The Great American Cookie-Cutter
Well, baseball is back… And Astros fans are already looking to declare a do-over to start the season. This is, unfortunately, starting to feel like an Opening Series tradition.
After a heartbreaking season opener, the Phillies went ahead and demolished any hopes of a silver lining Astros fans were hoping for playing against what may be the best starting rotation in baseball. The sweep-finishing game was dominated by none other than former Astro Roy Oswalt. Not exactly the start I was looking for.
And it doesn’t get much prettier. The Reds just completed a three game sweep of the Brewers, snatching victory from the jaws of Axford defeat on Thursday 7-6, hanging on to win 4-2 on Saturday, and blasting the shit out of the Brewcrew 12-3 on Sunday. If I were you, I’d buckle up. It could be a rough rest of the week.
Tuesday April 5, 6:05pm FS-H HD
Wednesday April 6, 6:05pm my20-HD
Thursday April 7, 11:35am Not on TV, suckas!
Pitching Matchups from Astros.com
Tuesday
J.A. Happ (Career: 19-9, 3.27) vs. Mike Leake (Career: 8-4, 4.34 )
Homer “J.A.” Happ is the future of the Astros starting rotation. He’s got good stuff, and does a fantastic job pitching through the rough spots. He was one of the few really bright spots last season. I’m not surprised that he pitches his way out of jams, though. He’s got the crazy eyes!
The Reds, in limited chances against J.A., haven’t had much success. As a team, they’re 3-18 against him, with Brandon Phillips doing all of the damage (2-3 with 2 homers). Reteria has the other hit, just a single though. Everyone else that has faced Happ sports a big fat goose egg.
Mike Leake is a pretty incredible story. He made his professional baseball debut in the bigs with the Reds, and had a pretty damn successful season for someone with absolutely no minor-league time.
Current Astros have had mixed results against the former Texas Tech head coach, going a combined 9-35 against him last year. Bourn (3-8, but with 5 Ks), Thunderpants (3-9, HR), Chris Johnson (1-3, HR), and Jason Michaels (1-1, 2B) all have had some success. Everyone else is sucking it up pretty badly, we’re looking at you Carlos (1-9).
Wednesday
Nelson Figueroa (Career: 20-32, 4.29) vs. Edinson Volquez (Career: 28-22, 4.40)
Figgy’s mugshot is featured in the dictionary next to the word Journeyman. And oh what a mugshot it is. Yikes. There isn’t much to say about Nelson that hasn’t been said before. He isn’t flashy, he doesn’t throw terribly hard, and he doesn’t do anything spectacularly, but he gets the job done and eats innings. Which, when you think about it, is what the back end of this rotation really needs.
The Reds as a team have moderate success against Figgy, sporting a .288 average (17-59). Renteria (5-13) and Rolen (4-11, HR) have done most of the damage, with a few more hits shared between the rest of the lineup: Phillips (2-4), Votto (1-3), Bruce (1-4, HR), and Heisey (2-3… Who the hell is Heisey?).
Edinson Volquez is, allegedly, the Reds ace. He sports some unholy stuff when he’s on, but his career numbers sure aren’t indicative of how awesome he should be. Edinson gave up five earned runs in six innings to the Brewers, but the Red bats bailed him out in the ninth, with a dramatic three run home run off of the Brewer closer, Axford.
The Good Guys are a not-so-great 11-62 against Edinson. Thunderpants (3-14, HR and a double) is the only Astro with an extra base hit against him. Michaels (2-3) and Brett Wallace (2-3) are the only other hitters who don’t suck hind tit versus Volquez. The rest is pretty awful: Kabong! (0-10, 3K… But he’s got two walks, which is nice), Q (0-6), Bourn (1-9, 3K), and an assortment of small sample size 0fers round out the lineup. Ugh.
Thursday
Brett Myers (0-0, 1.29) vs. Sam LeCure (0-0, 0.00)
Myers did what an ace is supposed to do in his first start, he went out and dominated his former team. If it wasn’t for that little hiccup known as “the rest of the game”, the Good Guys would’ve started the season beating one of the Top Five starters in baseball, and maybe people wouldn’t be using clever standby nicknames like “Lastros” and “DisAstros” just yet. Oh, what could have been.
Now the bad news. The Reds rock Brett to the tune of a.349 batting average. Renteria (17-40, 2 HR. Goddamn I’m tired of typing his name), Rolen, 8-19, HR), Stubbs (3-6, HR)… Fuck! Everyone hits him well except Brandon Phillips (3-19) and Paul Janish (0-6).
Sam LeCure pitched a shutout relief inning on opening day, and now is stepping in to fill the hole left by Homer Bailey’s shoulder injury. Once Bailey comes back, it stands to reason he’ll slide back in to the bullpen.
The Good Guys have had a lot of success in very limited numbers against Sam, sporting a .357 batting average (5-14). Q (1-2), Kabong (1-4), Bourn (1-3), Pence (2-4, HR), and Chris Johnson (0-1) are the only guys on the Astro roster that have faced him.
Astros
Alberto Arias has slight shoulder tendonitis, and won’t be back until late April.
Clint Barmes still has a broken hand. Should be back in late April.
Jason Castro is done until probably September after shredding his knee. He’s already had surgery.
Kepp had foot surgery, and isn’t due back until May.
Reds
Homer Bailey has a mild shoulder impingement. I don’t know what that is, but apparently it stops you from pitching. He’s due back later this month.
Jared Burton has an inflamed shoulder. He’s due back later this month as well.
Johnny Cueto has mild inflammation in his shoulder as well. He’s due back later this month.
Goddamn, I think it’s about time the Reds blocked the Spanktravision in their Spring Training complex. That is a LOT of inflamed shoulders.
Fred Lewis has a sore oblique and is due back later this month as well.
Promotions and Giveaways
Not a goddamn thing. The Reds front office make Drayton and Co. look downright generous.
This and That
- I actually made an effort to watch the Season Opener, despite expecting the absolute worst. I was pleasantly surprised. Eight innings of great baseball seems like it might be a lot to ask of this team when they’re playing the class of the National League, but they actually delivered it. Myers is fun to watch pitch, and the bullpen is full of some interesting prospects.
- I can’t ever decide what I think about Wandy. When he’s on, that curveball is a hammer. When he’s off, his curveball gets hammered.
- Norris, despite having outstanding stuff, doesn’t seem like he’s got the control to be a front line pitcher. Everything he throws has the chance to be nasty, but too often his pitches end up right down the pipe and get smashed.
- Hopefully, the Good Guys bats will have a little more success against the Reds pitching staff. I’m not expecting an offensive explosion or anything, but it would be nice to see the guys that are supposed to be plus offensive players getting it going before the Astros are 6 games back in the standings after playing six games.
Discuss the games is the Gamezone! And tell Limey to go to hell for me!