So far this season, it seems like the Astros are all about missed opportunities and blown leads. The Mets series last weekend is a perfect example.
Friday night, the Good Guys led 4-0 heading in to the seventh inning, before Fulchino and the rest of the bullpen proceeded to bumblefuck their way to a final score of 6-4 (and wasting a pretty solid 6 innings of shutout baseball from Bud Norris).
Saturday, JA Happ and company managed to piece together a decent looking ballgame, and the bullpen and bats held up on their way to a 7-3 Astros win.
Sunday, looking for the series win, the wheels officially came off in the fifth, when Aneury Rodriguez’s no-hit bid was rudely broken up to the tune of 5 earned runs in an inning (4 in the fifth and another in the sixth without getting anyone out. The slapdickery in the fifth started in earnest when Carlos Lee, playing first, twiddledicked a high pop up right on top of the mound in to an error, running past where the ball was coming down and letting it fall harmlessly to the ground. Some scattered offense made things interesting, but the Goddamn Fucking Mets nailed down the win, 7-4.
I don’t think things are going to get much better in the near future, either.
The Edifice of Greed – Turner Field (Easily my favorite nickname of a ballpark)
Monday, May 16, 6:10pm FS-H HD, DirecTV-678
Tuesday, May 17, 12:05pm My20-“HD”
Pitching Matchups From Astros.com
Monday
Brett Myers (1-3, 5.01) v. Tommy Hanson (4-3, 2.51)
Mr. Myers has really scuffled this season to find any kind of consistency. he’s 0-3 in his last three starts, with an over 8 ERA. That’s pretty rough. And the news doesn’t get better against the Bravos, either.
As a team, the Braves hit Brett to the tune of .337, with an OPS of 1.085. Chipper Jones (12-38, 3HR), Nate McLouth (5-11, 3HR), Brian McCann (12-36, 2HR), Dan Uggla (14-40, 5HR), Martin Prado (4-7), and Alex Gonzalez (7-23) all knock him around pretty good. This one could be ugly.
Tommy Hanson wants you to come on in here, have a seat on that stool right over there. All hilarious child molester jokes aside, this guy is an asshole. He’s absolutely dominated the ‘Stros in his career, giving up just two earned runs over 23 innings, with 18 strikeouts.
And if you need any more evidence, the Astros as a team sport a .152 average (7-46) against Tommy. Yuck. Clint Barmes (1-3, 2B), and JR Towles (1-3) are pretty much the only highlights to mention here.
Tuesday
Wandy Rodriguez (2-3, 3.98) v. Derek Lowe (3-3, 3.73)
Wandy’s numbers aren’t great, but they’re not terrible. He’s been victimized by both himself and the spotty bullpen more than once this year, and is his usual inconsistent self. You never know which Wandy you’re going to get.
Wandy’s had a lot of success against the current Bravos. They sport a .242 average (29-120), and the power numbers are pretty ugly as well (OPS: .639). Erick Henske (2-2), David Ross (6-18), Nate McClouth (6-20), and Martin Prado (4-14 are the only ones with decent success against him other than Chipper (4-15, 2HR).
Derek Lowe is apparently still in the big leagues… Who knew?
The Astros hit a respectable .313 (30-96) against Derek. Kabong (16-38, 2HR), Bourney (6-13), and Thunderpants (3-9) all hit him pretty well.
And on a more personal note, I think that Derek Lowe should make a lot more effort to look like Rob Lowe, as to avoid confusion. Frankly, I think Derek Lowe is a two-seamer-throwing asshole.
Promotional Giveaways This Series
Monday – Buck Belue 5 Buck Night – On Mondays this season, get a Terrace Reserved seat, normally priced at $24, for only $5. That’s right: a lower level seat for just 5 dollars! That’s a savings of 79%! Not 80%, not 78%. 79%!
Tuesday – 2 for 30 Tuesdays! – Get 2 seats in the GMC Club Pavilion for $30. On other nights, these tickets are $28 apiece – that’s a 46% discount!
Jesus Christ, the Braves Promotions Department is apparently Nerd Central. Do you idiots really think anyone that lives in/around Atlanta knows what the hell a percentage is?
Ridiculous Fantasy Injury Report
Houston:
Alberto Arias – His arm is still fucked up.
Boojwah (I spell it like that because I don’t want to bother having to click back and forth 10 times to make sure I spelled it right. That’s right, this took less time to type than his name) – Fucked up oblique. He had plasma injection therapy on May 10th. That sounds weird as hell.
Castro – His knee is still fucked up.
Keppinger – Almost back from a fucked up foot.
Brandon Lyon – His arm is ALL fucked up.
Atlanta:
Brandon Beachy – His last name is fucked up.
Jason Heyward – Day to day with a fucked up shoulder.
Chipper Jones – He’s a day to day cocksucker. And his knee is fucked up. But mostly he’s a cocksucker.
Kris Melden – His arm is fucked up, Tommy John style. Also, has anyone seen Kris Benson lately? This guy seems like he might just be Kris Benson with a cleverly altered last name.
Peter Moylan – His back is fucked up.
Random Musings
- I used to really like Dan Uggla. His swing-your-ass-off approach at the plate used to really entertain me. Now he’s a Brave. Fuck Dan Uggla.
- The Astros are getting less and less watchable as the season goes on. Whenever the bullpen is handed a lead, it seems like it’s more a matter of when they’re going to blow it than if. That is shitty shitty baseball to watch, unless you really like betting on bullpen implosions. In that case, I bet you’re a rich, rich man
- My hockey playoff run is over. The Wings gave San Jose all the wanted, but got behind in game 7 and couldn’t catch up. I’m very hopeful that the Wings GM will use some of their cap space to can a few of the shit-heels that play on the blue line and sign some young talent… I’m looking at you, Ericcson.
- Lastly, I always wait until the last second to write these previews. It’s 5:53pm right now, and I’m almost finished. I hate rushing my way through, but at the same time I find that my style of writing tends to work a lot better when I’m in a hurry than when I sit and try and think of witty shit to write.
Talk about today’s game in the Gamezone!