The Astros fly into Birdland with their tails between their legs and whimpering like a sick puppy. Coming off a series where they were outscored by 20 runs in 4 games, the outlook doesn’t get much better. The Redbirds have stocked their arsenal with the likes of Matt Halliday, Mark DeRosa and Julio Lugo, hoping to put the rest of the NL Central firmly in their rear view mirror. Well, those fuckers better watch out because we put Ortiz to rest and called up Bud Norris. That’ll teach’em.
Friday, July 31 7:15 p.m.
Moehler vs Boggs
Moehler’s last start was probably his crappiest of the year. You would expect him to bounce back. He does, after all, fare not so bad against the Cardinals. However, it is the luck of the draw that he faces an unknown. Yeah, that pimple faced shithead that the Astros can’t hit the broad side of the barn against. This time that newbie’s name is Mitchell Boggs. But wait, he is not entirely unknown. Five, count them FIVE current Astros have faced him in 6 total ABs with a combined batting average of .500. Woohoo!!! We may just win this game. Not.
Saturday, August 1st 6:15 p.m.
Rodriguez vs Carpenter
This game features a matchup of two pitchers that could both be considered for NL pitcher of the month for July. Wandy was 4-0 with a 0.75 ERA in five July starts while Carpenter countered with a he went 4-0 record and a 1.62 ERA in his five starts. Wandy has been especially stellar against the Hole of Poo, who is 3 for 23 and slugs only .130 when facing the lefty. Plan on seeing some unlikely heroes for the Astros in this game. Bourn, Coste, Pudge and Matsui all bat above .500 against the Woodworker. Great pitching matchup be damned. Expect a 18-17 slugfest outta this one folks.
Sunday August 2 1:15 p.m.
Norris vs Wainwright
Norris is expected to make his first major league start in the place of the Wizard who has a lower back strain, but has not yet been placed on the DL. Time for voodoo dolls of red feathered friends and all the fried chicken you can shove dow n your pie-hole. We need to reverse the trend that we see with the hometown nine and hope that the Cardinals shit in their pants when they see our rookie. Why should it always work against us? Time for that trend to end. It is also time for Hunter to get his shit together, and Wainwright is one of his favorite prey. Pence leads all Astros who have faced Wainwright more than 2 times with a .350 batting average. Count on him to flail wildly, shoot and miss, and bring down the team’s combined .237 BA against Adam.
Who needs a band aid?
The Astros DL list sure has expanded lately. Berkman, Erstad, Hawkins, and Boone are definitely out for the series, and Oswalt is a most likely no- show, too.
The Cardinals will probably sit Brendan Ryan out with a bad ankle for this series. Greene, Garcia and Glaus are all rehabbing and will not be seen this go-round.
Want stuff?
Get your Whitey Herzog autograph Friday. Former Cardinals manager Whitey Herzog will be signing from 5:30 to 6:30 in Ford Plaza. First 150 people in line will be guaranteed one autograph. No bats allowed. Good. The Cardinals need to play Friday’s game without bats. Maybe we can win one.
Saturday you can get your set of 2009 Upper Deck Cardinals cards. You don’t get the entire team, though. Only 5 cards per kid. Great for starting forest fires.
Ever wonder what would happen if a Cub mated with a Cardinal? Just show up early to Sunday’s game to find out.
GROSS. I'm gonna go puke now.
Yeah, been a bad week. So I’m a little pessimistic about this series. Fuck the Cards.
Get your Cardinals hatred out in the GameZone.