Cubs @ Astros Please Pass on the Pepto

What? It is time for a new series?  The last game isn’t even over yet.  And where is das?  Did he fly down here to Houston to continue his improbable hex on this team? 

Minute Maid Park

The Cubs make their second trip to Houston this year, surprisingly since the Brewers are out of town in Cincinnati, and the fuckin’ Cubs play the Brew Crew in Milwaukee this weekend.  There were rumors that Bud Selig would declare this the  “Energy Conservation Series” and require the Astros to play the Cubs in Milwaukee as part of MLB’s “Play Green” program.   

Pitching Matchups

Rich Harden, RHP (2-1, 5.11) vs. Mike Hampton, LHP (1-2, 4.88)

Harden’s last outing was against the Marlins where he struggled with control, giving up 6 hits, 4 walks and 5 earned runs in only 3 2/3 innings.  That practically guarantees a Cy Young award winning performance against the Astros tonight.  The Astros have a combined .269 average against him, led by  Blum at .469,  who is the only Astro to hit a homer off of Harden. 

Hampton needs to give this overexercised bullpen a rest and give this team a 6+ inning performance.  Which means he will promptly be lit up for a handfull of runs in the first inning, and then drive in the first Astro run of the game. Hampton has only given up hits to 4 current Cubs, giving the team a .229 average against him.

 Ted Lilly, LHP (3-2, 3.13)  vs. Russ Ortiz, RHP (2-0, 5.21)

Lilly has already beaten the Astros this year, despite giving up 5 earned runs in only 5 innings.  Micheals (.400), Keppinger (.389), and Pudge (.300) post the best averages for position players against Lilly. Personally, I hope they plaster his lily white ass to the wall and give FTC a new meaning. 

Ortiz was skipped in his last rotation turn and was used on Sunday in relief against the Braves earning a “hold” for 1/3 inning of work.  Ortiz needs to get ahead of batters earlier in the count, which may enable him to go deeper into games. The Cubs have a team batting average of .295 against Ortiz, led by Bradley (.357) and Ramirez (.333).  Ortiz has pwned Derrick Lee (3-32, .094).

Injuries

Cubs

Astros  

Promotions and Giveaways

It is Mother’s Day weekend.  So the Astros marketing department has decided to coat everything with Pepto-Bismol, hoping to soothe the heartburn from the acid reflux caused by the stress of watching the latest bullpen nonperformances.  Now I am a female, but pink is not the color of choice for my Astros.  You wouldn’t catch me in a pink jersey for anything less than a cool million.  Mud and blood all the way baby!

I thought the pink stuff was supposed relieve nausea, not cause it?

Wednesday, April 6, Pink in the Park Jerseys

                     Thursday, April 7, Pink in the Park Caps and DIAMONDS!! (well, one diamond)

Plus on Thursday—-One (1) fan will win a free diamond compliments of Mark Klein at Michael Klein’s Fine Jewelry. The first 5,000 females 16 & older will receive a giveaway upon entrance to the ballpark. There will be 4,999 cubic zirconias and one (1) real diamond!   Who’s expecting a gender discrimination lawsuit over this one?
 
 I wish I couldn’t see you

Soriano waving his hand in front of his face? Flies drawn to the stench of a fuckin’ Cub? Nope. That’s the signature taunt of WWE’s John Cena, and something Soriano has copied. Cena waves his hand horizontally in front of his face and says, “You can’t see me,” when he enters the ring.  What an asshole Cub (well, they mean the same thing, don’t they?)

 My Apologies

Work is a real bitch right now and I am severely late getting this preview done.  Fuck me  the Cubs.