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Springtime…for Chuckster…and Limey

Posted on March 8, 2010 by Limey in Limey Time

In two days, I shall depart for Florida to join roving SnSer Chuck for some springtime fun (NTTAWWT). I have never managed to get to Spring Training before, but everyone tells me it’s a blast and so I’m really looking forward to going.

The mundane detail of the trip is that we’re attending two road games: the Gnats in Space City and the Blue Jays in Tampa, where our duo will become a threesome with Ty. Eh? Oh. Anyway, that’s Thursday and Friday. To be followed by 2 games at the OCS: a split-squad game with Washington being the visitors (while the rooks ride the bus to Jakeback Mountain) and then the Hated ATL come in to finish me off. Whatever.Read More

HAPPY HOLIDAZE!!

Posted on December 23, 2009 by Dark Star in From Left Field

CONFESSIONS OF A DARK HORSE

Chapter 1

December 23, 2009

I am sorry to say it, but as far as excitement over major holidays goes, Christmas isn’t really my thing.

I don’t have any objections to Christmas on religious or cultural grounds; in fact, I don’t really have any objections to Christmas at all. I think the protests by the sensibly secular in this great land of ours against the public celebration of Christmas are largely misguided expenditures of energy and emotion by basically well-meaning people who should put their earnest efforts into something of more practical value, like fighting world hunger or class divisions or economic disparity, or saving the rain forests.

Or, they can go fuck themselves, too. Whichever.

My vague disaffection with the holiday season is not based strictly on anti-commercialism, either. I don’t have a problem with the most of the “commercialization” of Christmas – in the generic sense, at least. In fact, I think the crassness of the season may well inadvertently reinforce the basic decency in most of us, and even cause us to consider, if briefly, moral values we might not think much about otherwise, at Christmas time, or any other time.

We go out shopping this time of year fight mind-numbing gridlock on the roads and the vehicular transgressions of other drivers in scary mall parking lots, and yet most of us seem to retain some basic good cheer; at least partly, I think, because we are reminded this time of year that it truly is better to give than to receive.

The tangled up traffic can promote road rage in some cases, but it also offers multiple opportunities to do something nice for a somebody – letting him or her cut in line; or yielding that parking spot you have been eyeing for five minutes and parking instead a half a block further away; or just holding open a door for some poor bastard loaded down with bags and packages.

The overcrowded stores we wade into are often stressful and irritating; but on the other hand, we cannot stay aloof in a crowded store for long, no matter how hard we might try. One cannot stand in a queue at Best Buy for two-and-a-half hours and not talk to one’s neighbors in line; and if they seem relatively bright and/or mentally stable, one might even get to know them a little bit, no matter who they are or what they look like. The neighborly conversation flows naturally, and even if the catalyst for it is simply to commiserate on the consistently shitty customer service one finds practically everywhere nowadays, you can only talk about that stuff for so long.  Pretty soon you end up talking about other things, the weather, things you have in common, etc. That is the fun part. I sometimes find even a superficial conversation with a stranger in a long, slow-moving line will lower the blood pressure a bit, even make me feel a little better about the world, and maybe myself, too.

If you are like me, you get a little head rush out of doing something nice for or being nice to someone you don’t know, for no good reason. It is a pleasant feeling of well-being that just may have something to do with this ‘Christmas cheer’ one hears about this time of year.

So, I guess I have a positive feeling about Christmas, mostly. It is just that there are some celebrated cultural touchstones regarding the Christmas holidays I feel like I must have missed out on somehow.

I don’t like Christmas music much, for one thing. Some people I know get almost rapturous in late November or early December when they break out the Christmas music for the first time, digging out some Mannheim Steamroller CDs, a Pat Boone cassette or two, and, way in the back of the cabinet there, a scratchy old Harry Belafonte LP that has a great version of “Little Drummer Boy” on it.

Personally, I am indifferent to most traditional yuletide music. There are some non-traditional Christmas songs I kind of like. John Prine’s “Christmas in Prison” comes to mind, or maybe Springsteen and Little Steven and the E-Streeters doing “Merry Christmas, Baby.” At a holiday get-together once, I was asked what my favorite Christmas song was, and I blurted out, “Stranger in a Strange Land”. That brought some vacant stares. “You know, the Leon Russell song.” More incomprehension.

Listen to the lyrics sometime, is all I can say.

**********

I don’t have strong nostalgic feelings for Christmases past as some seem to. I have good memories, but I think part of my problem has to do with growing up with not much extended family around who at least got along well enough to get together for the holidays. The concept of huge Norman Rockwell-ish family get-togethers, all of us sitting around the groaning board eating goose and brandied plums and bread pudding at Christmas-time does not resonate with me.

Probably another impediment to me connecting with the Christmas atmosphere is that I grew up in a sub-tropical climate. I have seen snow at Christmas exactly twice in my life, and I am sure people from snow country would have laughed at it, as it was mostly just a dusting. In fact, it was often warm and humid enough around Christmas time here to wear shorts and a T-shirt. When I was 14 we had a warm front come through off the Gulf of Mexico right before Christmas, 75-80 degrees and humid as hell, and in the course of helping get our house and grounds looking nice for holiday visitors, I actually had to go out and mow the fucking yard. . . because it was three days before Christmas, and the St. Augustine was still growing. I remember pushing this heavy old self-propelled Sears mower that didn’t self-propel around the yard, sweating my ass off, all the while singing, “Mow the (fucking) yard and trim the (goddamn) hedges/Fa la la la la, la la la la”.

So there you have it, the confessions of one Southeast Texas semi Grinch-like individual.

“When the baby looks around him
It’s such a sight to see
He shares a simple secret
With the wise man”

**********

Well, I exaggerate a little. I’m not really a Grinch. In fact, I am kind of looking forward to Christmas this year.

Ed Wade and company seem intent on low-keying their way through the holidays, so far opting to put money down for stocking stuffers, rather than spending on any big ticket items. But there is always the chance they will surprise us. When I was a kid we’d look at the Sears toy catalog, and I’d secretly wish for about 2/3 of what was on every page. Nowadays, I am more realistic. All I want is a quality #2 starter, another solid bat for the lineup, and someone, anyone, above run-of-the-mill to emerge at catcher. That’s not asking for too much, is it?

My kids are ridiculously cheerful this time of year, of course, and act a bit more respectful toward their old man and his requests of them than usual. No doubt they have an idea in mind of not screwing up their potential presents from their mom and I. Not perfectly altruistic on their part, but I’ll take it.

I will get to see some family in the next few days I don’t see as often as I’d like to. And, I’m supposed to be getting a Kindle™ for my birthday (Christmas Eve), so I am pretty stoked about that. . . So anyway, you know, this Christmas could turn out to be a pretty good one, after all. Maybe that is why I have been walking around the last few days humming that “do you hear what I hear?” song playing in my head.

I recall that after all the hassle and hustle and bustle, for a brief moment on Christmas morning there is usually a sort of lull; a quiet time between opening gifts around the tree in the living room, and moving on to the dining room to commence the chowing down. In that lull, that quiet time, is it possible that some perhaps supernatural knowledge may be bestowed upon one, if one is open enough and enough at peace with oneself and the world to receive it? If so, then maybe all the things having to do with Christmas, the secular and the religious, the ridiculous and the sublime, will be put in order in one’s mind, if just for a brief moment.

It may even be just possible, in the brief quiet, to hear a voice, but faintly; singing of what this season is really all about, and why it all still matters as much as it does.

”And the baby looks around him
And shares his bed of hay
With the burro in the palace of the king”

He’s a stranger in a strange land
Tell me why. . . “

**********

And so it is Christmas. No, the war ain’t over, but I think am going to celebrate a little anyway.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, Feliz Navidad and Happy Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, and Ashura, and Happy New Year, too; to all of Whoopass Nation, and those beyond. . . to those within, and those without. Peace.

It does not matter who you are or what you look like or where you came from or what-all you believe in. You are my brother.

And, oh yeah, Peace on Earth, too. Maybe one day.

_________________________________________________

Glad You Asked! Vol. 1, Entry 3.

Posted on October 15, 2009 by Noe in Austin in Featured, Glad You Asked

gya-largeIs there a correlation between Leadership and Management in sports/baseball?  Is it important to be a leader as a manager and vice versa?  Are we saying the same thing when we say “leadership” and “management”?

Glad you asked.

First, before we launch into some far too often explored yet sometimes misunderstood sports/baseball strong held truths, let me start by saying if you research (re: google) the words Leadership and Management, you’re going to find strong opinions on why these two things are not the same.  A small sampling if you will:

  • Leaders lead people, managers manage task.
  • Leadership and management are two notions that are often used interchangeably but these words actually describe two different concepts.
  • To lead, be a coach, not a manager.
  • Leadership is an asset a successful manager must possess.

By now, you probably have a very good idea where I’m heading with this so let’s just go ahead and get it out of the way: Cecil Cooper showed all of us that while he could manage task well enough to be successful in baseball (stop laughing, he wasn’t that bad a “manager”), his leadership skills left a little to be desired.  Was that important?  Yes, somewhat.  No, make that very much so.  I know some will argue that even managing task were a boon-doggle for Coop.  Thank you Geoff Blum, now sit down please.  So what is the big deal about leadership to manage a baseball team?  You got nine guys, a ball, some gloves, some bats and all you have to do is make sure you manage the strategy and let the players do the rest.  Okay, here is why in many ways it is very important. Leadership comes in two flavors on a baseball team: peer-to-peer, or better said veteran-to-not-so-veteran and of course manager-to-player.  If this is true, why is the duality of leadership needed?  Can’t players do that leadership thingy and thus allow the manager to just concentrate on filling out a lineup card correctly?

Glad you asked (part two).

Where some fall in the long held truths in baseball when it comes to managers is that the manager’s job is to manage the task within a game, a series and of course a very long season.  Do that well and you will succeed they say.  Whitey Herzog may have not been the first one to say it, but he is well known to repeat it often enough: “To win in baseball, you need a lot of luck and a strong bullpen”.  I don’t disagree that if you have the talent, the depth on the bench, good to great pitching and a little bit of luck come your way, you can be so-so as a leader and yet manage strategy well enough to be the next manager to get a ring with the word “World Series Champion” inscribed on it.  But tell me something, how many teams outside of New York, Boston or Los Angeles have the sort of money to insure themselves against a manager who really has little to no leadership skills whatsoever?  Okay, I agree: not many.  Certainly not the Houston Astros, the team we all root for and of course the team with an owner who just won’t act like a spend crazy lunatic owner who will buy the next World Championship.

I’m not bitter.  Really.

So back to what we’re talking about – leadership and management.  I do believe that if you have a strong player/leader presence in the clubhouse, you will mitigate the very skill lacking in a manager.  In fact, some managers will welcome not having to display leadership qualities because most of them learned how to manage by the very people who managed them.  By and large, it’s been about players policing themselves in terms of leadership and of course managers managing the task and the two being somewhat working in a symbiotic relationship.  You probably already figured out that the best years that the Houston Astros franchise has ever had were the same years that number 5 and 7 donned the uniform of the local nine.  In fact, it was not such a good idea for a manager to try and become a vocal, even harsh “leader” for the team during that time because it could clash with the two player’s influence on the others.  I give you Terry Collins for example, a manager prone to bouts of vitriolic rants to try and prove his leadership ability.  All for naught too.

So who could blame a managerial candidate really not wanting or even expecting to be a leader in the Houston clubhouse.  If you want leadership, well that is what coaches are for, blah, blah, blah.  Did you happen to hear these words this summer: “As a manager, all I can do is fill out the lineup card and try to change it every once and while to see if I can break us out of the funk we’re in”.  Whether this was a statement uttered in defense of a lack of leadership or not, the end result is that it proved what most managers really do expect their job to be.  Task oriented skills primarily and of course mostly.

With the absence of Bagwell and Biggio now very much accepted and stamped into the Houston Astros scene, the idea of a leader in the clubhouse to mitigate a manager’s deficiencies in this area is very much a necessity.  You may think players like Berkman, Lee or Oswalt were the ones given the baton by Bagwell and Biggio, but the reality is that not many see any of those gentlemen as true leaders.  In comes Miguel Tejada and in a few short years, this player who has little time in and around the Houston organization, propels himself into a leadership role.  His work ethic, his attitude, his passion was rubbing off on this team, so perhaps there was a chance of the symbiotic relationship blossoming in Houston this summer.  Leadership and Management, wow, it can happen.  And then of course, some failed bullpen management (or abuse) during the dog days of summer plus some really unlucky health issues to key players, and there is nothing leadership and management could do to make it work.  Wrong moves on management side could only make it worse, and there was some of that for sure.

So where are the Houston Astros today?

As of the end of the season, you can pretty much toss a coin in the air if Miguel Tejada is coming back.  My hunch is no, he will not be back, and I think it will be a mutually agreed upon split.  Houston will not want an aging shortstop and Miguel will probably want to go somewhere else to play for his last shot or shots at glory.  The organization for its part is in search of a manager.  Be not dismayed at the list you have been privy to in terms of candidates, all of them can manage.  Here is what I want to know:

Is there one amongst them that can lead?


noe2About this column: We had to do it folks, sorry. We just could not bear the thought of stuff like this appearing on the Talkzone any more. It was killing our bandwidth and some of you (you know who you are) were encouraging this behavior by our author. So we’ve given Noe his own little sandbox to play in and you can count on his ramblings to appear here from now on. You can thank us later. Plus, Noe is encouraging your comments on his thought here if you’d like. That is a dumb idea but it was the only way we could convince him to let go of the TZ.

What is left to say?

Posted on August 24, 2009 by Andyzipp in Columnistas, Featured, Off Day

off-day-largeDespite winning their last two home series and going 4-2 over the last week, the Astros woke up this morning 10 games behind the Cardinals, in third place in the division with 38 games left in the season.

But, hey, great tickets are still available.

Even the die-hard in me, the one who sat through the entire 7-5 loss to MLB’s most tatted-up team, the Arizona Douchebags Diamondbacks, has called it quits on the 2009 season. At 61-63, the Astros have a chance to finish with a winning record. Okay, mathematically, they have a chance to win the division or the wild card, or Miss Universe or whatever, but realistically, they have a chance to finish the season over .500.

Someone in the front office apparently noticed this little bit of news, as Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez, was dealt to the Texas Rangers a week ago. The move was for a guy who’s playing second in AAA and a 22-year old pitcher currently in low Class-A Hickory. Not the Hoosiers Hickory. Because if the Astros had dealt for Jimmy Chitwood, that would be awesome. Even if it was Norman Dale, that’s a deal you can set your watch by. Or something. It’s a move that looks for all the world to be a white flag, although surrendering would imply that the Astros had been in a fight for the last few weeks. How else do you categorize dealing your starting catcher? Other than under ‘I’ for “It’s over Johnny.”

Photobucket

Since winning the opener of a series against the Mets, the Astros had gone 7-15 and dropped 9 games in the standings prior to the latest home stand. That’s more of a slaughter than a fight. Almost overnight, injuries and curious moves turned one of the hottest teams in baseball at the middle of July to a icy shell of a franchise in mid-August. Mathematically, there’s still a chance, although even the most optimistic, brick-colored glasses wearing die hard would be hard pressed to tell you how it could happen.

Normally, at this point, in this type of season, you’d want to look to the future, talk prospects. You would be “waiting til next year”, but there would be something to talk about. That may be the most frustrating part of this season and 2010. The immediate future for this team is already in Houston. Bud Norris, Yorman Bazardo, Sammy Gervacio have all made their Houston and/or Major League debuts in the last couple of weeks. Felipe Paulino is up as well. Unfortunately (or fortunately based on your view of their performances to date), that may be it. Next year, you might see Brian Bogusevic, Chris Johnson or Tommy Manzella up, or not, as they haven’t really distinguished themselves in AAA. Maybe Edwin Maysonet gets some much deserved playing time. But that’s it. As you know if you’ve taken a Bus Ride, the talent in this organization is, with very few exceptions, below AA this year. This is the hole that Tim Purpura’s drafts left the organization.

As has been covered, barring any moves in the off-season, the Astros will open with definite, undeniable holes at short, third, catcher, three of the rotation spots and just about half the bullpen. Pray for some moves, because there is nothing in the organization that could be moved up to address the majority of these positions.

Even if all of the prior rambling was fact instead of FACT!, this team isn’t a lot of fun to watch. For that, I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of one Cecil Cooper. The Astros’ manager, who appears to be auditioning for a job on the deck of the Titanic every time he pulls a pitcher, is at his personal end of days. Like Sherman’s march to the Sea, Cooper appears to be intent on setting fire to as many pitchers as he can get his hands on. Is there ever a reason to use 6 pitchers in a 4-2 victory? No. Stop thinking about it. Just like Cecil.

There have been a couple of telling quotes in recent weeks from Mr. Cooper. The first, in reference to his regular visits with Commissioner Bud Selig, most recently in mid-August went something like, “He likes to sit and talk baseball,” Cooper said. “If you go in his office, he could get pretty riled up about umpires and stuff like that. He’s just a guy that loved the game and loved to win. He’d get pretty upset if you didn’t win. He’s a good baseball person.”

He’d get pretty upset if you didn’t win. He’s a good baseball person. You gotta wonder if his little mood swings are actually based on the games, or have they become something he thinks he’s supposed to do.

The second little quote, which Cooper has reiterated a number of times in the last couple of weeks, “We need something to shake us pretty quickly,” Astros manager Cecil Cooper said. “Time is beginning to run out on us. We need to get a streak going.”

The Astros are the only team in baseball that hasn’t had a winning streak of at least five games this year. (When I say baseball, I’m only talking about the National League, because fuck them.) The Pirates have done it, the Reds have done it. Hell, the Nationals have done it.

The quote in and of itself is harmless, innocuous even. But Cooper says “streak” like it’s something that just happens without effort or thought, like Lindsay Lohan showing cooter, and that the Astros are owed one. You want a streak Cecil? How about this: learn how to manage a bullpen. Stop warming up and using (or not) 5, 6, 7 pitchers a game. Stop burning out your effective relievers. Stop jerking around your starting pitchers. Stop shuffling your batting order. Stop playing your older players (especially your shortstop and catcher) every single day because you’re afraid to sit them down every now and then. Streaks happen because teams play consistently good baseball for extended periods of time. It is impossible to play consistently good baseball for an extended period of time when you’re experimenting on players like you’re John Harvey Kellogg. When your hitters don’t know what the expectations are, when you have more lineups than Paris Hilton has sexually transmitted diseases, when starters know you don’t have their back, when your bullpen is extra crispy at the end of July, there will be no streaks. You get nothing. Good Day sir!

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Did You Know?

A disappointing season isn’t new territory for Astros fans (or any fans of any baseball team, for that matter). There have been plenty of seasons that the team tanked, or started bad, or was never really in contention, or needed a miracle to win 80 games. The faulty memory of Houston sports fans will tell you that the Astros always underachieve, always produce dogs of teams. The reality is a little bit different.

To date, the Astros have completed 47 seasons of play, about to be 48. Overall, they’re 3799-3810, which is pretty impressive if you consider that the Houston franchise didn’t have a winning season until 1972, or eleven seasons in. Houston won at a .429 clip in the 60’s, and .493 in the 70’s. 12 of the franchise’s 19 losing seasons occurred before 1980.

Since 1980, Houston has had 21 winning seasons. The Astros won at a .522 rate in the 80’s, .523 in the 90’s and so far .518 in the oughts.

Overall the franchise has had 24 winning seasons, 19 losing seasons and 4 .500 finishes.

On a Personal Note

Thanks to everyone who was able to show up to my little birthday shindig. I very much appreciate it. And thanks for the gift. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with the picture, but the desk set was very nice.

Also, sorry this thing is a rambling mess. I have no real excuses other than the Astros make me crazy. Add to it that the upcoming months have me looking forward to A&M and Texans football, and, well…I’ll be spending a lot of time with my kids this fall.

Glad You Asked! Vol. 1, Entry 2.

Posted on July 22, 2009 by Noe in Austin in Featured, Glad You Asked No Comments

gya-largeIs there really a great reason to get excited about the second half Houston Astros?  Are they really good enough to make a playoff push?  Can they overtake the Cardinals, Cubs, Brewers and Reds?

Glad  you asked!

The questions can be answered this way: Juneberno.  But there seems to be a growing giddiness that has overtaken some in the Astros fandom.  Great, that is really what fans should do.  Seriously.  I’m in, I’m a fan first, I love watching this team play really well and take it to the Dodgers and Co-ards (the last being a semi-poser of a contender actually, but let’s not quibble about the pedigree here, they’re the frontrunners in the NL Central, so let’s leave it at that).  This is awesome.  Live for the moment because the moment is good.

Really good.

But what happens when the moment is bad?  Well, just like one can get giddy, one can also get a bit miserable because we allow it to be this way.  Unfortunately for fans, the major league baseball season is a marathon, so you’re going to have these up and downs in a season.  Right now, it’s up people, so get up!  Here is the thing though, do you want the GM and Manager reacting to the season in the same manner as you and I?

Gosh, I hope not.

They could both take a page right out of the Jeff Bagwell book of cliches that make a ton of sense.  Primarily, “never get too low after a loss, never get too high after a win”.  Or “this is not football where you can use emotion to help you win, in fact it’s better to play relaxed than too pumped up”.  So what is happening right now for the team is great from a positive standpoint of going out the ballpark.  Heck, I want to see some steM destruction this weekend and will settle for nothing less!  Woo-hoo.  But back to the GM and Manager for a minute.  This 2009 version of the Houston Astros are pretty good in terms of talent, no one has questioned that.  But the question mark has been the age of said talent and the ability to stay productive consistently for an entire season (not just for several months).  The other question mark was pitching.

I thought the defense was not an issue and neither the bullpen when the season started, but we all agreed that starting pitching… yes, a question mark for sure.

Calling Mr. Hampton, Mr. Mike Hampton.  The Astros are going to need you!

Calling Mr. Hampton, Mr. Mike Hampton. The Astros are going to need you!

That Roy Oswalt started off slowly again was cause for concern.  Thank you Wandy for providing good work early to keep this team hanging around.  Now the starters seem to have hit a groove and hopefully the aged Ortiz and Hampton can be the same guys in a couple of months.

That’s left to be seen.  Same with Moehler.  Wandy is hovering around uncharted waters for him but maybe this is where a Hampton and Ortiz can help him… the mental aspects of being a starter who is the leader of the squad along with Oswalt.

Offensively, they’re performing where most of us thought they would and thank goodness Cooper came to his senses when it came to Bourn.  Now he has that sparkplug that the team can rally around.  Now if he just settles with Pence at the six hole and stops some of his madness with lineup construction, he’ll be fine.  The minute a two game losing streak happens, you don’t want your manager acting like a fan and overreacting.  If fact, as long as the Astros win, Cooper is held in check from doing what is his flawed managerial manuevers.  “All I can do is change the lineup!”.  Yeah, well here is hoping they keep winning (and no they won’t keep just winning – winning is as streaky as losing so expect some losing streak at some point as well).  I know the Astros are a second half team, but two things you want from the GM and Manager is this:

Don’t be fans, be baseball men and react accordingly.

Help this team win more than lose and that requires looking at making moves in terms of trades or callups from the minors.  It also requires putting your guys in the best position to produce, even when they’re losing (sounds strange I’m sure, but you cannot be fan-like and decide to make a bunch of moves to shake things up).  I think one place for sure where the GM has to look to provide some serious help is in the bullpen.  I know, Doug Brocail is coming back and all.  Fine, but the reality we’re seeing lately is that we have a highly inconsistent bullpen.  The next thing we’ll hear though is “who doesn’t have an inconsistent bullpen?”.  True, but if you’re serious about doing something down the stretch, a consistently good bullpen… no, a consistently great bullpen is a must.  Just saying.

So any way, the second half is on the way, everyone is noticing the good play of the Astros and are talking about the possibilities.  Here is where you have to see just how good your GM and Manager are and also how good (consistent) this team is as well.  Here is hoping it is all positive (and a stray hurricane doesn’t make a return engagement any time soon).


noe2About this column: We had to do it folks, sorry. We just could not bear the thought of stuff like this appearing on the Talkzone any more. It was killing our bandwidth and some of you (you know who you are) were encouraging this behavior by our author. So we’ve given Noe his own little sandbox to play in and you can count on his ramblings to appear here from now on. You can thank us later. Plus, Noe is encouraging your comments on his thought here if you’d like. That is a dumb idea but it was the only way we could convince him to let go of the TZ.

Coasting to Half-Way

Posted on July 10, 2009 by Limey in Featured, Limey Time

limeytime_largeAnd, no, I’m not talking about Geoff Blum…yet.

Firstly, let me apologise for the long hiatus. I’d like to say that I’d been hiking the Old Appalachian Trail but, in truth, the lack of productivity has been the result of personal strife, work pressures, a dearth of creative talent and plain ol’ laziness. As some of you know, I have recently turned a very large corner on the personal front, so now I have reduced my excuses by 25%. Work pressures remain, but that doesn’t make me unique. As for talent, I’ll let you decide (and many may not have even made it this far). Laziness is probably the only one over which I have any control. I’d fix it if I could be arsed, but I can’t.

So, to the Astros. What a mess. Perhaps I should qualify that statement before I go any further. If this were Pittsburgh or Washington, maybe the fans would be crazy for a team with a couple of all stars and a 1 game under record nearing the break. But this is Houston, where we have seen – in the very recent past – teams that play together, pull together and find ways to get “it” done. I loved watching those teams.

Not this team, though. They are distracted, disjointed, disconnected and disaffected.

As many of you may suspect by now, I will shortly be launching into an expletive-laden tirade about Cecil Cooper. I know that I am not alone in my frustration and anger of near nucular proportions at this clusterfuck (Ding! First Coop related expletive) of his creation, but the players are (allegedly) grown-ups, (allegedly) professionals and (actually) highly paid, so not fulfilling their end of the contract, both written and implied, is unforgivable. And the fans are just about at their end of their rope.

A case in point. On the opening night of the home series against the Nationals, which was last night for those reading this on the day of publication, the Astros had 1.0333 games against the worst team on the Senior Circuit, which could be worth two wins that, if achieved, would see the Astros level their season at .500 and leapfrog the Dickities and the FTCs into 3rd in the NL Central. This, to be followed by three more games against notably inferior opposition prior to the ASB. All that was required was to survive a 1 on, 1 out situation in the resumption of the suspended game.

Myself and my mate braved full on rush hour traffic to make sure we’d get to MMPUS by 6:05 to see the whole enchilada. Our biggest fear was that we’d suffer a one pitch, WOHR type arse reaming, and then have an hour to wait for the regularly scheduled game to start. Little did we know that the Astros had something far more ignominious in mind.

A double play was the simple solution to the game situation as it resumed. Hawkins took his place back on the mound, and promptly induced a sharp grounder up the middle. It was the desired ground ball, it simply missed the infield. 1st and 2nd now, but the pitcher’s friend was still “en vogue”, so Hawkins needn’t change his game plan one iota. Hawkins made his pitch again, and induced another grounder. This time it was a medium paced two-hopper to Keppinger at 2nd. Flip fire and we go to the top of the 12th, which was advantage Astros given that the Nationals’ bullpen is dogshit.

I don’t know who was at fault, maybe both of the protagonists, but the pivot took…fore…ev…ver! Things were slightly complicated by the fact that the runners were moving on the pitch, but an attempt by the other team to avoid the inning ending twin killing should not have been a shock to anyone. Regardless, Keppinger failed to get himself into position to make the first relay, instead allowing the ball to come to him while flat footed and turned fully towards home plate. As a result, his throw to Tejada at the bag was an underwhelming shovel pass.

The slow incoming throw stranded Tejada on the bag, as he had to break his momentum. This meant that the ball and runner arrived near simultaneously. The runner from 2nd was already around 3rd and steaming home, so Miggy’s only option was to leap and unleash his throw, which sailed into the Astros’ dugout. Game over.

What happened next was bizarre. The Nationals celebrated like the FTCs in April. Meanwhile, the Astros trotted off the field, nonchalantly waving to the furious spectators as if they’d just been taking catching practice. WTF?! Do these guys have any sensitivity? If you thought, as did I, that this was bad PR, just wait you wait.

I’ll fast forward past the first 3½ innings of the regular game that followed. There’s no need at this point to talk about Cooper’s customary gorvelled lineup, the terrible fielding, the inconsistent hitting or the curious decision to remove Ortiz after just 3 innings. I’ll drop you right into the bottom of the 4th.

Blum lead off and absolutely crushed one just to the right of the Crawfish Boxes, into the cut-out. Dunn never had a chance and it was clear from crack of the bat that he was going to struggle to run it down, let alone make the catch. Blum was on for a sure double. So sure, in fact, that he guaranteed it by dawdling his way around first before breaking it down halfway to 2nd. Then Dunn shit the bed and the ball was loose in the outfield. Blum fired up the jets and was able to round 2nd before being stopped because the ball was by then in the hands of the cutoff man. Utter bollocks. Blum’s lack of hustle was obvious to all in attendance.

Two outs followed, with Blum still rooted at 2nd. One was a slow but high chopper to 3rd, and the other a shallow fly to CF. I doubt Blum could’ve come home from third on either of those had he been there. Then Bourn stepped up, and bounced one up the middle but in range of the shortstop. With two out, Blum should’ve been hauling all kinds of arse…but he wasn’t. He loped his way over to 3rd, expecting the routine put-out. But Bourn was running and Guzman at short panicked. He misplayed the ball. Bourn was safe and Blum, who should’ve been cruising home was, once again, standing with his thumb up his butt on the wrong base. Tejada grounded out meekly to end the inning…and then came the boos.

Not a smattering of boos. A hearty, widespread, protracted and loud chorus of boos that lasted as long as it took the Astros to clear the field. And then the shit really started to fly.

According to my boss, who was at the field box level, two rows back behind the Astros’ dugout, some of the attending yayhoos took serious umbrage. They harangued Blum from their perch just above the dugout, hurling insults and expletives in equal measure. Blum and a few of the other Astros decided to get into it with the “fans”, and the ante got upped. One of the players made a throat slashing gesture at one of the fans.

It took the stadium staff a while to sort this out. Eventually they culled the retards from the bystanders and ejected them. Such behaviour is unacceptable in any public venue – my boss was there with his kids of 8 and 6 – so these morons got what they deserved. But…the gist of their tirade was that they pay a lot of money for their tickets (and drinks and hot dogs), and the least the players can do is put in a smidgeon of effort. On that point, I totally agree.

I like Blum, but he played like shit that inning and then compounded that by engaging the loudmouths instead of alerting the staff and sitting the fuck down. There is more to this, though, because this is a symptom of the malaise afflicting the Astros in 2009. Everyone’s got their heads up their own arses, and doesn’t seem to give a shit about anyone else.

So here’s where the Cooper bashing begins. I think it’s mostly his fucking fault. He has fucking fractured this fucking club with all his fucking nonsensical management and fucking nonsensical public pronouncements, many of which involve him fucking throwing his own fucking players under a fucking bus.

Unless and until the Astros’ brass get rid of Cooper and install a manager who can actually manage this club, both on and off the field, they will continue to slide along, underperforming with the other dregs of the NL Central. The players are not to be excused for their decent into Lords of the Flies, but this doesn’t happen if they’re being managed by someone with a firm grip on the reins and a firm grip on reality.

Cooper has neither. Time for the organization to make a change…

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