Yippee! The Pirates are coming! The Pirates are coming! Just when you thought your Astros were the worst team since the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, the Buccos come to town sporting the worst batting average in the majors. The boys have the chance to win a game other than on Wednesdays only; the Pirates have lost 19 of their last 21 on the road, plus have lost 14 of their last 17 at Minute Maid. The 3 pitchers the Astros are scheduled to face have a combined total of only 3 wins on the season. We got ourselves a real chance at a series win here–remember, it ain’t soccer (futbol for you non-Star Spangled Banner types), someone has to win!
Probable Pitchers
Tuesday July 6, 7:05 p.m. Brad Lincoln vs Wandy Rodriguez Lincoln earned his first major league win in his last start. Scouting reports say that when his curve is on, he is one tough mf to hit, but when he is off, he is off bad. Lincoln has one major thing on his side, he has never faced a Houston batter, which gives the hometown lineup about a 5.3% chance of scoring a run against him. Wandy returns after facing the Brew Crew, pitching seven innings and giving up only one run. He laid down a wonderful suicide squeeze in that game, too. Rodriguez had a win earlier over the Pirates this year at home, in fact, he has never lost at home against them in his career-the current combined Pirates lineup has a .179 BA against Wandy.
Wednesday, July 7, 7:05 p.m. Daniel McCutchen vs. Brian Moehler McCutchen also got his first win of the year in his last start (see a pattern here?). He is the replacement for Zach Duke who is on the DL, and has only faced the Astros in relief. Moehler should have gotten his second, but the bully gave up the ghost to the Padres and spoiled Moehler’s bid.
Thursday, July 8, 1:05 p.m. The Dork vs. The Whiner Ohlendork–you guessed it, got his first win of the year in his last start. He has also never won at the MMPUS. Oswalt will be Oswalt until he doesn’t get a strike call that he wants, and will transform into the whiny bitch we have all come to despise.
Injuries
Astros-Blum, the Ino Brothers, Manzella and Arias are playing poker in Vegas.
Pirates-Duke (elbow), Pearce (ankle), Ascaino (shoulder), Jabuwhatshisname (hurt his brain trying to spell his name correctly) will miss this series.
What should we bribe them with to get them to come to this dismal series?
Nothing. No bribes. No giveaways. No bobbleheads. No towels. Nada. Just some ticket specials. Like that will draw in the big crowds.
Expect the worse, hope for the best
The 2010 Astros, we’re still working on it.