Some Stadium in Houston, Or Something
Since the Astros have elected to go ahead and mail in the rest of the season, I figure, what the hell, I’m going to mail in this preview as well. Honestly, I’ve been mailing it in all week month year my life. Why fuck with a good thing, right?
Friday September 4th, 7:05pm FS-HD
Saturday September 5th, 6:05 FS-HD
Sunday September 6th, 1:05 my20
Monday September 7th, 1:05 FS-HD
Pitching Matchups from Astros.com
Friday
Cliff Lee (12-10, 2.83) v. Wandy Rodriguez (12-9, 2.93)
I don’t know anything about Cliff Lee, and I refuse to actually look anything up.
Wandy is an Astro. Therefore he either is mailing it in or has it in for Cecil Cooper. REALLY? Yes, really.
Prediction: Cliff Lee dominates the Astros, has some BBQ, then takes a nap.
Friday’s Featured Mailbox: Limey’s
Saturday
Joe Blanton (9-6, 3.77) v. Roy Oswalt (8-5, 3.80)
Joe Blanton used to pitch for an AL team. Blanton sort of sounds like bland, so I bet he’s a boring guy.
Roy Oswalt likes to complain about stuff. Odds are he’ll find something to complain about during/after this game too. My guess, the lack of bulldozer parking around MMP.
Prediction: Oswalt gives up a towering homer to that tubby first baseman the Phillies have, but hangs on to win.
Saturday’s Featured Mailbox: Andyzipp’s
Sunday
Cole Hamels (8-8, 4.26) v. Bud Norris (3-3, 6.61)
Cole Hamels was awesome last year. He’s sucked this year, but apparently is getting better.
Bud Norris was awesome earlier in the year, but has gotten rocked in his last few starts.
Prediction: Bud pitches decently through five, but Cooper pulls him after intentionally walking Ryan Howard with 2 outs and a runner on 2nd. When Bud points out that Coop himself called for the I-walk, Cooper sends Norris down to the Instructional League for an “attitude-adjustment”. Phillies win.
Sunday’s Featured Mailbox: Bizidy’s
Monday
What the fuck? A 4 game series? I didn’t sign up for this.
Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, since neither team has announced a starter, and Astros.com has no information at all. You know what that means?
Whoever starts probably gets knocked around by a real Playoff-worthy lineup.
Prediction: Phillies kick the crap out of the good guys.
On the teh funny!
Monday’s Featured Mailbox: Kev and Scott’s
Friday – Every fan sitting in fair territory beyond the outfield walls will be given a protective device to save them from all of the longballs sure to be hit their way.
Saturday – Get your very own “Some Of These Guys Still Play For The Astros” shirt!
Sunday – WHAT THE FUCK IS A WEBKINZ!?
Monday – Your very own Rainbow Gut Grilling Apron! Also, if you’re one of the first 1000 fans in the door and look like you could pitch for a shell of a Major League team, you could be the starter for YOUR Houston Astros!
Phillies
Clay Condrey is on the 15 Day DL with a tummyache, and has a rehab start in AAA on the 5th.
Greg Dobbs is on the 15 Day DL with a strained calf. He’s on Kabong’s ranch trying to catch a new calf.
Brett Myers is on the 60 Day DL with a hip labrum tear AND some kind of eye problem. What the hell?
J.C. Romero is on the 15 Day DL while off filming another zombie movie.
Astros
Alberto Arias is on the 15 Day DL with a strained hammy. He’s just excited it wasn’t his pitching arm that gave out.
Mike Hampton will be spending the next six months soaking in a mixture of that blue liquid barbers keep their combs in and ground up placenta. I don’t really know why, so don’t ask.
Our Interesting Things To Look For
Talk about today’s game in the GameZone! Really? Yes, really.