanton (9-6, 3.77) v. Roy Oswalt (8-5, 3.80)

Joe Blanton used to pitch for an AL team. Blanton sort of sounds like bland, so I bet he’s a boring guy.

Roy Oswalt likes to complain about stuff. Odds are he’ll find something to complain about during/after this game too. My guess, the lack of bulldozer parking around MMP.

Prediction: Oswalt gives up a towering homer to that tubby first baseman the Phillies have, but hangs on to win.

Saturday’s Featured Mailbox: Andyzipp’s

Sunday

Cole Hamels (8-8, 4.26) v. Bud Norris (3-3, 6.61)

Cole Hamels was awesome last year. He’s sucked this year, but apparently is getting better.

Bud Norris was awesome earlier in the year, but has gotten rocked in his last few starts.

Prediction: Bud pitches decently through five, but Cooper pulls him after intentionally walking Ryan Howard with 2 outs and a runner on 2nd. When Bud points out that Coop himself called for the I-walk, Cooper sends Norris down to the Instructional League for an “attitude-adjustment”. Phillies win.

Sunday’s Featured Mailbox: Bizidy’s

Monday

What the fuck? A 4 game series? I didn’t sign up for this.

Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, since neither team has announced a starter, and Astros.com has no information at all. You know what that means?

Whoever starts probably gets knocked around by a real Playoff-worthy lineup.

Prediction: Phillies kick the crap out of the good guys.

On the teh funny!

Monday’s Featured Mailbox: Kev and Scott’s

Notable Giveaways This Series

Friday – Every fan sitting in fair territory beyond the outfield walls will be given a protective device to save them from all of the longballs sure to be hit their way.

Saturday – Get your very own “Some Of These Guys Still Play For The Astros” shirt!

Sunday – WHAT THE FUCK IS A WEBKINZ!?

Monday – Your very own Rainbow Gut Grilling Apron! Also, if you’re one of the first 1000 fans in the door and look like you could pitch for a shell of a Major League team, you could be the starter for YOUR Houston Astros!

Combined Injury Report

Phillies

Clay Condrey is on the 15 Day DL with a tummyache, and has a rehab start in AAA on the 5th.

Greg Dobbs is on the 15 Day DL with a strained calf. He’s on Kabong’s ranch trying to catch a new calf.

Brett Myers is on the 60 Day DL with a hip labrum tear AND some kind of eye problem. What the hell?

J.C. Romero is on the 15 Day DL while off filming another zombie movie.

Astros

Alberto Arias is on the 15 Day DL with a strained hammy. He’s just excited it wasn’t his pitching arm that gave out.

Mike Hampton will be spending the next six months soaking in a mixture of that blue liquid barbers keep their combs in and ground up placenta. I don’t really know why, so don’t ask.

Our Interesting Things To Look For

  • The unwashed masses finally noticing that Michael Bourn is kind of a badass.
  • I don’t think I’ve ever been less excited about September Call-Ups.
  • If there’s a God in Heaven, Cecil Cooper’s head will roll at some point during this homestand.
  • Talk about today’s game in the GameZone! Really? Yes, really.

    HE’S BACK!

    Posted on September 3, 2009 by Noe in Austin in Game Recaps

    From real doubt he'd ever play baseball again...

    From real doubt he'd ever play baseball again...



    ... to a very real appearance on the field five hard months worth of work later.

    … to a very real appearance on the field five hard months worth of work later. The Houston Astros lost to the Chicago Cubs, 2-0, on Aaron Boone Day. *sigh*

    Life Goes On

    Posted on September 2, 2009 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

    Astros 1, Cubs 4
    W: Randy Wells, L: Brian Moehler

    Astros Recap
    Yahoo Recap
    GameZone

    The Astros lost this game by a combined effort of lack of situational offense and some bad defense. Brian Moehler did an okay job pitching. Nothing new for this season really.

    Astros Highlights:

    Michael Bourn went 3 for 4 on the night. Got stranded twice.

    Geoff Blum went 2 for 4 on the night.

    Bench Tidbits:

    I have to admit this game is not causing me much thought beyond the fact that there are more important things in life. Yes, baseball can be a great escape, a way to relax and a number of other things; but when it all comes down at the end of the day does not matter that much for most of us.

    I have a former friend going through a divorce and learning of all the things she did during her marriage is making me ill. I’ll come out and say that cheating on your spouse is wrong. I don’t think anyone can convince me differently. It only makes things worse when you have to deal with the marriage after the fact.

    I have no happy thoughts in my mind right now, especially not after talking to the soon-to-be-ex-husband.

    I sincerely hope all of you married or in relationships respect the vows you have made. I am not naive enough to think everything can be overcome but do believe you owe it to yourself, spouse and family to be honest and respectful.

    So, hopefully the Astros win today and I reconcile the fact that some people are just not good people.

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