Brewers @ Astros–Make Sure You Kick the Whine-O on the Way Out

Hello, world, here’s a song that we’re singin’, C’mon get Happ-y

The  Astros enter into a new era, and boy are they PO’d.  That’s Post Oswalt’d for you who haven’t surfed the internet or turned on a TV in the past 36 hours or so.   Uh, huh, that guy who was supposed to break the Astros team record for wins is bye-bye, and a young southpaw is in the fold. 

A whole lotta lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’, We’ll make you Happ-y

James Anthony Happ.  J. A.  for short. 

We had a dream we’d go trav’lin’ together
We’d spread a little lovin then we’d keep movin’ on

Now as the details of the trade came down the pike, Astros fans across the universe held their collective breaths as visions of a sugar plum fairy godmotherf’er of a deal danced in their heads.  What could be gotten for their favorite electrically charged and repaired Roy-O?  Wild ass rumours were the talk of the day–from 3 team deals where the Astros would get 8 blue star sure thing minor league prospects plus Ted William’s cryogenically preserved dome, down to just trading Oswalt for a lifetime supply of Vagisil and Mantyhose.  When the dust settled, the Astros had given the Phillies $11 million dollars and a major league Whine-O for a young left-handed pitcher J. A. Happ, along with outfielder Anthony Gose and shortstop Jonathan Villar.  Gose was then flipped to the Blue Jays for first baseman Brett Wallace, masher extraordinaire.

Somethin’ always happ-ens whenever we’re together
We get a Happ-y feelin’ when we’re singin’ a song

Happ-y Trails, to ya Roy, don’t forget your Bros on the way out…… Now, if we could just get rid of those horses and yeller cats, too.

Back to the business at hand…baseball…games.  The Brew Crew is in town, after losing 2 of 3 to the NL Central leading Cincinnati Reds (yep, don’t run out and get Lasik, you read that right, the Reds). 

Friday’s matchup has Manny Parra facing that Happ-y guy (not to be confused with our own Mr. Happy).  Happ has started once against the Brewers in his career, giving up 2 runs on 6 hits in 5.2 innings and earning a W.  Current Brewers hit .286 against him, lead by the Prince himself with a .500 average.  Parra is coming off his better appearances of the season last week (against the Nats mind you).  Four Astros sport .500 or better averages off Manny: Lee, Feliz, Michaels and Q.

Saturday’s matchup features a battle between a rod and a bush-and we all know how that usually turns out.  The rod comes up limp, but the bush gets creamed. (Boooooo, I know) Pence typically likes Bush, going 8 for 20 with 1 dinger, while Feliz and Lee both have taken him yard twice.  McGehee (.455), Hart (.419), Braun (.368) and Weeks (.300), are salivating to see Wandy take the hill.  Rodriguez is 6-6 with a 4.48 ERA vs the Brewers in his career.

For the Sunday matinee, its a  battle of the Ws, Wolf vs Wright. Wolf has held the current Astros lineup to a .207 BA.  That anemic average is only that high because Q is 5 for 9 with a .556 average, or else that average drops below the shit line to a paltry .178.  The Kid is making his third start of the season for the Good Guys (both against the Cubs–Fuck them!) and has yet to get past the 5th inning. 

 Is there a doctor in the house?

The Sexy, Sexy Bitch and the kid who won’t take off his sunglasses at night are questionable for this series.  Sittin’ on the dock of the DL we find Gerut, Davis, Estrada and Zaun playing a game of quarters til the sun goes down. Or they get shit-faced, one or the other.

Arias is still MIA for the season.  Fulchino has started his rehab assignment, while Blum, Manzella, Moehler, and Paulino draw straws to see who gets to visit Brownie and JD in the booth this Saturday. Keppinger is day-to-day from the backache he aquired from trying to carry this team single-handedly for much of the season.

Send’em home Happ-y!

Friday Night Fireworks!  ‘Nuff said.

"Look Ma! They got it wrong! His butt ain't brushing the ground!"

Saturday-New Batting Coach Jeff Bagwell Bobblehead!  How many Bagwell bobbing heads does one need anyway? Anything to get another ass in the seat, huh, Pam?  Oh, yeah.  Its also that Faith and Family night thing that Alkie hates, featuring Fat Elvis giving his testimony–LIVE ON THE BIG SCREEN FROM NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!

Sunday-An Astros lunch bag for the kiddies, just in time for school.  I am going to have to steal one of those babies for myself.  My family and I will be attending the game thanks to Chevy Youth Baseball. In the cheap seats, where else?  I said Chevy not Bentley.

The Re-building Saga Begins

Dear Drayton,

The word of the day is re-building. Emphasis on the re-.  It has been done before.  Remember that October of 20 ouught five?  You can have that Happ-y feeling again.  If you build it………well, you know what comes next. 

(song fades into the distance)Trav’lin’ along there’s a song that we’re singin’,
C’mon get Happ-y
A whole lotta lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’,
We’ll make you Happ-y
We’ll make you Happ-y,
We’ll make you Happ-y

Good start Drayton. Now, go make us happy.