Houston’s Astros 8
The Canadien’s Provocateurs 4
contributed by NeilT
Handsomely rugged Texas Ranger Captain Burk Lanceman sat in the secret headquarters of Texas government located deep beneath the Capitol in Austin. Across from him sat the leader of the Lone Star State, Governor General Greg Abbott.
“Are you certain, Captain, certain? Can there really be no doubt?”
Ruggedly handsome Captain Lanceman’s response was deliberate, measured. “There can be no doubt, Governor General. We have tracked transmissions from Toronto to closed WalMarts in Livingston and Midland. The transmissions originate in Ottawa. The Canadian’s plan, known as Jade Helm 15, appears to be for a two-prong attack producing an east-west pincer movement focused on the Capitol.
“Governor, there is no doubt that the internal events at the two closed WalMarts holds the key to the end game of the Canadian’s Jade Helm operations. Jade Helm and WalMart are inextricably linked, and the existing evidence suggests two end game probabilities. After serving as the staging area, the WalMart stores will be processing centers for FEMA camp political prisoners, including the leaders of our Texas government, and will continue on an on-going basis as supply and staging centers for continued mopping-up operations.
“In the past four weeks, I have watched over 100 videos on Jade Helm and Walmart. I have performed what researchers call a qualitative, or a descriptive analysis of the available facts. In performing this task, I have looked for patterns among the recent Walmart closings, because it is clear that the closings coincide with Jade Helm. This constitutes Phase One of the analysis. In Phase Two, the findings from Phase One are correlated to known or strongly suspected events connected to Jade Helm and other areas of concern related to State security. Subsequently, this kind of descriptive analysis can yield strong clues as to the true intent of where Jade Helm is headed and what the WalMart role consists of in conjunction with Jade Helm. There is no doubt that the events are inextricably linked, and that the mastermind behind them is the Canadian.”
“But Captain Lanceman, what can we do!” Governor General Abbott was clearly disturbed.
“We believe that the creation and maintenance of a covert and preplanned covert guerrilla warfare secret undercover force to be secretly and covertly pre-positioned in an area that will then likely be overrun by the invading Canadian forces. Think Viet Cong, only from Quebec. The Canadian’s plan is to “Master the Human Domain” by insertion of stealth forces based upon the use of “infiltration techniques.” The first two purposes of Jade Helm are dissident extraction and martial law to carry out the geographic isolation of troubled areas. The third goal is the popularization of ice hockey.
“Governor General, you must activate Texas’s greatest hope. I have brought you a letter to warn the Texas Brigade.”
Governor General Abbott was clearly astonished. “But Captain Lanceman, the Texas Brigade has not been activated since 1865!”
“Yes Governor General, but they, our greatest patriots, stand ready for this purpose.” Handsomely rugged Captain Lanceman passed the letter to Governor General Abbott.
“To address concerns of Texas citizens and to ensure that Texas communities remain safe, secure and informed about military procedures occurring in their vicinity, I am directing the Texas State Guard to monitor Operation Jade Helm 15. During the training operation, it is important that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed.”
***
“Sacre bleu!” cried Senator Cruse, code name the Canadian. “Burk Lanceman has taken the bait! Jean Jacques,” he called to his chief of staff, “bring me tonight’s play-by-play!”
For years the Canadians, plotting against the government in Texas, had raised a super-race of baseball players whose sole purpose was to communicate to inserted Canadian agents the coded plans and schemes of the Canadians. These baseball players, all now on the Toronto Blue Jays, were raised by the Canadian Royal Mounties from birth to play baseball as it had never been played before. No action on the field was random: all was controlled, designed, and communicating play-by-play Toronto’s coded messages.
“Look Jean Jacques, how our brave Canadiens make Keuchel struggle. Four earned runs in only six innings pitched! They are telling us that the Texas government is buying our fake invasion plans!
“And now look, how they allow the bullpen to shut them down! Mon dieu! They are affirming to us that there is no real invasion! Harris, Qualls (yes even Qualls), and Fields! in the 7th, 8th, and 9th are telling us there is no real invasion.
“Now look, here, with home runs by Springer, off Dickey in the 3rd, Altuve (3 RBI) off Dickey in the 5th, with 422 feet, and Valbuena, off Tepera in the 7th! And the two doubles by Tucker off Dickey and the one by Carter in the 2nd! Jean Jacques! They are letting us know that by sending out his letter, the Texans will not be ready when it is time for the real invasion! We have at last destroyed the credibility of our nemesis, Captain Burk Lanceman!”
It had been a brilliant game by the agent provocateurs of the Canadian government. Except for troubled innings by Keuchel, the game had been arranged so that the Texans believed that they were in control, and that things had been played out well. Little did they know that the real invasion, the Canadian invasion, was coming. And the only Texan who could stop it, handsomely rugged Captain Burk Lanceman, had lost his credibility on a Canadian ruse.