After an absolutely dismal start to the season, The Good Guys started June by ripping off five wins in six tries against the decidedly mediocre Nationals and the decidedly they can go fuck themselves Cubs. Now the Astros hit the road, starting with four games against a just slightly above .500 Rockies team that has stuggled offensively in the last few weeks. Recipe for some Astros wins? Possible. Recipe for Rocky Mountain Oysters? Absolutely.
Coors Field
Monday June 7, 7:40pm FSH-HD
Tuesday June 8, 7:40pm FSH-HD
Wednesday June 9, 7:40pm FSH-HD
Thursday June 10, 2:10pm FSH-No HD for you!
Projected Matchups From Astros.com
Monday
Wandy Rodriguez (3-7, 5.07) vs. Jason Hammel (2-3, 6.09)
Wandy has really scuffled this season, but he put together a really nice (albeit short) outing against the Nats last week, throwing 5 innings of one run baseball. He struck out 8 and walked 3 while scattering 5 hits. That’s the good news.
The Bad news? The Rocks sport a team .329 batting average against Wandy, with Todd Helton (11-22), Ryan Spilborghs (5-13), and Ian Stewart (2-5) doing most of the damage. Brad Hawpe is 4-21 against him, but 2 of those 4 are homers. My suggestion? Pitch around Todd Helton at all costs.
Jason Hammel’s Prince Fielder-sized ERA is a bit misleading, as he’s had several good starts in a row since he came off the DL in early May.
Fear not though, because the Astros… Aren’t so great against him. A team .275 average is greatly boosted by Michael (SW) Bourn’s 4 hits in seven at bats. In 41 times facing Hammels, current Astros have walked exactly one time. ONCE! That is fantastic. Nice work, Geoff Blum.
Tuesday
Brian Moehler (0-2, 6.49) vs. Jeff Francis (1-2, 3.70)
Moehler has been given the enviable position of keeping Bud Norris’s spot in the rotation warm until Bud gets back from the DL. Against the Nat’s last week, he went 5 2/3 while only giving up 2 runs. Not bad for back of the bullpen slop.
Mother of God… The Rockies hit Bri-bri to the tune of a .400 clip. Break out the crash helmets, gents. This one is gonna get ugly. The following people are hitting below .250 against Moehler: Miguel Olivo and Chris Ianetta. Yeah, that bad.
Jeff Francis is one season removed from shoulder surgery, and despite a pretty lackluster record, his ERA is looking pretty spiffy. I don’t know about you, but I can’t help but think of this every time I hear the name Jeff Francis.
And the even better news, the Astros hit like burros against Francis. The only guy with significant at bats aginst him is Feliz, who is sporting a meaty .244 average (10-41). Kabong (3-7) has hit him well in limited chances. Most of the team hasn’t even faced him before, so you know what that means.
Wednesday
Felipe Paulino (1-7, 4.01) vs. Aaron Cook (2-3, 5.00)
Paulino absolutely dominated the goddamn motherfucking Cubs in his last start, smashing their ugly faces for eight innings while only giving up one run. In my book, he’s a hero. If he wants to put it in cruise control for the rest of the year, I say he’s earned it.
Paulino, despite HORRIBLE numbers against the Rockies historically (from Astros.com: He faced the Rockies twice last year, going 0-1 with an 8.10 ERA. He’s 0-1 with a 6.19 ERA in three career starts against the Rockies, including 0-1 with a 15.75 ERA in his only start at Coors Field.), has done pretty well against their current hitters in limited numbers. Hawpe (4-6), Helton (2-6), and Tulowitzki (3-8) are the only ones that have done any damage other than Ian Stuart (1-2, with a homer).
Aaron Cook had a few bad outing early that blew up his ERA, and since has been plugging along giving up 3ish earned runs over 6ish innings. His out pitch is a really heavy sinker, but it is spottier than Sydney Crosby’s playoff beard.
Twinkie (7-19), Thunderpants (4-11), and Carlos Lee (4-14) round up the questionable success the Astros have had against Cook. In 107 at bats as a team, they’ve driven in seven runs against him to match their inspiring ZERO homers. Inspiring.
Thursday
TBA vs. Jhoulys Chacin (3-4, 3.77)
Well, I don’t think the Astros have any choice but to start Gustavo Chacin to counteract the Rockies “Family” Jhoulys Chacin. In all honestly, I don’t know who will start tonight. Even Astros.com isn’t predicting who might start for the Good Guys.
Jewels for the Rockies is a 22 year old with a lot of promise. in 43 innings, he’s struck out 45 to only 18 walks.
Great news, everyone! The Astros have exactly one AB versus Chacin. Pedro Feliz (0-1, K).
Super.
Tuesday you get a coupon for dollar hot dogs. Not actual dollar hot dogs, but a coupon for them. Not sure if that means in the ballpark or at the store.
Wednesday you get a coupon for a haircut at Great Clips.
Wow, go Rockies marketing department! I am BLOWN AWAY!
Ridiculous Fantasy Sports Injury List
Arias is doneski for the yearski.
Bud Norris is on the 15 Day DL, and nobody is sure exactly when he’ll be back. But don’t worry, Uncle Moehler has it covered until he’s back!
Chris Sampson just got a coritsone shot to help with bicep tendonitis. Hurry back Chris, Alkie is lonely.
Interesting Things to Look For
Go Astros! Keep the hot streak up, but don’t do it against Matty B!