Miller Park
The Good Guys broke the Rangers winning streak over the weekend, but mostly managed to just trip over their collective dicks for the rest of the series to give away the coveted Silver Boot for the 105344th season in a row. So now it’s on to face fellow NL Central Schlock-servers, the Brew Crew.
Pitching Matchups From Astros.com
Monday
Bud Norris (2-5, 6.80) v. Manny Parra (2-5, 3.83)
Bud Norris truly lives up to his nickname. Like most Bud products, he isn’t dazzling anyone at all. His numbers, like Bud beer taste, are pretty blah. He has had a few good outings, but rarely lasts past the 5th or 6th inning, and has usually given up three or four runs by then.
Ryan Braun, Prince Fielder, Corey Hart, and Casey McGehee all have one hit against him in a total of fourteen at bats. Craig Counsell has zero. Looks like Bud could tap a keg of the good stuff tonight.
Manny Parra is like anice cold Pacifico. You think to yourself, “Mexican beer? Ew.” But then you realize, “Hey! This shit is pretty good.”
The Good Guys sports a robust .361 team average against Manny in eighty three at bats. Kabong (8-15, 1 HR), Twinkie (5-14, 2 doubles, 1 HR), and Pedro Feliz (3-7, 1 HR) lead the charge against El Pacifico. Thunderpants (3-17) sucks pretty bad against him, but that isn’t enough to keep him out of the lineup. He’s making an All Star push, ya know.
Tuesday
Brett Myers (5-5, 3.20) v. Yovani Gallardo (7-3, 2.36)
Everything about Myers screams Pabst Blue Ribbon except for his numbers this year. So I’ll go ahead and give him the nod as Czechvar. Delicious, but then you find out the unusual history behind it and how Budweiser and the numerous lawsuits surrounding the name, it makes it even better to drink. Take that, giant shitty American brewery.
The Brewcrew haven’t had a lot of success against Chinpubes Myers. Anaheim Jimmy (6-18) is a cocksucker, but we all knew that already. The rest of the crew has managed a whopping ten hits in forty six at bats.
Yovani Gallardo is Franziskaner. His name is hard to pronouce/spell, but damn, he’s pretty good. This should be a pretty good pitching matchup.
The Astros aren’t terrible against Franz. Kabong (5-18, HR), Thunderpants (5-16, double and a triple), Bourn (5-14, but 7 strikeouts), and Feliz (2-5, HR) all hit him pretty well. Twinkie and Blum (both 3-14) as well as Q (2-9) all scuffle against him some.
Wednesday
Wandy Rodriguez (4-10, 5.64) v. Dave Bush (3-5, 4.54)
I feel for Wandy. I don’t know what has happened to him, but he’s gone from something great to something awful. He showed some signs of coming out of his season long funk against the Rangers, battling for six innings and only giving up two unearned runs. It brought his ERA down almost a half point, which should give you an idea of how awful he’s been so far.
The Brewers hit Wandy to the tune of .311. Most of that damage has been done by Corey Hart (11-27), who wears these at night. Ryan Braun (6-16, 3 HR) and Rickie Weekes (5-16) round out the big bats. Jimmy Edmonds (1-7) and Carlos Gomez (0-3) round out the ugly side.
Dave Bush compares quite favorably to his namesake as well, Busch Beer. He’s bland, not really good at all, and if you drink/watch him pitch enough, you’ll start to feel ill.
The Astros have pretty good numbers against Buschman. Hunter Pence (8-17, HR), Blummer (6-17, HR), Bourn (4-10), and Fat Elvis (11-36) all pound the Busch. Jason Michaels (0-3) and Kabong (4-20) both prefer sipping to shotgunning.
Crappy MLB.com Injury Report Geared Toward Fantasy Baseballers
Astros:
Alberto Arias still doneski for the yearski.
Tommy Manzella fractured his pinky. What a shitty injury. No chick is going to be impressed with a broken pinky.
Felipe Paulino is on the 15 day DL with tendonitis in his throwing shoulder. Fuckin’ figures.
Brewers:
Judy Gerut has a bruised heel. Wahhhhhh!
LaTroy Hawkins is on the DL with shoulder discomfort. He’s scheduled to start throwing again at the end of May, so we’ll just miss The Hawk.
Gregg Zaun is a tough sum’bitch, but he shredded his labrum in his right shoulder. He should be back next year.
Promotions and Giveaways
Wednesday is Valvoline Instant Oil Change Coupon Day! Wooooo!
Our Interesting Beers to Look For
- A personal favorite of mine – Ayinger Oktoberfest. Two words, uh mazing.
- Another personal favorite, and a local to Houston Brew – Southern Star Bombshell Blonde. Fantastic taste for a lighter colored beer, and a great motto “Clarity is Overrated”.
- A classic German – Spaten Premium. My favorite beer to end the night with. Maybe end the night several times with.
- And lastly – Ska Blonde Dubbel. Anything Ska is tasty, as long as you get it in a bottle and not a can. But this stuff is awesome.
Discuss your beer choices in the BeerZone, and happy drinking!