When the moon is round and full
Gonna teach you tricks that’ll blow your mind
Mongrel mind
It’s that time again. Time for installment number four from the archives, that is. AA-OOO-WOOOOOOO!!
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HAUNTED
My cousin and I were out riding around one afternoon in his pickup truck, around the rice field roads out west of town, drinking beer and listening to an Astros game. It was an activity we really enjoyed.
They say every man must need protection
They say every man must fall
Yet, I swear I see my reflection
Some place so high above this wall
I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east
Any day now, any day now
I shall be released
Installment number three, from the archives. Somehow, everything in life seems to always boil down to the smile of a beautiful woman.
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DELLA WITH THE BLUE DRESS ON
I am sure she is still out there somewhere, rotating around some distant sun. All five-foot-nothing of her, straight brown hair almost down to her waist. Just a freaky little girl, kind of a hippie chick, almost. It seemed like she was always wearing a sleeveless blue denim dress that came down to her knees, and a pair of white Dr. Scholl’s sandals, the kind with wooden soles.
Friday the 13th? What of it?
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DARKNESS, DARKNESS
So I have this mouth shut-off button installed on the side of my head, and I am constantly laying on it full force to try and stop some of the really stupid shit before it ejects from my mouth. No way I can stop it from running through my head, but . . . It is the end of spring, the beginning of summer. This is normally one of the brightest times in my year. This year, though, the darkness is unrelenting. I need another button that shines a Q-Beam, to try and see through the blackness. I’d be laying on that one, too, if I had it; not that it would do much good now.
Hi. I am Dark Star (nee strosrays). I used to be a regular contributing member here at OWA, writing series previews, sometimes contributing to game recaps, participating in the message boards … basically, enjoying myself while blowing off work, like a true American and Astros fan. For various reasons, I have drifted away over the last 4-5 years. I still lurk, and comment occasionally, but that is about it. And that is getting to be less and less.
Royals 2
Astros 8
W: Collin McHugh, L: Chris Young
What an outstanding April 11, 2016 it was!! Getting to visit with friends and talking baseball. I know there are things in life that are better, but that is one of the best. There were a lot of the regulars and some long time OWA posters attending (MusicMan) and newer ones (Doyce7 – who I didn’t meet but heard he was sitting behind me) in attendance for the first time. Waldo has a mini-me, who seemed to have a good time and is a good luck charm. Homer called Rasmus’ homerun. I said at the Flying Saucer that the Astros would win. There is just something about talking about baseball that makes us happy.
In regard to the game, one highlight was literally seeing Collin McHugh’s ERA drop after every out. I wish I had the foresight to take a picture of it when it happened. It was quite cool! Seeing George Spring and JASON CASTRO get hits was for sore eyes. Tyler White and Preston Tucker are doing everything they can to make sure they don’t get sent down. Jose Altuve and Carlos Correa are wonders and make it so easy to be a fan of this team.
Back to the pitching, Collin really did a great job against Kansas City. He pitched himself out of trouble, especially the 7th inning when the defense had a hiccup and helped the bases get loaded. Tony Sipp gave up the 2-run homer in the 8th, he seemed to be pitching tentatively, then got aggressive after he gave up the homerun. Josh FIELDS, did a good job closing the game in the top of the ninth allowing just one hit. It was nice to see the bullpen maintain a large lead. I cannot say enough glowing accolades about McHugh, he really stepped up and probably feels 1000X better than he has since his last outing.
The stars of the night really were McHugh and the bats. Everyone wanted to get involved in the hit parade, except Carlos Gomez, he just couldn’t connect. Colby Rasmus hit the only homerun for the Astros and things got uncomfortable around JimR after that. He got excited anytime Rasmus did anything. He had jalapenos and onions flying and the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on his face. I think Rasmus may need a restraining order more than Brad Ausmus ever did in regard to me!
Needless to say, the team we saw last night is the team we expect to see most of the season. Coming home seems to be good for their souls!
Astros 21
Diamondbacks 5
submitted by Neil T
Handsomely rugged Texas Ranger Captain Berk Lanceman sat in the well-appointed office of the Astros’ Director of Public Relations, Miss Lola Laloush, deep in the Astroplex in Minute Maid Park at Union Station. From all around him he could hear the faint whir of hard drives and the tap, tap, tap of computer keyboards as the coldly efficient Astros management, led by the evil genius Mike Fast, carefully calculated the probable outcomes of a Jose Altuve bunt with two men on and no outs. Across the polished mahogany desk sat a particularly beautiful woman, tall, slender, with a sweep of dark hair setting off her red St. John knit. Her long fingers tapped impatiently against the richly figured desktop.
“Captain Berkman, you are speaking to me and not the Director of Operations because we view this first and foremost as a public relations matter. We do not want your law enforcement officers doing a grab and grope on every fan who enters one of our ladies’ rooms.”
Remembering his manners, Captain Lanceman removed his silver 3X Stetson and set it brim up on a mahogany side table. Having only recently saved the nation-state of Texas from the Canadian Jade Helm 15 invasion, Captain Lanceman was now on his most important mission. “I assure you Miss Laloush, I need do no more than look at a man dressed as a woman to know something is wrong. I am a trained law enforcement officer.”
Her polished nails swept an errant strand of hair from Miss Laloush’s eyes, and Berk Lanceman couldn’t help but feel a momentary thrill. “You said ‘I,’ Captain Lanceman. Is it only you?”
“Yes ma’am. One restroom, one Ranger.”
“You understand, Captain, that Minute Maid Park has more than one women’s restroom?
“Ma’am, you are not taking this seriously. I hope you understand that I have four daughters. I don’t want them sitting in a stall while some troubled man sits to pee right next door. If I was standing at a urinal and looked at the fella next to me and he had lady parts, I don’t know if I’d ever recover. Can you imagine what it would do to a young lady to know there’s a man sitting in a stall, instead of standing at a urinal like God intended?”
“Captain Lanceman, don’t you think that transgendered men are using women’s restrooms now?”
“No ma’am. That would be illegal. This so-called Hero ordinance makes it legal for womanly men to walk into women’s restrooms and expose their manly parts to my female daughters with impunity. It makes it legal and I, Berk Lanceman, am here to stop it.”
“Mr. Lanceman, there are laws against indecent exposure, and our regular season home games are over.”
“Yes ma’am, but there are always the playoffs.”
And that was the real heart of the matter. Did handsomely rugged Texas Ranger Captain Berk Lanceman care if some guy in a dress used the ladies room? Not really, but there was a chance that the Houston Astros could face the Toronto Blue Jays in Houston in a play-off game. Ruggedly handsome Captain Lanceman was here to save Texas from the Agents of Canadian Agression. He planned to be here, ostensibly on bathroom duty, to lay a trap for his arch nemesis, the Canadian. He would catch him at last, and with this bathroom ruse the Canadian would never see him coming.
Meanwhile he had to convince this woman in this richly furnished office that he was there for a completely different purpose. She was a good-looking woman though. At least there was that.
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So this is my last recap for the season, and I’m supposed to write some maudlin stuff about how come whatever I’ve loved them. T’ain’t true. These guys have given me fits most of the season, I have spent entirely too much time watching baseball, and they have taken this business entirely too far. I want to be watching more baseball next week. They need to take care of business.
And last night they did a pretty good job of it. Correa hit his team record 22nd home run, breaking Lance Berkman’s record. He missed the cycle by a double. But as he said, it’s not about him and his accomplishments.
The Astros were 9 for 18 with risp. The 9 missed chances were all with Altuve at the plate. Altuve was 1 for 4 with 2 RBI, and has 195 hits for the season.
Springer, Valbuena, and Rasmus were 2 for 4 with hot dates with Homeruna, and of course everybody got hits. The D-Backs starter, Rubby De La Rosa, made it through three innings, gave up 4 earned runs, and started on my fantasy team.
Meanwhile, over at the mound, Keuchel forgot he wasn’t at home and pitched 6 innings with 2 earned runs for his 20th win. Thatcher, Velasquez, and Feliz closed it out. Feliz gave up two earned runs, but iI don’t think it was a save situation.
Thanks to BG and Arky for joining me at the Armadillo Palace for the venison Frito Pie. It later demanded two Tums, but was very good. It mignt not be better than the Frito pie at Avalon Diner (which might have some cinnamon in the chili), but it’s different. And it’s very effective.
