Astros 7, Giants 1
Starters: Roy Oswalt, Randy Johnson
W: Oswalt
L: Johnson
Before the Game
In the first two games of this series, no Astro got as far as third base, much less scored. It was the first time in history that 25 sweaty men visited San Francisco for two nights on a holiday weekend and no one got so much as a reach-around.
Also, Miguel Tejada and Hunter Pence learned before the game that they had been voted to the All-Star team by the players, so …
Game Recap
… they celebrated with solo homers off Randy Johnson. Tejada ended the Astros’ scoreless streak in the first inning with a homer to left-center that barely reached the front row, then Pence took the Sea Hag deep to left in the fourth inning.
Randy Johnson had injured his shoulder while batting in the prior inning. Roy got him to flail at some slop for strike three, and the Hag’s great skeletal demon-wing caught a gust of air and beat wildly behind his head. He flung his puny bat in disgust and bellowed for his handlers.
The Unit came out to pitch the next inning and quickly gave up the homer to Pence. And then Jason Michaels, of all people, knocked one out to left and the Sea Hag grew another snake in his hair. Keppinger followed with a single, then came all the way around to score when Roy took down the Hag for good. Oswalt knocked a dribbler back to Johnson, who then demon-winged it wildly toward first. Keppinger scored while the rightfielder ran to San Mateo to retrieve the ball. The Hag’s handlers decided he needed to return to his holding pen, so they brought out a crane and wheeled him back to the containment area. Diagnosis was a strained left shoulder for Johnson and a 4-0 lead for the Astros.
The Giants finally got a hit off Roy in the 5th inning, but nothing came of it.
The Astros got some insurance runs in the 8th inning, beginning with a single by Carlos Lee. Michael Bourn, who didn’t start, came in to pinch run and then stole second. He went to third on a ground out, then Jason Michaels walked with two outs. Keppinger hit a ground-rule double that scored Bourn and put Michaels on third. Then Roy “RBI Machine” Oswalt singled in the 6th and 7th runs, but amazingly, as Roy rounded first he was possessed by Hunter Pence’s inner demon and he tried to take second base. You could actually hear JD’s ass pucker and he was groaning “No, don’t go there!” as Roy slid into second and crunched his foot against the bag. Luckily he appeared to be OK. Oh, and he was called out.
Roy gave up a solo homer to Rich Aurilia in the bottom of the 8th inning, but that was all the Giants could manage. Oswalt went eight innings and LaTroy Hawkins mopped up the 9th for the 7-1 win.
Tidbits:
* On that weird-ass commercial for the All-Star Game, where the Hand of the BBGs uses the magnetized Gateway Arch to snatch up players and fans and then shake them all like fleas into Busch Stadium, I love how all the Cubs get left behind.
* You’d think the Giants could find a Chinese laundry somewhere in goddamn San Francisco that could get the urine stains out of their “white” uniforms.
* According to Brownie, when Hunter Pence picked up his cellphone and saw he had a call from Ed Wade, he thought he was being traded. Nope, Wade was calling with the news about Thunderpants’ All-Star selection. Then Pence babbled on the phone for hours until Wade finally demanded that he hit the cut-off.
* The Astros head home Monday for an eight-game homestand in seven days. It will include the resumption of the Nationals game that was suspended May 5. The suspended game will resume Thursday at 6:05 p.m., with the regularly scheduled Thursday game to follow. Fans with tickets to the regular 7:05 game can come early for some free baseball.