Contributed by Batgirl and Bench
What a road trip! The Astros are officially The Hottest Team in Baseball winning six straight on the road and humiliating the Angles with a four game sweep in their own yard. This the Astros’ longest run since a seven-game streak July 27-Aug. 3, 2010. Going all the way back to Memorial Day, the good guys are 7-1.
“It was just a matter of time,” manager Bo Porter said. “… you’re starting to see we’re coming together.”
Bo, you’re not at Tire World anymore. “It’s starting to come together, Pepper!” Be sure to give Reid Ryan plenty of credit too, as he and anything he is associated with is apparently blessed. His arrival ushered in this streak of good baseball while limiting shit-defiled snow cones and $375 ticket-wielding penis mimes to one occasion each.
Our conquering heroes will now no doubt return home to throng of adoring fan, hosting the Baltimore Orioles for a mid-week three game series.
The Orioles are experiencing an unexpected resurgence, somehow keeping more runs on the board than the other teams throughout last season, and making the playoffs for the first time since Jeffrey Maier was in middle school. Same result, however, as they lost to the Yankees again in five games.
Meanwhile, the O’s have won four of their last five and 10 of 13, including series wins over the Yankees, Nationals and Tigers, all while keeping the city of Baltimore at the top of international syphilis rates (syphilis jokes have got to be the Baltimore equivalent of “Houston, we have a problem”). They’re 2.5 games out in the clusterfuck that is the AL East With The Exception of Toronto.
That Chris Davis guy is kind of a big deal with a nickname that I can’t decide if I hate or not but the fact that it came during his time as a stRanger might be enough. It’s fucking terrible.
In addition to Chris Davis, the O’s are getting plenty of offense out of its balanced lineup, including Adam Jones, JJ Hardy, Matt Weiters and Nick Markakis. Manny Machado already has 25 double this season, which is preposterous. The Orioles lead the league in homers, and are second in batting average and runs scored. The Astros just held the Angels to 8 runs over 4 games. Look for that to change.
Baltimore reporter Bob Haynie, who is finally employed after being replaced by a twitbot at the Baltimore Sun in Season 5 of the Wire, sums it up nicely: “The fact that the Astros have won five-straight is very touching, but the Orioles should hammer this team into submission.” Dick. It’s been six straight.
Let’s get to the games. If you want to watch them on TV, go over to Budgirl’s house or meet NeilT at Hans Bierhaus. The cookies are better at Budgirl’s but I don’t think she’s installed a bocce court yet.
The “promotion” for these games is “Coca Cola Value Days.” I don’t know what that means, but I’m not sure what a Bobblebelly is either.
TONIGHT 7:10:
Lucas Harrell v. Chris Tillman
Tillman has surrendered eight homers in his last three outings, including four to the Nationals in his last start on Wednesday. So, Carter and Dominguez should have an opportunity to keep swinging the lumber.
Harrell is coming off a win against the Rockies after dropping his previous four games. Did he finally shift to the shift? Probably not.
WEDNESDAY 7:10:
Dallas Keuchel v Freddy Garcia
Yes, that Freddy Garcia, who at age 36 is the oldest player on the Orioles and potentially Altuve’s grandfather.
THURSDAY 1:10:
Bud Norris v Miguel Gonzalez
Gonzalez is a steady pitcher but he’s been having control problems in his last couple of games since he came off the DL. He ought to sharpen back in to top form this game.
Meanwhile, and likely more important for the club’s future than this game, Thursday is Baseball’s North American draft. Will Luhnow pay for Appel? Will he snort Adderall with Gray? Will he follow Crane’s orders and go cheap again? TUNE IN AND FIND OUT! Take a ride on the bus if you want the most up to date draft information.
Trivialities:
• The Astros and Orioles have only met nine times over three series, with the O’s winning six of those games. The Astros swept a series in 2003, and Baltimore rolled to six straight in the next two (’05, ’08).
• The Orioles haven’t played in Houston in nearly 10 years to the dates of this series. Baltimore and Houston played three games at Minute Maid Park from June 3-5, 2003, which evidently the Astros swept.
• Maryland is a beautiful state of rolling hills, farmland, fields and forests. The National Aquarium in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor is fantastic. Getting from one to the other is a harrowing adventure filled with dread and peril.
• Obligatory endorsement of hard drugs and casual sex.
O’s injuries: Nothing much. Brian Roberts has missed most of the year. Pedro Strop is hurt. Check out the full story here: http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/fantasy/injuries/#team110
Prediction: I guess being hammered into submission is pre-ordained.