Houston, 61-63 at St. Louis, 72-54
September is coming, a bonus sweat month for those of us in the Lone Star State. That means college football, dove hunting, Rosh Hashanah–you can do them all on the 19th. But, for now we’ve still got some August to go which means more hardball in the dog days. Your Houston Astros, fresh off a series win versus the AAArizona Diamondbacks travel to Missourah to take on the Coardinals, feeling all fat and happy after thumping another NL weak sister, the Padres which included a solid performance by Red Sox castoff and single handicapper, John Smoltz. Houston will have their hands full with a hot St. Louis team, winners of 8 out of their last 10 games set to trot out their best starting pitching along with an everyday lineup that has been heating up, led by a guy named Pujols or something. The Astros will roll out a couple of their own big guns on the mound for the pleasure of the best fats in baseball and the FSN viewing audience. Houston is a team that has managed to make things interesting in each of the five seasons leading up to this one; making the playoffs or being right there until the end. This year, it ain’t looking so good with the boys eight back of the Cards and not much time remaining. So, if they’re going to make a push, it starts on August 25, 2009 with a series win against the team they’re chasing or else Dennis Liborio begins ordering camo and skunk scent for hunting season.
Tuesday, 7:10pm
Wandy Rodriguez (12-7, 2.89) v. Adam Wainwright, RHP (14-7, 2.61)
Wandy was damn impressive in his last start against a pretty good hitting Marlins team, holding them to four hits (he sucked in his prior start). Overall, he’s stepped up in a big way this season and has provided Houston with shutdown pitching deep into most games. He’s known for his dazzling hook which has been deadly on both left and righty hitters in all of his quality starts. He’ll be going against Wainwright who seems to be getting better in every appearance and goes at least seven frames in virtually any game he appears. He’s walked one guy in August. What a dick. Hopefully, he steps on it.
Wednesday, 7:10pm
Roy Oswalt (7-4, 3.83) v. Joel Pineiro, RHP (12-9, 3.15)
Hard to believe that Roy only has 7 wins at this point in the season but there you have it. He’d had no decisions in his four prior starts leading up to his appearance against the Snakes and managed to get a win with seven shutout innnings and the bullpen somehow hanging on for a 1-0 victory. The Cards have fairly lit up Roy in his two starts against them this year, but that is before the new and improved Oswalt that has seemingly benefited from Doug Brocail delivery and anger management therapy. He’ll be opposed by Pineiro who operates on a let ’em hit it and my boys will field it basis and it has worked well for him, especially at home. Lucky SOB, Joel and quite a guy. According to MLB.com, Pineiro’s off season hobbies include fondling obsidian and forbidden goat love.
Joel Piniero, Cardinal starting pitcher and animal lover.
Thursday, 1:15 pm
Brian Moehler (8-9, 5.29) v. Chris Carpenter, RHP (14-3, 2.16)
Moehler got a win the other day against AAArizona, but it’s been a struggle for him and that seems to be his lot in life: to wheeze, cough, sputter, hack, grind, warble, rattle, and otherwise labor for whatever the hell he can get. Not a quitter, our boy Moehler, so you have to pull for him and hope he doesn’t get decapitated by a liner back to the mound. He’s in for a seemingly David v. Goliath struggle against the preening, sneering, and genetically engineered Carpenter, who has been in the habit lately of eviscerating livestock just prior to taking the mound, strewing offal down the length and breath of the clubhouse and into the sheer, nylon thong of Tony LaRussa. It’s apparently his ritualized tribute to the god, Ixtab. Seems to be working for him as he’s in the running for the NL Cy Young. When he’s not pitching, Chris enjoys scrapbooking and repairing Frigidaires.
Injury Report
Houston:
Boone: throwing spoons and croakers at specks and reds near the JFK causeway. Look for him at Minute Maid in September, showing off his scar for the pretty girls.
Brocail: allegely on AAA rehab assignment but reportedly deep in the brush, armed only with a knife and his rage vengefully stalking those who dare oppose his quest for righteous righteousness. And, he’s bringing Hell with him. Otherwise, he’s feeling better.
Astros reliever Doug Brocail in AAA rehab assignment
Hampton: rotator cuff torn, shredded, tossed, pureed. Currently cruising the Memorial High School parking lot. It’s a good school.
St. Louis
Troy Glaus: out with a shoulder injury and back spasms. Kyle Lohse has a strained groin. Todd Wellemeyer has elbow inflammation. That must have been one helluva three way.
Cardinals hurlers Lohse and Wellemeyer prior to current status on disabled list.
Promotional Items
Those cheap bastards in St. Louis aren’t giving away shit. Part of the blame here goes to SnS regular, Craig, who allegedly soiled an earlier season youth jersey giveaway by systematically farting on all 10,000 shirts. If you ever come across a kid from St. Louis and he smells bad, you can thank Craig who always has a little something something for a Cards jersey.
Young Cardinal fan still reeking from Craig-stained jersey.
Things to look for:
It’s late August and by this time, you’re well aware of the decidely mediocre 2009 edition of the Houston Astros, a team with lineup gaps galore, suspect pitching, and a manager who digs through his own feces for guidance.
A defiant Cecil Cooper defends his use of the Astros bullpen and reliance on fecal study for baseball insight.
They’ve managed to make things interesting the past few seasons but luck seems to be running a little thin this year. Watchers have been in “next year” mode for a while now, and the off season speculation of what may or what can be done to right the ship is already under way. Looking at what they have both on the big club and in the minors, it’s difficult to see what can be attained via the trade route which would make Roy and us hapless fan types think Houston will be contenders next season. Drayton hasn’t thus far shown an inclination to open up the wallet via the free agency route for this coming winter, but he’s done so in the past when his blood suddenly got hot for a super delicious position player or pitcher. For their part, GMs are not regular people and Wade will no doubt engineer something out of the blue that no one expected. Whether whatever he does is effective or will make a difference is another story.
The Cards think that Smoltz was tipping his pitches while with Boston, noting that he did relatively well from the wind up but suffered greatly with men on base. Apparently, it’s the first thing they study when evaluating pitching talent, to see if a guy is tipping pitches and if they can work their magic to turn him into a world beater. Interesting stuff and makes you wonder if other clubs have similar takes. Dave Duncan may like a drink here and there but he’s had a pretty good run evaluating and helping pitchers.
Taking a cue from Oprah, Pam Gardner is said to be starting her own book club with titles both in and outside the world of baseball. Apparently, she’s beginning with a choice aimed at a younger audience:
Astros team president, Pam Gardner's latest book recommendation aimed at encouraging a young reading audience.
I’m attending a luncheon in a few weeks that will feature Drayton McLain as the guest speaker. Nice man, Drayton, and he’s always been gracious and generous whenever I’ve seen him–he’s like that with everyone. Well, most everyone, anyway. I’ve got a few things to ask him during the meeting’s Q&A, including:
1. Can you describe the specific torments that Scott Boras will encounter in Hell?
2. Do you find pinstripes exciting in a naughty kind of way or something, otherwise when can we expect new unis?
3. What were/are you thinking of when it comes to Pam and Cecil?
4. Beer at Baylor–you can make it happen!
5.Why the pumpkins? Why the train? Why Aramak?
Anyway, chime in with suggestions and I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime, remember that cardinals are always in season. At least they should be. I suggest #8 shot.