Brewers @ Astros–Make Sure You Kick the Whine-O on the Way Out

Posted on July 30, 2010 by JaneDoe in Series Previews

Hello, world, here’s a song that we’re singin’, C’mon get Happ-y

The Astros enter into a new era, and boy are they PO’d. That’s Post Oswalt’d for you who haven’t surfed the internet or turned on a TV in the past 36 hours or so. Uh, huh, that guy who was supposed to break the Astros team record for wins is bye-bye, and a young southpaw is in the fold.

A whole lotta lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’, We’ll make you Happ-y

James Anthony Happ. J. A. for short.

We had a dream we’d go trav’lin’ together
We’d spread a little lovin then we’d keep movin’ on

Now as the details of the trade came down the pike, Astros fans across the universe held their collective breaths as visions of a sugar plum fairy godmotherf’er of a deal danced in their heads. What could be gotten for their favorite electrically charged and repaired Roy-O? Wild ass rumours were the talk of the day–from 3 team deals where the Astros would get 8 blue star sure thing minor league prospects plus Ted William’s cryogenically preserved dome, down to just trading Oswalt for a lifetime supply of Vagisil and Mantyhose. When the dust settled, the Astros had given the Phillies $11 million dollars and a major league Whine-O for a young left-handed pitcher J. A. Happ, along with outfielder Anthony Gose and shortstop Jonathan Villar. Gose was then flipped to the Blue Jays for first baseman Brett Wallace, masher extraordinaire.

Somethin’ always happ-ens whenever we’re together
We get a Happ-y feelin’ when we’re singin’ a song

Happ-y Trails, to ya Roy, don’t forget your Bros on the way out…… Now, if we could just get rid of those horses and yeller cats, too.

Friday, July 30, 7:05 PM CT

Saturday, July 31, 6:05 PM CT

Sunday, August 1, 1:05 PM CT

Back to the business at hand…baseball…games. The Brew Crew is in town, after losing 2 of 3 to the NL Central leading Cincinnati Reds (yep, don’t run out and get Lasik, you read that right, the Reds).

Friday’s matchup has Manny Parra facing that Happ-y guy (not to be confused with our own Mr. Happy). Happ has started once against the Brewers in his career, giving up 2 runs on 6 hits in 5.2 innings and earning a W. Current Brewers hit .286 against him, lead by the Prince himself with a .500 average. Parra is coming off his better appearances of the season last week (against the Nats mind you). Four Astros sport .500 or better averages off Manny: Lee, Feliz, Michaels and Q.

Saturday’s matchup features a battle between a rod and a bush-and we all know how that usually turns out. The rod comes up limp, but the bush gets creamed. (Boooooo, I know) Pence typically likes Bush, going 8 for 20 with 1 dinger, while Feliz and Lee both have taken him yard twice. McGehee (.455), Hart (.419), Braun (.368) and Weeks (.300), are salivating to see Wandy take the hill. Rodriguez is 6-6 with a 4.48 ERA vs the Brewers in his career.

For the Sunday matinee, its a battle of the Ws, Wolf vs Wright. Wolf has held the current Astros lineup to a .207 BA. That anemic average is only that high because Q is 5 for 9 with a .556 average, or else that average drops below the shit line to a paltry .178. The Kid is making his third start of the season for the Good Guys (both against the Cubs–Fuck them!) and has yet to get past the 5th inning.

Is there a doctor in the house?

The Sexy, Sexy Bitch and the kid who won’t take off his sunglasses at night are questionable for this series. Sittin’ on the dock of the DL we find Gerut, Davis, Estrada and Zaun playing a game of quarters til the sun goes down. Or they get shit-faced, one or the other.

Arias is still MIA for the season. Fulchino has started his rehab assignment, while Blum, Manzella, Moehler, and Paulino draw straws to see who gets to visit Brownie and JD in the booth this Saturday. Keppinger is day-to-day from the backache he aquired from trying to carry this team single-handedly for much of the season.

Send’em home Happ-y!

Friday Night Fireworks! ‘Nuff said.

"Look Ma! They got it wrong! His butt ain't brushing the ground!"

Saturday-New Batting Coach Jeff Bagwell Bobblehead! How many Bagwell bobbing heads does one need anyway? Anything to get another ass in the seat, huh, Pam? Oh, yeah. Its also that Faith and Family night thing that Alkie hates, featuring Fat Elvis giving his testimony–LIVE ON THE BIG SCREEN FROM NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!

Sunday-An Astros lunch bag for the kiddies, just in time for school. I am going to have to steal one of those babies for myself. My family and I will be attending the game thanks to Chevy Youth Baseball. In the cheap seats, where else? I said Chevy not Bentley.

The Re-building Saga Begins

Dear Drayton,

The word of the day is re-building. Emphasis on the re-. It has been done before. Remember that October of 20 ouught five? You can have that Happ-y feeling again. If you build it………well, you know what comes next.

(song fades into the distance)Trav’lin’ along there’s a song that we’re singin’,
C’mon get Happ-y
A whole lotta lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’,
We’ll make you Happ-y
We’ll make you Happ-y,
We’ll make you Happ-y

Good start Drayton. Now, go make us happy.

Take that you dirty, stinky Cubs

Posted on July 30, 2010 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

Cubs 1, Astros 8
W: Bud Norris, L: Randy Wells

Astros Recap
Game Zone

The Astros won another series against the Cubs. Right now they hold a pretty good lead on the season series. Norris went 6 solid innings and Carlos Lee hit a couple of homeruns to secure this series win. The Astros are only 3.5 back of the Cubs in the standing. Plenty of time left in the season to pass them. Hopefully, the Astros start winning a bit more and the Cubs have their usual season-ending meltdown.

It almost seems like no one really cares about the games right now. It is all about trades. I don’t remember a time of being a fan where the key players were being traded. It is a very weird feeling. I am glad the team is getting stronger, hopefully, but sad that another era is over. It seems like just last year that the Bagwell/Biggio era ended.

Check out tonight’s game against the Brewers in the gamezone or at Minute Maid Park. I’ll be at the park cheering on the newest member to the Astros family, J.A. Happ to a win. Jane’s got all the information you need about the series in her preview.

Roy Oswalt Traded

Posted on July 29, 2010 by Noe in Austin in Featured, News You Can Use

In a move that surprises no one except maybe Astros Fans hiding in a cave for the last three months, the Houston Astros traded away one time ACE Roy Oswalt to the Philadelphia Phillies for much more than a horse or a bulldozer. Indeed what Houston got back in return was J.A. Happ, a tall left handed pitcher who has basically been a promising ready for the majors #2 or #3 starter. Haap experienced elbow problems this year setting him back several months, however, Astro fans are used to this sort of thing (*cough* Paulino *cough* Norris *cough*), so no worries.

One would think though that if you’re talking ACE (even former ACE), you would get back a boat load of prospects, dinero, flowers, wine, dinner for two at Chili’s and a hat. Nope, besides Haap, it seemed like for all the world GM Ed Wade was a living example of what concourse fans believe him to be: a horse trader with no horse sense. What Wade got back along with Haap was not 18 year old first base phenom Singleton, the rumored best prospect to expect in the deal, but shortstop Jonathan Villar who might be good or might be a JAG depending on what concourse fan you talk to and then the surprise get of Gose, a speedy outfielder with top of the scale defensive skills and no bat. A poor imitation of Michael Bourn so it seemed. That got the juices flowing in the Astros fandom, at least all those who decided to care again for the time being.

Before the masses could reach the MMPUS with the torches, lynch rope, tar, and feathers though, Ed Wade flipped Gose to the Blue Jays for pudgy offensive, almost ready, okay if you have to go ahead and bring him up now, first baseman Brett Wallace. The kid with Earl Campbell thighs and lightning quick left handed bat made everyone stop in their tracks and question everything they thought holy and righteous in their world beliefs. Ed Wade made a great trade? Huh? Are you kidding me. That pretty much put the wheels in motion to find something, anything that could possibly be wrong with Brett Wallace, projected to be a better bat in the majors than take-the-mlb-world-by-storm Buster Posey. Other than the aforementioned thigh muscle mass, Wallace was deemed a first baseman with no elegance defensively. He was also derided for not walking to first base more, nevermind he runs to first pretty well on singles, doubles, and triples. Perhaps he can walk to first on his homerun trots to satisfy the fanta-geeks in all of us. Next came the coup-de-grassy knoll: the kid has now been traded four times.

*DING, DING, DING*

The world was safe again, Ed Wade is a GM with no appreciable skills to handle the job any better than… well… me! Oh, yeah, before we leave this report: Roy Oswalt failed to become the winningest pitcher in the history of the beloved Houston Astros, so if he plans to capture that record, then sometimes in the distance future maybe as a reliever he can come back to the Astros and bird-dog a win.

Cubs at Astros: If Your Ace is Bitchin…

Posted on July 26, 2010 by Limey in Series Previews

The Astros’ dismal season continues to trundle along little of any substance on which to comment. They just lost 2 of 3 at home to the Reds (who are making a hostile takeover bid for MMPUS, it seems) having previously taken 2 out of 3 in Wrigley, which is always nice.Read More

Houston’s Magic Wandy

Posted on July 26, 2010 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

Contributed by Ebby Calvin
Astros 4 – Reds 0

WP: W. Rodriguez (8-11) LP: M. Leake (7-2)

HOUSTON, TX (AP) – Hundreds of thousands of rabid Astros fans took to the streets Sunday afternoon to celebrate what many are calling, “The Most Important Sporting Event Ever.”

“I just don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling right now,” Jack Sutherford, 34, said. “My life will never be the same. People will always remember where they were when (Astros RP) Matt Lindstrom struck out (Reds PH) Lance Nix (for the final out). I was at a Sport Clips, but I’ll probably tell everybody I was at the game from now on.”

Richmond Avenue’s main strip west of the Galleria took the brunt of the celebration, with estimated damages extending beyond the $300 million range. Dave & Buster’s, formerly at the corner of Fountainview and Richmond, has been flattened; all that remains now is a heap of beer bottles and impossible-to-win stuffed animals.

To put the historic win in perspective, never before has Wandy Rodriguez beaten the Cincinnati Reds by a score of 4-0 while recording seven strikeouts and allowing one hit and two walks on a Sunday in the month of July in the year of 2010. It’s that type of accomplishment that sent the city of Houston into mass hysteria.

“Every night is a highlight reel night for Michael Bourn,” commented Ronald Brand, an Austin native.

“Wandy really used his fastball very well today. Sometimes, he falls in love with his admittedly wicked hook, but hitters who were laying in wait for it today were treated to some cheese. Excellent performance,” opined a California resident who was so moved by the experience that he now demands to be known as simply “Mr. Happy.”

Officials won’t speculate how long they expect the bedlam to continue, but one spokesman who preferred to remain anonymous said, “All these fuckers need to move to New York City, where the women know how to handle a cock and riots and shit like this happen. Every. Day. Seriously, put the periods after ‘every’ and ‘day.’ That’s how it should be written.”

The monumental win put the Astros in the driver’s seat for fifth place in the NL Central.

When asked after the game how it felt to be a part of such a legendary feat, veteran first-baseman Lance Berkman said, “I really wasn’t expecting (to win). It kinda feels like it’s a Wednesday.”

Southbound

Posted on July 24, 2010 by Noe in Austin in Game Recaps

Contributed by austro
Reds at Astros

July 23, 2010
MinuteMaid Park

Astros 4, Reds 6

WP Ondrusek (1-0) SV Cordero (27) LP Byrdak (1-1)

Astros.com
GameZone

The Astros got off to a good start in this one, scoring a 1st-inning run on singles by Sanchez, Berkman, and Pence. Meanwhile, Norris was off to a good start, facing only 10 batters in the first three innings.

But the problems started in 4th inning. Cabrera led off with a ground ball to Johnson, who threw wildly to 1st, Cabrera going to 2nd on the throw. Votto and Gomes walked to load the bases with no outs. Jay Bruce followed with a sac fly to Lee in LF, and Norris hit Cairo to load the bases again. But then Norris got Stubbs to ground Sanchez at short, who threw to Quintero for the force at home, and it looked like Norris might be able to get out of the inning with minimal damage. He got to a 2-2 count on Hanigan, but on the next pitch Hanigan hit a seeing-eye ground ball that snuck through the hole into LF, and that yielded two runs. Wood popped up a bunt to end the inning, but the damage was done.

In the bottom of the inning the Astros got a run back on a daring/dangerous play by Pence. With one out, Pence singled to LF, and then went to 3rd on a single by Keppinger. Johnson then popped up to Phillips in short RF, and Pence decided to go for home. Since Phillips was backpedalling for the catch (which really should have been made by the right fielder), he couldn’t get as much on the throw as he normally would have, and Pence barely snuck in on a very good slide.

The Reds pushed the lead out to 4-2 in the top of the 5th when Votto lined a solo homer over the RF fence.

In the bottom of the 6th the Astros tied it up on a miracle Pence homer. Lee led off the inning with a single, and then Pence somehow reached out and around a low, outside pitch and pulled it into the Crawford boxes. I have no idea how he did that, and I’m worried that this result will encourage him to keep going after that pitch, which is a low pay-off proposition; time will tell, I guess. Keppinger followed with a double, and it looked like the Astros might put the Reds on the ropes. But Johnson, Quintero, and Michaels (pinch-hitting for Norris) made successive outs to end the threat.

The Astros lost the game in the 8th when Byrdak came in and gave up a single to Votto, a single to Gomes, and a double to Bruce that scored Votto. Figueroa relieved Byrdak and struck out Cairo, but then he gave up a double to Stubbs that scored Gomes. Those were the final two runs of the game.

The good guys made a push in the bottom of the 8th when they loaded the bases with one out, but Feliz (pinch-hitting for Quintero) struck out, and Hernandez (pinch-hitting for Figueroa) grounded out to 1st. They put two men on in the bottom of the 9th, too, but nobody could bring them home.

So, yet another loss that could have been averted with a little bit of luck. C’est la vie this year, and like I told my wife, these things are a lot easier to take this year since we know they’re not going to be the difference between a playoff spot and sitting at home.

Game 2 of the series takes place Saturday night at 7pm, with Johnny Cueto taking on Roy Oswalt, assuming Oswalt isn’t wearing a different jersey by then.

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