Mariners 9, Astros 8
W: Iwakuma (1-0)
L: Keuchel (2-2)
SV: Rodney (7)
The needs of the marketing department clashed with an uncompromising calendar Saturday, as the Astros held their annual Cinco de Mayo celebration on Tres de Mayo. Just like their season, close is the best you can hope for these days.
Keuchel and Iwakuma dueled through the first five innings and Houston had a 2-0 lead going to the sixth. The Astros claimed the lead in the third, on a single-triple-sac fly run by Gonzalez, Villar and Altuve. Non-Mexicans, all. Oh, the irony.
In the sixth, Romero tripled and was driven in by Cano’s single. Keuchel later said that he’d started to feel sluggish in the sixth and in the seventh the luchador masks came off for good. After walking the bases loaded, Keuchel was lifted and so were the Shit Gates.
Cisnero gave up a walk to tie the game, and then a two-run double to Saunders, followed by a two-run single by Romero and an RBI single by Cano before he got Hart to fly out. Valdes replaced him and continued the flood of excrement by serving up a double and then a two-run homer to Smoak. After giving up that eight-spot in the seventh, Cisnero’s ERA is 7.36 and Valdes’ is 12.27.
Fields (8.74) and Williams (6.35) pitched the last two innings. The only way to measure the Astros’ bullpen strength is by judging the speed of the current in the Shit River they travel on every day.
Houston made it interesting in the bottom of the seventh when they picked up four runs, two on homers by Karter and Villar and an error by Miller on Fowler’s single that scored Altuve. In the eighth, Karter tripled, scoring Dominguez and was later driven in by Presley to make it 9-8. With the bases loaded and two out, Rodney came on and got Altuve to fly out to right. The Astros went quietly in the ninth and this battle of bad teams was over.
There were actually some bright spots. There was a decent-sized crowd. Keuchel was good, for a while. Karter got a couple of loud hits and didn’t strike out(!). Gonzalez got three hits, Villar got two and drove in three.
Dios mio, that bullpen es malo. Muy mal.