The 2010 Astros rollercoaster season continues as the San Diego Padres come into town. The Padres are off to the fourth-fastest start in the team’s 42-year history–a 17-11 record after 28 games. Going Up!! The Astros meanwhile have a 9-19 record after losing nine of their last 10. Going Down!! Getting sick to your stomach? Has the shitty baseball you’ve been watching make you wanna puke? No worries, there is plenty of pink stuff this weekend to cure the nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea that ails ya.
Probable Pitching Matchups
Friday, May 7, 7:05 p.m. Mat Latos, RHP (1-3, 5.47) vs Bud Norris, RHP (1-3, 7.25) Now I would loved to be able to guarantee you a win here folks, but that ain’t gonna happen. Instead I will guaranfuckintee you a loss. Mat (where’s that other t) Latos has not faced one single batter in the current Astros lineup which is as good as cash money in Vegas. Get ready for another dearth of Astros hitting in this one. Norris has no freakin chance. The only Padre that has faced Norris is Garland and he is on the bench waiting for tomorrow’s game.
Saturday May 8, 6:05 p.m. Jon Garland, RHP (3-2, 2.06) vs Felipe Paulino, RHP (0-4, 5.53) Bourn has the most PAs of any Astros vs. Garland and a hefty .500 average against him. Lee on the other hand is 1 for 11, that’s an .o91 BA, OBP and SLG. Piss poor. Garland has given up only 3 hits each in his last two starts and has had great success with getting easy ground ball outs, which has been a particular problem for this Astros lineup. Paulino has not hit his stride yet this season, and walks have been a particular thorn in his side. He has only faced two Holy Fathers in his career, Garland (0-1) and Hairston (2-6, HR).
Sunday, May 9, 1:05 p.m. Kevin Correia, RHP (4-2, 3.97) vs Roy Oswalt, RHP (2-4, 2.48) Kevin Correia has had relative success against the Astros, holding the team to a combined .254 BA. Matsui had better sit this one out as his suckitude reaches magnificent proportions against Correia–0 for 11 with 4 Ks. That’s black hole status right there. Correia faces Oswalt who couldn’t buy a 5 dollar score with a hundred dollar bill. Although he worked hard at keeping his comments from expressing too much anger after his last loss, you know Roy was pissed that he hasn’t gotten decent run support from his batters this season. Of course, it is rather ironic that the Astros are playing the Fathers on Mother’s Day…..
Getting a visit from Marcus Welby, MD:
Padres
• RHP Sean Gallagher sprained a toe on his left foot and whined his way to the 15-day DL May 4.
• SS Everth Cabrera strained his right hamstring and was placed on the 15-day DL retroactive to April 27.
• RHP Chris Young is experiencing right shoulder tightness and went on the 15-day DL retroactive to April 7.
• 2B Matt Antonelli, who had left hand surgery in April 2010 was recalled from the minors and placed on the 60-day DLApril 30.
Astros
• LHP Tim Byrdak strained his right hammy and went on the 15-day disabled list May 4.
• 3B Chris Johnson has a strained rib cage went on the 15-day DL retroactive to April 18.
• RHP Alberto Arias impingement of the right rotator cuff went on the 15-day disabled list retroactive to March 26, and he was transferred to the 60-day DL on May 4. He had season-ending surgery April 22.
Its Pepto in the Park Weekend!
With Mother’s Day being Sunday and all, (hint–it is probably too late to order Proflowers or a Pajamagram, you better run to the mall Lowe’s or Academy and get mom something she really doesn’t want or need, like a new lawn tractor or a new shotgun) the Astros are celebrating by bombarding you with anything and everything pink. Now I may be in the minority here, but I prefer to show my support of my team by wearing the team colors, and the last time I looked, there wasn’t a pink jersey or pants or socks to be found on the field. However, if that is what it takes to get your woman interested in going to the ballpark, I guess the ends justify the means. So here goes it for Pepto in the park:
Friday–Pink Cap, CocaCola Value night, Friday night Fireworks
Saturday–Pink Tote Bag, Young Professionals night
Sunday–Pink T-shirt, Price Matters Days, Family Sundays
The numbers don’t lie…..
3-Shutouts by Padres pitchers in a four-game series against Milwaukee last week.
4-Number of runs the Astros need for a win. Here’s the scoop:Houston is now 8-3 when scoring four or more runs and 1-16 when scoring three or fewer.
5-Maximum innings pitched for Bud Norris in his first five starts this season. Norris has averaged just better than 4 1/3 innings per start and has an ERA of 7.25.
9-The number of Astros home runs–that is less than 4 different major leaguers (Konerko-12, Ethier, Johnson and Wigginton -10) Insert obvious quote here: “You’d like to have more than we have right now, that’s for sure.”—Manager Brad Mills
31-Thou shalt not steal does not apply to the friars this season. They have 31 stolen bases, ranking the Padres second in the Majors behind the Chicago White Sox. Q and Cash better warm those arms up, these priests are breaking this commandment first and asking for forgiveness later.
Authors Note: Sorry, I just can’t dredge up pure unadulterated hate for the Padres (sorry, Mark). There are two things I can’t stand though–shitty baseball and pink everything. Now I like pink just as much as every other color, but why in the world do they assume that just because I am a girl I want every dadgum thing I own to be pink? There are lots of things that should be pink–bows in 6 year old girls’ hair, cotton candy, bubblegum, erasers and Pepto, of course. But I don’t want all my Astros memorabilia to be pinkified. End rant.Check out the GameZone. And don’t wear pink.